The Last Selfish Apology by justanumber, literature
Literature
The Last Selfish Apology
.I wish to make one last apology,
To the world and to myself,
For the pain I have inflicted,
With my fear based "safety" approach.I am sorry that I didn't see,
I am sorry I believed I couldn't.
I am sorry for all my painful attacks,
When you offered me real company.A candle has been lit again
Deep within my heart,
May God grant me the strength to
Redeem my ugly and painful past.I am eternally in the debt
Of all, future, present and past,
Who undertook for loves great sake,
That most noble task.I pray from the depths of my being,
That I may have their strength.
And I pray that I may meet you all,
And thank you face to face.This prose is but...
.Ponder, Sit, Quiet Awareness.
Let us sit in the silence
From which these words come.
The all beyond language
the sounds in themselves.The cognitive awareness.The nothingness laid bare
when one realises that
2 + 2 = 4 is just a principle..
.Spiral, twist, upside and then down,
One stagnant moment,
Before plunging deep down,
Through murky dark depths void of sound.Snapped back in a moment,
Raging in flood,
We career kamikaze
Descending this bluff.Some something overcomes me,
Amidst all this haste,
A metaphysical foothold
Some timeless old place.Though many fear idleness,
And can't stand this niche,
I would sit here for hours
In the soudndless embrace.But alas my formless foothold,
Goes and comes unannounced
I hit the ground running,
In lifes whitewash I am soused..
.The schoolboy heart longs
For ones engulfing touch,
To shrink the whole world
Into one tight hug.The businessmans mind,
astute and aware,
Observes black and white figures
Turn the worlds gears.The travellers heart sails
Lone in far seas,
Brought back much too often
From these intimate dreams.Like this he awakes
At the dawn of each day,
Alone at his home,
Plodding towards another day.The poet sits back watching
All run their course,
To capture the secrets
from the hasty old world..
Words are just that,
As much as they are
(and I know what they are).
But my actions, alas,
They can never undo.And so I attempt to pay tribute
To the girl who carried
My lead like heart for
Too long.An adjective will not suffice,
to describe the beauty of her heart.
That heart which had faith,
Through all my ignorant hate of it.I would far miss the mark with apology,
And I don\'t deserve such false relief.
If I pay ten times the pain
Inflicted, it falls far short of my due.It still pains me today
That you saw in me
Enough to have me treat you
As
I
Did.I love you. Always.
The 4 year old examines shells
In the wet sand.
Exclaiming innocence bubbles
From his big round eyes.
He escapes the waves
Who chase him up the beach,
Burying
His
Shells.The teenager sits on a
solitary rock,
At sufficient distance from the family
to be consumed by dark,
circular thoughts.
Escaping
The
Atmosphere.The husband awkwardly wades
Into the water
Suit pants scrunched
about his knees, tie intact,
to capture the 4 year old,
who succumbs to the wave\'s
Cool tantilising embrace.
Dissonant
With his
Environment.The wife,
(in some false sense of emancipation)
Imagines a life
With her psychiatrist
With whom she spent
One
Passionate
Night.A...
Jack-in-the-box When one squashes life into
A little red car,
And zooms out
On unfamiliar roads.The headlights ancious beam
(try as it might)
Cannot strain beyond the bend
But faster still they go.Driven by the
Swoshing glimpse
Of a faintly
Familiar feeling;The undeniable,
blissful intrigue
of a childs new
Jack-in-the-box. Rob Evans - 29/1/03
."May you live in interesting times"
A great someone said once.As history has shown us they may not be fun,
Chemical? Nuclear? Tick Tock and clunk.Revolution, darwinism and arts of all kinds,
I watch as a watch-pot, ready to boil. May you live in interesting times. Rob Evans - 20/12/02
Lifetime.A lifetime ago I was staring at a blank page.
It scared me. Then I walked into a library.
I felt small. I loved it. So much room to grow,
express and feel. All around me I could feel
the presence of lifetimes, strenuous, countless
lifetimes, of work, printed, black and white,
on paper which was once young too. I knew then
how to decorate that page. It became a dream of
mine to be a part of that. I can only hope that
when I am gone I shall live on in some strange
and wonderful afterlife of pure, mysterious and
unfathomable immortality, even if it is not in
the pages of a parched manuscript. It may not
be in a collection of ...
-----------------------------------------The flash and a small enclosure of concrete lights
up around me with cold dancing photons diffusing to
nothingness, and a red glow made up of the most
intricate fibres is born. It gives birth to poisonous
offspring who randomly disperse craving a victim, and
I willingly appease them.-----------------------------------------
My Life: The Clinic.A doctor is:
Responsible,
Judicious. But
Sanitary, and
Solitary.In my profession,
Ignorance fades
Understanding is addictive
But comes
With some pain.I am didactic, humble
Naïve, but proud
Open minded, but cautious,
Conscious,
Not blind.Medication; first lesson.
Control, calculation,
Patients are skeptics!
Always be careful;
Repute is of essence.It doesn’t take long;
One fatigues of medication,
Concentration and calculation.
This wasn’t foreseen!
Oh healthy friend enthrall me!It’s a sickening profession,
When no one will see
Me; just tersely medicated
Calculated, prototyped,
Surface terminology.I crave to flood free,
I...
The weekend - 14/11/01The cursor flashes expectantly. Jaw is tight, focusing my breath through it gains some relaxation. It is hard. A subconscious something grows larger with the feeling of apprehension and violent fear of something external and dangerous. These somethings are a continual battle it would seem; never relaxing, and rarely feeling. Which of them came first cannot be told for certain, but they slowly disperse as the days wear on.Weeks consist of not thinking, or allowing feeling until at least Thursday night. When Thursday night hits, it becomes allowable sit back and soak up the date emblazoned in the mind. It tells o...
Its a clinical statement by justanumber, literature
Literature
Its a clinical statement
Its a clinical statement; i know.I hope i don't delve to deep when I say:
Do not give unconditional love!
Things always change, and
Conditions placed upon the love will
Help you and it remain.Its a clinical statement, but
through years of pain
(i have not borne it blindly)
Meaning has shown itself finally.And so, I wish for you
To not make my mistakes, or
(as I see the way it happens)
When you do,
Learn from them fully,
And see the stark nakedness of
The right thing to do.People are selfish, I am too,
I do not say it proudly,
Or to put people down,
Its a humble realisation
If you will see it.Romance, at first glance,
Is subtle, and
Uncontr...
To The Community.Like a dolphin;
Weaving, twisting, turning
Through metaphysics, fantasy,
Desolate reality,
Hastily or leisurely - we few flow.As a camera:
Grab. Hold. Capture,
Spill, pour, lather
Control, process, resolve;
Produce.Like a tawny owl, we
Move off again, beyond
Above, Soaring,
Below, sinking,
Not seen, heard or
Restrained, until next we
Rest, capture and deliver.We; wandering minstrels,
Challenge, inspire, appall, or
Just address the passers by.
They stop, process, glide
(hopefully in a new direction)
So, I at least, delight.In life; the network of
Roads, and highways -
We seek untouched ground.
A dusty small town,
Or a des...
Just Coffee.As a single short espresso; the zenith of labor in the plantations
Of Brazil or Columbia or elsewhere; the peak of Darwinism through ages.
The culmination of many a lifetime of many a great mind – I
Process, and strive to give back world, that which I gained from it.Two blades agitate, grind, and slice, at measured and controlled distances.
Spewing out refined, exact, particular fractions of pain of berries of trees,
Of continents of worlds far away; so few can conceive.
Sweet, sweet is the aroma of the crumbling absolute beans.Calculated pressure, temperature and time,
Hand made (trial by trial) machinery delicately deals with...
KNOWLEDGEDon't dwell
Take a walk:
a plain old inconsequential stroll.
There comes a time in your meanderings
when in the turning
of an unremarkable corner
you suddenly collide with yourself
or lightly remark an event –
an event without momentous meaning
an event with no particular consequence
which not-so-neatly spoons out
a shocking slice of destiny.It matters not that heroes
turn their own wheels of fortune
whilst ours seems seized and still.
You cannot dismiss, in any case,
as categorised coincidence
or fate. Too late
another opportunity has sheared away
another gift rejected
another love lost.There are some things we may know
far beyon...
i am a book with a shattered
spine
i\'m missing the page with your favourite
line
you\'ve read me so much you know me by
heart
the scraps and dog-ears have left their
mark
with your name tattooed inside my
cover
i am forever your literary
lover
THE CLICHÉ-HOUNDSHeard afar
a hoarse hullaballoo of harriers
tongue-lolling, straining at the leash,
eager for the chase:
the cliché-hounds gather.Allow me, if you please,
a modest morsel of cliché
I am replete
from an esoteric gourmet feast
of exquisite exotic verbiage
served on precious platters of cunning design
and intricate verbal decoration.
Allow me, if you please,
a common slice of bread.Permit me, if you please,
a little piece of commonplace.
I am lost
among the peerless lofty peaks
of high pretentious imagery
fearful above the deep dark metaphoric chasms
and the treacherous sloughs of similes
Permit me, if you please,
to tread fa...
filmositys Five Words Poem by verbalize, literature
Literature
filmositys Five Words Poem
Deviant: *filmosity
Date: 2002-09-10 00:22:42
Sweet...I'll give it a shot:love
life
light
eyes
timePurenessWhen the word love jumps from mouths of babes
we know it is pure and life is sweet.
Because we are emersed within the light which is their innocence
drunken in by eyes never tarnished with the hate of the world,
emersed within souls where love is a truth and time is nothing but
a factor of how much more they can love you.
so much sadness slipping away as each word reaches its mark.
I love you spoken without thoughts of gain, there is nothing in life better to hear than an "I love you" from a child.
I was behind the cash, being bored and miserable like I always am. The customers came, faceless except by the junk they were buying over and over again, rotting their teeth and emptying their wallets.Then she came in, wearing dark glasses to hide the fact that her eyes were just slits, she walked up to the counter and asked for cigarettes, her voice shaking more than her body.I tried no to look, but couldn't.There was an ugly scar running down her right cheek, the skin still pink and red because of the cut. The left side of her face was worse; it was a swollen purple mass, darker and edgier around the cheekbone, almost bloody black. She...
Through the earthen tones of an ageless country
Where greens and browns diverge
In yawning valleys of windswept sandstone
The young homebound traveller wroteReminiscing of childhood days with fond memories
But now secure with friends alike
The weary yet sated traveller's speed through the dusk
Minds mixed with thoughts and dreamsPassing golden washed lakes with a burning sky as background
An impossible array of vibrant reds writhe and twist
Setting the sky ablaze and warming my soul
My brief encounter with memories dying as quickly as the sunset.
I want to lick the beauty inside your soul.Dip my tongue into its streams.Scrape my teeth gently across your love . Touch my lips to the smoothness of our forever.I am so lost in your voice , it pulls the cravings
from deep within me.I need to suck the sorrow from your soul.Sink my teeth in deep and devour it.Drink from wounds I create.Heal you with my tears .Spend eternity deep inside you.Lay beside you in tranquility .
Concerning ExistenceA woman's yell resounding through the streets,
The quiet prayer beneath a bodhi tree,
The lives entombed and crushed beneath debris,
The pleasure of a wolf that hunts and eats,
All seem to pose some question that repeats
Within my mind much like the waves at sea,
And every sleepless night has left with me
A need to answer back, to be complete.I'm not the only one to face this plight:
Some find philosophy or religion,
They study dusty books and scan the skies-
Perhaps they'll get some sensible insight.
But I shall find satori swimming in
The depths that are the oceans of your eyes.
He breaks the window with a rock.
She slips her hand in and opens the door.
She cuts herself.
He licks up the blood, getting harder under his clothes.
They walk into the old woman's bedroom.
He makes an effort and walks upright.
She trips in the dark and falls on all fours.
He tears off all his clothes.
She teases.
Gets up and removes the cape.
Reveals barely nothing underneath.
He charges.
He pants.
She purrs.
He rides her like an animal.
She fucks him like a man.
The old woman comes in.
She sees her child with the wolf.
She sees the wolf inside her child.
She faints away dead.
They barely notice.
He's good to her.
He takes the long road....
Words are just that,
As much as they are
(and I know what they are).
But my actions, alas,
They can never undo.And so I attempt to pay tribute
To the girl who carried
My lead like heart for
Too long.An adjective will not suffice,
to describe the beauty of her heart.
That heart which had faith,
Through all my ignorant hate of it.I would far miss the mark with apology,
And I don\'t deserve such false relief.
If I pay ten times the pain
Inflicted, it falls far short of my due.It still pains me today
That you saw in me
Enough to have me treat you
As
I
Did.I love you. Always.
.I work,
I drink,
I gamble,
and get a hangover.Can anyone offer me anything better?One day I will have worked enough to go overseas and do this somewhere else. .
~justanumber
Does it matter?
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