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I am racked with negative emotions, I find it hard to think about being the Jester, I can not, think about how it was, or anything happy. I feel like dying, but I can not because it is not the thing to do. I know I need to work throught his depression, and confusing problem, but I am the one people, talk to cheer up. I am the Jester, but who keeps the Jester from depression. No one, I may be doomed. I need a sign, or something, I have no idea, why I am typing or anything. I am completely confused, I am going mad in the sanctuary of my mind. I am walking the line entering the darkness, I am entering, the dark. Knowing nothing, see nothing, I am turning into the darkness, I am becoming nothing. I am part of it, it is part of me. The insanity is setting in.

We piece together are own jigsaw puzzle of words, and we dance, daning around it saying "Hallelujah"
Praising a being that we say does everything and blames him for our own problems. What? There is no god. Why? Because... Meaningness, Happiness, Love, Hate, Life, Liberty, all come from Madness. We play the games, made for children, and taunt the normal ones. We are all insane. We all just want to disappear.

I see, we see the way you think and we are all going insane. I am what you would call "Chaos," I stand for anarchy, disorder, turmoil, dislocation, I am all of these and more. The confusion is what fuels me, I am becoming enightened on why madness is good, it keeps you the most normal, it prevents you from going mad, because you are already there. I just need to return to sane-hood which is the hardest. I fear nothing. You fear what you do not understand I am the one who knows all. I can slip away to madness, and return in the blink of an eye. I am enlightened, Happy, I am on top of the world.

I can see the future, madness, chaos, disorder, death, turnmoil, hate all are the end of us, we shall bring ourselves down. The human race shall be it's own end. We will start wars, friend against friend. Enemy against enmemy, everyone fighting everyone. Me against you, you against him, him against her. We all will be fighting and hating everything, madness is the way to escape the pain that we will feel. We will all hide, wait, kill everything willl be destroyed, the human race will disappear, that's the meaning, the fear. Is fear of the future, we don't want to know what is around the cornor. We all the human race will run away from ouselves, the world will be racked with nuclear distruction, we will kill each other with our own weapons. Blade in onehand, pistol in the other, shooting, and stabing. Killing the ones we love. Loving the ones we hate, then killing them to. Using drugs, and the virtual world, hoping it will be the messiah, hoping it will be the way, out. Wanting to just disappear. Racism sets in..., everyone, black against white, hispanic against white, oriential against white, white against white, black against black, everyone fending to fight off each other.

Then the crazys, nuts, lunatics, come in and kill the weak. Destroy spread there message. They become the strong, they are the strong, they turn the "nut houses" against the builders, they lock up the sane, and murders become the president, the king, they demand. That everyone wears a blood red bandana. They fight amongest themselves, they kill each other. The Farmers die, the crops die. Food runs low, on the few survivors of the war, the nuclear war. The few survivors, fight over who is king, and who is queen. The world is redused to close to 100 survivors, 1/2 being the nuts, the other half being the normal breed, with a slight maddness. They say, how about we take over the good part of the world, the islands the parts that were not affected by the war. They leave and they finally, after death, on death, finally take over the world. They become the Foundation, of the new world. This new world is full of the nuts, eventually a few normal people are born, ones that don't see the joy in madness, they are outcasts, they beome the scientist, the workers, they eventually take over the world, and the madness repeats itself, showing that the human race can never learn from it's mistakes, and that we are doomed to repeat the doom.
I wrote this when I was at an all time low, I was 16 (7 years ago) and it felt like all my friends had abandoned me when I needed them the most. I was sad and angry and hated the world, this is what came out.
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May 14, 2004
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