Thor 2 - Loki fanfic - The 913th day

Nine hundred and twelve days ago the All-Father had removed the shackles and gag and confined him to this white crystal prison. No ceremony of judgment. No trial by his peers. As if, indeed, a thing existed for a Jotun stolen and raised to believe he was Asgardian. Simply his not-father and his not-brother escorting him to this crystal box encased in magic negating spells.

Attention riveted on the amalgam of ancient stone and sleek crystal, he'd jerked when they approached it.

Its aura had radiated wrongness. It had pulsed towards him, sucking at his power. He'd wanted to whimper. And hated that. Hated his weakness. A real Asgardian wouldn't have balked. At least the gag had spared him the indignity of them knowing.

Odin's thick fingers had dug painfully into his bicep. "Loki." The look in Odin's eye had been … complex, unreadable. He would've spit in it if he could've. "Do not make this punishment more difficult than it has to be."

"Father," Thor said in that questioning/pleading tone of his, and Loki wanted to scream at Thor, punch him, stab him. Would the simpering fool never learn?

"No! He will be confined here. I will not allow his magic to lead any evil into Asgard."

"But this…" Thor had glanced at the prison. Tucked into a far corner of the deepest crevice of the palace's dungeon, it was a special place in Hel created just for him. Waves of Odin's magic had rippled over Loki, and his bowels had spasmed. How much energy had Odin expended on this little vacation home for his naughty Jotun? The All Father's crow's feet had looked a bit deeper that day.

"As usual, you are too forgiving of your brother."

NOT BROTHER!

"As king you will have to make harsh decisions for the good of Asgard." Odin had glared at him with that one eye, and Loki knew Odin would allow no clemency, no early release for good behavior. Not this time.

I don't want your forgiveness!

Thor had nodded slowly and said in a miserable tone, "Yes, Father."

Loki had caught Thor's pathetic gaze and, for a moment, he'd wished things were different. That he hadn't discovered the horrible secret of his birth. That he could go back and be the jealous but non-angry little brother of Thor. What did Migardians say? Ah yes… Ignorance is bliss. The gag had strangled his sigh, but his shoulders sagged nonetheless. He was so tired. When was the last time he'd slept? Nightmares and phantasms stalked his unconscious mind. He preferred to avoid them as long as possible.

"You understand, Loki?" Odin had asked.

He'd met Odin's eye. Was there mistiness? Don't fool yourself. There is none for his Jotun misfit!

"Why it must be so?"

Then his heart had clenched. Did Odin know about Thanos? Did he understand the risks of the Chitauri following him?
No barren moon… Swallowing down bitterness, Loki had narrowed his eyes and nodded once. Hold on to your rage. Nothing else will save you.

"Very well, Loki," Odin had waved his hands and both the gag and the shackles had vanished. Then Odin had startled him. He'd pulled him into an embrace. "Be strong, my son."

Arms dangling, he'd stood there while his not-father hugged him and Thor looked on with watery eyes. Pathetic dullard! The moment Odin released him, he'd found himself inside the prison. Instantly transported.

"Odin!" he'd screamed and pounded his fists on the walls. The bastard had tricked him. Again.

.

.

The first several days he'd screamed himself raw. No sound had entered that Odin did not want inside the white crystal room. Eventually he'd tired of hearing his voice. Besides, there was no one in the larger stone room to listen to his misery. He'd tried to sleep, finally, hoping to escape through oblivion. Perhaps he might gain a few hours of peace from all his sufferings before the nightmares woke him.

Sleep had never come.

One hundred days later and no one had checked on him. Would they leave him to rot in boredom? There was a pitcher of water that replenished itself but no food. While he was not subject to starvation on a mortal's timeline, the physical deprivation was unpleasant. Regardless, Loki suffered on a more profound level.

Being blocked from his magic, with nothing to occupy his active mind or rest to replenish it, his sanity had thinned and frayed. A half-life of excruciating consciousness wrapped in nothingness surrounded by the phantoms of his suppressed magic. He existed in a ten by ten crystal prison of stifling numbness and silence.

Odin? Thor? He'd pressed his ear to the crystal wall and waited and waited and waited. Mother? No one had come.

Two hundred days and he'd paced to exhaustion still unable to sleep. The unpadded bench looked more comfortable than his childhood bed. If only he could claim a moment of rest.

Three hundred days and he'd clawed furrows in his forearms; blood appeared while pain did not. He'd screamed again as the marks healed before his eyes. I am real?

Four hundred days and he'd slammed his head on the crystal walls, but unconsciousness never claimed him. No crack had appeared in the wall. He came back to his senses on the opposite side of the room. How long was I gone? Blackouts were striven for, but apparently Odin had discovered the loophole too.

Five hundred days and he'd cursed Odin and Thor and Sif and the Warriors Three for their betrayal until he lost his voice. Hang on to the rage!

Six hundred days and he'd searched every crevasse and crack of his prison so often he'd memorized them. The All Father was an imperfect being. There must be a weakness in Odin's design. I will find it! You cannot keep me here forever!

Seven hundred days and he'd stared at the room beyond the crystal walls four million five hundred and sixty five times, studying every inch. He'd already memorized his prison. There were three dozen and six mars to the white walls. One narrow table with the pitcher of replenishing water, an area where he could relieve himself when the need arose and no padding to anything. And the time piece that was as relentless as his own mind. I should destroy it. Yet his hand always hesitated mid-throw.

A hard master, his not-father.

Four corners, which glowed bright amber. He'd touched one once and regretted it. The blackening of his fingers had lasted longer than any of his self-inflicted wounds. And though there had been no pain, he hadn't been able to move his fingers for days.

And, always, the four crystal walls, which he'd been able to touch with abandon. Strange how they were never marked by his flesh. I cannot be real.

What did it smell like beyond this prison? How far did Odin's negating spell extend? His hand pressed against the crystal, then his forehead and he'd slid down to crumple on the floor. Despair replaced his rage, filling up all his empty, damaged bits until he thought he'd suffocate. Why? Why don't you love me?

Eight hundred days later his emotions were raw and abraded, and he had alternated between laughing and crying uncontrollably. Things had melded in his sight and hearing so that even he couldn't be sure where the line of reality and hallucination sat.

Tears drying, he sat up and stretched his faltering mind back to his early tutoring in magic and mediated. It had been difficult at first. Nothingness distracted his fractured sanity, needing to fill up the white with noise. Be strong!

Time blurred and his restless mind slowed.

.

.

"Loki."

On the nine hundredth and thirteenth day, the crystal window refracted Thor's appearance from the opposite side. Ah, another shade come to torment me? Though this hallucination appeared quite a bit more solid than the previous ones, and his not-brother's expression was sterner than usual. No matter, things had been… confusing of late. Loki pushed hair from his eyes and rolled away from his mind's need to play tricks. White wall filled his vision and the hard bench dug without pain into his left shoulder. To feel pain again would be a strange sort of blessing. To feel again…

"Loki, do not ignore me."

Well, now this is interesting.

"Loki, do not take me for a fool. I will not return again."

Yes, lovely, please run along.

"I am," the specter of Thor inhaled loudly, as if anything Thor did could be done in any way other than loudly, "I am in need of your help."

What? Loki rolled over, sat up and slumped against the wall. "What?"

"I said, I am in need-"

"I heard you." He smirked. How novel! None of the previous hallucinations had said this. Could it really be Thor?

Thor frowned and he detected a new seriousness in his not-brother's expression. His imagination and insanity were impressive, yes, but never had they created this—maturity? Worry? Concern? What had happened? Even Thor's clothing was more somber. Gone was his ubiquitous red cape exchanged for a drab cloth of brownish-heather.

"Where's the All Father?" Loki asked and leaned to see around Thor's massive bulk.

"Our father is," Thor dropped his eyes, "in Odin-sleep."

Loki snorted. "Your father left you in charge, has he?"

"Loki…"

"Probably collapsed at the most inopportune time, didn't he?"

Thor's hands fisted. "You do yourself no favors, brother. Will you help me?"

He smiled wanly. "Well, then. You must be truly desperate to come to me for help."

Thor's jaw muscles bunched, he turned and walked a few feet from the crystal window.

Have I run him off for good? Loki's heart raced as panic set in, but he refused to budge.

A moment later, Thor turned back. "You should know that when you betray me, I will kill you."

Loki resisted the urge to exhale, but did pick his head up from its relaxed position against the wall. "When do we start?"

"Now." Thor withdrew a disc from beneath his cloak.

Loki stood, his muscles abuzz. He wanted to bounce on his heels but kept himself still. "No other promises from me?"

Thor paused, disc hovering near the crystal. "Would they matter?"

Head tilted, Loki shrugged. "Probably not."

The disc touched the crystal wall and it disappeared. Magic hit Loki so hard he staggered and Thor rushed to his side. Loki clung to him in reflex. The tangy scent and taste of power filled him, making him lightheaded. His body regained feeling like a limb regaining circulation. Pain seared every nerve and he dry-heaved until he gasped for breath.

"Slowly, Loki. Father said it would be painful for you at first, but it would ease in time."

"Time?" He looked up at his not-brother who held him so gently that it made his emotions boil up. Don't be weak! He's nothing to you! But to touch again! To feel again! Even the horrible pain was welcome!

Thor slipped an arm around his torso and held him as if he were weightless. "Father said your magic would return gradually. You can use it now, but you won't be at full strength and it will probably make you sick."

"No," Loki shook his head, which made his head and stomach worse. He gagged and swallowed. "How long has it been since…?"

"Oh." Thor examined their sterile surroundings, then his Adam's apple bobbed. His eyes grew sad. "I'm sorry I did not visit, but Father forbade it."

Loki clutched Thor's drab cloak, pulled himself up and rasped, "How … long?"

"A month, Loki, and there's been … Loki?"

"No!" Loki pushed from Thor and stumbled from the white prison. "Odin!"

"Loki, wait!"

Grabbed from behind, Loki squirmed in his not-brother's embrace. "Release me, you oaf!"

"Loki, calm yourself!"

"Calm myself?" Loki twisted in Thor's restraining hug. "Did he tell you what his magic would do to me?"

"Yes, of course. It was meant to suppress yours, so you could not escape or influence others."

His laughter sounded mad even to his ears. "Is that what he told you?"

Thor's arms relaxed and became a true hug. "Tell me what happened, Loki."

He didn't want to rest his head on his not-brother's chest, but he was so tired. Thor's heart thrummed loud and strong like the rest of him.

"Nine hundred and thirteen days happened!"

"What?"

"No sleep, no magic, I couldn't feel anything, Thor!"

"Loki, you must've imagined it."

Loki jerked his head from Thor's chest. "Thor…"

"Father never said anything about-"

"Father lied to you!" He shoved Thor away and stood on shaky legs.

Thor's brows furrowed until a deep line appeared between them.

"Don't harm yourself, Thor." Loki straightened his raggedy clothing. "I'm sure the All Father has his reasons. As usual."

Thor sighed and adjusted his cloak. "I will ask him when he wakens."

"I'm sure he will be most helpful in your search for truth."

"Why must you be so difficult?"

"Difficult?" Loki arched a brow as he tugged on his sleeves. "Am I not willing to assist you?"

"Yes," Thor said grudgingly.

"Well, then, what are we waiting for?"

"Fine, follow me." Thor stomped past him. "But remember my warning."

Loki trailed after him, scowling at Thor's back. "I can think of little else, brother."