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Holiday Cards 2018 by jangirl83 Holiday Cards 2018 :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 0 0 DA's 18th Birthday by jangirl83 DA's 18th Birthday :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 6 0 Smiley, Be My Valentine by jangirl83 Smiley, Be My Valentine :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 4 1 Symmetry by jangirl83 Symmetry :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 0 0 Grandma's a Big Fan by jangirl83 Grandma's a Big Fan :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 2 0 Happy 17, DA! by jangirl83 Happy 17, DA! :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 1 3 Fireworks-2017 by jangirl83 Fireworks-2017 :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 5 1 Prides Month-Asexuality (Dandelions) by jangirl83 Prides Month-Asexuality (Dandelions) :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 6 3 Cloudy with a Chance of Sun by jangirl83 Cloudy with a Chance of Sun :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 9 2 Circles and Movement by jangirl83 Circles and Movement :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 4 0 Glasses by jangirl83 Glasses :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 2 0 What are you looking at? by jangirl83 What are you looking at? :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 7 0 the scotsman by jangirl83 the scotsman :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 1 0 Potato Chips and Popcorn by jangirl83 Potato Chips and Popcorn :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 2 2 The Moon Sets by jangirl83 The Moon Sets :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 3 0 Valentine's Heart Exchange by jangirl83 Valentine's Heart Exchange :iconjangirl83:jangirl83 1 0

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Holiday Cards 2018
I wasn't sure I would make it in time, but I'm glad I did. I'll be sending these out tomorrow, hopefully, it isn't too late by then. Happy Holidays!
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I'm not sure how to say this. My paternal grandmother, who've I've known since I was a little girl passed away Monday morning. One day she was there, the next she was not.
I loved my grandmother very much. She was always there for me since as long as I can remember. I lasted visited her on Sunday, the day before she died. She was bedridden at the time, catatonic even. Before that, I visited her over Thanksgiving break. She was still bedridden, but she could still talk, and she was awake. Who would have thought that that would be the last time I would talk to her--that Sunday would be the last time I would ever see her?
My grandmother was sick for a very long time--these past few months, she seemed to be getting worse and worse, but every time I saw, she would seem fine. Coughing, unable to walk, and sleeping a lot, but fine. I never thought she would die so soon, She hadn't even reached ninety.
When my dad broke the news to me, I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried. I cried until I had no more tears, and then I cried some more. I couldn't believe she was gone. I still can't. Every time I think about even visiting, I get this stab of pain in my heart. I think about the times she would feed me snacks and cookies--and I realize she will never do that again. I can't hold her hands anymore, I won't receive anymore presents from her. I won't even hear her voice anymore.
Tomorrow is her funeral and I don't know how to feel. It's the last goodbye I'll ever give her, and this time, it is permanent. I don't know if I will end up crying like when I first heard the news, or if I will just stand there while others do. I haven't cried at all since that day. I don't know if I am processing her death properly. On Monday, I was crying tears; on Wednesday and Thursday, I started smiling again. Today, I laughed at some funny videos. My grandmother is dead, and for some reason, I feel like I'm not grieving properly. I feel wrong for smiling, feeling happy, especially when I will be leaving my grandma behind forever. I resent my father somewhat for doing the same   thing, for telling me to "calm down" when I was crying, for sending me off to school after telling me--especially since he is her son and she was his mother.
I have made many graveyard visits and I have attended many funerals. But I never felt connected to many of them even though many were family and friends. The funeral that I remember most vividly was my paternal grandfather, and he died when I was still a child. I don't have many memories of him except one. I don't even remember what he looks like unless I look at family photos--he looks like what my dad will probably look when he gets older. At his funeral, I remember looking down at his face, watching his coffin get lowered down. Then I tossed at blue flower before he was buried.
I'm afraid of what will happen tomorrow. I'm afraid that I will feel nothing when I see the procession, when the coffin will be buried, when I say goodbye to my grandma one last time. I'm afraid I won't remember years later.
There are five stages of death: grief, denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance.
I have already faced grief and denial.
I'm afraid of reaching the others.
350 deviations
I'm not sure how to say this. My paternal grandmother, who've I've known since I was a little girl passed away Monday morning. One day she was there, the next she was not.
I loved my grandmother very much. She was always there for me since as long as I can remember. I lasted visited her on Sunday, the day before she died. She was bedridden at the time, catatonic even. Before that, I visited her over Thanksgiving break. She was still bedridden, but she could still talk, and she was awake. Who would have thought that that would be the last time I would talk to her--that Sunday would be the last time I would ever see her?
My grandmother was sick for a very long time--these past few months, she seemed to be getting worse and worse, but every time I saw, she would seem fine. Coughing, unable to walk, and sleeping a lot, but fine. I never thought she would die so soon, She hadn't even reached ninety.
When my dad broke the news to me, I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried. I cried until I had no more tears, and then I cried some more. I couldn't believe she was gone. I still can't. Every time I think about even visiting, I get this stab of pain in my heart. I think about the times she would feed me snacks and cookies--and I realize she will never do that again. I can't hold her hands anymore, I won't receive anymore presents from her. I won't even hear her voice anymore.
Tomorrow is her funeral and I don't know how to feel. It's the last goodbye I'll ever give her, and this time, it is permanent. I don't know if I will end up crying like when I first heard the news, or if I will just stand there while others do. I haven't cried at all since that day. I don't know if I am processing her death properly. On Monday, I was crying tears; on Wednesday and Thursday, I started smiling again. Today, I laughed at some funny videos. My grandmother is dead, and for some reason, I feel like I'm not grieving properly. I feel wrong for smiling, feeling happy, especially when I will be leaving my grandma behind forever. I resent my father somewhat for doing the same   thing, for telling me to "calm down" when I was crying, for sending me off to school after telling me--especially since he is her son and she was his mother.
I have made many graveyard visits and I have attended many funerals. But I never felt connected to many of them even though many were family and friends. The funeral that I remember most vividly was my paternal grandfather, and he died when I was still a child. I don't have many memories of him except one. I don't even remember what he looks like unless I look at family photos--he looks like what my dad will probably look when he gets older. At his funeral, I remember looking down at his face, watching his coffin get lowered down. Then I tossed at blue flower before he was buried.
I'm afraid of what will happen tomorrow. I'm afraid that I will feel nothing when I see the procession, when the coffin will be buried, when I say goodbye to my grandma one last time. I'm afraid I won't remember years later.
There are five stages of death: grief, denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance.
I have already faced grief and denial.
I'm afraid of reaching the others.

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jangirl83's Profile Picture
jangirl83
Salena M.
United States
Brooklyn Tech
Pace U
Becoming an artist one step at a time!
"www.fanfiction.net/u/5442797/j…"
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:icontears-of-xion:
Tears-of-Xion Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2018
Thanks so much for the watch! <3
Reply
:iconshingery:
Shingery Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2018
Thanks very much for the :+fav:!!!!!!!!:happybounce: 
Reply
:iconnikon-aj:
NIKON-AJ Featured By Owner May 26, 2018   Photographer
Thanks for the Favourites 
Reply
:iconblenqui:
blenqui Featured By Owner May 26, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav! :) (Smile) Hug 
Reply
:iconminamiko:
minamiko Featured By Owner May 26, 2018  Hobbyist
Thank you! :hug:
Reply
:iconcricketumpire:
cricketumpire Featured By Owner May 2, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for owl you've done in faving  "It's all in the eyes..."     :iconowl-plz: 

That frowning bird looked as if he had irritable owl syndrome but glad you liked it anyway
Owl all right I'll stop but I'm not sorry about the puns I don't give a hoot     what ?  
Have a good week Salena.  Please do keep on watching???  Owl  
                  
Reply
:iconjangirl83:
jangirl83 Featured By Owner May 2, 2018
Owl will definitely keep on watching! Your puns are really good.
Reply
:iconcricketumpire:
cricketumpire Featured By Owner May 2, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Aah, owl well that ends well then    :phew:
    
Reply
:iconjangirl83:
jangirl83 Featured By Owner May 2, 2018
You really are a hoot! 😁
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondawidzdobylak:
DawidZdobylak Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
thanks :)
Reply
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