30 Days of Pride Challenge - Day 5

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JocelynSamara's avatar
Continuing the 30 Days of Pride Challenge.  #30DaysOfPride

5. Are you out? How did you come out?
It's kind of hard to be closeted when you write a comic revolving around queer and trans themes that you've repeatedly said are "based on experience".  And considering people from all over read it, I'm pretty sure I'm exceptionally out.  XD

It's funny because once upon a time, I was exceptionally closeted.

I have kind of a few good coming out stories though, depending on who it was to.  Be mindful that this is a long entry, and really only covers me coming out trans.  As I said another time, my orientation wasn't ever a huge issue.  My gender was the complicated one.

When I first came out to my parents - among the first people I came out to - I still wasn't quite sure how to express myself about this.  If I'm put on the spot, I have a tendency to stutter and stumble on my words, or lose what I'm trying to say which might cause me to say something that isn't quite what I meant.  So I heard online that some have come out through letter.  And that's what I did.  I typed up a lengthy thorough letter, and rewrote it by hand, and hesitated to send it for a while.  But then I finally did.  A few days later, my dad calls.  I took a deep breath and answered and the conversation went something like this:

Dad: "Hey. You sent us a letter."
Me: "Yeah...?"
Dad: "What's it say?"
Me: "Wh-what!?"
Dad: "Your mother won't let me open the mail anymore, and she won't be home for a few more hours. So what's it say?"
Me: "I... uh... um... I... wouldn't have written it if it was something I could just say...

Cue a few very LONG minutes of him trying to guess.

Dad: "So, are you gay?"
Me: "It's... more complicated than that."
Dad: "Bisexual?"
Me: "Transsexual."
Dad: "Transsexual! That's weird... er... I'm sorry!"

It was super stressful and awkward, but I laugh every time I think about it now. Incidentally, my dad just let my mom read the letter. And I will say I couldn't have asked for more supportive parents.  I'm very grateful to them for sticking with me. ^_^

On the other hand, there's coming out online, which was I think the last place for me.  On October 11th, 2010, I came out on DeviantArt.  Yes, I actually remember the date.  It's notable because I was going to be starting posts for Rain soon, and I was worried that not being out myself might look bad somehow.  But how could I do it?

That was the year I learned that Coming Out Day was a thing.  DeviantArt had this big meme project called "Count Me Out" going that year where people would announce themselves as either being out or an ally with a photograph of themselves covered in rainbow filter.  Before that day, I still presented as a female online, but never actually showed my face.  And I certainly didn't talk about being transgender.  But once I saw the multitude of rainbow faces on the front page of DeviantArt (there were literally hundreds), it gave me some confidence and I just had the sudden impulse to do it too.  I mean, I didn't know I was coming out when I woke up that morning, so it's wild that I actually did it.  But I was met with a great deal of support and acceptance from my watchers.  Certainly more than I expected.  And after that success, I went on to come out everywhere online, including several message boards and other sites.  It's not really a secret to anyone anymore.  


Also, our source of transportation for my SRS date bailed on us unexpectedly, leaving us with a short span of time to come up with fair bit more money than we anticipated needing. I'm stressed enough without this kind of garbage, but my superhero of a wife came to the rescue by setting up a YouCaring page for me. If you can spare a little bit to help out, we'd be eternally grateful. If not, just sharing the page and spreading it around would still mean the world to us.  Thank you so much.

© 2016 - 2023 JocelynSamara
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CelticDragon38's avatar
I'm agender and "out" online in the sense that the information's publicly peppered around if anyone goes looking for it. But my family doesn't know (aside from my husband). Most of my blood relations wouldn't understand/believe me, and a couple had very poor reactions to the Supreme Court ruling and to HB2, so I have no desire to poke that hornet's nest unless it's necessary. Some of my friends know. I don't keep track of who. It's not something I bring up unless it comes up in conversation. No qualms about outing myself unless I think a particular person would have a very bad reaction; I just don't feel a need to shout it from the rooftops.
I'm in the position that it mostly doesn't bother me to be mistaken for cisgender so long as I don't hear someone call me a woman, which does make me feel ill and dysphoric (out of sight, out of mind thing; makes it easier to function), which means that if I'm having a conversation with someone and they're like "Yeah, all those weirdos making up words and being special snowflakes!", then I can say, "I assure you, I'm not a special snowflake." Which really takes them aback since they weren't expecting the perfectly rational person they've been talking to to be among that number. Which hopefully gets them reconsidering their position.