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A tragedy
        nobody knew:
a situation
        always ignored.

Troubled and lonely,
        his family unknown;
a hideous habit
        began to unfold.

Injecting dope into his veins
        it was the only way he knew
to escape the pain.

So addicted, so abusive
        yellowish scabby skin
and sunken expressions
        this boy looked disgusting.

Strung out for days on end
       he hated his current trend.
Wanting to change - to him
       it seemed impossible.
Everyone around him shared this
        h e r o i n   h a b i t.

Knowing the ones he shouldn't be
                  a
                r   o
                u  n
                  d
it was hard for him to turn
                 d
                   o
                     w
                        n
the perfect mix for a quick fix.

         Desperate for help
  - with rehab not an option -
he was ready to quit with his
       own form of therapy.

Finding hope
      in a teacher ,
he began talking with her
      at every break.
Finding excuses
       to stay after class,
both needing help
       of different tasks.
The teacher had her
       suspicions
for all the marks
       on his skin but
never did she think
       it would be a habit
with heroin.

In need of recovery,
       the teacher helped him out
by simple ways of letting
       him talk things out.

Improvements began
       and he stopped using.
Missed several days
       sweating the toxins out
but all that mattered was
       he was kicking his
  h e r o i n   h a b i t.

Days progressed to weeks
      and he no longer
looked possessed.

It was a Tuesday
        during noon
that the teacher walked out
        only to see paramedics
rushing about pushing a
    s  t  r  e  t  c  h  e  r.

The demons were back.
    Injected too much -
     his life was now
       in the hands
     of someone else.

Bright lights shining
        and a new sun arising.
Granted another chance
        he’s now clean and sober.
But his heroin habit
        he carries around
in the form of a story.
Quite a bit of editing has gone on with this piece. It started as pretty much one big paragraph with the title of Heroin Tragedy. I changed the title to Heroin Habit though because well quite frankly, the ending was not a tragedy.

What's your take on it?
Hows the format?


Advanced Critique is more than welcome :D
Add a Comment:
 
:iconaccebere:
accebere Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2009
Beautiful!
Reply
:iconinspirational-dreams:
inspirational-dreams Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
:ahoy:
Reply
:iconsarcastic-bastard:
sarcastic-bastard Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2008
brilliant!!
Reply
:iconlindseyjean324:
LindseyJean324 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2008
this is great.. i know exactly what it is all like.. also love the format
Reply
:iconinspirational-dreams:
inspirational-dreams Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :ahoy:
Reply
:iconmisty-in-the-shadows:
Misty-In-The-Shadows Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2008  Professional Traditional Artist
Wow, This is amazing. I really felt like in my childhood. The detail with the skin being yellow and scabby reminds me of my dads skin, and the form. It was really toutching.
Reply
:iconpuestodelsol:
puestodelsol Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
i really like this poem as is. it's great how you took something that would be classified as prose... rearranged it and made it poetry.

i think it's beautiful.
Reply
:iconthunderdough:
thunderdough Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2008   Writer
Your point is powerfully expressed. I have seen long time friends of mine go through withdrawal and seemingly endless weeks of dope sickness. The format is well done without being overdone, and artistic use of letter formation is great.
Reply
:iconinspirational-dreams:
inspirational-dreams Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for your feedback :ahoy:
Reply
:iconmasquerademe:
MasqueradeMe Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Amazing, honest.
Reply
:iconmarinacascade:
MarinaCascade Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2008  Student Writer
I'm impressed with the format and as I was reading it I could "hear" a definitive rhythm with some of the lines. I especially liked the spacing.
Reply
:iconveddie-edder:
veddie-edder Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2008
A good poem, love the layout on some of the words - there's only one thing I could find that didn't seem quite right -
It was a Tuesday
during noon


It just doesn't seem to make sense to me.

:) Thanks for sharing your work.
Reply
:iconth3-f4ll3n:
Th3-F4ll3n Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2008
I too liked the layout of 'around'. Good work.
Reply
:iconlalamags:
Lalamags Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2008
I like all the creative spacing. Especially on "around".
Reply
:iconsardonicsteve:
sardonicsteve Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008   Writer
I love the uniqueness of the format. Really, you were spot on with that. The opening descriptions with his height and everything are incredibly unnecessary to the poem.
As well as 'looked disgusting'. You've already described his appearance, why do you need to reiterate it?
Other than that though, you've really crafted something wonderful and mastered many tricky poetic maneuvers.
Critique aside....
Fuckin' awesome.
Reply
:iconinspirational-dreams:
inspirational-dreams Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank-you. I will do some editing tomorrow :D I really appreciate your critique, thank you again
:highfive:
Reply
:iconsardonicsteve:
sardonicsteve Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2008   Writer
I'm flattered you asked. Hehehe.
Reply
:iconthe-smoke-room:
The-Smoke-Room Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008
I Like How You Laid The Poem Out.

Very Unique.
Reply
:icontasty-burger:
Tasty-Burger Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008   Digital Artist
I like what you did wit the words "around" "down", etc.
Reminds me of e.e. cummings.
Reply
:iconcelestial-seraphiman:
Celestial-SeraphiMan Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008   Writer
That's intense.
Reply
:iconcypher7523:
Cypher7523 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008
Quite a powerfull writing, I like the format of this aswell, it keeps your eyes active while your reading and makes for a more interesting read then as if it was just paragraphed. Good work.
Reply
:iconbluepuppy1231:
bluepuppy1231 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2008
I like the format for this. :D I think it can teach a letter for a lot of teens. It's a lot better than those programs we do in school o-o. This is much more deeper and emotional.
Reply
:iconchima:
Chima Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2008
I'm not sure about how to divide it up, but you definitely need to clarify at the end that he lives. On that note: HOLY CRUD THIS MADE ME ALMOST CRY. going through my teen years in a bass-ackward screwed up town like I did, I actually saw some of this. went through a little of it myself. So in a terrifying, messed-up, far-too-close-to-home sort of way, this is a beautiful piece.

Not to say it couldn't use some polishing; the rhyming is awkward with how it turns on and off in random places. also, try to begin a new line on a new idea or thought, or even just when you'd take a breath if you were speaking it. it makes the beat easier on the mind than it is now, where it seems a bit random.
Reply
:iconinspirational-dreams:
inspirational-dreams Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
I've done some editing but I'm still not keen on this ending because now the title of Heroin Tragedy doesn't really fit with how the story ends... as for the rhyming I don't think it's much better but I broke the lines up to try and make it easier to read
Reply
:iconnaomihorror:
naomiHORROR Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008
I like the poem. I'd still class it as that really. I instantly imagined one of those voice overs like on Tim Burton films...

Just a suggestion you don't have to take much notice of- how about renaming it 'heroinside" because he survives and it's not so much of a tragedy...?
Reply
:iconinspirational-dreams:
inspirational-dreams Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for your suggestion.. I've actually been thinking about changing the title because well, just like you said... he survives therefore it's not really a tragedy

Thanks for reading :D
Reply
:iconnaomihorror:
naomiHORROR Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2008
: )
No problem!
Reply
:iconinspirational-dreams:
inspirational-dreams Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank-you... I will begin my editing! :giggle:
Reply
:iconryu-son:
ryu-son Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2008
You might want to divide it up some. I'm not sure either weather it's poetry or prose. I think with a bit of editing it would fit under the former. =D
Reply
:iconinspirational-dreams:
inspirational-dreams Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
I divided it up a bit... but I'm not sure how much it helps things out ^^;
Reply
:iconryu-son:
ryu-son Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2008
"Around" made me giggle.
This works much better than before! =D
Reply
:iconinspirational-dreams:
inspirational-dreams Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
:w00t:
Reply
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