This is a long-awaited interview with the talented artist, writer, spiritual seeker, dear friend and all-around Renaissance man - Mark ("Mnemothra") from Texas, also known as 'Neurotic Carousel'. The artist's name itself is a mystery and an open end in itself – which invites us to explore deeper.
1. Please introduce yourself in a uniquely creative/poetic manner – engage us deeper into your microcosm. Why Neurotic Carousel?
Hello everyone. I’m very humble to have this interview done, for Neurotic Carousel. Let me start off by introducing myself. My name is Mark Cavazos, front man vocalist and Creator Mind of Neurotic Carousel. Most might also recognize me from other Networks, as Mnemothra from DeviantArt as my Name.
Mnemothra, is my personal Alter-Ego username I have on DeviantArt. This year, just completed my official 10 years of having that Art account. Mnemothra, is what I refer to as an ‘Artifact Moth’. To elaborate the Moth being is a Spirit Totem; the Moth is my Spirit Animal. If you want to know more about what, Moths Totem Animals represent I suggest to look it up on Google. You’ll receive more insight as to what they symbolize about myself symbolically in many forms. I rather not explain the whole entire concept derived to how they’re connected to me. But anyone who personally knows me can tell you and even verify to you that Moths are always around me, wherever I go. There is an official certain sensory guide for me and they represent basically everything I am and what I’ve gone through in my Life. They are attracted to me in many ways as I am to them in certain ways. I feel their energies and vibrations as well, since they carry energy. Perhaps it’s also in my Own Neuro Transmitters since I suffer to these certain ailments, one of the probable possibilities? They are always landing on me and oddly never seem to fly off. Even when I shake my arms or brush them off, they fly around and take a landing right back on my body? Frequently. The term for Mnemothra (My Alter-Ego) means - The Resonate Gatekeeper of my Nightmare Artifacts and Memory Shrine. Since it being my Own personal Spiritual, Philosophical reference theory System, I shall have to remain the rest in private and rather not disclose any further information beyond this point.
On to the music,
Neurotic Carousel started, 15 years ago, and we didn’t have a name for what we were doing at the beginning besides music. Being that it was just my brother and I back in 2003 officially playing songs as a duo on piano and acoustic only. I could barely sing and was quite horrible to be honest, quite frankly I could barely hold a note. I was slowly training myself and developing my voice, as I went along. But in all of it he taught me the basics, I did the singing and the lyrics. He did the piano and acoustic. My brother Matthew, also a member of Neurotic Carousel of course. Had been doing music his whole life. He could play; guitar, play excellent piano, Sing and do programming as well. Our songs were extremely heartfelt, dark, soulful, deep. I wrote the lyrics in old written selective Journals I did years back and had picked the ones I liked the best, to turn into songs. The one’s I honestly felt I could elaborate and express the most. I used them for my reasons in those times to cope with Life in my enduring time frames, he had already loved my writing and when he realized I wanted to write music and sing he was engulfed to enjoy working with me. As brother’s we worked very well together. We just did it out of pure enjoyment and synchronized. That’s how it took off.
Eventually, we wanted to branch off into a band and become more solid grounded and official, after almost near a whole year. We gathered some members. Voted the name and even gave it an actual philosophy behind it. ‘Neurotic Carousel’ was officially born in 2004.
NEUROTIC CAROUSEL’S BAND PHILOSOPHY:
Meaning of the Name: Neurotic Carousel, is dealing with the unstable movement of the mind. The mind being a connection with "Its" own philosophy of generated thoughts, held back...almost shown as a psychological darker-side of itself. The intentions and concepts of Neurotic Carousel, is to create a Spectrum of Music that expresses the attributes of the mind and thoughts in artistic expression.
It has been this way ever since. Neurotic Carousel, as the name implies; is always a shifting process and progression. Eventually a new style of basis, it never remains still, but always spinning constantly. It keeps changing, spinning and evolving.
For 15 years, we’ve had an extensive long listing lineup; for it being such a long-time frame. Many different members came in and left, came back and left. My brother eventually also left the band too after 2009 I believe, to pursue his Medical Degree. The Carousel has always kept spinning. At times, I felt like stopping music after losing out on many members. Even in final moments. I felt like aborting. But I always came back to it, during long hiatus periods too, I would write tracks on my Own. I usually would in most cases. Another side-solo Project I would work on called ‘Tentorii Cerebrium’ would keep me occupied as well, I’ve been solo with this on my Own too. I would on basis, slowly go back to that side project as well and shift back and forth. ‘Tentorii Cerebrium’ is now fully completed! Had been, many times since the Carousel had been in and out of effect. I can now say we’re officially back though, currently forming a new set, or rather have one. Writing new songs, slow but in definite process. Neurotic Carousel will be back soon.
As far as myself, the main root and reason why I have written and done music for so long? Is for Therapeutic Artistic Expression. For experiences, motivations and things that go on in Life. I correlate it to many other factors in my lyrical themes. To motivate myself, understand realization upon reflection in the World and surroundings that accumulate me. I learn many things with music. It helps me in a tremendous deal. Not just to help myself, but to inspire and help and give other fans something to dwell and ponder upon. I do the music I do, because I like to do it and enjoy the style I chose. Mostly all my lyrics I write are cryptic, paint a story, or are symbolic in many elements and attributes. Simply, because I don’t just sing about myself. Some musicians do that and ONLY sing about themselves. I find that selfish and self-centered. Not mine, its interpreted for other listeners so that they too can also feel, relate, appreciate and take into regard everything as something they’ve chosen to acknowledge in one way, or another and value it in a way of their own stance or personal response. It’s all relative and open for interpretation. At least that’s what I usually try to portray for people that hear Neurotic Carousel; to consider this. I’ve managed to put that actual Spectrum into effect for everyone who hears.
I’ve evolved with this in my Life. There’s countless of other reasons as to so much other passions. It helps me grow and escape from Reality, when I need too. Just as any other musician would say. It would be difficult to pin point one exact source or idealistic word for it. All I know is, I find meaning and I feel so many positive driven emotions that fuel me up when I write and sing. Therefore, I do Neurotic Carousel.
2. Before we begin to delve into the profound depths of your subconscious, share with us the latest dream you have had tonight or the night before. I am sure the readers would love to have a quick glance into your archetypal inner world.
Every time you sleep you dream. I suffer from severe insomnia, for a few years now. So, most times, by the time the Ambien and sleep-aids kick in; I’m in absolute ‘blackened mode’. Deeply in unconsciousness and unaware of what I dream, once I’m fully asleep. However, lately I have not had any dreams at the recent moment to share. Nor none that I can remember.
3. Let's begin now – how on earth did you end up as an artist? What had drawn you to the creative world?
I was naturally always Artistic all my Life and throughout. It ran on my Father’s side. Especially as a Child, I was very creative. Things I did and created were incredibly mind blowing to myself and till this day, I still very much wish I could have kept much of my Art I did back in my younger years. Everyone told me I was very talented and born to be a Writer. I had a very gifted writing style as feedback was always given to me, from others. The passion to come up with ideas. I would write stories, throughout my years. I was very much into the Sci fi Channel and National Geographic. I would watch Marathons of Rod Serling’s The Twilight Zone. He was a classical inspiration to me. I was an outdoor kid, had a wild vivid imagination. Created my Own visualized concepts in my head. Notated them through art and drawings. I would make sculptures out of pure mud mixed with Elmer’s glue. Sit out and dry. I even used Play-dough clay and made all sorts of absurd monstrous Life; and instead of baking it. I’d leave them in the freezer to dry and they’d turn into stone.
I was an odd kid. I remember. For many of my peculiar and eccentric interests. Many average people, adults and my youth found me unorthodox and my hobbies in art disturbing and abnormal? I never cared to be honest. Gluing dead Earth Worms into a, giant ball taxidermy; with glue and hairspray. Especially as a Child growing up, seemed interesting to me. I always “saw things” differently from others. I knew I was different. This I always had the “darker” interest for, usually the way I started my Mind State of knowing I would one day become involved heavily compassionate with Art in that type of sense. That’s the Mind of an Artist. It was just so second nature, many would fear it and not understand it and I would not care if they did or not. Regardless, there is some beauty behind my work. If you look or have that certain taste to acquire for it. Take it for what it is, an acquirable taste; like sushi, escargot or caviar. Everyone’s a critic when it comes to the World of Art. I knew that’s the way things were. People and audiences, would hate it or like it. Perhaps others have distinguished mixed optionable views about it as well too. To each to their Own as they’d say. That’s the way it works.
Then growing up, I started to take off. My drive was even faster and processed. Like a light illuminating larger at a quickening speed. I was trying things of all sorts with, all sorts of Medias. First with writing short stories, narrative poetry concepts; mostly philosophical types. I would never let anyone read what I’d write. I was very discreet and personal about things I wrote in my Journals. I usually didn’t have many people I talked too, in school. This I could careless for as well. I honestly, didn’t care much for friends. I enjoyed having a niche for doing abstract collages. Fine Art pieces, to be exact. I also used different medias in drawing and Painting. Using Graphite Sketch Pads, Watercolor on Ink, Ink Pen drawings were my personal favorites, I tried at painting; I realized I was horrible at it too. I kept trying to develop my style in painting. It was difficult. However, I loved working with Acrylic paints, Acrylic Markers. Extremely vivid and fashionable to bring out psychedelic portraits and art pieces. I hated charcoal. For some reason, I could do more with details on ink, than a paint brush. I found my forte in drawing, at best. I got higher recognition that I was better at drawing than painting. Plus, I preferred it too. As to my writing style it grew more distinguishable and was a more solid based format eventually. It had excellent foundation. My writing style was too “dark”, so I never took Creative Writing classes or bothered for a Scholarship. I still wrote ideas down, many I thought I’d come back to later in the future, which of course have stayed dormant. I was well with Literature, had extensive vocabulary and excellent grammar. I had the potential in all assets, that a Novelist needed. I was thinking of Majoring in Literature Arts, but I saw the job potentials and I didn’t find them appealing. I didn’t especially want to become a literature professor or Editor. Editor’s make excellent income, but I felt it would NOT be something I’d ultimately enjoy doing for a living. Nor would it make me happy in Life. I was already my own Novelist, by that time. I felt that was my best. By this time, the Journal writing started with simple writings, too, they became elaborated plots for Stories. Thoughts and fragments. These were concepts for books. I was previously now, set. The poetry, those were written more for lyrics. It was more abstract, powerfully impacting for the most part. Intuitive, improvisational and thought provoking, as what I could justify. I elaborated more on them. Eventually those Journal scraps, became lyrics. That’s when music was eventually written down soon with Neurotic Carousel. I also went into Photography, simply because I enjoyed it. That was my first root Media on DeviantArt. Started with simple Art photos. Polaroid disposables. I even took a class for Commercial. I couldn’t afford a digital camera at that time era, afterward. Didn’t care much, however. Back in that time frame, Smart Phone Camera’s didn’t exist. Digital Cameras were very expensive. Photoshop was barely developing. Everything was all natural. I would take Commercial Photography and learned focal ranges, apertures, 42 rate lenses-lighting, sometimes to use the flash button or not. But it was a bore, most of it was common sense. I didn’t use Dark Rooms, anymore. So, none of that truly mattered. I would just mess with disposable cameras. The results would come out excellent in any case. I just did my Own work. Enjoyed it. Disposable Kodak or Polaroid Cameras were my thing at that time. I then simultaneously started becoming more open and spontaneous a Journalist as well. Self-Journalist too, documenting Life, my Own perspectives of Philosophical views, experiences that I embraced and all sorts of dreams I would have. Analyzing them, trying to find meaning to what everything meant in this Society, World, Ego and myself. During these frames, I became very Spiritual. I went to study, Graphic and Web Designing too. Took classes and learned by studying books, CD-ROMs. By this time, I was already in my early 20’s. Had a compilation of so much work I did.
However, I will point out the most honest and apparent was one thing about my type of Art “Style” Format, that I had noticed as time developed quickly. Lay dormant in me. Still does till this day. This is what is the most interesting thing. My style and genre of Art; was always naturally dark, gloomy, depressing, morbid to creepy, deranged, demented at times to even at sometimes evil and downright frightening!
I knew, when I was older. I’d be into ALL ARTS. I just didn’t know exactly where I’d stand in it. I always had the passion for it. Then I formed into Literature. Had always my own certain way of developing these concepts and ideas. A certain defined way and style of writing. Atmospheric, in depth, very strong detailed character development. Piecing them together. Leaving you in the corner with thought blinding cliff hangers, story line going in all directions. To mess with your mind. This I loved doing to my readers. And yes, the style would be DARK – CRAZY and DEMENTED of course. But I always had these ideas to put them into books. Which I’m currently working on the Novelist side of myself. As well as Arts & Crafts. Taxidermy. Sculpting with mixed media. Music, of course.
Realizing today I can do just about anything with Arts and Crafts. From so many years of experience, plus my love for music. Minus picking up quilting and crotchet. I can learn that easily. But it’s not what I’m into. Or want to do. I guess, it’s too fem for me. Or generally something I don’t care to do.
4. Would you say that you see yourself as a performance artist, first and foremost?
I would like to be both. Recording and Performer. I rarely get chances to perform live, due to lack of members. Or lineup changes, relocations, people that have dropped the band. Certain to so many complications. Unfortunately, when we first started the band in 2004. Throughout the years, we should have at least gotten some more live gigs. But in our local scene there was a certain “style scene” situation. It was excruciating, nauseating and incredibly ridiculous the way they treated most other Original Musicians, just because they or we didn’t fit with their music. It was frustrating for many Artists and bands that tried like us, to at least get our foot in the door at Venues. When they shunned at us. They didn’t allow anyone or any band to play anywhere in any venue unless you were Hardcore. It was very unfair. That main Venue shut down now, however. So, things, here in this area have expanded and Minds have opened. It’s very more easy to breathe now as well in the scene. It loosened up, this I’m happy for. The local scene has lightened up. This I’ve taken notice and it’s refreshing to realize. Neurotic Carousel, hopes to play again soon. We hope to share the stage with many others that’ll appreciate to perform with us as well. Very soon in the future!
5. I know your creativity is profoundly related to the spiritual realms. What is your spirituality to you? How did you end up on this path and Why? The big Why question J
I’m more Spiritual than Religious. I detest Organized Religion, of any type. I fear ALL RELIGIONS, for that matter. Religion can be dangerous and venomous to the Mind. I’ve seen the ugly and what it can do to people. I’ve realized strongly that your Will-Power, love and having faith in yourself is stronger than any Religion. And for those Christians reading this, usually automatically think that Buddhist Meditation is a New Age thing. This is something that has always gripped me. But little do they know, that Praying the Rosary is also a form of Meditation. Yes. Just in Catholic/Christian form. Meditation is simply just “focusing” your energy. Praying. Just kind simple prayer... Is meditation. Controlling your Chakras with the Universe (even unaware that you are) and connecting with GOD. To some skeptic reading this, you might want to look that up. Heh.
I embrace Life and live it Spiritually and Philosophically with a genuine kind-hearten perspective and try to follow a righteous path. Being kind to others, respectful to gain respect, trying my best to live every day like it’s my last. Even the worst days that are cruddy. Because, I know every day is a new one and you’re reborn again. With new probability and possibility. I consider myself, to be my own Self-Philosopher. My OWN BUDDHIST. That’s what a True Buddhist is, not the Organized Religious Buddhist Monks that take sacred oaths of celibacy and will not speak. That shows the same that they follow a System of Organized Religion. Which is fine. I don’t mind, but that’s not me. I live my life freely, as my Own Leader and I embrace all of it (the positive or negative, the healthy or unhealthy) whatever comes my way. I must adhere to Nature. To embrace everything fully, is to believe in yourself Spiritually, I believe with that you’re able to conquer anything. That’s what my Soul feels strongly. I believe everything in this Reality of Existence happens for a reason. What you put out into the World and Universe will return to you as you ARE and WHAT YOU DO to others based upon your, own actions. It’s a basic flow of energy returning to you with Laws of Attraction. What you put in, gives back. But Karma means almost like it’s guaranteed. I would say it works almost in both ways. But Karma is too radical and superficial for me to have faith in. I do not believe in Fate either. It’s a cruel law. Nothing is said in stone for people. Things change, different things happen, the inevitable; the unknowing. However, if you are enlightened and become aware of things you are doing incorrectly in the Present time. Based on your decisions, in that moment for your future and for yourself. You make healthy choices. You can easily change your Fate. Make sense? You can always change your fate.
As far as GOD. Since Pantheism is fact, of course. Which I of course know. I’ve always believed in GOD. In all and many forms GOD exists.
Knowing, I died in 2014. I was resuscitated. Then 3 years later. I’ve been chosen by Something? God embraced me with a “gift” I cannot disclose anymore, then this. I lead my honest Life.
Spirituality to me. Has always been with me. It always will be there. GOD will always be there by my side. Simple to me as this. I believe now so more than anything.
6. Can you portray to our readers what are the pluses and minuses of indulging in spiritual seeking – from your own rich and profound experience? I'd love it if you share some experiences of us – on both the bright and less bright spectrums of your journey.
I believe that, we are the all-knowing answers to the Universe. I just think we are not meant to ever know what they are. That’s what makes us such extraordinary beings. Yet so arrogant too and throughout humanity, downright pathetic. We are not meant too. But this is all in one’s own Perspective. To each to their Own Universe. Every man holds their Own. We will all die, for what we believe in. No matter what. No one can say differently.
I know now. That, death is not even close to a finality, it’s just a beginning to a new road on a different plane. Or rather Level. If you study the Kabbalah, you’ll study more insight. Hebrew or Buddhist Mystical Versions. Or if you believe in any afterlife or an afterlife, when we're gone after we pass from death, for that matter.
7. In what colors do you see the dilemma of finding an enlightened but also moral guru, because we hear so often about bastards in holy costumes taking advantage of innocent seekers of truth? How can one distinguish between the foul and the genuine? Do you really and sincerely think there are saints in this world, per se? You know what I'd personally answer to this question?
I believe we are the issue. People generally are the issue. Make themselves the issue, they are the ones that become stagnant and arrogant, it’s their Own Personal Ego they deal with that makes them the dilemma. Only a person, themselves can change their Life and at least try and make it better. Make it meaningful or worth living. It’s not always easy. Trust me, it isn’t. But I think, all Spiritual Seekers are the same. Including myself, this I’m working on too as well. We are only human. No one is perfect. But we can still be in sustainable self-awareness. There is Evil in this World, absolutely. Hidden under masks, especially. Just the same, you cannot trust anyone; unfortunately, not even the sincerest kindest of hearts with your guard up that come into your Life. It’s a horrible thing. With such cold tension and trauma for humanity to always have been hurt this way and by others, we shut others out. These wolves, as I seen them attack others, destroys the Spirit within the person. But this remains as it is. I believe in second chances. That’s one thing, I do give others. On my own personal note.
I believe all things are possible. I have that type of Mind. Logical yet open to understanding. There have been proven miracles. I do believe in Angels and Demons too. Elementals, lost souls from the other side, Extraterrestrials / Ultra terrestrials / Extra-dimensional beings, Shadow Beings, Astral Beings. The Supernatural and Paranormal absolutely are all part of this Plane, which I know too and believe. Conspirators and higher Authorities however are the ones’ that hide this from Society. The FBI and CIA hate each other too on those terms. I prefer the FBI, mainly because I wanted to work with the Federal Bureau, at one point in my Life. But under different Units. Other pure Political Tyrants and Elitists Idols have had their share, throughout History. This of all we know. It’s shown throughout Mankind and Historical archives we’ve been known to become a part of till this day. They fear in other’s Judgement, want power, greed, wealth and control. It’s what they cannot understand, or control to begin with. Ultimately, it’s their Mind-State at War and Ego that’s a dilemma. So, they conquer, destroy, contain, start Wars of all sorts and will kill. Socialism with Politics and Religion is this way and expected to do this. I sound like a broken record, but mainly Religions and Politics, is the cause. I don’t think this will ever change for many more thousands of years to come. There will always be Systems and Laws. In best regards, there must be. But some are too radical. But out there, there are things that they cannot control. Just cover up. Destroy and Rebuild, just to burn it all back down to the ground again after Centuries. I find that the main source in dilemma in finding enlightenment. Humanity never evolves, it’s at a very slow pace. War is simply another word for Ego.
I’d say that in my own Judgment as “Human Form” Gods are two significant ones. Not so much going into the topic of, "Saints".
I cannot justify Saints themselves. Not through justification; of Catholicism. They do this their Own personal way. That's for the Roman Vatican Empire Diocese to decide.
But actual One’s I believe are from B.C. and the obvious of the Old Testament. As “Human Gods” Seeing as there are many versions of the Bible. Not just one. I believe in only 2 “Human Gods”. More so than actual Idols or Saints. I couldn't be sure? Propaganda otherwise through the Roman Catholics. Which is for "Any Saint" to decide. If you catch my drift...
Jesus Christ, he had his path already naturally enlightened, his was never blocked (the Son of God, logically meaning he had the abilities given to him from GOD directly. For I believe he was an actual Alien born in a Virgin Womb Heaven sent through an Angel messenger. No other man I know or friend, could ever walk on water or resurrect himself back to Life after being slaughtered to death). Many Christians would disagree and say he was a “Human”. Pfft. Yeah right. But think about it logically, the true Son of GOD. GOD. The same God who created the Universe, heavens, stars and planets. Makes perfect sense to me, he was an Alien of an Angel conceived and birthed in form of a human man. I do strongly have faith he did walk this Earth at one point in History. In Control and aware of his Destiny to fulfill. However, it’s how he lived his Life, is what was tainted and written to forms of deception and all other pieces to pick up from. But the Old Testament makes the most sense if anything. I don’t take it word for word though. I’m simply speaking it makes more sense, spoken with other Cultures.
Siddhartha Gautama is yet another “Human Form” of God I believe in, the 2nd one. I only believe in the very 1st Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, who WAS the first Buddha. Whom fully achieved pure Nirvana to vanish into a ball of Light. 500 years or so B.C. would be another. Still different versions, written but overwritten and tainted. There are even theories that transcribe that Jesus Christ somehow “teleported” to India and taught Siddhartha Gautama his very Own teachings to spread his words and the Kabbalah to his people, which if you think about it, are very identical, in Judaism. Which stopped Gautama’s lineage in becoming throne as Royal King Emperor to pursue this Enlightened Path of Lifestyle. Around “almost” the same time line as Jesus Christ. But half across the globe. As he had thousands of disciples however; that started and spread from India all through the far East of Asia and taught their many cultures of different forms of Buddhism and Hinduism. Gautama lived so many decades, during those time frames. No one could even out live till the age of 25-35 at best in those times. He incredibly died at the age of 80. They claimed he was, NOT a MAN nor God. But not exactly, would you call him both. It signified, as Gautama’s “death” as well. He turned into a blinding orb of light and achieved the next stage of Life. Wherever that was or where he went? His disciples and believers that witnessed this all meditated within that same moment of pure peace. Jesus Christ in Christianity was crucified by the Romans, that’s for certain in the New Testament. To become Martyred. But came back to self-revival and chose his people. Forgave humanity. Taught them to learn for their sins. As in the New Testament claimed he’d return as the Messiah. But that’s per Biblical proportion. I do not take it all for granted. Like I say much of it, is fragmented or covered versions. Who’s to tell?
My point, these two are the only “Human God” forms I see. Jesus Christ & The 1st Buddha. What I also notice Buddha is not mentioned very much, too hardly ever in the Bible (Old or New Testament). I wonder why? However, the interesting thing is within this time frame. It follows the Mystical versions of the Kabbalah just as Jesus Christs, Judaism does too. That’s what I find so remarkable and coincidental about the comparison. But EVEN BEFORE that, The Tree of Life was our Ultimate gift in almost ALL Religious cultures throughout the World and beyond. It literally is in everything! Really Google it, if interested in knowing when the Kabbalah was gifted to our Universe…by GOD itself.
8. What's your creative process like? How does a new song goes into labor?
Somehow the musical process just, automatically comes naturally to me in all truth. Almost like a done woven puzzle, put there genuinely made. Derived through my conscious / subconsciousness and I’m just piecing it together. Mostly of it is intuitive nature. I process it and give it Life. I visualize, feel the energies. The creative progression comes out, I focus on it and it allows me to put forth my response and expressionism on an artistic side and level. I stay on that track. That and with my band mates, it inspires them. Or me solo, if I’m writing the song by myself.
9. A short technical question - What's your hardware and software of choice?
(I prefer naturally Built-in Home Studio recordings, I have always recorded digital. I just prefer it a more natural process, plus there’s more you can produce and work with in it as well)
10. How do you see your creative progress in the future? How do you relate it to your gained spiritual insights?
I think I already have found that level at this point. As a person, Musician and being part with this band. Being signed recently to, “Isolated Eclipse Records”. As positioned Manager was a great thing for me! It’s an opportunity, high placement and I feel honored to be able to sign other bands as well as to Design the Site. Plus, I get paid for it. I never thought I get paid much for my music or work of commission I make. Not that it makes a difference, I do it more for the passion. It’s more for the label at this point however. I felt very much appreciated and accomplished over this. Especially being spoken to by the CEO himself and being the first band signed. The direction we go in now, has absolutely evolved into almost everything and something I feel like I can’t control anymore honestly. It’s taken grasp over me. Almost overwhelms me to pieces. More, aggressive and heavier sounding. Twisted, deranged, evil, frightening and I love it! It’s shifted away, far away. This is no longer the older Neurotic Carousel people will recognize. Many will be surprised.
An album is in slow process soon, with a whole new style of Neurotic Carousel (gone Neuro-Grind Metal) will be on the way in the way future. Released, I cannot say when however, we also plan to perform more often now. Hopefully we get more live gigs and performances.
As on a Spiritual basis, I feel like I’ve exceeded from where I’ve first started 15 years ago, and evolved tremendously. Myself as a person has gone far from this position and I see myself standing back 15 years from now, looking at myself back in a Mirror’s reflection. Seeing how far this has gotten me. I’ve learned a lot along the way. I’m not talking about music. I’m talking about my Own Life as well. Life in general, I’ve suffered from many things. Personal and traumatic. Everything for that matter. But I’m still here. Glad to be. Music has been beneficial in all forms. It’s helped me so much. For this I’m thankful for. That’s the Spiritual side to how I’ve gained insight on my inner and outside reflection.
11. Do you also paint AND/OR draw? Tell us about that a bit.
Both. Better with Drawing. I prefer for tools of trade: pens, ball point ink pens or real ink pens. I also mix them with watercolors now. Not so good at painting. But I think I’m going to try it out again. Give it another go. Acrylic. I know I can develop my style for it. Since everyone has one. Perhaps it’s psychedelic abstract. Maybe? That’s why I could never grasp onto painting. I prefer collage mixed media over paintings, any day, however. In Fine Art format, of course.
12. How has your experience on Deviantart enfolded? Has it been positive for the most part?
Tremendously and on an inspirational level to network with other Artists. It’s opened all new Port Ways for myself. Met good friends and interesting individuals. It’s helped me touch base and understand myself as well.
13. Who and what have influenced your musical taste throughout the years?
All sorts of movie soundtracks, Psychological / Horror Movies, The Twilight Zone, creative ideas, Silent Hill, (organic sound effects and experimenting with sound effects), imaginative mindful concepts that portray some type of plot or image, some sort of insanity that symbolizes something. Life. Birth. Death. Experiences, Spirituality, Natural Inner Darkness, Friends and mostly My Mind in general.
14. Do you engage in collecting – music or anything else?
Yes. I collect music every now and then. I always find it refreshing to hear and know, people that still buy authentic CD’s, cassette tapes and Vinyl. I do the same. If money permits on spare moments and times aren’t rough financially.
I collect all sorts of things too as a matter of fact, I've become an odd pack rat..
15. What kind of music do you listen to – and in which moods?
Akira Yamaoka (Silent Hill video game series Soundtrack composer), Olivier Latry (Greatest Organist of our Generation, plays and works at Notre Dame Cathedral in France), Sopor Aeternus, Tool, Jarboe, Anaal Nathrakh, Portal, Autumn’s Grey Solace, Radiohead, SWANS, Massive Attack, Unexpect, David Bowie (RIP), Joy Division, Mike Patton, Acid Bath, all sorts of movie soundtracks honestly. As you can maybe notice, I’m very eclectic. Wow!? Oh gosh, there are countless music styles, genres and bands I listen too. It be an extremely long tremendous list. It takes hours and hours for me to name drop.
Moods? Any. Mostly creative or simply to enjoy; sit back relax. Other times, listening to gather ideas and inspiration. Sometimes, the way I’m feeling the tone of sound in the music I listen to will fluctuate with the theme of the emotions I’m feeling during the moment of music I listen too, during those periodical moments, yes. I think this is the case, with many people. Overall, I enjoy all of it! Uplifts me, each way in one way or the other for many certain reasons. I love to listen to music! I even find myself listening to my own too at times.
I also listen to binaural beats to meditate and relax too. The calming low frequency type, only though. I cannot and will not listen to the “Chaotic” Third Eye - Pineal Gland extreme simulated stimulation type ones’! Hell NO! Ha-ha, I’ll have a seizure with that. Too overwhelming!
16. I know you are also a prolific writer who released his novels in the wild. Do you see your writing as being related to music – perhaps as being musical?
Absolutely. From the start, till now. It’ll continue to be this way. I feel as a lead vocalist and main Mind, who writes the lyrics, allowed too at least. All the band members from Neurotic Carousel have been pleased with my lyrical writing themes overall. With this and welcoming this input shows the creative side of themselves, myself, all of us and reflects the nature of the band. I’ve always shown this, as I mentioned earlier. I express the “darker” Psychological attributes and elements of the Mind of Neurotic Carousel. Convey it as, strong as I can. It also comes naturally. Just as the artistic flow does. Since it’s already there and was always embedded in me. So yes, the writing has always been related to the music. Fits with it, in its own sense of Creation.
17. Tell our readers about your published novel - The Codex Veil: Containment (Book 1).
The Codex Veil: Containment (Book 1), was meant to be a 5-book Psychological / Paranormal series. Only the first one was published in early 2014. It was a collaboration between me and my brother, the same one who started and birthed Neurotic Carousel with me. Well due to severe contracting disputes, the 5-book series came to an end. So, it will never be finished. It is sadly and unfortunately being, discontinued and will not be finished ever for that matter. The Novel series that is. My time was wasted. Just drafting and puzzling them together in story sequences. All we had left to do was, write out the books, one by one. Only Containment (Book 1), was released. Then discontinued and out of print. Or limited availability. One would be lucky to find a used copy on ebay? Maybe? Who knows?
I was upset over this, I won’t discuss the dispute. But what I was mostly angry about, was it took almost about “4 precious years” of my, Life to write out all 5 novels. It was a true waste of my work and time. With those 4 years, I could have already had 2 of my Original solo novels out. For sure one. The saddest part is, “The Codex Veil” had enormously powerful potential for a series. This could have become the next Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Hunger Games, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural, The Walking Dead movie or TV series or something? Not kidding. It was truly Original and refreshing for what the plot and story line was. Nothing like this series, had ever been close to being created or written. It was NOT FANTASY Paranormal. Everything was as true to Life as it became and the characters were very well developed. Excellent cliff hangers, it was one of those novels you never know what to expect next. The story line writing was written out superbly. It was based realistically on Our World and the Paranormal of subjectivity that can “actually” happen by breaking boundaries and does! Well that didn’t happen after the first book finished being released, oh well. Literally. It went down the drain.
Here’s a link to the Novel, anyone interested, “The Codex Veil: Containment (Book 1)”:
At least I learned a, valuable principle. At this point forward, I decided to just go fully Solo alone and do my Own novels. I was finished collaborating after such a long waste of years, thrown down a gutter.
Such a pity too. This was an outstanding series!!! I got my hopes up. Oh well.
18. A bird has whispered to me that you're also about to publish a new novel – The Iris – is that correct? Tell us about this forthcoming novel please, with spoilers?
Yes. I am. A forthcoming novel,
“The Iris”. Will be my Official 1st full length Novel, a Worldwide release! So, when you read it, you WILL be reading my Own upfront style of writing. I’ve taken my time with this one, I didn’t care. I want to make sure it’s the best it is. Especially since it’s my first release. After my last departure with “The Codex Veil” offset leaving me building blocks again to having to restart on this. I touch based with this new piece. Honestly, I lost thousands of fragments. But it just clicked in that one moment one day and I realized my inspiration.
Oh gosh, where to begin with such a massive Odyssey and monstrosity, it came to be? “The Iris” is an EXPERIMENTAL Psychological / Paranormal / Horror based theme-Novel on reality.
Without giving away too much, the book takes place in United States, Texas to be exact. The outskirts, in a small northwestern town. Nearby the Wood side areas. Dylan Davenport is the main Protagonist of the novel. *NO SPOILERS* Sorry.
I’ll give a link excerpt soon however:
PROLOGUE EXCERPT - www.neuroticcarousel.com/journ…
I'll post it soon!
A half portion of it, is non-fiction and based on my Life and traumatic experiences I’ve been through and dealt with. All the names have been changed, including mine; the Protagonist for safety and privacy. The other half is Fiction. It’s blended in together, within different time frames, so you won’t know exactly what’s going on or what happened to each character in certain moments or which parts were my life. Periodically or the books time frames.
Here’s where the EXPERIMENTAL part of the book comes in. Many would think to themselves, how can a book have experimentalism in it? The only way I can justify this, is I’ll allow those readers to decide on that and be the judge, for themselves as you read it. You’ll notice; the Novel tends to mess with your Mind in many ways. The Book is called “The Iris” for a reason. It has many twist and turns. Cliff hangers. You’ll never know what to expect. Every time we meet a new character, we see through their eye color of their Iris? Consider their eye, we see something new or hidden? Or possibly their Life’s background story. It’ll pause, sometimes goes inside of it. Everything stops. Then everything, will continue with the story line. You’ll eventually find out why? The reason. Or the why, later? This is just some elements of the “experimental” part. You piece the entire book like a puzzle, so you do have to read it all the way through. To understand it, you cannot skim through the book.
Many will find “The Iris” a bit gruesome, disturbing and highly controversial in Christianity/Catholicism terms. I WARN you now, if you don’t like horror, psychological terror novels that manipulate your mind or are too intense for some readers, don’t read it! If you are a fanatical Catholic DO NOT read this Novel “The Iris”. Stay away from it. It will more than likely offend you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I don’t care if you don’t like it. I didn’t write this book intentionally to shock or scare people. This Novel genuinely and naturally became what it was. That’s what I find so unique and organic about it. Half of it’s based on my Life, even. For those that can stomach to the end of the book, you’ll find yourself an extraordinary ending worth it. I promise you that!
19. What's your relationship with the written word? Is it a love-hate relationship many writers and poets describe often?
I’m not sure I get this question? But I will say, I write my Own words. Personally, on my will I always do and in my Own way. Everything I create is with passion behind everything I bring to existence. I coexist in this moment to make meaning in the integrity of what I get across and I do my best to help others. I try not so hard to be a perfectionist these days, but be naturally satisfied with my work; to where I feel it’s been done to its best fullest potential. I don’t label myself with clichés, I try not to as much. Usually it’s difficult too, in any case. I’m directly upfront with honesty and speak my Mind. It’s just how I am. As an Artisan and Human being.
20. Whom do you look up as being inspirational and influential in your eyes?
Michio Kaku, Alex Grey, Osho, Rod Serling, Jorge Luis Borges, Danielewski. Several Other Minds, including yourself. I find you quite inspirational, on many levels you've been an Artisan to me to differentiated extents. My Own Mind included.
21. We have many young readers; therefore, I'd appreciate some words of wisdom from you that will potentially help them in their journey.
Positive Health Wise: Be a Leader. Do what you feel is right in your Body, Mind and Soul. Never take life for granted. Find yourself in this World. Find and fulfill your reason, your meaning. Because you do serve a, significant purpose in this Universe. Find something strong worth living for and hold onto it. When you lose something or someone, eventually after the healing process. You still must live your life, that’s all one can do. The responsive choice that’s the healthiest is to move on. It’s what a, loved one would want you to do. Not harm yourself. Always remember that Life gives you brand new opportunities, opens new doorways. Never lose hope, no matter how tough it gets. Things are supposed to be this way, but it always remains constant. That’s the beauty of Nature. It’s never an ending to the World. I know that can be tough, it’s easier said than done. But stay strong no matter the difference. Every day is different. Remember, you might have issues and severe problems; but just note to yourself someone somewhere far out there, or on the other side of the World has it way worse than you. You should be thankful. Just for being alive or not being blind or completely paralyzed. Believe in yourself, don’t be afraid to be who you are. Have goals and aspirations in Life. Follow through with them. Help others, because in return the Universe gives back and so do those people you’ve helped. If you’re in a situation, only you yourself can most the percentage of the time solve it or improve to make it better. Do it for the best, be kind to others, it pays off. Think positive. Have trust in at least one person in this World. You won’t make it, without at least support from one person. Make every day count.
That’s my advisory, do what you will with my words of wisdom. Select the ones you like, if there are any you agree with too. It’s all relative. I meant all of them with sincerity.
22. Would you say you're an optimist or a pessimist? Please elaborate.
Overall, I stay on an Optimist level. But Life is not of this nature. There’s never an ultimate balance. We all have awful days; ugly horrible inevitable tragedies happen to us. We get angry and hostile with the World, at humanity, friends and family, people, society, all generalized roots that will trigger us, that can make us look at things differently from personal experiences. However, the neutrality of tug of war between the optimism and the pessimist is truly in the perspective of how I see the Hour Glass Pendulum during those times. Even time frames. But usually I keep my head up overall, like I said. I know things pass. I wouldn’t ultimately want to live my Life miserably, with a misanthrope perspective of the World. We were born for better things, than to just look at all the negatives in Life. It’s the same as being completely one-sided and narrow minded.
I feel Optimism and pessimism are both coexistent, are natural. The actuality is, which do you prefer to live life under perspective with.
23. Have you ever imaged another life, aka a different kind of life than the conscious embodiment of a lifetime you've been given? If so, please tell us about that.
Being now as what I am and was gifted. I cannot answer this question.
24. Towards the end, let's play a game. Name the first association that comes to your mind in regard to:
a. Death – Enlightenment
b. Nightmares – Symbolism
c. Love – Confusion
d. Violence – Egotism
e. School – Knowledge
f. Politics – Control
g. Third eye – Pathway
h. Sexuality – Sequence or Comfort
i. Psychedelics – The Unknown
j. Enlightenment – Death
k. Materialism – Worthless Compensation
l. Science – Nature’s Math
m. Friendship – Inner-self
n. Nature – Geology
o. The Universe – Pantheism
p. UFOs – Life
q. Monsters – Depends by Monsters!? Cryptids / The Mothman???
r. Counterculture – Evolving movement
s. Homeland – Nascent
t. Genius – Gift
u. Ghosts – A Medium / or possible Loneliness
v. Idolatry – Santa Claus vs. Krampus! the Ultimate Final Battle! Haha!
I'd appreciate it if you end up this interview with a message from the depth of your being, something that our readers could all cherish for the rest of their lives!
Whoever and wherever you are, that is reading this? I’d like to leave off saying to all the readers, that I hope one day in this World you’ll find some genuine joy and fulfillment in your Life that’ll lead you to happiness. I wish the best, for all of you to find yourself in this Reality. Discover what meaning is to you. What your purpose is and become one day enlightened with WHO YOU ARE? That’s ultimately coming sincerely from my heart. Live your life freely and to the fullest! My kindest regards.
I also, thank you for this very first interview, “Wings of an Angel”, I very much appreciated it and am thankful to have you interview me, my many thanks and solidarity! Cheers!
Yours Humbly & Sincerely,
Wings of an Angel
-Notes: Neurotic Carousel's very first public media interview, held and done by - the Legendary "Unearthly-Demagogue". March 2017.
The creator and Mind behind the Carousel and front man vocalist, Mark Cavazos discusses music, art and spirituality all in one.
Copyrighted © 2017 by Neurotic Carousel. All rights reserved.
wingsofanangel.bandcamp.com/ << "UnearthlyDemagogue" aka WingsofanAngel Music / Reviewer - on Bandcamp
This album was in my appreciative dedication, by the same Interviewer: wingsofanangel.bandcamp.com/al…
Mark Cavazos of Neurotic Carousel.
The creator and Mind behind the Carousel and front man vocalist, Mark Cavazos discusses music, art and spirituality all in one.
Copyrighted © 2017 by Neurotic Carousel. All rights reserved.
wingsofanangel.bandcamp.com/ << "UnearthlyDemagogue" aka WingsofanAngel Music / Reviewer - on Bandcamp
This album was in my appreciative dedication, by the same Interviewer: wingsofanangel.bandcamp.com/al…
Mark Cavazos of Neurotic Carousel.
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