So apparently I have a good sense of humor...sometimes.
Other times I just say something really stupid and the only person who laughs is me.
I figure a good practice sometimes is to just let your jokes sit in your notes/diary overnight and if it's still funny the next day then it's golden. Sometimes you think something is funny in the moment but then you read over what you wrote later and you're like "Wow, that was embarrassingly bad. Welp, I hate everyone and now I want to kill myself "
Okay maybe not literally, that was a little melodramatic but you get the point.
Other times it's best to just not be a pussy and speak your mind. Maybe your joke will hit a home-run maybe it won't. Rejection is just rejection. It's not a big deal, life goes on. At least someone out there thought my bad joke was funny...even if that one person is me.
Anyway, I'm rambling. The point is I'm going to post a bunch of funny shit that I wrote down, peasants!
Oh, am I giving these titles? I guess that is spontaneously what's happening...
Oh, fuck! I didn't want that to be my title! Oh well, moment's past.
Earlier today...July 8th 2018
I spoke with my roommate, Dalton, and according to my memory, it went something like this...
Dalton ~ I wish they didn't wrap these (girl scout) cookies like ritz crackers...it makes me think that I can eat all of them.
Zack (IsaacChamplain) ~ Well, I've drank almost an entire gallon of this Arizona Green Tea in one day and it has 17 grams of sugar with 16 servings per container. This thing is giving me Diabetes (continues drinking).
Note ~ This was the moment that I realized that I was not at all sticking to my reduced sugar diet...I was just getting my entire fix from a gallon of tea.
Zack ~ Bergh told me, while I passed by the quarterdeck with this tea, that it looked like "A lot of piss".
Dalton ~ It does look like a lot of piss. It looks like-
Zack ~ (This is the part where I interrupt my roommate and guess his next answer like a douchebag) like a lot of really dehydrated piss?
Dalton ~ Like a lot of really dehydrated piss. (Score). Walker said that you can drink your piss 2 (Or did he say 3?) times and be perfectly fine.
Zack ~ He did? Where did he get this information?
Dalton ~ He said that he saw it on TV.
Zack ~ Oh wow. Well, if you see it on TV then it must be true!
Note ~ Then something about Bear Grylls surviving in the wilderness and how it's all staged... I half-forgot this part, let's fast forward in the conversation
Dalton ~ I wonder if there will be aircrew in our orders tomorrow...
Zack ~ If there is then I hope they teach us which berries are safe in the forest. (In aircrew school, they make you survive in the forest for awhile before they capture you and torture you until they let you attempt to escape. Long story short, there's a controlled trial in aircrew school and It's supposed to prepare you for when you parachute into enemy territory and possibly end up stranded/tortured.)
Dalton ~ They probably do.
Zack ~ Cause if I end up stranded in the woods...then I want some berries and I want those berries to not kill me.
Dalton ~ -chuckles- I didn't join the Navy to not eat berries in the woods.
Zack ~ I bet MC1 Harvey knows which berries are good, if there are berries.
Dalton ~ Probably. He killed a rabbit with his bare hands.
Zack ~ Do you mean to say that he killed a bear?
Dalton ~ I wouldn't be surprised...MC1 Harvey is a
Zack ~ He's like a low-key badass
Dalton ~ Yeah, he's like a low-key badass
I'm too lazy to retype this one...You can just click on them I guess.
Now you know my life's story, which is very true and not at all fabricated and directly conflicting with several of my other fabricated backstories that are obviously fabricated due to how absurd they are.
P.S. I really enjoy coming up with ways to brag about cleaning the stairs
I made poll and it basically went like this....
Wizard sleeves = Not buttoning the sleeves on your uniform tightly to your wrists...there's a 2nd button on our Navy uniform that's much looser and we're not supposed to use it because....stupid rules says so.
Sorry, a lot of these are slightly-inside-joke-esque but I think there's still something that can be entertained from it.
As you can see by the time on my screenshots that I just took...It's like 0042 which is basically 12:42 p.m. civilian time. And I have school tomorrow and I'm getting tired as fuck so...I guess I'll make a Vol. 2 some other day. I still have tons of better stuff to write but I decided to just release this journal instead of saving it and maybe never submitting it later even though I want to add more to it.
Until next time-ZZzzzZZZZzzzzZZZ