30 Days of Pride Challenge - Day 11

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Continuing the 30 Days of Pride Challenge. #30DaysOfPride

11. When was the first time you fell in love? Who was it with?
Really?  Why do I feel like I answered this question like three times already?  Or maybe they were just similar ones where I already discussed this kind of thing.  Here comes that part where I nitpick the questionnaire, I guess.  :/

Okay, because I haven't gotten into this yet, let me talk about my wife, Kelly.  I don't know if any crushes or partners before her were love or not, but if I may disgust you all with my sickening sweetness, it was definitely love with Kelly.  I first met her through some mutual friends, and yes, I crushed immediately over her.  However, I thought she was way out of my league.  We did become friends though.  I remember several nights staying up way late talking and laughing and having a grand old time.  

But I still felt like I never had a chance.  

At the time, I was still pre-everything in terms of transition, so she'd only seen/known me as a guy at that point.  As I discussed in a previous question though, I was in that phase where I had finally decided that transition would happen someday, but before anything DID happen.  And I thought to myself, that even if I don't have a shot with her, she was a good friend, and maybe she'd be a good ally.  And one night, I came out to her.  I explained things to her (very poorly) to the point where I think I scared her.  

I don't remember the timeline exactly, but I remember having a hell of a breakdown at some point around then.  I had this overwhelming fear that if I transitioned, I would be alone forever.  No one would want to be with me.  How could they want to be with me?  And like that, I practically just gave up on the idea of dating altogether at that point, because I figured it was just fruitless.

And then it couldn't have been more than a week later that Kelly asked me out on a date.  Mind blown.  Apparently, she'd spent a lot of the time between my coming out to her and then, researching transness and educating herself, because she'd had a crush on me too, and didn't want this to be an obstacle.  

And... things went from there.  Almost eleven years later, we're still together.  And married.  And happy.  We still love AND like each other.  This impossibility that I didn't think could happen... happened.  

So, never give up, kids.  You never know what could come next.  <3


Unrelated: today's the Pride festival and parade here.  It's pouring like crazy out and I feel sick.  Great day to celebrate, I guess.  I hope everything (from the weather to my stomach) gets better from here. :)

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This is a beautiful share. ♥
And while I wonder about that feeling of looking back and realizing a lot more due to experiences between there and now...I'm really wondering how to even go for this ._. I know I'm pretty much attracted to other women (and this story wasn't disgusting at all! It was pretty sweet ;P), but argh! Fears. And transitioning fears. More on the 'what do they think' part. x~x

This story however is very inspiring. \o/ So awesome :)