Rumpelstiltskin

There's a lot of stripes in this picture. After a staring at it for a while, the King's outfit started to look like a clown suit. BUT THAT'S OK, SINCE HE'S A HUGE MORON, as I tried to illustrate. Allow me to verbalize this picture.

King: I demand you spin all this straw into gold!

Girl: Uh...Look. My father...well, he was just lying to make me look good. I can't actually...you know. SPIN STRAW INTO GOLD.

King: Like I'm going to believe that! What, do you expect me to say "OOOHhhhh NOW I get it, that DID sound kind of impossible, and I could see why your father would want a peasant like you to look good for the king, and increase your chances of him marrying you." PUH-LEASE. Like that is a more plausible scenario!

Girl: No, seriously! I swear! I CAN'T DO IT!!

King: CUT THE CRAP!!! You do it tonight, or I will KILL YOU!!


Come on. Seriously. I think when people hear this story the immediate focus is on Rumpelstiltskin, and how he's all bad for wanting the Queen's first child yadda yadda...
But...
but...
She marries this king? Who threatens to kill her if she doesn't give him gold? That's just...SO SAD!!!
And I mean, Rumpelstiltskin saved her life, and-
well. I'm not saying she should have given him her first child, but....well...inside my head, this story plays out way differently. I can't help it. I see Rumpelstiltskin as like this crazy woodland elf king who fell in love with the peasant girl and showed up at the castle to help her escape the evil king and so used his enchantments to save her life and then wanted to flee with her and make her his bride ("give me your first child?" come on! it's not that far-fetched!)
......maybe I've been watching Labyrinth too many times, (which would explain Rumpelstiltskin's passing resemblance to Jareth....IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE) but...that's how I see it...

and then... i suppose.... in this imaginary version, it would have to be that the peasant girl is too scared of scary abusive king and stays with him and agrees to marry him. So Rumpelstiltskin rallies his elven hordes and demands her child with the king as payment for her betrayel. And then....Um....I don't know. Bad things ensue. Alas!!!!! THERE IS JUST NO HAPPY ENDING TO THIS STORY NO MATTER HOW I TRY TO RE-IMAGINE IT.

And it's not like the real version's ending is actually a happy ending anyway- "oh joy...Rumpelstiltskin's gone and split himself into pieces all over my floor, but hey! At least I'm still married to that murderous rich guy who only loved me for my face! And fake gold-producing talents!"

Ok ok that's the end of the rant. Oh wow. I'm over-analyzing fairytales again.......wow.

EDIT: I LOVE ONCE UPON A TIME SO MUCH BEST TV SHOW EVER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH RUMPLESTILSTKIN!!!!!

Snow White: [link]
Cinderella: [link]
The Frog Prince: [link]
Snow White and Rose Red: [link]
Rapunzel: [link]
The Little Mermaid: [link]
Little Red Riding Hood: [link]
Sleeping Beauty: [link]
The Twelve Dancing Princesses: [link]