For some context, read this journal. (its-joe-time.deviantart.com/jo…)
But if you want to skip the details, here's a TL;DR of that journal, not in any order:
- I want to study animation
- People don't really want me to
- I need a high-numbered rank (ATAR)
- I need to do better in school
- I'm on social media a lot
- I draw a lot
I'm not making a TL;DR of this journal here, by the way. That can wait for the next related journal.
I'm lying in bed writing this. After tomorrow, I'll have done half the trial exams I need to do. I'm almost done with my senior year, and 2 months after these trial exams, I'll be doing my final exams, then I'm officially done with high school. And what'll happen next?
Anyway, I'll be writing this journal based on those points.
I want to study animation.
...and I still do. Not changing yet. Mum caught up with a family friend who studied animation, and she said that it's a demanding job. Animators generally have to get things done quick. And I still want to do it.
People don't really want me to.
Well, that's not the case anymore. I know Mum is supporting me, but while she's telling me Dad is kinda OK with it, I cannot believe it until he says it of his own will without me asking. OK, that IS a bit of a stretch.
I need a high-numbered rank (ATAR).
...and I still do for the best chance possible. But I do know of other ways to get in...
I need to do better in school.
...and I may have waited too late for that, because, if anything, I'm doing worse.
I'm on social media a lot.
...and I still am, but I'm making an effort to stay off here, Twitter and Tumblr for the time being, but I do go on occasionally. So for now I'll let my watch feed pile up. My issue is that it sucks me in like a void. Every time I try to keep away from it, I keep coming back for more.
I draw a lot.
Not right now, and this is what's tossing me right now. Picking it up again for a little bit, I felt a bit sloppy, but I felt like if I kept drawing I would have gotten even sloppier drawing the same characters and the same poses again and again, and there are some people who support that repetitiveness and some people who would rather draw something different every time, but I can't do either right now.
How can I call myself an artist if I don't feel like drawing? How can I call myself an artist if I can't find or make any time or motivation to do it? Is it right for me to want to draw, but not feel like it? I really want to, but I feel that if I've taken such a long time away from drawing, if I'm inconsistent with drawing, I'm not an artist.
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Gotta rest up for an exam.