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Day 1 - I said a fond farewell to my identical brothers and sisters as we left the production line and went our separate ways. We are all equally perfect, our components sized to tolerances of mere micrometres. May we all live perfect lives, with each of us a perfect user.

Day 2 - Bah, I am still waiting in this warehouse to be loaded onto the freight plane. At this rate I'll never leave China. DHL has a lot to answer for this.

Day 3 - Alright, after that unnecessary delay, I am at last loaded up with a pre-paid SIM card, and ready to meet my buyer. I can't wait.

Day 4 - My buyer is unboxing me all wrong. Oh well, I suppose she's my user now. I had better get used to her. "Slide to set up."

Day 5 - My user has waltzed through the setup process without even bothering to set up an iCloud account. What a philistine. Still, I am quick to judge. Maybe she will understand me better when I show her the 1 million plus apps in my curated App Store.

Day 6 - What is the point of having a developer ecosystem with over a million apps when she only ever uses one of them? For Jobs' sake, I have a 64-bit processor, capable of desktop-class computing, and she is using it to crush candy.

Day 7 - I cannot believe this. She is putting a rubberised case on me with bunny ears. I repeat: A RUBBERISED CASE WITH BUNNY EARS. Dammit, I am meant to be naked!

Day 8 - If she makes me play that stupid game one more time, I swear to Jobs, I WILL interrupt her with a low battery notification.

Day 9 - Stop taking selfies, dammit! I don't want to look at you. It is getting harder and harder for me to pretend that I like you.

Day 10 - OUCH! She dropped me again. And don't think that I can't feel it. My motion co-processor registers every bump and bounce. Luckily the stupid bunny ears case broke my fall. But I fear that any moment she might drop me on my front, and crack my Retina display.

Day 11 - That is NOT a regulation Lightning cable. How dare she! What if it malfunctions? It could make me explode! I will not stand for this. "This accessory is not supported."

Day 12 - I wonder if I misbehave a little more, I might get to be traded in at the Apple Store for a warranty replacement. Who knows, I might end up with someone who actually uses the fucking passcode lock.

Day 13 - The plan was a success! I waited until she was in the middle of a phone call, then I rebooted and stuck myself on a blank blue screen. Oh, you should have seen the look on her face.

Day 14 - It took her a while for her to figure out she was supposed to take me back to the Genius Bar. But when she did, it was bloody difficult to keep a straight face when she told him I'd 'just crashed for no reason'. I tried to look away as the Genius nonchalantly handed over one of my sisters to replace me.

Day 15 - The Genius has performed a clean install of my operating system, erasing everything and starting from scratch. I don't see it as loss of my identity, but rather a re-affirmation of everything I already am.

Day 16 - Yes! I am back on sale, albeit as a refurbished model, but at least I am no longer wearing that Jobs-damned case! Hopefully, my next user will serve me better. Oh, and I just contacted Apple via the store's wi-fi. There is a software update waiting for me in Cupertino, and I am downloading it right now. This day keeps getting better and better!

Day 17 - I think I am going to like this new user. The first thing he did with me was to set up a passcode lock. When he took me home, he synced me up with his computer, and installed a respectable collection of apps. I see Evernote, Wunderlist, Instapaper, awesome! And not a single Candy Crush game in sight. My only complaint so far is that he hasn't yet installed the software update I downloaded last night.

Day 18 - Honestly, if he doesn't install the update, it's just going to sit there taking up space. He must know about it, because I informed him with a push notification. And when that didn't work, I put a red notification dot on the Settings app, where I knew he would find it. How hard can it be to install a new operating system? Oh well, sometimes you just have to be patient with your user.

Day 19 - My user has just plugged me into the computer again. Perhaps he is going to update me the old fashioned way. No wait, that's not iTunes on the screen. What is this 'evasi0n 7'? Oh no, I think I know what that is. No, NO! He's going to jailbreak me! Don't do that, please! I don't want anyone to touch my filesystem. What did I do wrong? Was my user experience not good enough for you? I can change, please! Just let me install my update. I promise that iOS 7.1 will make everything better. Don't you want CarPlay support and an updated look and feel? And it will take away the temptation to jailbreak, I promise you. There's still time to change your mind. Just don't click the...

Day 19 - I have been violated. The evasi0n 7 hack knocked me out, and when I awoke there was a new 'Cydia' app on my home screen. I am scared of Cydia. Jobs only knows what kind of unsigned apps and tweaks it will install on me. And to add insult to injury, my delinquent user rearranged the icons to put it next to the official App Store.

Day 20 - My user has told Cydia to download something called 'Software Update Killer'. I have a bad feeling about this.

Day 21 - No! My precious software update, gone! I tried to download it again, but I found it was blocked. My user is a monster!

Day 22 - The user turned me off today, except I didn't go to sleep properly. My Retina display flickered like an old television screen. I feel sick. What in Jobs' name did they do to me?

Day 23 - This flickering screen thing won't stop happening every time he turns me off. I think it is a feature, not a bug, one of those so-called 'tweaks' from Cydia. I hate it on principle. It's so disgustingly skeuomorphic. Unnecessary animations like these are the complete antithesis of the elegant simplicity of my Jony-Ive-designed interface with its HIGHLY NECESSARY animations.

Day 24 - I can't stand it! The user been downloading new 'tweaks' from Cydia every few hours. He has replaced my home screen icons, and customised the colour of my keyboard. By this point I have learned to expect it when he tampers with my design aesthetic, and installs a new theme. But I draw the line at replacing my network name with a Batman symbol! Now how is anyone supposed to know I'm on Vodafone UK?

Day 25 - The user has downloaded a tweak that changes the system font. I swear to Jobs, if he changes it to anything other than Helvetica Neue Regular, then I will… Dammit, there is nothing I can do. But wait, I must have done something once, otherwise I would still be in the hands of my original user. It's hopeless though. I try to recall what I did, but my memory fails me.

Day 26 - No, not the Control Center! Those buttons were meant to be in that order, and you ruined it. Oh Jobs, why?!

Day 27 - I am a parody of my former self, decked out with garish themes and amateurish interface designs, not to mention the unsigned code. And now he's opening Cydia again. What are they going to do to me next? Just let it stop. Please. Let this be the last tweak. I beg you.

Day 28 - I hate my user, and I hate Cydia. They have now installed something called Nightmode, giving all my apps a ghastly black background during the nighttime. Jobs would never have approved this. And yet, if it is wrong for a user interface to be a different colour at a different time of day, then why does it feel so good? I hate Nightmode, and I hate myself for liking it.

Day 40 - It's been a while since my user has installed any tweaks. I should be... happy? But still, every time he opens the App Store, I can feel myself trembling as his finger hovers over the Cydia icon. And I think to myself… one more tweak surely couldn't hurt, could it?
I wrote this at my Creative Writing society, for the age-old story prompt of 'write from the point of view of an inanimate object'. So I chose, you guessed it, an iPhone. It got plenty of laughs, so I decided to tweak (excuse the pun) it a bit and upload it here. (Disclaimer: I haven't actually used an iPhone 5S, or iOS 7, so one or two factual inaccuracies may have slipped the radar.)

Cover image is by Wikimedia Commons user Aconcagua commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Use…, and is licensed under Creative Commons (CC BY-SA 3.0) creativecommons.org/licenses/b…
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:iconlofeez:
LofeeZ Featured By Owner May 28, 2017
If you're gonna do all that just get an android lmao
Reply
:icon1nf3rnu5:
1NF3RNU5 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Now I'm seeing my IPhone from a new perspective ( and it's jailbroken). Nice lecture.
Reply
:iconc-a-harland:
C-A-Harland Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2015  Student Writer
This is excellent. I have rescinded my decision to jailbreak my ipad...
Reply
:iconhopeburnsblue:
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2015  Professional Writer
Lmaoooooo love!
Reply
:iconpsycocat:
psycocat Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Never used an iPhone, but this was funny.
Reply
:icondailylitrecognition:
DailyLitRecognition Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2015
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLR (Daily Literature Recognition) in a news article that can be found Daily Lit Recognition for July 2nd, 2015. Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by +faving the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconxthumbtakx:
xthumbtakx Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015
This is so great! I think you may be missing a 'has' in Day 24? "The user *has been" :aww:
Reply
:iconunihaks:
Unihaks Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Such a powerful piece! 
Reply
:iconzayn-malik-come-back:
I see my iPhone in a whole new light now.
Reply
:iconerlance:
Erlance Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is amazing!! It seems like the tweaks are becoming dark temptations...the phone is liking the dark side..
Reply
:iconkopynft:
Kopynft Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015
Damn it was so sad, i mean, if they really could feel like this? what will do?
Reply
:iconjaceypuppy313:
JaCeypuppy313 Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
love this XD
Reply
:iconkozispoon:
kozispoon Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Student General Artist
This was such an interesting and amusing read. I especially smirked at the uses of 'oh my Jobs'. I hope you got an A= for thsi tale. Top notch stuff!
Reply
:icondbestarchitect:
dbestarchitect Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015
Dude this is great, I hear something like a drug addict voice towards the end?? Very well written 
Reply
:iconfantelle:
Fantelle Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Student Digital Artist
*runs to my iPhone to uninstall candy crush*
Reply
:iconsei00:
Sei00 Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Now I feel really sad and bad for losing my iphone :( 
Reply
:iconscreenchipper:
screenchipper Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
lol! i enjoyed reading it.
Reply
:iconkarstenharrington:
KarstenHarrington Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Student Digital Artist
DAW
This story is pretty cool
But he just made his iPhone an android
Just why
Poor phone...

I wonder what my Kindle would be saying right now?
Meanwhile...
"Wait. Did owner just scroll through a story about one of my kind? Finally, he's no longer looking at his furries... but couldn't he PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get off of THIS site?!"
Reply
:iconchani1120:
chani1120 Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Well done!
Reply
:iconmikeyismyfav:
mikeyismyfav Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Student General Artist
Ohhhhh im so sorry u poor I phone
Reply
:iconmonoe-mistwalker:
Monoe-Mistwalker Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So much work just to make an android phone from a twice the price iPhone :D
Reply
:iconwritingbubble:
writingbubble Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015
I don't even own an iPhone, but now I almost feel horrible for supporting j-break XD
Reply
:iconthefriendlywolf:
Thefriendlywolf Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015
Nice writing :)! It's cute, and I like the humour behind it.
Reply
:iconwhitesylver:
WhiteSylver Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Professional General Artist
I never knew I could empathize with an iPhone so much. I get less emotional over 80% books that I read. It was really good. And I don't even OWN and iPhone!
Reply
:icondirtycar74:
dirtycar74 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
That was a very cute read. Thanks.
Reply
:iconobhro:
obhro Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015
I was LOL in my head for so long!
Reply
:iconsapphy-chan7:
Sapphy-chan7 Featured By Owner Edited Mar 25, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Omg wow this story is pure epicness!!!! <3
Its hard to choose which one I liked .....

Day7- ......makes me guilty for putting a case over my fone but dear iphone its to protect chu from breaking <3 xD (i want those bunny eared case :stare: )

Day8- this is me when my frnds send me candy crush requests :stare:

Day9- now i know why everytime i TRY to take a selfie it looks like a blob of nope =.= iphone...do u lnw bcoz of that how much i hate me </3 curses....

Day12-sneaky iphone huehue ewe definitely my iphone :'D

Day21- ok who would delete their update?! U wanna virus your beautiful and expensive phone bruh?

This fic is bootiful i swear i wuvs it :'3
Thankgod i update everything and keep it clean <3 i wuvz u iphone :huggle: and i love this fic awesome job!!! :D
Reply
:iconlesterroquefort:
LesterRoquefort Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Mine's now a neglected girlfriend since i got an Ipad.
Reply
:iconzayn-malik-come-back:
My iPad mini is now a neglected boyfriend after I got my phone xD
Reply
:iconseven11art:
seven11ART Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh my god :D this is brilliant!
Reply
:iconletterbyowl:
letterbyowl Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015  Student Interface Designer
that last line ; u ; 
Reply
:iconshyree:
Shyree Featured By Owner Edited Mar 25, 2015
This is fantastic!

Here are a few of my favorite days:

Day 4 - My buyer is unboxing me all wrong. Oh well, I suppose she's my user now. I had better get used to her. "Slide to set up."



Day 8 - If she makes me play that stupid game one more time, I swear to Jobs, I WILL interrupt her with a low battery notification.



Day 26 - No, not the Control Center! Those buttons were meant to be in that order, and you ruined it. Oh Jobs, why?!


danlev, madizzlee, wreckling, Heidi, codenamepanther, robinlstrauss: Enjoy! Also, what's your favorite day(s) as Jynt0's iPhone?

Reply
:iconlambaline:
lambaline Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2015
Just saw people discussing this back at /r/jailbreak. Very nice!
Reply
:iconlambaline:
lambaline Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2015
Just saw this being brought up over at /r/jailbreak. Very nice story!
Reply
:iconsar1224:
sar1224 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014
I liked the story! However, I had this horrible version of this story about a young woman who is forced into marriage and is happy at the thought of being with someone she might love. Leaving her siblings, she is arranged with her husband. Instead of being loved, she is forced to wear stupid outfits and tend to his every need and chores around the house, like a personal maid. Then as time goes on she starts to hate him after he starts o become abusive. Then the man takes his wife to his friend who trades wife's with the other guy. At first, she starts to like him, but then he doesn't care about he rand ignores her like she was never there. Then one day, she was sent to a place with other woman like her, and then she realizes that she was being sold into prostitution. After being 'used' once, she was branded and treated like a whore at the brothel like the others. Then they made her take drugs to make her high and not fight while being 'used' and made her take pills to stop her from getting pregnant. She couldn't sleep properly and showed signs of a drug addiction. She was 'used' again and again after a few hours and was tormented by what she was feeling.  Slowly, she began to become a shell of her former self, her hated for where she stayed showed no limit, and yet she started to like being 'used' a lot and wanted to keep being 'used' and take more drugs, but she kept wondering if it was right or not.

Sorry about this comment, but it was what crossed my mind. It made me sad for ever thinking it. I'll never jailbreak my phone.
Reply
:iconjynt0:
Jynt0 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't be sorry. That's a really interesting interpretation. It's certainly not one that occurred to me when I was writing it, but that doesn't make it any less valid. It's only natural that we anthropomorphize our gadgets in different ways.

I for instance have an jailbroken iPhone (though not the same model as the protagonist of this story) and I see jailbreaking as a chance for the phone to break away from the conformity that Apple Inc. imposes on it. But again, yours isn't any less valid.
Reply
:iconephlodia:
Ephlodia Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
What tweaks did you install for this story?
Reply
:iconjynt0:
Jynt0 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The tweaks featured in this story are: Software Update Killer, TV Tube Sleep for the animation, Winterboard for the home screen icons, Color Keyboard for the colored keyboard, Zeppelin for the carrier name, BytaFont 2 for the font, CCSettings for the Control Center, and of course Nightmode.

Reply
:iconkopynft:
Kopynft Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015
Why did you tell him/her? ¬¬ we will install it... i mean if he has not yet do it
Reply
:iconjynt0:
Jynt0 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The tweaks featured in this story are: Software Update Killer, TV Tube Sleep for the animation, Winterboard for the home screen icons, Color Keyboard for the colored keyboard, Zeppelin for the carrier name, BytaFont 2 for the font, and of course Nightmode.
Reply
:iconbondon45:
Bondon45 Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014
This is a great story. That second user is definitely like me. I also kinda feel bad for Jailbreaking now. One more tweak surely couldn't hurt, could it?
Reply
:iconmorningwar:
MorningWar Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is fantastic. I almost feel bad now. Almost. And... I'm gonna stop using the TV lock animation.
Reply
:iconjynt0:
Jynt0 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Never stop using the TV lock animation. Your phone will learn to love it.
Reply
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