JadeGordon on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/jadegordon/art/Mood-920032049JadeGordon

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With mental health, sometimes there's an idea... maybe a starting point, but not the end point... of trying to rid oneself of demons. Trying to reach in, tear out the garbage that burdens oneself... but what if... turns out, what if it's your very bones? One of the things with CPTSD and ADHD to some degree... the wiring is the thing. How much of it is what it is, how much is you? Where does your own identity begin and end? What if you're just a skin on a broken system? What if you're just spitting out the data you've been built to, that external hand meddling no matter whatever other self you try to assert? What if that carelessly assembled machine is all you are?

[Insert lots of philosophical debates and clever points and insights about free will and all that. I know, yeah.]

There's also masking. This calm façade, even when you're waging a war inside for control, for peace. Depression, the slug outside, the roiling sea of ache inside.

And all the external everything going on, watching systems, environments, social structures, ideologies, lives all being torn apart, feeling like it's all sinking down. Everything tearing apart, tearing away. Who is fighting to hang on, to pull the net tighter? What's left?

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Comments welcome, critiques not (DA removed the option for me to request only limited feedback and comments, so I guess I'll have to paste this message on everything.). I post things here to share, not to edit or critique. Thank you.
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