DesdemonaDeBlake

Forward Note: The following is an excerpt from a project I’ve been working on in secret. It is very much on the backburner as most of my focus has been on keeping myself well and alive in the midst of a major mental health crisis and then working on my fictional work at a snail’s pace. I only release this chapter/excerpt because some of the doctors at my local clinic wanted me to send them a link to the information. This comes in light of the recent conservative legislation taking away personal freedoms, and the Supreme Court’ stated position to re-evaluate whether the federal government will protect the rights of equality for LGBTQIA people. The ability to legally change your gender is of particular importance, as the ability to change one’s name is not yet as tightly controlled. As a trans person who may want to legally change your gender, you may be worried about the financial aspect. However, it is only the name change and extra driver’s license fees which will cost you any

I gasped as I fell unexpectedly into the dark pit—with smooth black stones serving as the walls—and fell into the muddy ground below. Fortunately, the mud was only about an inch deep, and I realized how much worse it could have been had it been raining since I entered the jungle. When I frantically I looked up at the entrance where I’d been dropped from, the tails quickly flew out the entrance—along with the weight of their presence. Even though I was now scared at being imprisoned in a pit—with what looked like claw scratches on the stone and a few clumps of variously colored fur on top of the mud—it was still a relief to no longer be surrounded by shades carrying me to an unknown fate. My fate was known now … even if it wasn’t a particularly pleasant one. I no longer felt their seemingly-psychic influence. The previous limits to my vision felt gone, along with the sense that someone was poking around in my head. The only problem was that being stuck down here meant that the

In my state of panic and fear, I wasn’t sure how long I flew weightlessly through the dark jungle— remaining in the fetal position I'd forced my body into. It didn't feel very dignified, but it was the only way I trusted myself to keep Romalla safe inside without my chassis being opened. I tried to squeeze my eyes shut—to no avail. The black tendrils surrounded me—and the only sight past them were gnarled branches that looked like they were stretching their claws around me. This panic went on for hours, and I could sense my helpless feelings of alarm triggered like they had never been before. Even so … there reached a point at which I sensed another feeling gradually mix in with my fear. It was like when I had been frustrated in conversation with the terrifying Steelface, or the pattern of climbing I’d fallen in when scaling the monolithic Wall. Boredom. It didn’t hit hard, all at once. But at a certain point, the fear was just no longer sustainable. With my fear of heights

The grating (and therefore grounding) tone of Romalla’s voice ringing from within me saved my mind for a time. It was still dark, but she had already been singing far longer than what I could have with fleshy vocal cords. I knew that daylight would have to be coming soon. And with it, a new level of exhaustion for her. So, I ran—directing myself toward the Sky City—slashing away any plantlife that stood in my way. The black cords were still present, but they stayed clear of my reach. Being able to move that quickly only worked for as long as the canopy above remained open. Gradually, the sky was lost beyond the thickening canopy of leaves and branches—just as it had been throughout most of our journey. I became scared. Running would only make me more disoriented! So, I slowed to a walk—slashing less but using my ring gun as a flashlight. As Romalla’s voice continued to give out, my fear increased. I knew something bad would happen when she could no longer sing. Part of me

As the sun fell in the sky—barely visible through the trees—time dragged on. Not only that, but I was beginning to feel it. Never before had I experienced the feeling of just being worn out, at least not in my memories since waking up. I had experienced what being sleepy and out of energy felt like, floating on low energy before finding the sunny river. I had been made emotionally tired many times … at Krogallo’s death, at having the climb the wall, and at continually failing to connect with Romalla. However, this was the first time that I felt like my body was sore. It was an odd sensation, the more I thought about it. If I focused on any particular body part or joint, there was no specific kind of pain. It was only when I found myself lost in thought that the weariness seemed to subtly creep into my body—making my joints creek and all my pseudo-muscles tight. This … made no sense. I was not sleep-walking yet, and I was pretty sure this was because I had completely recharged and

Everything around me seemed to freeze, and my panic coated everything around me in a red haze. Even with my abilities to see in the dark, I could barely see the jungle around me. The trees … the vines … the canopy … they were all spinning! Something yellow had grabbed the albino Night Person … and this monster wasn’t the only one! I saw the hint of a second yellow creature peeking out of the tree much. This one was close—but hadn’t moved. Until, suddenly, Romalla was swooping toward us. My vision blacked out for a moment. I dove between them and barely caught Romalla in my rubber hands before it struck. I felt an impact on the left side of my torso—a blow which sent me rolling along the ground. I slowed to a stop at a large tree, in a large patch of moss. It took me a moment to realize that I had not been shattered into pieces by the creature's tremendous strength. But my ears were ringing, and my panic was making everything unclear. Romalla shouted something in an urgent

Chapter 10 Chasing Ghosts I was surprised at how quickly the jungle became dark around us. And it wasn’t just in patches—the trees with their dark green leaves and only lighter green bark rose high overhead in every direction we could go. Though I tried to direct myself toward the Sky City, it was almost always invisible beneath the canopy. Were it not for Romalla flying up to check our trajectory, every so often, I’m sure we would have disoriented ourselves ended up back at the Wall. Though I'd seen no more glowing yellow orbs, my subconscious still did not feel safe enough for my body to retract the machete blades. This helped with clearing foliage at least … and I was grateful that it would probably make us look more dangerous to anything that could be watching. Still, I found myself jumping at everything that moved. This level of alertness quickly became tiring, particularly since there were so many things that moved in the jungle. Romalla did not share my concern. She flew

The sun took on a reddish-orange tint as it descended behind the sea—majestic, though I dared not look at it directly for fear of seeing the ground below. The air quickly grew quite cold … and the wind picked up loud enough to be heard on both sides of us. However, there was a general silence that hung heavily between us as we walked. Though I would have felt too terrified to look up, for fear of falling, I could see a plethora of stars and the lights of the cosmos all around us. Well … most of the time I could … when not walking through the fog of clouds drifting just over the Wall. With all this extra time and silence, I began to get a sense of how long the Wall was. I noticed that we had not made any noticeable amount of progress toward the tall snow-capped mountains since we’d begun walking at noon. And the jungle below remained consistently dense—no matter how far we travelled. However, the height and the fruitlessness of our travels were not my only concerns. Every time

The hot noon hung over us as we continued our climb. It had been several hours since we began our ascent, and I was doing all I could to keep from thinking about that fact. I continued to look directly into the concrete, lifting myself one step at a time. This went on until the terrifying moment when I reached up only for my hand to catch empty air. Was I … at the top? Shakily, I lowered my hand until I felt an edge. Then, I pulled myself up and over it. I scrambled on my belly until no part of me was hanging over the ledge. The top of the Wall was about ten feet thick, so I was able to position myself dead center—where I could see off neither side. Finally feeling a semblance of safety, I collapsed face-first into what felt like soil. For a good several minutes, I did nothing but lie there. It was only when my panic finally subsided a bit that I hesitantly sat up. I had made it … to the top of the Wall. Though the area directly around me was clear, I could see clouds floating

A swarm of brown, gray, and green circled above—Night People casting a shadow beneath the late evening sun. There were small shrieks of communication from the cloud of bats; but mostly there was silence from them. The wind had picked up again and pushed the thunderous tide. Steelface the Immortal glared at me—silent and unmoving—with his dead, lens eyes. Somehow, I felt his rage through them. I felt Romalla climb up my back—onto my shoulder. She glared at the Immortal with blood-thirsty eyes and an open mouth that revealed her white, razor teeth. It was everything I had feared since waking up. The Immortal would tear me to shreds, and then the Night People above, and then … Romalla. As soon as this thought passed through my head, my stomach began to churn. Not the type of nervous churning that I was familiar with, but a quick series of physical rotations. Something like a door opened into my hollow torso. I glanced down and saw that the empty insides of my body were padded—except