ivegotajarofdirtplz

Land is where you are safe, Jack Sparrow, and so you will carry land with you.
Dirt. This is a jar of dirt.
Yes.
...Is the jar of dirt going to help?
If you don't want it, give it back.
No!
Then it helps.

This girl once carried a jar of dirt. Then a pirate stole it, and she killed him and took back her dirt and ate it all.
She loved dirt.

But then she ran out and tried to eat other dirt.
The dirt she ate had spilled poison in it so she died.

She will kill you tonight if you don't have any dirt on your lawn...

That's why you have small holes in your lawn, the girl ate it.