Heroin Habit

inspirational-dreams's avatar
22 32 1K (1 Today)
Published: January 5, 2008
A tragedy
        nobody knew:
a situation
        always ignored.

Troubled and lonely,
        his family unknown;
a hideous habit
        began to unfold.

Injecting dope into his veins
        it was the only way he knew
to escape the pain.

So addicted, so abusive
        yellowish scabby skin
and sunken expressions
        this boy looked disgusting.

Strung out for days on end
       he hated his current trend.
Wanting to change - to him
       it seemed impossible.
Everyone around him shared this
        h e r o i n   h a b i t.

Knowing the ones he shouldn't be
                r   o
                u  n
it was hard for him to turn
the perfect mix for a quick fix.

         Desperate for help
  - with rehab not an option -
he was ready to quit with his
       own form of therapy.

Finding hope
      in a teacher ,
he began talking with her
      at every break.
Finding excuses
       to stay after class,
both needing help
       of different tasks.
The teacher had her
for all the marks
       on his skin but
never did she think
       it would be a habit
with heroin.

In need of recovery,
       the teacher helped him out
by simple ways of letting
       him talk things out.

Improvements began
       and he stopped using.
Missed several days
       sweating the toxins out
but all that mattered was
       he was kicking his
  h e r o i n   h a b i t.

Days progressed to weeks
      and he no longer
looked possessed.

It was a Tuesday
        during noon
that the teacher walked out
        only to see paramedics
rushing about pushing a
    s  t  r  e  t  c  h  e  r.

The demons were back.
    Injected too much -
     his life was now
       in the hands
     of someone else.

Bright lights shining
        and a new sun arising.
Granted another chance
        he’s now clean and sober.
But his heroin habit
        he carries around
in the form of a story.
© 2008 - 2019 inspirational-dreams
Quite a bit of editing has gone on with this piece. It started as pretty much one big paragraph with the title of Heroin Tragedy. I changed the title to Heroin Habit though because well quite frankly, the ending was not a tragedy.

What's your take on it?
Hows the format?

Advanced Critique is more than welcome :D
anonymous's avatar
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LindseyJean324's avatar
this is great.. i know exactly what it is all like.. also love the format
inspirational-dreams's avatar
inspirational-dreamsHobbyist General Artist
Thanks :ahoy:
Misty-In-The-Shadows's avatar
Misty-In-The-ShadowsProfessional Traditional Artist
Wow, This is amazing. I really felt like in my childhood. The detail with the skin being yellow and scabby reminds me of my dads skin, and the form. It was really toutching.
puestodelsol's avatar
puestodelsolHobbyist Photographer
i really like this poem as is. it's great how you took something that would be classified as prose... rearranged it and made it poetry.

i think it's beautiful.
thunderdough's avatar
Your point is powerfully expressed. I have seen long time friends of mine go through withdrawal and seemingly endless weeks of dope sickness. The format is well done without being overdone, and artistic use of letter formation is great.
inspirational-dreams's avatar
inspirational-dreamsHobbyist General Artist
thank you for your feedback :ahoy:
MasqueradeMe's avatar
MasqueradeMeHobbyist Writer
Amazing, honest.
MarinaCascade's avatar
MarinaCascadeStudent Writer
I'm impressed with the format and as I was reading it I could "hear" a definitive rhythm with some of the lines. I especially liked the spacing.
veddie-edder's avatar
A good poem, love the layout on some of the words - there's only one thing I could find that didn't seem quite right -
It was a Tuesday
during noon

It just doesn't seem to make sense to me.

:) Thanks for sharing your work.
Th3-F4ll3n's avatar
I too liked the layout of 'around'. Good work.
Lalamags's avatar
I like all the creative spacing. Especially on "around".
sardonicsteve's avatar
I love the uniqueness of the format. Really, you were spot on with that. The opening descriptions with his height and everything are incredibly unnecessary to the poem.
As well as 'looked disgusting'. You've already described his appearance, why do you need to reiterate it?
Other than that though, you've really crafted something wonderful and mastered many tricky poetic maneuvers.
Critique aside....
Fuckin' awesome.
inspirational-dreams's avatar
inspirational-dreamsHobbyist General Artist
Thank-you. I will do some editing tomorrow :D I really appreciate your critique, thank you again
sardonicsteve's avatar
I'm flattered you asked. Hehehe.
The-Smoke-Room's avatar
I Like How You Laid The Poem Out.

Very Unique.
Tasty-Burger's avatar
Tasty-Burger Digital Artist
I like what you did wit the words "around" "down", etc.
Reminds me of e.e. cummings.
Cypher7523's avatar
Quite a powerfull writing, I like the format of this aswell, it keeps your eyes active while your reading and makes for a more interesting read then as if it was just paragraphed. Good work.
bluepuppy1231's avatar
I like the format for this. :D I think it can teach a letter for a lot of teens. It's a lot better than those programs we do in school o-o. This is much more deeper and emotional.
Chima's avatar
I'm not sure about how to divide it up, but you definitely need to clarify at the end that he lives. On that note: HOLY CRUD THIS MADE ME ALMOST CRY. going through my teen years in a bass-ackward screwed up town like I did, I actually saw some of this. went through a little of it myself. So in a terrifying, messed-up, far-too-close-to-home sort of way, this is a beautiful piece.

Not to say it couldn't use some polishing; the rhyming is awkward with how it turns on and off in random places. also, try to begin a new line on a new idea or thought, or even just when you'd take a breath if you were speaking it. it makes the beat easier on the mind than it is now, where it seems a bit random.
inspirational-dreams's avatar
inspirational-dreamsHobbyist General Artist
I've done some editing but I'm still not keen on this ending because now the title of Heroin Tragedy doesn't really fit with how the story ends... as for the rhyming I don't think it's much better but I broke the lines up to try and make it easier to read
anonymous's avatar
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