A year ago I saw a sparrow with three eyes. It was completly normal but voilà!, sudenly it opened its third eye. It had perched quietly in the jamb of the window and sang. Truth is that it sang in an extremely strange way, in a way that one does not believe that a sparrow, or even a bird, could sing. It emited small squeals interspersed by a kind of bass squawks. Its singing was not normal, that was clear. After a while I had already started to get a headache. I tried to frightened him, but no way. I slammed the window shut to scare him but even so. Instead of staying plastered to the window frame, it appeared so calm above my side table without traversing the distance from the side table to the window. It was then that I was paralyzed by seeing its third eye openning in the middle of that tiny forehead.
Then began whispering strange words in a language that sounded like Nordic. After, he began to scream in the same language with a tone of urgency that scared me. He passed into French and then to something similar to Russian, like Serbian or Bulgarian, I have no idea. He tried a few more languages, of which the only one I recognized was the suomi (Finnish), until he reached the Italian. There I told him to hurry to pass to Spanish, which seems to understand in my pidgin Italian, because he was soon speaking Spanish.
However, my disappointment to wait a smart sparrow was to be expected. The sparrow scarcely dominated spanish and I could hardly understand him. For some reason he started speaking Danish or Swedish, I thought. Resigned to the idea of a three-eyed sparrow able to speak dozens of different languages but absolute unfamiliar with latin or romance languages, I lay on the bed. The sparrow seems that he didn't take the hint and continued to talk in that way so peculiar that looked like a cross between a Japanese and an American trying to speak Spanish.
I got sick of their incompetence with languages and I sent him to fry asparagus (translation: go jump in a lake) to continue studying. Nevertheless, that sparrow was determined to give me the afternoon (translation: to give me a hard afternoon) and with his hideous groans asked me attention.
Over ten terrible minutes of misunderstanding I figured that he wanted to take me somewhere with problems associated with the presence of a terrible and machiavellian Evil Lord that threatened a land bright and hitherto peaceful.
It sounded to me so pathetic that I kicked him, causing him to roll down through the carpet. I asked him what was really being and why had come to my room (other than to annoy me). As expected, he didn't give up so easily and continued his ridiculous tirade of Threatened Land Of Magic. I took him from a wing, but before I did anything he quickly confessed.
He said (in a fluent Spanish) that he was a hired shapeshifter dedicated to professional scam and kidnapping. As his story didn't convince me, I went to the bathroom and I started to wet him with the shower. The three eyed sparrow said to me that he (really) need my help, but he didn't need it in order to save that Land Of Magic, but to control it better because they were having problems and difficult times due to the unexpected presence of a national hero.
I said to him I would be happy to run an Empire and prove once and for all that the Evil Lords are not as stupid as it always have been hinted in the movies.
I asked him why rays (translation: why on earth) he had chosen that shape to ask for my help and he said that he was a completely ordinary sparrow (I think he did not realize that he was blue) but when he was a child he was possessed by three Evil Ticks and they had grown on him a totally useless eye.
So that is how my theories crumbled: of that all the third eyes are used to see the future, that sparrows have no serious diseases and they are not gone from the pot (translation: they are not mad), and finally, that it isn't possible to administrate correctly an Empire subjugated by weapons and be besides the Mighty Keeper of Nightmares.
Actually, it wouldn't do bad to all of those losers who failed in everything before me to think a bit and stop to do malicious laughter and take example from me.
Greetings to all my vassals with access to the network.