Once again, I'm sorry I haven't been around much (I do check my messages from time to time)
This is just an update since my last one was back in June.
Personal life updates:
If you have read my previous updates, you'd know that I haven't been well due to some personal issues.
I would still want to keep most of it a secret. It's been an emotional ride for everyone involved (or at least to the people I know about). I still do hope everything will be ok, but sometimes it feels like it's only going downhill.
I have disclosed the details of what happened and how I have been to very few trusted people, so if you know, you know.
I am still depressed, as I was in the months since it happened. I still have emotional breakdowns, which have been happening mostly in the nighttime. As a result, I have been crying myself to sleep most nights. I have gained a bit of weight back (mostly due to forcing myself to eat properly), but not much has changed. I am doing my best, though.
Other things have happened, which have contributed to it, on top of what happened:
- Many health problems in my family. My brother and my grandma - mother's side - will have surgeries later this week and the next, respectively. My brother is due to a respiratory problem he was born with and that got worse (that made him unable to breathe through his nose and while the surgery he will have to do is normally a simple procedure, the complications made it more difficult to operate). My grandma has a tumour on her parathyroid - she had another one some years ago in a different part - which is now being investigated as a possible hereditary problem - so all her children will have to go to São Paulo to do a very expensive exam, which is only available in one hospital. Other than that, my mother's heart problem (which she was born with) seems to have gotten worse - it's still being investigated - so she might have to do a heart surgery soon as well. My other grandma - father's side - recently found out she has leukaemia and is getting treatment. As for me, my exams have shown that I am now more prone to having heart attacks and I am investigating another problem, which the best scenario is will go away and the worst will cause me to have to stay in the hospital for a long period of time.
- There have been some problems with my family's businesses, which are being dealt with but will cause us to have to let a few people go. As we are small businesses (with less than 10 people combined), it is especially hard as people that work there are like family to us and we have been doing our best to find a solution that allows us to at least keep it open (we almost closed down a few years ago) and to help people we will have to let go to find jobs elsewhere. On top of that, my mother is having to deal with twice the workflow she normally has as one of the associates of the law firm moved to the US earlier this month and left many unfinished cases behind (as she decided to not keep working on it from there, even though she would have the means to. Oh, and she told my mother that in the day she finished moving. Yeaaah.).
- Problems that occurred in the past (2014-2015, for those who know) have been haunting me and pretty much destroying the little self-esteem and motivation I have left. That got worse last Saturday as something related to it happened and caused me to have panic attacks and an emotional breakdown. I didn't sleep much at all and have been having nightmares related to it. I have no idea how long that will last. Again, the few trusted people know what it is about, but I'd rather not talk about it.
In other news: Test weeks will start this week, so don't expect many posts (I'll try to squeeze some work in between them as I did a fantastic job as class representative spacing them out so everyone would have time to study - as we still have classes during these weeks and they happen most days from 8 am to 5 pm and we can't really afford to miss any c: ). I have finished organising stuff so I can start working on my final work as well, so I'll be including that in my schedule.
Presidential elections are coming and that has been worrying me a lot lately. I have been doing my best to keep up with the candidates' government plans and agendas, but that is only increasing my worries (Reading the foreign policy part as an International Affairs graduate and Economics student is rough. Especially when you know the possible negative effects of some of the measures - especially when they are fucking repeating mistakes of other leaders >>)
About deviantART and drawings
I have been working on what I have to work on in traditional media because my tablet is still only working once in a blue moon (and I know it's an issue with my pc and not the tablet itself but I can't really afford to do anything about it now). So, unfortunately, I can't work on anything digital for now.
I haven't been drawing much for myself as most of the drawings I make just reflect my emotions and/or I leave unfinished because I can't find the motivation to finish.
I should be posting some drawings soon, but that depends on my test weeks and how chaotic they can get (even though I did my best to make it work in the least stressful way, it always finds a way)
I do recommend participating in my public Discord, The Mermaid Pond, as I am there daily and post updates from time to time.
Here's a link to it: discord.gg/2tXTY9P
I guess that's all I want to share, for now.
Thanks for reading.
------- Commissions ----------
(For progress bars, refer to Commissions journal)
(For MerMay Commissions, refer to its journal)
Current commission list:
- References Sheets for Aqua and Bubble - (DesRefShFb+Crs)
Emergency commissions (Friend help) slots list:
- Six and Zenith (DHbw/bgrs)
- Michiko and Nanashi (CHbw/obgrs)
-------- References --------
1. Fairy adopt reference for GoldLinaric
2. Fox adopt reference for GoldLinaric
------ Prizes --------
(QTE) - Lola, Dove and Margo (0/3) - All sketched
2. Prizes for the Nintendo-girls group contest (0/2 done)
------- Art trades ------
- Squiggles casually listening to music
2. Temporarily closed.
------- Collaborations -------
- Rosalina collab
------ Others -------
1. Free chibi for GoldLinaric
for completing 10 commissions - detailed sketch done
2. Free chibi for Punisher2006
for completing 10 commissions
3. Extra drawings
4. Extra MerMay sketches