The Loud House Re-write #1-No Such Luck

(It begins right after Lincoln tells Lily why he can't attend to Lily's play date and he bumps into Lisa)

Lisa: >scoffing< Pshaw, There's no such thing as bad luck, there's only science, all else is hooey.

(Lori approaches Lincoln with her golf clubs)

Lori: Lisa literally has a point, >points to Lincoln angerly< you're coming to my tournament, Lincoln, this family supports each other.

Lincoln: You're right, I'm being silly, let me get those for ya.

(He takes Lori's clubs and pretends to trip and then trips over in the bathroom with a lot of clanging going on, comes out with a club dented)

Lincoln: Whoops! >grins nervously<

Lori: >gasps< My seven Iron, >happily< Oh thank goodness I never have to use it again.

Lincoln: But-- I broke your club.

Lori: Aw, that's okay Linky >rubs Lincoln's hair<, that club literally made me lose every game, I'll buy another one, it's like Lisa said, you aren't bad luck, you're my good luck charm.

Lisa: See Lincoln? What did I tell you? All of this Bad Luck nonsense is just a bunch of excuses, I clearly stated that you will be attending Lori's Golf game anyway, and you will be attending my lecture series on thermodynamics.

Lincoln: >to audience< Dang it, Lynn and eight others think I'm bad luck, but not Lori and Lisa, oh well, I guess I'll have to attend both of their activities.

(Later...The sisters and parents are leaving the house to attend the big outings, Lori on the other hand had to be left at home to be in charge of Lincoln)

Lana: Come on, guys. It's time for my gator-wrestling match!

Rita: >to Lincoln< Lincoln, be good to Lori while we are gone, do what she says, >to Lori< and Lori, make sure he stays out of trouble, I wish the house good luck.

Lori: Sure will Mom, bye.

(The family drove off leaving Lori and Lincoln alone in the house, Lori closes the front door and glares at him, she crossed her arms and taps her foot)

Lori: Lincoln, come here right now!

(Lincoln was nervous, as he thinks she is going to hurt him, she waits patiently wile tapping her fingers on her arm, Lincoln approaches her in hesitation)

Lincoln: Yes Lori?

Lori: Lincoln...we need to talk!

Lincoln: >gulp< Okay.

Lori: Out of all the kids in this house, Why would you do that?

Lincoln: Do what?

Lori: The constant lying, I don't like liars.

Lincoln: Well-- because I thought maybe taking advantage of Lynn's jinx would help me get out of your big events?

Lori: Excuse me?!?! >raises her voice< You think, getting away with Lynn's jinx is the only way to keep you from attending our events?!?!

Lincoln: >grins nervously< Would you say it was a good idea?

Lori: NO!!!!!! IT'S LITERALLY A BAD IDEA! DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS FOR AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD BOY LIKE YOU TO BE LEFT ALONE IN THE HOUSE WITHOUT ANYBODY OLDER THAN YOU BE IN CHARGE OF YOU?!?!

Lincoln: What are you saying?

Lori: I'm saying it's against the law to leave alone a child under the age of eighteen to be in a house without a guardian.

Lincoln: What? Oh dang it, Why didn't I think about it?

Lori: Because you are jut a kid, also, you don't need to listen to Lynn, she is angry because she lost the game, I don't get angry when I lose the game, I just except my defeat and get it over with, there is a saying: "If you first don't succeed, try again" and that's the moral I literally take serious.

Lincoln: But--

Lori: But nothing, it's not about you Lincoln, it's about us too, just because you are bad luck to just one sister, doesn't mean you are bad luck to the others like me, I believe you are good luck, remember that you broke my seven iron earlier today?

Lincoln: Yes?

Lori: Well...every time I use it, I get bad luck, like for example, a bee gets to me, I fear it may sting me and I end up getting an over par, that thing is a curse to me, but now that the club is broken thanks to you, I'm going to have lots of good luck, and don't worry about it, I'll buy a new one later.

Lincoln: So, you're not mad at me for breaking your seven iron?

Lori: No, I'm not, but I am mad at you for taking advantage of that jinx of Lynn's, but I'm just glad you are home with me, besides, I'm going to be going to college soon, so we might as well, have to do some bonding, what would you like to do Lincoln?

Lincoln: Hmmm...wanna play "Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV"? or would you rather watch TV?

Lori: Meh, there's nothing good on TV, but...I'll play a videogame with you.

(At home Lincoln and Lori played a videogame Lori has won three matches against Lincoln with Lincoln beating one match against Lori, it cuts to bedtime where Lincoln gets tucked into bed by a big-hearted Lori, she then whispers to him not after she turns off the light and closes the door)

Lori: >whispers< Goodnight Linky.

(The next day, Lincoln goes downstairs to join breakfast with his sisters, Lynn pushes him out of the dining room)

Lynn: Stay out of the dining room, you're bad luck!

Lincoln: But--

Rita: Sorry, sweetheart, but would you mind eating breakfast in the living room today?

Lincoln: But Mom--

Lynn Sr.: Lincoln listen to your mother, I've got a big presentation and your mother's got back-to-back root canal patients, we-we can't risk your bad luck spreading to us.

Lori: >annoyed, to Lynn Sr.< Dad, don't you think maybe you are being too harsh on him?

Lynn Sr.: >to Lori< Stay out of this Lori.

Lynn: Yeah, if you sit next to Lincoln, you'll get bad luck.

Lori: I literally don't believe in bad luck.

Rita: >scolds Lori and Lynn< That's enough you two, Lincoln is bad luck and we can't take anymore risks.

(The family resumes eating their breakfast, Lori starts grumbling about the situation)

Lori: I literally think Lynn takes this way too seriously.

Lisa: >to Lori< I agree, all of that bad luck is nothing but malarkey mixed with denial and anger.

(Later that night, the family is getting ready to see a movie)

Rita: Come on, kids! The movie starts in half an hour!

(The girls come down super excited to see it)

Lincoln: Dibs on holding the popcorn!

(Lynn screams and leaps out of the house in fear)

Lynn Sr.: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, not so fast, son, I wish you could come, but with your bad luck, who knows what could go wrong?

Lola: The movie could sell out!

Luna: I could get stuck behind some lady with a beehive!

Lana: Someone could get scalded with molten butter!

Lynn Sr.: >gasps< I didn't even think of that one! Sorry, kiddo.

Lincoln: Oh...no problem, you guys have fun.

Leni: Don't worry, I'll tell you how the movie ends.

(Lori looks around, she decides to have her own excuse to not leave Lincoln alone)

Lori: On second thought, I don't think I want to see the movie, I heard that it has gotten low reviews, so I'll pass, if it's alright, can I stay at home with Lincoln?

Lola: Eh, you're loss.

Lana: Suit yourself.

Lisa: I'm afraid I must decline too, I need to consult with some friends from Australia about the atmosphere in their country.

Rita: Okay, if this is what you want then it's fine with us.

Lynn Sr.: >to Lori< Lori, I guess you will be in charge of Lincoln and Lisa.

Rita: >to Lincoln and Lisa< Be good to Lori okay?

Lincoln and Lisa: Yes Mom/mother unit.

(The family takes off, in the house Lori asked Lincoln and Lisa a question)

Lori: Okay guys, what would you like to do for tonight?

Lincoln: Can we watch TV?

Lisa: I think I want to watch a documentary!

Lori: Okay then, let's find a good documentary then.

(Lori Lincoln and Lisa were watching a documentary about dinosaurs, it shows two different species of dinosaurs)

Narrator: "When threatened, The Stegosaurus will turn it's backside showing it's spike -like thagomizers at the end of it's tail to defend itself from rival predators like this Allosaurus, if this doesn't work than the Stegosaurus will flush it's blood into it's plates, creating a frightening display of color, this helps the Stegosaurus intimidate and confuse it's rival predator, the Allosaurus catches the message and walks away from the dangerously protected herbivore, this behavior is similar to modern day mammals like this Crested porcupine, when threatened by modern day predators like Lions and Hyenas, it will display their quills to intimidate predators and confuse them to go after something else."

Lisa: I will say, watching a documentary is much better than watching a movie.

Lori: >to Lisa< I agree with you.

Lincoln: >sigh< I wonder if Lynn feels intimidated by me?

Lisa: Lincoln brother unit, you don't need to worry about that, she is as mindless as a sheep.

Lori: Besides, I think she is taking her loss way too seriously.

Lincoln: Do you think they still love me?

Lori: Of course they do, you are our only brother, we won't let anything happen to you.

(Later, as they get ready for bed, they notice that there's something wrong with Lincoln's bedroom door which is now boarded up and bound with hazard tape, and there's a note on it)

Lori: >reads note< "Sorry, Lincoln, but you can't sleep here tonight, we can't just risk it"-Lynn? >facepalms< Are you literally joking me?

Lisa: It does have Lynn written all over it.

Lincoln: Guess I'll have to sleep on the couch.

Lori: How about you sleep in my bedroom tonight?

Lincoln: But what about "Stay out of your bedroom"?

Lori: I think maybe we can make a new rule, from now on my bedroom is also your bedroom, you can sleep on Leni's bed.

Lincoln: Really?

(Lori nods her head)

Lincoln: Thanks Lori, you're the best >hugs Lori<

(It then cuts to Lori and Leni's bedroom where Lincoln gets settled in, Lisa comes in with a surprise)

Lisa: Elder brother unit Lincoln, I took the liberty of opening your bedroom door and rescue your comics, posters, clothes and action figures.

(Lincoln hugs Lisa in cheer)

Lincoln: Thanks Lisa, what can I do without you?

Lisa: I don't know elder brother unit, I just don't know.

Lori: Goodnight Lisa, Goodnight Lincoln.

Lincoln: Goodnight Lori, Goodnight Lisa.

Lisa: Goodnight Lori, Goodnight Lincoln.

(With that, everybody went to sleep, the Loud family got home, they went inside noticing that everything is quiet, Leni reads another note on the coffee table, she reads it)

Leni: >reads note< "Dear Leni, It might be best if you can sleep in the treehouse Lincoln and Lana built, this is for your safety-Lori"

Luna: Maybe it's to prevent Lincoln from giving you a bad luck nightmare.

Leni: I think you're right Luna, I'd be safer there.

Rita: Okay then, Goodnight Leni.

Lynn Sr.: See you in the morning Leni!

(Leni just climbed up to the tree house and noticed that all of Leni's things are in the treehouse, the next morning Lori wakes Lincoln up and takes him down stairs while holding hands to not only have breakfast with his family, Rita just got the most exciting news)

Rita: Kids, we've got a special treat for you! Since your father's presentation went so well...

Lynn Sr.: And your mother's root canals, too...

Rita:...We thought we'd celebrate with a trip to the beach tomorrow.

(The sisters all cheer and Lincoln gets excited as well as he bursted out with excitement.)

Lincoln: We're going to the beach tomorrow?

Lori: This is literally exciting news, we are going to have lots of fun.

Lynn Sr.: >to Lincoln< Ooh, gosh, sorry, son, not you, someone could get bit by a Turtle.

Lynn: Or caught in an undercurrent.

Luna: Or stung by a Bee.

Lana: >gasps< If that happens, I call sucking venom from the wound!

Family: >exclaim in disgust< Ew!

Lincoln: >dejected< Come on, you guys, Be reasonable!

Lori: >taking Lincoln's side< Yeah, that's literally not fair!

Luna: Fair?!?!, >to Lori< I'll tell you what's not fair, having a bad luck sibling like Lincoln, he's band from family activities.

Rita: >to Lori< I'm sorry sweetie, we can't risk it.

Lori: >to Rita< But Mom, that's not the way it is.

Lynn: Well it should be, because he is bad luck.

Lori: >annoyed, to Lynn< He's not bad luck!

Lynn: >raises her voice< YES HE IS, I LOST THE GAME BECAUSE OF HIM!

Lincoln: I'm not Bad Luck, believe me.

Lynn: >punches Lincoln in the stomach< I don't believe you anymore!

Lola: >pushes Lincoln out the door< You're bad luck, Lincoln, >raises voice< YOU... CAN'T... COME! >closes the door on him<

(Lori, who saw this incident got so mad at Lola and Lynn, she starting screaming at the top of her lungs)

Lori: >angry, to her family< HAVE YOU GUYS LITERALLY LOST ALL OF YOUR MINDS?!?!

Rita: Lori, calm down!

Lori: >angered< CALM DOWN?! CLAM DOWN?! HOW CAN I CALM DOWN IF YOU KEEP NEGLECTING YOUR OWN CHILD LIKE THAT?!?!

Sisters >sans Lisa<: Because he's bad luck!

Lori: >angered< BAD LUCK?! ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP HIM LABLED LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE?!

Lynn: >annoyed< Yes, he made me lose the game.

Lori: >angered, to Lynn sarcastically< AND YOU THREATNED HIM TO COME IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO?

Lynn Sr. and Rita: >gasps, annoyed, to Lynn< LYNN JR.?!?!

Lynn: I wanted him to come, but after that loss, I want him banned because it could happen to you too!

Lori: >angered, to Lynn< SAVE IT, YOU CAN'T ADMIT THAT YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT YOUR OWN BROTHER BUT YOUR OWN GAME, AND YOU NEVER LEARN THAT YOU CAN'T ALWAYS WIN, YOU ARE LITERALLY TAKING THIS WAY TOO SERIOUS!

Lynn: Because I am number one, I never lose the game!

Lori: >angered to Lynn< YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT YOU?!?! IT'S NEVER ABOUT YOU, ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS WINNING, BUT YOU FAILED TO ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT DEFEAT SOMETIMES, I LOST A FEW GOLF GAMES, BUT I DON'T EVER TAKE MY ANGER OUT ON MY FAMILY AFTER A LOSS!

Leni: But didn't he broke your golf club!

Lori: >angered< YES, THE ONE GOLF CLUB THAT GAVE ME BAD LUCK AND MADE ME LOSE THE GAMES, AND I STILL SAY HE'S GOOD LUCK TO ME AT LEAST.

Lisa: I have to agree with Lori on the matter of the subject, all of this bad luck nonsense is just baloney, that's just Lynn in both denial and anger.

Lynn: >annoyed, to Lisa< You keep my feelings out of it, Lincoln is bad luck and that's final he's also a bad influence.

Lori: >angered< THAT'S NOT TRUE, HERE'S A CONFESSION TO MAKE, HE LIED TO ALL OF YOU, HE USED LYNN'S JINX TO GET OUT OF OUR ACTIVITIES, I WAS MAD AT HIM FOR THAT, I TOLD HIM THAT IT'S NOT ABOUT HIM, IT'S ABOUT US TOO, YOU GUYS HAVE NO RIGHT TO SHOVE HIM OUT OF YOUR LIVES OVER A LITTLE WHITE LIE, I LET HIM SLEEP IN MY BEDROOM AFTER YOU LOCKED HIM OUT OF HIS BEDROOM!

(The entire family gasped)

Leni: Is this why you let me sleep in the tree house?

Lori: >angered< YES...I CARE ABOUT LINCOLN AND THAT IS WHAT A GOOD SIBLING DOES, I KNOW I HAD NO RIGHT TO CARE ABOUT MY PHONE OR MY BOYFRIEND OVER MY BROTHER, BUT AT LEAST MY FAMILY COMES IN FIRST!

Rita: While that is true Lori, but you still have no right to yell at us like that!

Lori: >angered< WELL THAN I HAVE A RIGHT TO STAND UP AGAINST MY FAMILY WHO TREAT MY BROTHER LIKE GARBAGE, YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO LEAVE HIM ALONE IN THE HOUSE WITHOUT SOMEONE IN CHARGE OF HIM!

Luna: So that's why you decided to stay at home with Lincoln.

Lisa: And I for one had to support Lincoln in this time of need.

Lynn Sr.: >angered, to Lori< You know what Lori, if you want to keep raising your voice like that to us and take Lincoln's side because you think he isn't bad luck, than you will have to forget about going to the beach with us tomorrow.

Lori: >angered< FINE BY ME DAD, BECAUSE IF YOU CAN'T TAKE LINCOLN TO THE BEACH BECAUSE YOU THINK HE'S BAD LUCK, THAN I'LL TAKE HIM TO THE BEACH WITHOUT ANY OF YOU, UNTIL YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IS WRONG, YOU GUYS ARE NO LONGER A PART OF MY FAMILY!

Lisa: I shall too go to the beach with Lori and Lincoln, I despise all of you <points at her family< and you all no longer exist to me, Lori and Lincoln, fare thee well Loud family.

(Lori angrily slams the front door, while the rest of the family is in pause, they all looked at each other, outside Lori and Lisa shook their heads at the shame of their own family for disowning Lincoln)

Lisa: Some sister Lynn is!

Lori: What kind of idiot parents would attempt to kick their own child out of the house and out of the family for a stupid lie when he is literally under the age of eighteen?

Lisa: Only a poor simpleminded brainless hairless ape who aren't as smart as us.

Lori: Forget it Lisa, we don't need them, we can have our own time at the beach.

(They took a notice to see Lincoln crying after being disowned by his own family, Lori came and consoled Lincoln, she then give him a hug and stokes his hair)

Lori: There there Lincoln, it's okay, I'm here.

Lincoln: Lori...>sniff< do you think I'm going to be bad luck forever?

Lori: >releases him< Lincoln, lets drop it, we don't need them anymore, I'll go get my stuff and meet you and Lisa by the bus stop so we can go to the beach.

Lisa: Come on big brother, let them have Vanzilla and we can take the bus to the beach.

(It cuts to the bus stop with Lincoln and Lisa sitting together waiting for Lori to get their stuff, Lori arrived in time as the bus pulled in and all three of them got on the bus to go to the beach, at the beach Lisa was building a sandcastle and adding seashells to her castle, Lori was sitting next to Lincoln as she constantly strokes his hair while still down in the dumps)

Lori: Hey bud, chin up, you don't need them, you got me and Lisa.

Lincoln: You are right, thank you for standing up for me back there.

Lori: It was my pleasure little bro.

(She then rubs his back feeling more sorry for him after the mess Lynn has done to him)

Lincoln: Lori, why did you do this for me?

Lori: Because you are a part of my family, and you are literally special to me, I wouldn't trade it for the world, you are also my good luck charm.

Lisa: I still say that there is such a thing as Good Luck anyway.

Lincoln: You bet Lisa, I wonder if there is anything good on the movies today?

(Lori checks on her phone to see what movie was playing)

Lori: Hey guys, after our time at the beach, how about we all go to the movies to watch the movie Mom and Dad took the family too since we missed out on for Lincoln?

Lincoln: That sounds great!

Lisa: Affirmative!

(Throughout the rest of the beach, Lisa, Lincoln and Lori build sandcastles, they all took a splash in the ocean water and had a splash fight, Lincoln buried Lisa in the sand making her a mermaid, Lori buried Lincoln in the sand making him Ace Savvy, then they all played volley ball against three teenage boys and won, then they all sat together with each other arms on their shoulders)

Lori: Isn't this a nice day? The sun is shining, the birds are calling and the ocean waves are coming in.

Lincoln: It sure is.

Lisa: I agree.

Lori: Well, it's time to go to the movies, we need to be here on time just to see the previews.

Lisa: Yes, let's...

(The three siblings put on their regular attire and went to the movies that the family had to see and made Lincoln miss out on the activities the sisters had to, he was very lucky and happy that he had two of his sisters that care for him, after the movie, Lori cringed and deeply regretted about seeing the movie)

Lori: I knew I shouldn't have talked myself into taking you guys to see the movie, and it's a good thing Lynn's jinx kept you from seeing the movie.

Lincoln: You were not even kidding.

Lisa: I knew that it was a bad choice to pick the movie.

Lori: >to Lincoln< I guess Leni didn't have to tell you how it ended after all huh?

Lincoln: I would defiantly put this in the "Garbage House" because that movie sucks.

(Lori's phone eventually buzzed, she got a text from Rita saying they need to come home and have a talk)

Lincoln: Uh oh, I hope this isn't about disowning us.

Lori: Don't worry Lincoln, when we come home, you have to be brave.

Lisa: Even if they are going to disown us, we will be there for you as always.

Lincoln: You guys are right, it's time to man up and face my fears.

(The three siblings got back home by bus, Lori, Lincoln and Lisa filled with confidence entered the house to face the family)

Lynn Sr.: Lori, Lincoln and Lisa, there is something that we have to tell you.

Lori: I know what this is about you guys, if you want to disown us because you think Lincoln is bad luck, we will stay with Pop-pop or Aunt Ruth if you ask us.

Lisa: At least we have compassion to our brother.

Rita: Actually, we want to say that...Lori was right and we are very sorry.

Lincoln: Really?

Lynn Sr.: >to Lincoln< Yes son, we've clearly had no right to toss you out of our lives.

Rita: >to Lori< And Lori, we kinda deserved that, all of us.

Lynn: >approaches Lincoln< Hey, I want to say, I'm sorry, and you are right, you weren't bad luck after all.

Luna: >glares at Lincoln< But you have no right to lie to us.

Luan: It's like what Lori said, it's not about you, it's about us too.

Lucy: We kinda feel bad for leaving you behind from our activities.

Lola: I shouldn't have shoved you out the front door.

Lana: The thing is, we all love you and we are sorry for boarding your room.

Lily: Poo poo.

Rita: We've decided to not punish you both after getting what we've deserved.

Lynn Sr.: And you were right, we shouldn't have left you alone without supervision.

Lori: I'm glad you listened to me on this subject.

Lincoln: I forgive all of you.

(The entire family gave Lincoln a group hug after a heartfelt apology, then they all released him)

Lincoln: So, how's the game?

Lynn: We lost again, and I found out that we had one of the worst players on my team, it turns out that one of my teammates was bad luck the whole time, not you bro, because she had a three leafed clover and not a four leafed clover which is supposed to be good luck, I became a dummy to mark you bad luck and I never should have done this to you, also you don't have to worry about coming to my games because I'm grounded from playing my games for threatening you to come, I'm sorry little bro, I truly am.

Lincoln: I'm just glad we are a family again.

Lynn: >hugs Lincoln< Me too bro, me too.

Rita: Lori, since you took Lincoln to the beach, how about we all go tomorrow for a do-over for Lincoln?

(The family cheered on and Lincoln was very happy to hear the news, the next day the family was at the beach, Lincoln was playing volleyball with Lynn as his partner, he turns to the audience)

Lincoln: >to audience< I'm just so happy that my family no longer thinks I'm bad luck, and I'm thankful to have two of my sisters who supported my for this incident of Lynn's I really love my family and I would never again trade it for the world, of course, the moral of the story is, you can't live off a lie, because lies will cause more troubles for not only you but others as well.

Lynn: Hey Lincoln, wanna chicken fight with Lori and Lisa later?

Lincoln: >to audience< Well, gotta go, >to Lynn< coming Lynn.

(It then cuts to Lincoln on Lynn's shoulders and Lisa and Lori's shoulders playing chicken fight in the water)

Rita: Let's promise never to listen to Lynn anymore and try to punish her for that repeated behavior.

Lynn Sr.: I agree with you honey.

(They both clanged their glasses and it then cuts to black)

THE END