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Deviant for 12 Years
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1000 Words of Peril: November
Scott Ronald Yancey slid the wedged chair out from under the doorknob as quietly as he could, and gingerly opened up.  Peeking out of the manager's office, he saw nothing in the hallway in the left, nothing in the right.  Taking the broom handle, he exited and crept to the mega-store's back stock room.
He didn't know if the town that evicted him would be surprised if he survived that long on his own.  He realized he shouldn't care, since they didn't about him anyway.  He'd been called "Scrawny" as a combo of Scott and "Ronnie" despite (or more likely because of) his hating that nickname.  And he'd been bottom dog of the encampment ever since the zombie breakout.  On any given scavenging trip, if he found a case of food, he'd gotten scraps, if anything at all.  He remember when he found a carton of cereal.  Twelve boxes.  He didn't even get twelve flakes.  They said it was the warriors' priority.  He wondered how he was going to be
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 1
1000 Words of Peril: October
Locked in Aunt Sophie's guest room, Doug sat on the floor, back against the bed. How could things have gone so pear shaped in a hurry?
He'd gone to his internship at Doc Beebee's, on time as usual. He spotted Cherry Godwin seated in the waiting room, big and tall as ever. And once he got into the hall just before the records office, he spotted the doctor waiting by the door. But she did not look at him happily.
“Mr. Marcade,” she said. “Don't log in. In my office. Now.”
Apprehensively, he followed. And he checked for the exits. As he took the seat, she shut the door behind him.
“I'd done some following up on your work, Doug,” she said as she went around to her desk. “Particularly on Cherry Godwin's case. And I noticed you'd been monitoring her files very closely, against HIPPA laws.”
Doug tried to keep cool, but he knew his flinch and fidgeting with his messenger bag's shoulder strap was a tell.
“Also, it seems that every time there
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 1
1000 Words of Peril: September
Melissa Lockhart slowly came to, and saw she was in a plain cell-like room with an old wooden door with metal bars over the small window at head level.  She quickly felt her stomach for the Belt of Athena... and it didn't appear.
That alarmed her quite a bit.
Calming down, she retraced her steps to recall how she got in this mess.  First there was the charity auction incident in New Vista, where they were selling old pirate themed items to benefit hurricane victims down south.  And the Spirit Corsair had appeared, reportedly to reclaim some of his old property.  In the throes of that little misadventure, she remembered a GPS tracer bug that Terry Babbage had supplied her, and planted it on the back of the Corsair like a classic 'kick me' sign.  Once after he slipped away to escape, she checked the bug with a smartphone app and traced it globally.  Apparently he'd been going back and forth between some islands in the Caribbean, and a f
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 3
1000 Words of Peril: August
Dr. Green's hybrid station wagon screeched up to a stop.  He hated wasting fuel with jackrabbit starts and brake slams, but time and life were at stake!  He sprang from the car.  "Mr. Safer!  The suits!"
"Already got 'em, Doctor!"  Les Safer grabbed four stacked garment boxes and hustled with the doctor over to Sonya Gannon where she and Tetsuko Breckenridge stood a Hail Mary pass away from the laboratory building and grounds, now completely covered with some sort of lavender goo.
Hands on hips, Tetsuko stared at the spectacle.  "It's still growing.  Slowly now, yokatta, but it's still a problem."
Dr. Gannon looked to her colleague.  "Are you absolutely certain about this, Doctor?"
Dr. Green nodded.  "Based on Les Safer's greenwear prototype and a few tweaks with my kudzu-based Mito-Chloroplast culture, these suits should absorb that growing goo up like kitty litter on an oil spill.  Should result in some crazy plant
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 2
Bird's Eye View of the Beach by JimmyDimples Bird's Eye View of the Beach :iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 1
1000 Words of Peril: July
As the troopers milling around the lab examined the plants and pocketed the occasional fruit, the commanding officer thrusting the submachine gun at Dr. Eaton's green face sneered.  "Fundamentalist wacko."
Dr. Green didn't muzzle his snicker.  "What, was 'you rebel scum' already taken?"
Greenie. Environmentalist. Vegan. Euroweenie.  Tofu eating nancy boy.  Pompous bag of wind.  Commie socialist.  The botanist had been called all sorts and colors of things in his life.  But he'd never imagined he'd be called "religious wacko" or "fun-duh-mental-list."
Then again, he never imagined that his dear departed friend and colleague Les Safer would vanish into thin air right beside him.
Or that over a billion others worldwide would go poof, too.  But they all had.
People everywhere had come up with some sort of theory, hypothesis, or huge wild guess on why that great phenomenon happened.  Spontaneous combustion.  Radiation and the Van Allen Belt.
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 2 5
1000 Words of Peril: June
Xavier traced the .22 rifle with his finger as he rode in the back of Bogie's van.  He couldn't believe they were finally leaving town.
True, he wished it were under better circumstances.  Since the Eugenian force field over Jones Meadow had brought any powered vehicle to a stop when it tried to cross and electrically shocked and kicked back any people who tried to walk through, the entire town had been trapped.  And they'd been cut off from broadcast and satellite signals, so they couldn't communicate with the outside world.  The giant staff that had landed in the middle of town not only acted as the tower that spread out the force field, but also a public address.  The immediate commander, Valoria, said that the town had been sealed off for the duration of the battle between the air base, and that no one would be allowed to leave for the time being.  
Underground cable communication and power still worked, thankfully.  And that had given Xavier and
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 4
1000 Words of Peril: May
Sammy the squirrel looked through the trees down below to the big, big structure on the hill over the lake.  He had very mixed feelings about it.  Sure, it was a wonderful place explore, to gather food for winter, to even stop and eat.  But he sure didn't care for the two-legged walkers that lived inside.  
The two-leggers didn't seem to protest when he collected random seeds in the front, where the green grass grew short and the rivers of black stone grew hot in the summer.  But in the back between the hillside and the lake, that was where the food was really good.  Great.  It was simply sitting there, hanging in the air by some sort of very hard blue or green branches from the structure.  The birds came by and ate freely from them.
So much fell down when they ate.  Sunflower seeds. Dry mealworms (and he didn't think those would be any good until he tried them). The occasional dry berry.  He was happy to collect whatever fell down to t
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 1
1000 Words of Peril: April
My descent into employment started the usual way:  waking up from drugged unconsciousness.  This time I sat in a collapsible vinyl chair behind a commercial building.  Baron Braggadocio stood over me, flanked by his two Amazon assistants Geraldine and Heather.  
"Well, now, Mr. Caytor," he said.  "glad you could join us."
"So what's the occasion this time, Baron?" I asked.
He rubbed his hands and grinned with a gruesome glee.  "Oh, I wanted to introduce you to our latest fiendish plot.  This time it's against Small Town USA and the mom and pop stores nationwide.  Something that will utterly up-end and decimate the business landscape of this very community!  Meet Bethany!"
Around Heather stepped a petite woman with shortly bobbed lemon blond hair.  And I would've eaten the lit candles of her next birthday cake if she had even cleared her teens.  And she sported khaki slacks, a neat white blouse, a dark blue polyester vest, and a nam
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 1
1000 Words of Peril: April...?
Les Safer found himself lying on his back, looking up at a sparkling blue and gold tile ceiling.
"Where am I, Toto?" he whispered.
Slowly rising from the very soft, wide matress, Les let the plush, thick, quilted, almost pillow-like comforter slide down a little. He saw he was still in his boxer briefs.
A soft hand rested on his right shoulder. “Please,” a young woman's voice gently urged, “rest.”
To his right, Les saw a long-haired, attractive if pleasantly plump Korean woman at his bedside. She said, “You were nearly frozen to death when Chun Hei brought you in.”
“Chun Hei?” he asked.
“The woman who broke out of that prison, found you tied to that tree, and brought you here.”
Les looked around. He was in a big bed in a room with a lot of pastel colors, floral decor, and the occasional large plush animal doll. He then focused on the girl. “Is this her bedroom?”
“No, actually, i
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 8
1000 Words of Peril: March
Mr. and Mrs. Godwin sat in front of the television.  They were thankful that they still could pick up local digital broadcasts since they cut the cord to subscription TV. But they sure didn't like what was unfolding on the screen. Throngs of young adults milled around the campus quad and the stage out on the grass.
“Oh, dear,” Mumzy said. “Is our daughter in that mess?”
Raymond patted her hand. “Cherry's smart,” he reassured. “She's also bigger and stronger than ever. And she's level headed. She should be fine.”
But then he spotted something in the crowd that made him bite his tongue. Because he knew if he pointed it out, Mumzy would be frantic.
Two students had their hoods pulled up. And one had on a Guy Fawkes mask while the other had dark goggles, and a bandanna pulled over the nose a
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0
Cherry and the 'He's Gay' Guy
"Look, there he is!"
"Is that him?"
"Sure looks like him."
"Yeah!  That's the 'He's Gay' guy!"
Growing very self-centered with his coffee and strawberry pastry, Gary McGregor pulled his hoodie's cowl over his head and tried to flag a server to get a to-go box and cup.  He was now wishing he'd never said that catch phrase in the first place.
The yokel that said Gary's involuntary web nickname came up to his table.  "C'mon, say it!"
He quickly turned to the register and counter.  "Excuse me, can I get this to go, please?"
"Aw, come on, say it!" the uninvited fellow said.  "'He's gaaaaay!'"
"Look, sorry, but legally I can't say that phrase anymore.  It's copyrighted."
"Copyrighted?! By who?"
"Never mind that. Legal stuff, lawsuits, royalties, you know how it goes."
"Aw, come on!" the guy pressed.  "I won't tell anyone!"
"Yeah, I want to make sure." Gary turned to the clerks.  "Hey, I need a box and paper cup, please!"
"Hey, don't start getting all a
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 1
1000 Words of Peril: February
"Is this absolutely necessary, ladies?"
Wedged in between two immensely fat security ladies each easily more than double his size and mass, the Highway Guardian sat strapped to the office chair, waiting in front the twin oak double doors.
The intercom buzzed.  "Honey? Cookie?  Please bring him in."
"Yes, Ms. Gordina," one of HG's captors replied.
Staying close, the two gargantuan guards pushed his chair through the doors as they swung open.  Beyond, long flowing curtains covered the walls like in an old movie theater.  Around them stood potted fruit trees, stainless steel refrigerators, cupboards and kitchen cabinets.  Right in the middle was an immense white-topped kidney-shaped desk and someone seated in the middle of a sofa looking away from them at a world map covering the back wall.
But then the sofa... or rather, a very, very wide, plush executive chair... pivoted around.  And right in the middle was an even huger, almost perfectly round-bodied woman
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 3
Enter Sailor Dokeshi
Knock knock knock.
Hugh Gordon mumbled as he stirred on the couch and tried to rub his eyes into clear vision.
Knock knock knock.  
"Ugh."  He fell asleep... again... in front of his laptop and TV.  Combining his shopping and selling spree with the all-night Princess Quasar marathon was not such a hot idea.  At least he broke even, but he got three hours of sleep.  If that.
Knock. Knock. Knock.  "Awright, awright, awright!" he grumbled.  "Heard you the first two times.  Coming. Let me get a shirt."
And he yanked a "The Pizz" T-shirt off the kitchen table, slipped it on hurriedly, made a cursory check to see it wasn't backwards, and stumbled toward his apartment's door.  And rubbing a little dried crust out of his right eye, he peeked through the viewer hole.  
And to his surprise, he saw a college/graduate age girl wearing a bright red and green jester's cap and magic girl sailor fuku with shin-high boots.  
"Huh?" he grunted.
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 1 0
1000 Words of Peril: January
"My English is not that bad.  I will ask again."  
WHACK!  Colonel Pak smashed the cane into Les Safer's back again.  "How does your plant fabric make people grow?"
Naked except for his boxer shorts and strapped to a simple stool, Les simply kept quiet.  He'd been through imprisonment, ergonomic pain, scorpions, and even his arm twisted by an ogress before his visit to Japan.  And since they'd kidnapped him, the North Korean military had exposed him to searing hot irons, dunking in ice water, and electroshocks.  He still hadn't said anything because one, he didn't really know how to do bodily growth without a catalyst like Tetsuko's treatment, two, spitting back at his captors just didn't seem Christian to him, and three, he couldn't think of any witty comebacks.  
Still, he wondered how they expected him to tell them anything if they killed him first.  He didn't think they'd let him leave alive anyway if he did.
The one thing that haunted h
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 1 4
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.30
“Are you sure you don't want me back to help out with anything?” Les asked.
Dr. Green looked at him and said gently but firmly, “Mr. Safer... Les... this isn't 'it's okay for you to have a free personal day if you don't feel like coming into work.'  It's 'for the next twenty-four hours, I don't want you around here.  Find a place you like, hang out there, and be back at this time tomorrow.”
“Yes, Doctor.  See you then.  Call me if you need me back earlier.”
And once Les ht the parking lot and drove off in his personal hatchback, Dr. Eaton Green turned back to his own living quarters.
The old battered guitar case with the remains of his old guitar's neck lay on the bed.  Dr. Green had no idea why he'd hung onto it for so long.  Into the case he put hard copies of forms involving Phillip Emporia that the doctor would never need again.  And a copy of the local paper when Les Safer had gotten arrested.  
There were
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0

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Prayers are with you Jimmy D.
Sun Feb 12, 2017, 6:51 PM
I have faith you will meet good fortune, in this new year.
Mon Feb 6, 2017, 12:17 PM
In case a Tru Believa's reading this, please pray for me. Need new job, car, more work.
Fri Oct 23, 2015, 6:38 AM
In case anyone's still reading this, Valentine's Day: BAH HUMBUG.
Sat Feb 14, 2015, 6:19 AM
Well, with the new status updates in the "New" dA page... is this Shoutbox thing obsolete?
Sun Oct 19, 2014, 6:38 AM
Hey, Cowprobe! :wave: Needed a reminder YOU existed!
Sun Jul 6, 2014, 10:23 AM
Forgot this shoutbox device even existed.
Thu Jul 3, 2014, 5:32 PM
Been about a year and a half since anyone posted anything here... folks, is anyone looking at the Shoutbox, or has Twitter made it redundant?
Mon Jun 30, 2014, 8:29 AM
Got the job almost three months ago... WHOA, this thing needs an update!
Thu Jan 31, 2013, 1:11 PM
The job search continues. Keep praying for me, peoples.
Thu Sep 20, 2012, 7:09 AM



Jul 19, 2018
7:44 am
Jul 18, 2018
10:26 am
Jul 17, 2018
9:45 pm
Jul 17, 2018
3:33 pm
Jul 17, 2018
7:43 am
Let's see... I could either play Six Degrees of Separation from Adolf Hitler with everything and everyone just to be a dork tonight...

...or I can just post the...

:skull: :bulletblack: :bulletred: JIMMYOMETER: :bulletyellow: :bulletgreen: :D

:bulletgreen:  Chris Pratt
:bulletgreen:  Extra History
:bulletgreen:  Incredibles 2
:bulletgreen:  Roy Rogers: the virgin drink
:bulletgreen:  Hot dogs and firecracker sausages
:bulletgreen:  AM radio
:bulletyellow:  Billy Ray Shyster's House of Discount Special Effects
:bulletyellow:  Lima beans
:bulletyellow:  MAGA hats
:bulletyellow:  Diet Rite
:bulletyellow:  "Disco Duck" -- Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots
:bulletyellow:  Great Value hot dog chili sauce
:bulletorange:  This month's power bill
:bulletred:  Sleep-disrupting heartburn
:bulletred:  The return of Zima
:bulletred:  "Margaritaville" -- Jimmy Buffett
:bulletred:  Misplacing your bank card
:bulletred:  Full grown kids riding in shopping carts
:bulletred:  Tariffs
:bulletblack:  Plastic straw bans
:bulletblack:  Direct lightning strikes
:bulletblack:  Able people using mobile scooters
:bulletblack:  Rep. Maxine Waters
:bulletblack:  The Southern Poverty Law Center
:bulletblack:  MS-13
  • Listening to: 'Theme of Ryo Sakazaki' (Arranged)
  • Playing: Disney Emoji Blitz!
  • Drinking: Coffee with skim milk

Which 1000 Words of Peril! would you like to see resolved? 

3 deviants said August: Les, Dr. Green and Growing Tetsuko and Sonya
2 deviants said January: Les Safer's North Korean Interrogation
1 deviant said March: Cheery Cherry and the Campus Riot
1 deviant said September: Dyna -- the Spirit Corsair's Prisoner
1 deviant said October: Cheery Cherry -- Doug's World Collapses
No deviants said April: My Descent Into Employment: Giant Elsa Vs. Behemoth Bethany
No deviants said May: Sammy the Squirrel in the Trap
No deviants said June: The Eugenians confront Xavier & Co.
No deviants said July: Dr. Green and the Sixth Seal
No deviants said November: Chainsaw Bayonette & Scrawny Vs. the Zombies


The Buzz Cola of Web Writing
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I'm an overweight, over-educated, under-mature hick in North Carolina's Greater Metropolitan Mayberry Area, back from teaching English in Guangzhou, China. I'd introduced the ABCs, the 123s, and the rights and wrongs to Cantonese kindergarteners, and am now seeking full time employment closer to home.

Current Residence: Surry County, NC
deviantWEAR sizing preference: XXL
Favourite genre of music: Demented
MP3 player of choice: iPhone 4S
Shell of choice: Reese's Pieces coating
Skin of choice: KFC Original Recipe
Personal Quote: "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans."


JimmyDimples has started a donation pool!
125 / 400
Hi fellow readers! So on my 1000 Words of Peril, would you like to see the cliffhangers resolved? Well, if y'all out there would like to kick in some points, starting with Les Safer's peril in January, I'll write a 1000 word rescue for him. So how about it? Just 400 points total from all of you great, fine readers…

…OR THE LITTLE TWERP GETS IT! :mwahaha: :gun: :O_o:

You must be logged in to donate.


Add a Comment:
KurisuWriting Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2017
Oh sorry.  Forgot about your birthday.  Well I hope it was a nice one.
SawuScimitar74 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017
Happy late Birthday! Hope it was a good one! :D
Annaivri Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy birthday! :party:
JimmyDimples Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks kindly. :)
Annaivri Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're welcome. :aww:
Jasperinity Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017
Happy birthday! :D
JimmyDimples Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks kindly.
birthdays Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's October 19th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: UndertakerMichaelis
dwarfpriest Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday, Jim!
JimmyDimples Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks very kindly.
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