30 Days of Pride Challenge - Day 11
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JocelynSamara's avatar
By JocelynSamara   |   
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Continuing the 30 Days of Pride Challenge. #30DaysOfPride

11. When was the first time you fell in love? Who was it with?
Really?  Why do I feel like I answered this question like three times already?  Or maybe they were just similar ones where I already discussed this kind of thing.  Here comes that part where I nitpick the questionnaire, I guess.  :/

Okay, because I haven't gotten into this yet, let me talk about my wife, Kelly.  I don't know if any crushes or partners before her were love or not, but if I may disgust you all with my sickening sweetness, it was definitely love with Kelly.  I first met her through some mutual friends, and yes, I crushed immediately over her.  However, I thought she was way out of my league.  We did become friends though.  I remember several nights staying up way late talking and laughing and having a grand old time.  

But I still felt like I never had a chance.  

At the time, I was still pre-everything in terms of transition, so she'd only seen/known me as a guy at that point.  As I discussed in a previous question though, I was in that phase where I had finally decided that transition would happen someday, but before anything DID happen.  And I thought to myself, that even if I don't have a shot with her, she was a good friend, and maybe she'd be a good ally.  And one night, I came out to her.  I explained things to her (very poorly) to the point where I think I scared her.  

I don't remember the timeline exactly, but I remember having a hell of a breakdown at some point around then.  I had this overwhelming fear that if I transitioned, I would be alone forever.  No one would want to be with me.  How could they want to be with me?  And like that, I practically just gave up on the idea of dating altogether at that point, because I figured it was just fruitless.

And then it couldn't have been more than a week later that Kelly asked me out on a date.  Mind blown.  Apparently, she'd spent a lot of the time between my coming out to her and then, researching transness and educating herself, because she'd had a crush on me too, and didn't want this to be an obstacle.  

And... things went from there.  Almost eleven years later, we're still together.  And married.  And happy.  We still love AND like each other.  This impossibility that I didn't think could happen... happened.  

So, never give up, kids.  You never know what could come next.  <3

****

Unrelated: today's the Pride festival and parade here.  It's pouring like crazy out and I feel sick.  Great day to celebrate, I guess.  I hope everything (from the weather to my stomach) gets better from here. :)

Comments8
anonymous's avatar
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Tiruin's avatar
TiruinStudent Writer
This is a beautiful share. ♥
And while I wonder about that feeling of looking back and realizing a lot more due to experiences between there and now...I'm really wondering how to even go for this ._. I know I'm pretty much attracted to other women (and this story wasn't disgusting at all! It was pretty sweet ;P), but argh! Fears. And transitioning fears. More on the 'what do they think' part. x~x

This story however is very inspiring. \o/ So awesome :)
MyThoughs's avatar
Aww your story is adorable. Love stories always make me happy
FairySmash's avatar
I had a similar experience in that there was a moment after deciding to transition in which I just made the resolve to just not date ever again, and I was ok with that. 
Couple days later this guy that was barely an acquaintance suddenly asks to hang out with me and the very first time we talk we stay up all night being nerds. Of course we eventually start dating and it's been about two years now since that happened and it still feels awesome just talking for hours.
SerraBritt's avatar
SerraBrittProfessional Digital Artist
I looove reading "sappy" stuff like this!  It's sweet :)

Anyways as for my answer.
I feel like the first time I really "fell in love" was with my wife (before we were married of course :P)  However it's hard for me to say because I get very intense and rather long lasting crushes/infatuations.  So depending on the definition, it could have been someone earlier.  It's been 30 years and I still care quite a lot about my first crush, even if I know there won't be a relationship between us.
AshleyRex's avatar
I don't think I've ever fell in love by my definition. I have had chrushes, I've had relationships (be them maybe 1-2 weeks long each) but love, not yet. I'm sure I could, and I'm sure I will eventually, but right now, I just fear getting to close to people in that way. Between worrying about how they would react to me being trans (though It's really obvious), having a good long history of being betrayed, and having social anxiety, as well as my bad habit of disconnecting from everyone and everything when I get dysphoric, sometimes for weeks at a time, I just don't believe I can get that close to someone, and even if i could, I'd probably be the worst girlfriend ever. So not yet, but someday...
CaldoRosa's avatar
CaldoRosaHobbyist General Artist
11. When was the first time you fell in love? Who was it with?

With my best friend.

When we first met, I didn't care much about him, but the we started to talk and doing school projects together.

There was one day when he got me a very special gift for me: a sudoku book. Since then, I got a little obsessed on giving him gifts every chance I've got.

I think I fell in love with him last year when I was on vacation. I started to miss him because we don't hang out that much. I wanted to be at his side.

Part of me thinks it would never work out because he doesn't seem to be romantically interested in me. There's a part of me that says it's ok if we only become friends, but there's another who wants to know if we were meant to be together.
TheEasternEmpress's avatar
TheEasternEmpressHobbyist General Artist
School dance, with a sweet girl. She had ginger hair and emerald coloured eyes
Ikaraide's avatar
IkaraideHobbyist Digital Artist
awww thats so cute!! :'D

i hope you feel better and it stops raining!!
anonymous's avatar
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