It's gonna be difficult, considering my low self-confidence in my abilities and the unpredictableness of my life, but I finally have about 5 hours every night to do whatever I want! I'm living with my parents (and have been for a year; it's been really hard this past year), so things are cramped. Our son has been sleeping in our room since he was born, but about 5 days ago, we were able to get rid of my mom's couch in the living room and moved her hospital bed in there, so that allowed us to move my son's swing (he refuses to sleep in his crib...) into my daughter's room (which used to have my mom's hospital bed in it, her bed, and the crib, so I couldn't do this sooner.) It didn't hit me til a couple of days ago that I finally have time to draw or write again! With my son sleeping in a different room where it's dark and quiet, he's been sleeping better and longer, so for once I have a few hours of free time every night! I can't make any promises as of right now, all I can do is try. It's important to me to re-discover who I used to be and to get back to drawing and writing.
I'm seeing a therapist now for my depression and other things going on with me and that's helping a lot too, and I'm in the progress of finding a doctor so I can get medication for it. I feel like I'm finally starting to get somewhere with my life a little bit and I feel good getting back to drawing and writing again. Now, to just get over that fear with fleshing out the rest of my fanfic and actually getting past the first few chapters.
What made writing hard for me to do was years ago, I had written and submitted an entire Harry Potter fanfic and I was pretty proud of it. (It was also the only chaptered fanfic I've ever finished. It was my first fanfic ever written.) Well, the reviews for it were horrible. And I'm not talking about constructive criticism, I'm talking about flaming and turning all nasty and putting me down. I know I was just in high school at the time and that was over 10 years ago when I wrote it, but ever since then, I haven't been able to get myself to finish a fanfic (I was a pretty sensitive kid and pretty innocent, so I didn't take it well AT ALL. But now that I'm older and have more experience with life and people, I can handle it a little better, but I'm still a little sensitive lol.
That's why I keep trying to come up with new ideas and trying to write again. But that old fear of it being horrible keeps rearing its ugly head up and instead of trying to get through points that I'm stuck at or re-writing the parts I don't like or brainstorming for more ideas for the story, I just give up. It's important to me that I start a fanfic and actually finish it, and do my best at it. I want to get over this fear. And I've always wanted to write a Gargoyles fanfic that's more focused on Puck and the Third Race (they fascinate me, especially since they weren't featured much in Gargoyles), which is why I keep posting pics and fics on them. Maybe one day I'll finish one, but like I said above, I can't promise anything, all I can do is try.
Thanks guys for being so patient and understanding.