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Follow me!
Don’t stray, don’t plea
Sense we leave behind!
Bring with you
Yourself, into
A journey through the mind!
Conscious thought or memory
Emotion or eternity
Answers mix with blasphemy
Don’t dare to blink
But care to see
The flashing of
Unconscious night
Or creaks and sounds
Throughout your sight
Where sun and star
Refuse you light
But cheat you not
Of what you see
Your hearing is not

To see a shadowed
Dream to be
Time can’t touch you
In a place
That won’t recall
Your thoughtful face
As you move
Through mirrored halls
Reflections flee
And climb the walls
So all there is, is all you see
Moving is a thing you feel
But here it seems
To cheat what’s real
But through
The mirrored halls you roam
Searching for
A place unknown
And in due time
Though time is not
The mirrors

Bind themselves with not
To be replaced
With where you stand
It's open space
Where door as tall
As stretch of sight
Barricades your
Thoughtless flight
You knock
To find
Yourself behind
A door that’s locked
Inside your mind
Of handle
There isn’t trace
Your eyes pass through
Where you can’t chase
Through wispy stone
Of door you face
Can you ask?
In such a place
A riddle in a world of what
But then the answer
You’d forgot
Is clear as the glassy door
That obstructed
Just before
Is the key
That answers all

And sets you free
You move straight through
What seemed closed
Once you know
It’s just a ghost
Takes its leave
The see-through door
Strains to heave
And opens to
Reveal and show
A space that cannot
Light or glow
It’s darker
In that open way
Then the lack

Of sun in day
This open door
Is at your back
You’ve just walked past
But not through door
Of stony glass
Tempting you
To night and black
You don’t mind
Or mind you lack
For you quickly find
You’re falling

Through familiar dark
Your screams
Do not leave a mark
On the emptiness you occupy
In a space
That’s void of life
A Living void
Or cutting knife
Through sound and touch
But not your sight
Flashing there
Could that be light?
Or colour in this falling room
It’s distant,
But not for soon
It lingers in the away
That flickering,
Hopeful spray
It should not watch
And mock at bay
While we fall
And ask of all
The questions that
Plague the mind
This question we
Have come to find
Why are we falling down?

Let us fall, yet fly and
Bound towards
The far away
For this is sky
Without a ground
Sense does not govern here
Change the rules
Through sense and fear
What can you loose?
When lost is here
So stare into
What isn’t you
But is soon to be
Through will and flight
Stretch towards
With all that’s might
To fondle hope

And grope the light
I think it’s here
Where you would hear
Heavy chest
That pounds in fear
It mortifies
As the light
Flies to strike
Between the eyes
Enveloping, developing
A conspiracy
Of world you see
For what was once
The black and lost
Is pale and white

Like ice and frost
That does not freeze
Notice not
For if you pick
At any fault
This now you feel
Will die and rot
And melt into
Another what
Where sense will work
Against your will
You’ll taste and see
Hear and feel
Breathe a place
That smells like real
Don’t become
Succumb, or heal
Too late, too late
You’re now
A poem about the subconscious journeys we take every night, to discover the truth of all we know and remember.

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CanadianRunner Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2007
So different from what i've read of yours. but i like it. I had to (i'm sorry) print it off but i read it during the time i should have been in study tables doing homework and it defiantely was a good read Like all your poems I enjoyed it a whole lot. :D
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2007   Writer
lol sorry?
i'm glad you still read my stuff ^_^
thanks for taking the effort
jyesunmin Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2007
good to see somethings don't change.
oh, not really, you've changed for the better.
when i've finished my geotechnical project , i swear i'll sit here and read all you've written since i've been gone.
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2007   Writer
that is really nice of you to say ^_^
I'm glad some people have been round long enough to see change.

good luck with your project
lunaiy Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2007
Absolute genius!

First of all, it's great to see RHYMING POETRY. What I especially love is how effortless it all seems, as if rhyming comes naturally to you, or even that you speak in rhymes.

Fantastic imagery, I adored "But through / The mirrored halls you roam" and "A riddle in a world of what".

There were certain lines where I was a bit confused as to where one thought ended and another began--such as "Inside your mind / Of handle / There isn’t trace" Also, might I suggest replacing "Your hearing is not / Necess’ry" with "Your hearing's no / Necessity" (but that's just my opinion).

Nevertheless, wonderful job!
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2007   Writer
i thought i was only one of few that liked rhyming poetry, i guess together we make that few lol.
if i had just submitted this i would probably change it to the "necessity" but i wanted to try distorting words by shortning it, i'm so used to seeing this the way it was when i finished it now >.<
yeah i tried to go for the whole jumbling and mismatching of lines, kind of symbolising a dream (my dreams anyway ._.)

thanks for the comment
lunaiy Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2007
Er, as if you speak in rhymes in RL, that is. ^^;
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2007   Writer
imagine if i did...
i'd freak mysef out o.o
ustion Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2007  Student
:D amazing poem Jaz. I enjoyed reading it. The ending few lines are great, I like how you ended it :)
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2007   Writer
Thanks Juz ^_^
as you know ending things has never been something i'm good at lol
i'm happy i finally ended something right
Robino Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
I would see new! must be I would say new! Damn typo's lol, sorry!
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2007   Writer
XD typos are fub!
Robino Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
lol :D
Robino Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
This is, I don't know how to describe it but I would see new! New in the way that I have never seen you write in this style. But it's very good I think the short lines really give this dreamy feeling to it. Sometimes it goes fast and it's exciting and there are the more calm parts.

When I was reading all this I thought it was about a nightmare. I was glad to see I was in the right direction!

BTW how are you? Thank you for your comment and nice words and thanks for the favo too. I am glad someone like you thinks I have improved.

Grz Robin
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2007   Writer
yeah i tried for a new spin on this one ^_^

so new that deviant administration moved it to another category... quite strange really o.o but hey lol that means i did what i intended to.

good to see you till around rob, i feel less alone at dev XD
Robino Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
yeah :D sometimes changes are nice and good!

And it's good to see your still here too man!
Garnet-43 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2007
Nice rhyming. :nod:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2007   Writer
thank you ^_^

it's good to see you're still here Garn
ashicoolgal Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2007
wooo you've still got it jaz
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2007   Writer
dankoo ashy ._.
AnimeGirlMika Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2007  Professional General Artist
First, of course, possibly helpful grammatical fixes =3 It's hard for me to decide, but the poem lends itself to say that this line: "Its open space" is supposed to be a contraction of "it is" instead of the possessive word "its." However, as I pondered over it, I could also see how it might be "its" after all, and not a typo. But I thought I'd mention it to you just in case; so if you were indeed intending the use the contraction of "it is" then you need an apostrophe for "it's."

(Hmmm, I really spent too long on that tiny [possible] typo...)

Now about the poem itself! I forgot how much fun reading your work is! Of course you remember how much I love rhyming poetry, but your words themselves are so carefully chosen, it's like eating a meal where everything is delicious and melds together to form one wonderful taste. On top of that, you gave me two surprises in this poem! Within the poem itself, I mean. The FALLING part and the very end when "you're now Awake!" I'm not sure why, but I feel physically affected by these. Maybe because I really felt like I was dreaming. Your skill with words is incredible to reach into my mind like that and pull on my nerve endings!

This is the kind of poetry I love and the kind that I never really see (except from you of course ^_~)
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2007   Writer
it should be "it's" you're right, I'll change that, with such a lengthy explanation who am i to deny it a mistake? XD

I enjoyed writing this, i had a massive break from poetry and I've always loved the subject of dreams.
FALLING is meant to jump out, so is awake, I'm glad that worked.

thanks for reading ^_^
AnimeGirlMika Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2007  Professional General Artist
Hooray I'm not a fool~!! I'm sorry it took so long to explain, but at least it wasn't wasted time ^^:

It's good to hear that you had fun writing it, maybe that's why I like it so much as well ^^
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September 24, 2007
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