The Duet

Previous: [link]

Next: [link]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

highly suggested music: [link]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rain pours down on the empty streets. It is getting darker quickly now.
My head aches and thoughts race through my brain. None of them is clear.
A bunch of disordered fragments that make no sense, at all.
I don't look for shelter. I'm already wet from head to toes anyway and who would let me in? Me the Junkie? the anti-social?
Yeah sure.
I lean against the bricks and massage my temples with two fingers. Thinking is exhausting and again I feel a nausea growing in my stomach. I skid down and coil myself up on the dirty street, between malodorous trash cans and rats with my back against the wall. The constant drumming of raindrops on my head is like an erratic rhythm. A heartbeat.
I try to remember the map of the way I have to go. It's difficult but the dull humming in my ears becomes slightly quiter as I relax and think on my destination.
Sweden.
My Cousin.
He was always the good boy. The perfect son of my uncle. He was always so proud of his lad. The guy who attended a private secondary school and got just the best of everything. He was the prince of our family. While I was the black sheep. The Punk. The drug-addicted runaway.
But he was ever so nice to me. He protected me from the anger of his father and never let me down. We used to play together as children and we were as close as if we were twins. We cared for each other and he was the big brother I never had and also some kind of father substitute. I still remember one evening in Summer we spent at a lake. We watched the night sky and saw a shooting star. I wanted him to make a wish but he just said: "They are too fast. It's impossible to repeat your wish three times before they fade." He nudged my forehead. He used to do it very often. Then he said: "But if you really want something, you don't need a shooting star." He always hoped for me to get a better life. To come back from the "wrong path" and find the right way.
He was my knight in a shining armour.
I spent the money he saved for my education on drugs and valueless stuff.
I failed him.
Tears trickle down my cheeks and an unknown pain makes my heart clench.
I miss him. I miss him so much.
The last time we talked on the phone was ages ago. I can't even remember the last time we met.
Sobs make my body shake uncontrollably.
I cry in pain.
The pain of the loss of my mother.
The pain of my father's despair.
The pain of my own stupidity.
The pain of having gone astray.
Loneliness rushes over me like a wave of venom. It intoxicates every cell of my body and drowns my very heart in desperation and hesitation. It makes me tired, slowly draining the will to live from my body.
From my soul.
Rain still falls from the dark clouds. It plays strange melodies in the puddles, on the garbage cans and trash bags.
The wind whispers through the dark edges of the alley.
As though they have an own voice.
It's like a duet.
A dance of rain and wind



(change music here to this: [link] )



My head is clear suddenly.
There is just one thought left.
A single one.
And more present than ever.
I have to go to Sweden. To Yan. To my cousin.
Not fail him again.
I wipe away the tears and the raindrops from my face, straighten up and take a deep breath.
The sadness has been replaced by a desparate anger.
The frantic will to live.
Not just to exist.
My legs still feel slightly weak but they will carry me.
I step out of the alley with new energy and enough stength to go on.
To fight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rain Brush [link] by

Rikke by me