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About Deviant Core Member SalenaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
2 Week Core Membership:
Given by an Anonymous Deviant
Statistics 530 Deviations 2,087 Comments 25,000 Pageviews


MOJITO by SKYZUNE ART by SKYZUNE-ART MOJITO by SKYZUNE ART :iconskyzune-art:SKYZUNE-ART 669 44 Mock Turtle Total by lUPISVUIPES Mock Turtle Total :iconlupisvuipes:lUPISVUIPES 757 23 Seve by Rituhell Seve :iconrituhell:Rituhell 1,186 19 [+Video] Fanart - Valentines day! Chika Fujiwara by Hyanna-Natsu [+Video] Fanart - Valentines day! Chika Fujiwara :iconhyanna-natsu:Hyanna-Natsu 2,890 119 Haiku by Pajunen Haiku :iconpajunen:Pajunen 1,643 178 Tess Pinup by raikoart Tess Pinup :iconraikoart:raikoart 2,832 47 Akihabara South Exit by iCephei Akihabara South Exit :iconicephei:iCephei 1,350 60 Serenade with Strings by borda Serenade with Strings :iconborda:borda 595 38 Ghost of the Mountains by JoeyJazz Ghost of the Mountains :iconjoeyjazz:JoeyJazz 860 57 Together From Afar by FurioustheOwlBoy Together From Afar :iconfurioustheowlboy:FurioustheOwlBoy 2,917 129 The priestess by Ellysiumn The priestess :iconellysiumn:Ellysiumn 1,581 118 Cute and Adorable by Lopoddity Cute and Adorable :iconlopoddity:Lopoddity 3,261 114 Sword Maiden by AyyaSAP Sword Maiden :iconayyasap:AyyaSAP 2,278 80 Happy 2nd Anniversary Bendy by fnafmangl Happy 2nd Anniversary Bendy :iconfnafmangl:fnafmangl 1,117 102 Squishable Rat Plush: Vote to Make it Real! by KiRAWRa Squishable Rat Plush: Vote to Make it Real! :iconkirawra:KiRAWRa 716 88 Three colored Koi dragon by AlviaAlcedo Three colored Koi dragon :iconalviaalcedo:AlviaAlcedo 1,258 33




5 deviants said ABSOLUTELY!
2 deviants said YEAH!
1 deviant said What's a sore throat?
No deviants said Not really.
No deviants said Seriously?


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Made with pride by the DeviantArt community BROWSE ALL ART


Happy Valentine's Day! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Red, blue, and sugar sweet
This day is like no other
So will you be mine?
Cold on any day
Dark, creamy, white thick sweetness
Sugar just fills my mouth
Warm and sweet and smooth
How it melts inside my mouth
Nothing tastes as fine
I'm not sure how to say this. My paternal grandmother, who've I've known since I was a little girl passed away Monday morning. One day she was there, the next she was not.
I loved my grandmother very much. She was always there for me since as long as I can remember. I lasted visited her on Sunday, the day before she died. She was bedridden at the time, catatonic even. Before that, I visited her over Thanksgiving break. She was still bedridden, but she could still talk, and she was awake. Who would have thought that that would be the last time I would talk to her--that Sunday would be the last time I would ever see her?
My grandmother was sick for a very long time--these past few months, she seemed to be getting worse and worse, but every time I saw, she would seem fine. Coughing, unable to walk, and sleeping a lot, but fine. I never thought she would die so soon, She hadn't even reached ninety.
When my dad broke the news to me, I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried. I cried until I had no more tears, and then I cried some more. I couldn't believe she was gone. I still can't. Every time I think about even visiting, I get this stab of pain in my heart. I think about the times she would feed me snacks and cookies--and I realize she will never do that again. I can't hold her hands anymore, I won't receive anymore presents from her. I won't even hear her voice anymore.
Tomorrow is her funeral and I don't know how to feel. It's the last goodbye I'll ever give her, and this time, it is permanent. I don't know if I will end up crying like when I first heard the news, or if I will just stand there while others do. I haven't cried at all since that day. I don't know if I am processing her death properly. On Monday, I was crying tears; on Wednesday and Thursday, I started smiling again. Today, I laughed at some funny videos. My grandmother is dead, and for some reason, I feel like I'm not grieving properly. I feel wrong for smiling, feeling happy, especially when I will be leaving my grandma behind forever. I resent my father somewhat for doing the same   thing, for telling me to "calm down" when I was crying, for sending me off to school after telling me--especially since he is her son and she was his mother.
I have made many graveyard visits and I have attended many funerals. But I never felt connected to many of them even though many were family and friends. The funeral that I remember most vividly was my paternal grandfather, and he died when I was still a child. I don't have many memories of him except one. I don't even remember what he looks like unless I look at family photos--he looks like what my dad will probably look when he gets older. At his funeral, I remember looking down at his face, watching his coffin get lowered down. Then I tossed at blue flower before he was buried.
I'm afraid of what will happen tomorrow. I'm afraid that I will feel nothing when I see the procession, when the coffin will be buried, when I say goodbye to my grandma one last time. I'm afraid I won't remember years later.
There are five stages of death: grief, denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance.
I have already faced grief and denial.
I'm afraid of reaching the others.

Journal History


Jangirl83's Profile Picture
United States
Brooklyn Tech
Pace U
Becoming an artist one step at a time!


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ulfrvandreren Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2019  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the fave on "Spring rivers", much appreciated. :aww:
Creaciones-Jean Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2019  Hobbyist General Artist
Feliz Cumpleaños... Dios te Bendiga Grande y Abundantemente...!!!
Horoscopo-chino-2018-jabali-o-cerdo by Creaciones-Jean Texto-hapyy-birthday-05.3 by Creaciones-Jean Pastel-colores-degradados-filtros-inkscape-31.2 by Creaciones-Jean
Kiro-Kurusu Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2019  Hobbyist Artist
happy b-day
RoseSpectrum Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet

Happy birthday!
I hope you have a wonderful day!
Snowy Mountains Cake with candles 50x50 icon

snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet
notmor Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2019  Hobbyist Photographer
happy birthday Salena rose by little-one-girl
             HappyB by KmyGraphic   Birthday smileys 2 by poisen2014   Happy birthday by little-one-girl
Jangirl83 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2019
Thank you!
notmor Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2019  Hobbyist Photographer
you re quite welcome Hug 
Jeroeswu Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2019
Happy Birthday!
Jangirl83 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2019
Thanks, Jeroe!
Jeroeswu Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2019
No probs Jan!
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