An ocean of love

Swimming through pools of regret.

Seas even.

An ocean?

Ocean of regret.

Am I a horrible woman for loving a man like you or are you the horrible one because you made a woman like me turn into a monster, turn into you?

We are the terrible ones for loving

the right souls,

in a very wrong time,

we both knew,

right from the start,

it didn't stop us from falling,

it won't save us,

it won't stop us from drowning

in the ocean of sorrow and despair,

in the ocean where our souls first met,

the same ocean which used to be full of uncertainty.

Now it is certain-no amount of love can save the drowned-there is no luck for the fallen ones-no compassion for the heartbroken ones-there is no safety for the lovers.

You knew there was a risk.

You never knew how risky it was.

How can you predict the depth of an ocean?

How can you predict the depth of a person?

You can never know until you start swimming.

You can never know until you start loving.

An ocean of regret for the times I've spent drowning for us.

An ocean of regret for the times you've spent drowning us.

I became a monster. I turned into you. You were right.

"I'm you and you're me and we're us."

Yes. I'm you now. You're me now. And I hate you more than anything. You hate me too, for leaving you, for loving you.

You hate the fact that I left you.

I don't hate that fact.

You hate the fact that I loved someone like you.

I hate that fact too.

I don't know how, but I loved a monster with my whole being until I turned into one, turned into you.

I loved the monster you were.

You loved the human I was.

Once you became me, I stopped loving you.

Once I became you, you stopped loving me.

"I'm you and you're me and we're us."

What's left of us?

An idea?

A piece in a puzzle we cannot solve even if our life depended on it?

An ocean.

An ocean of love for the ones who loved the worst in each other, who loved the monsters they were, the monsters they are, for the ones who loved all the dark sides in all the right ways, all the good sides in all the wrong ways.

An ocean of love for the ones who merged word love with the word hate.

An ocean of love for those who drowned by loving. They hate the ocean now.

An ocean of love for those who cannot swim anymore. They won't try ever again.

An ocean of love for whatever we lived. Even though it seemed unreal, trust me, it was all real.

An ocean of love for me and for you, even if it may not be the same ocean. We deserve one.

We drowned in the same one.

May we swim to the shore and watch the ocean of love without a heavy heart and with peace in our souls.

No matter how much we hate each other now, love was once love and in memory, it still is. It always will be.

No matter how much we love each other, you know it can't save us. We drowned once, remember? And there was an ocean of regret.

I wish you sunny days, smiles and laughter, days and nights filled with peace, calm seas to all of your storms.

I wish you love more than anything.

In another lifetime, we have it all. Together.

In this lifetime, we have a piece of each other with us. We have the ocean. We have the memories and love and hate.

"I can't get enough of you."

It has to be enough. That's all I had.

"I can't get you out of my head."

"Why would you?"  I shouldn't have asked.

"You're right."

Maybe I wasn't right. Maybe you should get me out of your head.

Can you?

"I can't."

Oh.

Oh.

I. L.

@Iviwrites on DA