Still { Hiccup x Reader } Part 4

Hiccup was pale, his bright green eyes now dim with worry as his hands trembled and patted Toothless's head. You sat next to Hiccup and pulled your feet up while scratching Toothless's chin, letting a small sigh leave your lips at his heavy breathing. Toothless had been like this for an hour now, and Hiccup was starting to blame himself for it, even though you pointed out that Toothless had wanted to help him fight the Silver Phantom. “It's all my fault.” Hiccup started again, hanging his head with a shameful sigh. “Toothless would be okay if it weren't for me.”

You shook your head and threw your arms around the young viking's shoulders, pressing into him. “It isn't your fault Hiccup. Toothless fought bravely and you should be proud of him.” You mumbled quietly, rubbing your hand over his back to soothe him. Hiccup shook his head, and mumbled something into your shoulder. You pulled back to look into his sad eyes and let out a small sigh. “Hiccup, Toothless is okay, I promise. He may have sustained a few injuries but he's fine. If I could go back in time and prevent myself from meeting the Phantom and saving Toothless, I would. But I can't. There's nothing else we can do but wait and I promise he will get better.”

Hiccup bit his lip anxiously and shuddered from the cold, pressing his lips into a thin straight line. “How can you be so sure about that?” He finally asked after a while, breaking the uncomfortable silence. You turned towards him and tilted your head with a startled looking, not expecting the question at all. His eyes were still on Toothless, but he had already sensed the shock on your face before you turned. “How can you be so sure Toothless is going to get to better?”

You swallowed dryly, pursing your lips as you put a hand on top of Hiccup's much bigger one. Your heart was aching in your chest and you shook your head. “Toothless is a fighter. He's strong and I know he'll be fine, you've taken good care of him, he's healthy, he's strong, he'll be perfectly fine, I promise.” You patted his hand before pulling it away.

Hiccup didn't look very convinced but he finally just dropped the conversation and returned to Toothless. You let out a soft sigh and stared at the crackling fire, taking in the delicate but ruthless flames. Minutes passed before Hiccup spoke up again, his question throwing you off unexpectedly. “How long did you know I was with Astrid before we split?”

You looked up with big eyes, your mouth opening to answer before slowly shutting. You had to think back, your mind straining through every little detail of your relationship. “We were just coming back from exploring an uncharted island, I was riding with you because I didn't have a dragon, and Astrid was a little ways beside us. You kept giving her these looks, these googly-eyed looks that made you look like a lovestruck puppy. I was holding on tight to you, and you just continued to ignore me.” You mumbled quietly, more than upset that he had brought this conversation up. “I buried my head in your shoulder, tears starting to bubble up in my eyes, but I just ignored them and told myself you two were 'just friends'.” You said, putting air quotes around 'just friends'. “That was about a month and a half ago and ever since then, I just knew, I knew you two were up to something.”

You fiddled with your hands before scratching your knee, hesitating. “Go on.” He murmured.

“It was about two weeks after that was when I truly found out. You told me that you were going flying with Toothless, but I waited for you for hours.” You hissed, tears starting to flow freely down your reddening cheeks. “I got tired and went to your house to look for you, but all I found was Toothless, clawing at the ground in annoyance, and so I just, I climbed on his back and he flew to me that island we had explored. When we landed, I quickly found Stormfly, and just seconds later, I found you two, lips locked, cuddling, hands in places they shouldn't have been.” You spat, gritting your teeth in agitation. “You two didn't seem to notice me so I quickly ran off on Toothless, and went home. I didn't tell you I had seen you, but you obviously figured it out.”

Hiccup's eyes gazed at you in guilt and he swallowed dryly. “I'm sorry.”

You brushed a tear away and shook your head. “Sorry can't fix anything at this point. Our love life is gone and will never return.” You gave him a sad smile, nibbling on the inside of your cheek.

“I still love you.” Hiccup murmured, taking your soft hand before lacing his fingers with yours. You glanced down at your tangled fingers and blankly stared. “Ever since we split, I've prayed to Odin day after day that I could have you back, and that you would run into my open arms and hug me and kiss me and just be mine again.” He admitted reluctantly, giving your hand a rough squeeze.

“Hiccup, when you kissed me earlier, what was your intention? If you think that little stunt you pulled did anything, then you, are wrong.” You hissed, shaking his hand away impatiently. “I may reminisce on old memories, but I am not a fool. You can't just kiss me and expect I want to be in a relationship with you again, when a few weeks ago, you cheated on me.” You got up quickly and moved to the opposite side of the room, yelling at him. “I am not your second choice! You can't just keep running back to me when things don't work out with you and Astrid!”

Hiccup pursed his lips and nodded, rubbing the back of his neck in guilt. “I know I can't have you, but I'm not lying when I say you aren't my second choice. I really do love you, but I understand why you're being this way.”

Silence.

You looked into his eyes and stared, the anger pulsating in your veins slowly starting to dwindle until you felt weak and dizzy. You pushed your hair behind your ear and sighed, sadness coursing through your veins. “I can't keep waiting for you Hiccup, I have to move on, and I can't do that if you sit there and say you love me. If you honestly did love me, you wouldn't have done what you did in the first place. You love Astrid, not me, and I see that now, you always have. I'll support you in any way that I have to, but I'm just not the one.”

You swallowed, drying your eyes on your shirttail before taking a step towards your room. You felt Hiccup's hand on your bicep and you stopped, turning your head to look at him. “You've been my best friend since we were young, (Name), but if you insist, then I won't push you to accept me again.”