Unlikely Trio Adventures Pt.5

The Adventures of the Unlikely Trio

-----Chapter 5-----

Hill on the Haunted House

“It’ll be about one more hour until we reach the leaning tower of Pizza” called the Train Driver.
“Good, we only have 3 hours left,” Colin replied.
It was dusk, the sun was out of view, and only a tiny bit of pale blue sky remained where it was last seen.  “Say…  What on Earth is that?” asked Ceame, pointing (somehow) across the vast fields of English countryside, towards a house in the distance, with, bizarrely, a hill on top.
“That’s the hill on the haunted house” came the Train Driver’s ever so wise voice; of course, his voice was only wise because his wise mind told it all the knowledge he wanted to share with others.  “They say it has the biggest bowl of porridge inside in existence.”
“That sounds very whimsical to me” said Ceame.
“Tell that to the porridge” replied the train driver.
“Ok then, I will.  Stop the train!”  The train promptly ceased to move.
“Are you sure we have time for this?” asked Qpzm.  “I mean, we only have 3 hours left after all.”
“2 hours actually” said Colin.
“No, 3 hours” argued Qpzm.
“I think I know what I said” replied Colin.  “I said we had 2 hours left.”
“No you didn’t!  Look up at the top there!”  Colin’s eyes scanned the opening to the chapter.
“Oops, so I did Qpzm, so I did.”
“Either way, Ceame is on his either way, I mean, way.”
Indeed, Ceame was already half way across the field to the house.
“You best go fetch him” said the Train Driver.  “Don’t forget, the house is haunted.”
“Aren’t you coming?” asked Colin.
“Heck no,” said the Train Driver.  “I’ve got a really hot date tonight.”  The Train Driver reached into a small oven built into his control panel for the train, and pulled out a date.  He popped it in his mouth and began to chew slowly.  “Well?” he said, his speech slightly muffled from his chewing.  “Are you going?”
“Right” said Colin, and with that, he and Qpzm leapt out of an open window and began to make chase with Ceame.

As they dashed across the field towards him, Colin noticed that the moon was unusually round as it came into view due to the darkened sky.  He pointed at it.
“Does the moon look unusually round to you?”  Qpzm looked up.
“No, it’s a square shape.  I guess that is an unusual way for it to be round, but it’s easier for it to just be considered a square shape.”
“I wonder why it’s a square…”

The three had arrived at the house.  It was quickly followed by the four, and then the five.  Six was too afraid to come with the other numbers though, because he knew Seven was also going to the house, and after all, Seven Eight Nine.  Once all the numbers had left however, our group of respectable heroes had arrived.  “Here we are” said Ceame.  “The hill on the haunted house, with the biggest bowl of porridge inside.  I’ll tell that damn bowl that the whole concept of its existence is whimsical and I’ll tell it good.”

They walked through the door, (opening it beforehand in preparation for this action), and all gasped in unison.  There in front of them was a huge bowl, made entirely out of hardened porridge.  A man with a white sheet over his head, covering down to his ankles, walked out from behind it.

“Hello, I’m a ghost” it said.
“If you’re a ghost, I’m an office worker” said Colin in disbelief.
“But you are an office worker” said Qpzm.
“Exactly” Colin responded.  “You think I didn’t believe he was a ghost?”
“What can I do for you fine folk today?” asked the ghost.
“I would like to tell the giant bowl of porridge something please” said Ceame.
“Ah.  That might be a problem” said the ghost.
“Why’s that?” asked Colin, one eyebrow raised.
“Because he is lacking the Battenberg of yore.”
“The Battenberg of yore?” Colin repeated in the form of a question, raising another eyebrow.
“Yes, it is what the bowl needs to hear things” the ghost explained.  “It can be found on top of the hill.  Although you must complete an ancient test to obtain it.”
“An ancient test you say?” Colin said, raising yet another eyebrow.
“Get your hand off my damn eyebrow” said Qpzm.
“Sorry” Colin apologised.  “What is this test you speak of?”
“To obtain the Battenberg, you must solve the riddle displayed on my gravestone… it is of course, on the hill.”
“I see… then there’s no time to lose!” shouted Colin.  “Let’s kick that riddle’s ass!”

Meanwhile, the plot had been hiding in his garden shed while the bell and whistle police searched for him.  Fortunately, he had prepared for such an obscure event, and quickly located and entered a secret trap door in his shed, escaping to Safety.  Safety was a nice little town that happened to be underneath his mansion, in the county known as Numbers.  The plot decided it would be a good idea to lay low here for a while, and got a job at the local newspaper publishing corporation.  Later that day the plot met the most beautiful concept he’d seen in his entire life… the ending.  The plot and the ending went to parties… dinner and various other social gatherings and slowly developed feelings for each other.  But all was not well, for one night, the plot came home to meet the ending for a night out, when suddenly the ending started attacking the plot.  The plot dodged to the side of one of the ending’s punches, at which point the ending went flying into the television and exploded.  Was that really the ending?  No, it wasn’t.  Upon reading a note left on the table, seemingly written in a panic, the plot discovered the ending had been kidnapped by someone, and was being held hostage at the Leaning Tower of Pizza.  Unlike the plot thought, it seemed the ending was quite a way off…

Colin, Ceame and Qpzm approached the gravestone with Caution.  Caution was a new friend of there’s who they had met in the haunted house.  “What is this riddle then…?” Colin questioned as he looked at the gravestone.
The gravestone read: “Here lies the ghost who now lives in the mansion.  The riddle is what has two legs, four heads, three arms and eight legs?  Indeed, that is the riddle.  The end.  Huh, interesting ending.”  The gravestone then put down the book it was reading and looked up at the four newcomers on the hill.  “Now then, what can I do for you four?”
Four hesitantly said “Well, I came here with the other numbers but I don’t know where they went and I don’t know my way home.”
“Ah, don’t worry, they’re all dead, it’s no wonder you can’t find them, and your home has burned down in a fire so it’s impossible to know your way home!”
“Oh phew, I thought I was just getting stupid!  Thanks gravestone!” said, Four, making his way back down the hill.
“Now then, what can I do for you guys?” said the gravestone.
“Well, we’d like to know the riddle please, to get the Battenberg of yore.”
“Ah of course.  Here it is: What could you once sit on, but not anymore?”
“A caveman?” asked Qpzm.
“Correct!” said the gravestone, and handed them a very delicious looking chunk of Battenberg cake, with perfect light fluffy sponge, sugary marzipan and the perfect amount of jam to keep it all together.  Yum yum yum.
The heroes talked with the gravestone for a bit about general things and had a nice cup of tea and such, before heading back down to the house and giving the Battenberg of yore to the ghost, who promptly climbed up a few ladder-like steps to a large platform, and dropped the Battenberg inside the porridge bowl.
“Now it can hear” said the ghost.
“Great” said Ceame.  “Porridge bowl, the whole concept of your existence is quite whimsical.”
“Now that that’s done, let’s get out of here” said Qpzm.
“Alright” said the ghost.  “Thank you for coming, and see you soon Colin!”
“Farewell” the heroes said.

Upon returning to the train, it set off once again towards the Leaning Tower of Pizza.
“So” said Qpzm.  “What’s your story Caution?”
“Well, I heard there was an ancient message for me, at the Leaning Tower of Pizza.  Naturally, when you guys mentioned you were going there, I had to tag along too.”
“Ah, well, we’ll be there in just an hour now.”
“Only an hour and a half left though” said Colin.
“Until what?” said Caution, confusedly.
“The Leaning Tower of Pizza collapses.  It’ll happen at 6 o’ clock if we don’t do something, and we want our Pizza damn it!”
“Fine, then I shall help you to the end” said Caution.  “Perhaps the message that waits for me there will have something to do with it.”
“Perhaps… perhaps indeed” said Colin.  “OR PERHAPS NOT.”

“DUN DUN DUUUUN!” went a nearby orchestra.

What did the Train driver get up to with that hot date?  Is the ending really at the tower?  With Caution here, will the story be renamed “The Adventures of the Unlikely… whatever comes after duo and trio?”  Find out one of these and more in the next frabjous instalment!