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Sometimes it just feels like there will never be improvement. Just more stress, and fewer ways to cope. That's not how it really is, but it does feel that way.
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I've played a few roleplaying games in the past but D&D has always been too intimating for me.... Until now. My brothers have been big into D&D for years and now my wife has finally dragged me in with all of them. Suddenly I'm the DM of a small campaign and they've lured me in by saying I can piece together my perfect custom Archipelago themed homebrew. I'm really excited about some of the things I've found so far, and it's just a lot of fun. We had our first session the other day and two players decided that instead of entering the old ruins they'd rather run around in the deadly storm having emotional breakdowns and taking cold damage. Good fun.
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Devious Journal Entry
1 min read
Creation. Encouragement. Destruction. Motivation. Inspiration. Dreams, Fantasty, worlds, and visions that reach beyond the usually walks of life that you might find yourself strolling down.
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Artist woes
6 min read
That awkward moment when drawing that results in a thought process like... This drawing is at a stage that makes me uncomfortable yet usually helps make the overall picture better, YET my usual venting site (tumblr) is refusing to load and there's no way I'm going to joke about this on facebook. Why? Because my jokes about figure drawing and fleshing out a nude figure in the sketches is an acquired joke format that requires a certain level of background towards these artist woes.
And like... Yes this drawing isn't suppose to be entirely platonic so WHAT. There's this huge mess of CONTEXT behind it which makes it fit within MY comfort standards. But none of that context has been established outside of small areas of select friends.
So back to venting. It's just me, the canvas, and my overly critical thoughts being all but what if someone took this out of context. Meanwhile I'm squirming under my own delicate balance of how I need to see the underlying forms here because this is a unfamiliar and complex composition for my current level of art. I need to know how the shapes interact. BUT it's still awkward the moment my mind drifts to how worried I am about how OTHER people might perceive this.
And even here it's a topic I barely allow myself to vent about because STILL there's not enough built up context for me to be comfortable about this.
It's frustrating.
A little bit of underlaying context:
Blushing! I always had a huge insecurity about my drawings of people lacking human emotion. I discovered blushes make my drawings feel more powerful, so when I'm feeling down about my art I take advantage of the PUNCH blushes have. Do they make the drawings better for other people? I don't know! All I know is that I certainly feel better about myself when I use it.
Close contact! I found it a real challenge to make objects interact with each other, and to let myself hide features that would be hidden due to overlapping. What's more challenging than drawing than drawing something alone? Drawing two or more things interacting! It just feels like a more potent exercise in art. Combine with my insecurities about human emotions, I can get a lot more practice with body language. (Also a few years back someone legitimately wanted me to draw their two characters in an intimate cuddling position and I failed MASSIVELY and it was super awkward and not natural looking at all and... I will never let myself let that one go will I?)
SOFT SOUL GAZING EYES! Well this one is just a fun thing I do for fun simply because it makes me FEEL GOOD. Do you have any idea how often I simply FEEL GOOD drawing these days? NOT OFTEN! So yes, in this silly feel good piece of artwork, I'm GOING to do something that makes me feel good. It's super fun and doesn't require a lot of work and I can admire it for hours instead of being swamped by all the flawed details.
Anatomy?! WELL YES BECAUSE MINE IS GARBAGE AND I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO DRAW IT. I'm sick and tired of being too timid to draw things and continuing to be REALLY BAD at drawing them! Do you guys KNOW how LONG it took me to draw butts??? I'm STILL struggling! But you know what?! People have butts! They have hips! Their legs need to attach SOMEWHERE!! They wear pants! Do you know what cloth does?! It's shape is influenced by what is underneath it!
So yes, these two human characters have human bodies and I'm still LEARNING how to draw anatomy and sometimes that means I really need to focus on the bodies. And not just "oh you know, the ribcage is sort of a roundish shape" BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, THAT ISN'T GOING TO HELP ME IMPROVE.
CLOTHES! Like, does anyone even consider that I probably intend to draw clothes at some point in the artwork before sharing it?! YEAH, Sometimes that's not the case! Sometimes there won't be clothes! Because who am I to say that 100% of the time? BUT THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME YES THEY ARE GOING TO PUT THEIR DAMN PANTS ON. Especially if they aren't MY characters! It's just a personal standard I have!!! But while trying to figure out how everything works especially in either tricky positions or close contact it's hard for me to draw them already in clothes? Because I need to know how much is solid, how much is going to overlap, how much is going to give way. The more I'm struggling with a pose, or with my sense of insecurity about my art, the more likely I'll work it all out more slowly and with more detail during the sketching drafts.
And you know what? I know this all, and I'm trying to be okay with it all, but I still find it easier to hide behind silly things because being silly is easier to DEAL with some days. To give up and scribble something that turns into a desperate plea of "JUST KIDDING!" instead of stick through with the drawing.
That's how this
is reduced to a joke
like THIS.
So there you go! I'm really insecure about my art, and in order to improve I've found sometimes what works best for me is going outside of my comfort zone! But it's SUPER hard to share the frustration along the way because others might assume I've stepped WILDLY out of my comfort zone, which is SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE.
So yeah. Some days silly things are easier to deal with. And sometimes... I just can't let myself take the easier path and I need to stick through it.
And like... Yes this drawing isn't suppose to be entirely platonic so WHAT. There's this huge mess of CONTEXT behind it which makes it fit within MY comfort standards. But none of that context has been established outside of small areas of select friends.
So back to venting. It's just me, the canvas, and my overly critical thoughts being all but what if someone took this out of context. Meanwhile I'm squirming under my own delicate balance of how I need to see the underlying forms here because this is a unfamiliar and complex composition for my current level of art. I need to know how the shapes interact. BUT it's still awkward the moment my mind drifts to how worried I am about how OTHER people might perceive this.
And even here it's a topic I barely allow myself to vent about because STILL there's not enough built up context for me to be comfortable about this.
It's frustrating.
A little bit of underlaying context:
Blushing! I always had a huge insecurity about my drawings of people lacking human emotion. I discovered blushes make my drawings feel more powerful, so when I'm feeling down about my art I take advantage of the PUNCH blushes have. Do they make the drawings better for other people? I don't know! All I know is that I certainly feel better about myself when I use it.
Close contact! I found it a real challenge to make objects interact with each other, and to let myself hide features that would be hidden due to overlapping. What's more challenging than drawing than drawing something alone? Drawing two or more things interacting! It just feels like a more potent exercise in art. Combine with my insecurities about human emotions, I can get a lot more practice with body language. (Also a few years back someone legitimately wanted me to draw their two characters in an intimate cuddling position and I failed MASSIVELY and it was super awkward and not natural looking at all and... I will never let myself let that one go will I?)
SOFT SOUL GAZING EYES! Well this one is just a fun thing I do for fun simply because it makes me FEEL GOOD. Do you have any idea how often I simply FEEL GOOD drawing these days? NOT OFTEN! So yes, in this silly feel good piece of artwork, I'm GOING to do something that makes me feel good. It's super fun and doesn't require a lot of work and I can admire it for hours instead of being swamped by all the flawed details.
Anatomy?! WELL YES BECAUSE MINE IS GARBAGE AND I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO DRAW IT. I'm sick and tired of being too timid to draw things and continuing to be REALLY BAD at drawing them! Do you guys KNOW how LONG it took me to draw butts??? I'm STILL struggling! But you know what?! People have butts! They have hips! Their legs need to attach SOMEWHERE!! They wear pants! Do you know what cloth does?! It's shape is influenced by what is underneath it!
So yes, these two human characters have human bodies and I'm still LEARNING how to draw anatomy and sometimes that means I really need to focus on the bodies. And not just "oh you know, the ribcage is sort of a roundish shape" BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, THAT ISN'T GOING TO HELP ME IMPROVE.
CLOTHES! Like, does anyone even consider that I probably intend to draw clothes at some point in the artwork before sharing it?! YEAH, Sometimes that's not the case! Sometimes there won't be clothes! Because who am I to say that 100% of the time? BUT THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME YES THEY ARE GOING TO PUT THEIR DAMN PANTS ON. Especially if they aren't MY characters! It's just a personal standard I have!!! But while trying to figure out how everything works especially in either tricky positions or close contact it's hard for me to draw them already in clothes? Because I need to know how much is solid, how much is going to overlap, how much is going to give way. The more I'm struggling with a pose, or with my sense of insecurity about my art, the more likely I'll work it all out more slowly and with more detail during the sketching drafts.
And you know what? I know this all, and I'm trying to be okay with it all, but I still find it easier to hide behind silly things because being silly is easier to DEAL with some days. To give up and scribble something that turns into a desperate plea of "JUST KIDDING!" instead of stick through with the drawing.
That's how this
is reduced to a joke
like THIS.
So there you go! I'm really insecure about my art, and in order to improve I've found sometimes what works best for me is going outside of my comfort zone! But it's SUPER hard to share the frustration along the way because others might assume I've stepped WILDLY out of my comfort zone, which is SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE.
So yeah. Some days silly things are easier to deal with. And sometimes... I just can't let myself take the easier path and I need to stick through it.
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Feature for a Feature
2 min read
• For the First 10 people who comment, I will feature one of their characters I like the most and comment my choice. (I will go to your gallery and pick one character and one picture I like)But I'm only going to do 4 people because I don't think I'd ever get 10 people commenting.
• If you comment, please do the same in your journal, and put me in the first feature slot. The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everyone! I'll feature you after you have made the journal.
1.
This mysterious sleeping character. The colors in this piece are gorgeous, I just couldn't pass it up. I adore the motion and lighting in the mermaid's hair, as well as the markings and translucent delicate fins.
((And because I couldn't stop myself let's not forget Cassie. His Girls - kinda colored))
2.
's Old Blue 
Huge, quiet, sea creature with a taste for pastries? Sign me up! I'm incredibly fond of this character's design and I can imagine him discovering all sorts of shiny things under the sea.
3.
4.
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