DWOAH: The Mask vs Beetlejuice
Deadliest warriors of all historyThe Mask vs BeetlejuiceSomebody stop this showtime!Stanley Ipkiss aka The Mask info:Height: 6 foot 1Weight: 181lbsWeapons: His Body, Loki’s MaskStrengths: With the power of Loki’s Mask Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask is arguably one of the most powerful cartoon characters in all of fiction, Superhuman strength (Can ragdoll grown men with total ease, Can lift roughly a few tons, Can casually run through brick walls), Incomprehensible durability (Thanks to his Toon Force The Mask is incredibly difficult to harm in any meaningful way, Constantly walks away from brutal beatings, Shrugs off explosions, Easily survives being torn apart and/or decapitated), Superhuman speed/FTL reactions (Can run so fast it leaves dust clouds, Can easily dodge bullets, Can spin so fast he creates tornadoes), Extreme intelligence (Despite appearing to be an utter buffoon The Mask is incredibly bright and can come up with intricate plans on the fly), Toon Force (The Mask’s greatest power granted by Loki’s Mask allowing him to literally make reality his plaything, Can transform into anything he wishes, Can create and pull out any Weapon or object from thin air, Can transform average objects into deadly Weapons e.g. turns a balloon animal into a functional Tommy Gun), Only he can take off his Mask, Has taken on some of fictions strongest characters in his many crossovers e.g. Batman and Lobo.Weaknesses: Despite his intelligence his insanity makes him a total wildcard which can work against him, All of his powers come from his Mask and whilst only he can remove it he can and has been tricked into removing it causing him to lose his powers.Betelgeuse aka Beetlejuice info:Height: 5 foot 9Weight: 166lbsWeapons: His body, Ghost PowersStrengths: Is arguably one of the most powerful Ghosts in fiction, Superhuman strength (Has been shown on multiple occasions to be stronger than humans, Dragged a Monster the size of a large building), Extreme durability (As a Ghost Beetlejuice can survive extreme punishment to the point that decapitation is a mild annoyance to him, Survives being smashed through walls, Survives being mauled by a Sandworm), MFTL speed (Once ran from his house to the North Pole then a desert and then a cruise ship in the ocean within a few seconds), Can transform into anything he wishes e.g. a giant Snake, Once screamed so loud it shook the entire galaxy, Once stated that he was so powerful he could conquer the Netherworld with ease.Weaknesses: Whilst saying his name three times at first summons him doing so afterwards depowers him or can outright strip him of his abilities, If torn apart Beetlejuice has a limited amount of time to reform himself otherwise he will die permanently.Battle begin!Humming to himself as he dragged a chair to his apartment window where a telescope was situated and pointed out of the window as he sat on the chair and reopened the newspaper “for the first time in the recorded history of man the Betelgeuse Star will shine brighter than any other tonight at roughly eleven thirty” he read out loud before checking his watch finding that he had just a minute to go “what a strange name for a Star, Betelgeuse...Betelgeuse...Betelgeuse...huh, ok let’s see this thing”.Looking into the telescope just as Betelgeuse came into view Stanley’s vision was suddenly blocked by a black and white striped shape “what the heck?”.“IT’S SHOWTIME!!!!!” Beetlejuice declared as he sprang up from the Netherworld right in front of Stanley, knocking both him and the telescope over as he then landed and dusted himself off “Beetlejuice is the name! The Ghost with the most and Bio-Exorcist extraordinaire!” the Ghost then stated as he stood over Stanley “now then, where are the Ghosts that summoned me?”.“Ghosts?” Stanley replied as he picked himself up “there’s no Ghosts here, this is my apartment!”.“No Ghosts? Then who could have summoned me? I specifically heard my name called three times, say it three times and that means I gotta job to do and that job is kicking out the unwanted living” the Ghost stated “and you’re the only living here that I can see so I better get to work!”.With that the Ghost started to levitate above the floor with several objects around him floating with him, cackling as he did so before launching several of Stanley’s things at him, sending him scrambling across the floor before his telescope struck him in the back sending him flying across the room and into his closet, the door slamming hard trapping him inside.Hitting the wall hard inside of the closest Stanley groaned and grunted as several items from the shelves fell to land on his head, one of them being an old wooden mask which bounced off of his head and landed in his hands.“Come out come out, the funs only just started” Beetlejuice taunted as he floated towards the closet, getting ready to rip the door open when suddenly bright flashing green lights shone out from around the door frame as the door violently rattled and banged about on its hinges, the wood of it groaning and starting to splinter before suddenly it burst open revealing a yellow and green twister which violently spun around the room utterly destroying everything as it laughed wildly.“SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!” the twister then shouted before it stopped spinning revealing a man clad in a garish yellow suit and a bright green bald head, his eyes wide and manic and his grin unnaturally wide.Pulling out a hand mirror from his suit the Mask inspected his reflection, running his hand over his bald head as if smoothing down hair making a comically squeaking noise “man I look good!” he stated before Beetlejuice’s image appeared in the mirror causing it to shatter and turning the Masks grin to a scowl.“Ok WHERE you do you get off coming into MY place and trying to kick ME out?! I pay the rent!....sometimes, so I have the right to be here! YOU GET OUT!!!” the Mask exclaimed before suddenly swapping his yellow suit for a Ghostbusters uniform “oh wait, copyright” he commented, ripping off the Ghostbusters logo from the suit and replacing it with one matching his own design, the Ghost on the logo having the same face as him.Next the Mask pulled out a Proton Pack from hammerspace and aimed it at Beetlejuice “insert copyrighted reference here!” he then barked before firing the Proton Pack, sending a stream of energy at Beetlejuice sending the Ghost darting around the room to avoid the blast.“Hey! Whoa! Watch it!” Beetlejuice exclaimed as he dodged the stream over and over again whilst it steadily destroyed the room, the Mask quickly getting tired of missing to which he converted the Proton Pack into a large vacuum, promptly sucking the Ghost up until only his head was protruding from the vacuum nozzle to which he aimed the vacuum towards the open window and set it to blow.“FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!” the Mask shouted as he then shot Beetlejuice out of the vacuum with the force of a Cannon, sending the Ghost screaming over the horizon.Several miles out of the city Beetlejuice came shooting down towards the ground where the Mask suddenly appeared dressed as a Baseball player with a Baseball Bat “oh it’s the bottom of the ninth, can our esteemed Batsman get the homerun needed to take home the game?” the green headed man spoke out loud before swinging the Bat hard at Beetlejuice to which the Ghost suddenly stopped mid air.“Ooooh strike one!” Beetlejuice laughed before quickly dodging another swing “strike two!” he then added before literally retreating his head into his body like a turtle into its shell to avoid another swing “and that’s three! YERRRR OUT!”.Seething to the point that steam shot out of his ear holes the Mask swapped the Bat for a Shotgun and started cranking out shots at the Ghost who once again effortlessly dodged left and right “missed me! Oh so close! Nearly! Ooh I felt the breeze from that one!” he taunted before letting out a muffled noise as the Mask shoved the barrel of the Shotgun into his mouth.“Feel the breeze of this!” the Mask snapped before shooting again blasting the Shotgun right in Beetlejuice’s mouth, setting off a cartoonish gunpowder cloud around the Ghosts head and when the cloud cleared it showed Beetlejuice’s face had been coated black with gunpowder and his hair mussed up, Beetlejuice then coughing up a large cloud of gunpowder before producing a sign that read ‘ow!’.Cocking the Shotgun again the Mask took aim to shoot again but this time Beetlejuice shapeshifted into a comically large bullet proof vest to tank the shot, the Ghost then transforming into a huge Boa Constrictor-like Snape with his garish features before wrapping tight around the Mask forcing him to drop his Shotgun.“Hey, hey whoa now! I’m not on the market for a new squeeze!” the Mask gasped as Beetlejuice constricted crushingly tight around him, squeezing to the point that the Mask’s head comically inflated, his eyes bulging before suddenly he burst into a shower of confetti leaving Beetlejuice looking around confused.“Is that it?” he questioned before feeling a tap on his back, the Ghost Snake turning around to be confronted by the Mask now in the shape of a huge green headed Mongoose making Beetlejuice shriek in fright and shoot back at the Mask took a bite at him.Slithering away from the mad Mongoose Beetlejuice transformed back into his humanoid form and pulled out a large Mallet which he promptly slammed down upon the Mad man squashing the Mask flat, the green headed man revealed to have reverted back to his original form from the hit as his now flat frisbee-esque body sprouted its hands and feet to start scuttling around like a Crab “why I oughta! Just you wait until I find a bike pump or something!” he grumbled as he skittered around only for Beetlejuice to hit him again, swinging his Mallet like a Croquet Mallet to send the Mask skyward with a Wilhelm scream.Watching the Mask sail off into the sky Beetlejuice then swapped his Mallet for an RPG, the Rocket Head of it clad in pain matching his own visage as he took aim mimicking the beeping of a RPG lock on with his mouth before pulling the trigger.As the Rocket shot towards him the Mask finally stopped spinning and popped back into his normal proportions just in time to take the Rocket to the mouth, the green headed man outright swallowing the Rocket before his body inflated several times its size as the Rocket exploded inside of him leading to him coughing up the explosion cloud.“......ok now that’s just not fair” Beetlejuice commented as he watched the Mask float down to the ground dressed as Mary Poppins umbrella and all.As soon as the Mask landed he flinched as he felt long barbed Vines suddenly wrap around his legs, the Vines having burst from the ground from large cracks that suddenly formed from which spectral groans and screams came from them as well “let’s take things to my backyard!” the Ghost declared as the Vines then wrapped around the Mask completely and swiftly dragged him underground to which Beetlejuice followed into the crack that then closed up behind him.Screaming as he was dragged deep underground the Mask grunted as he was then hit the ground, the Vines releasing him allowing him to sit up and harshly slap himself to stop the ringing in his head before looking around to find himself in what looked like an Undead City with Ghosts floating around everywhere “well, I’m not in Kansas anymore” he commented momentarily donning a dress akin to Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz for the comment.“No, you’re in my world bitch!” Beetlejuice declared drawing the Mask’s attention upwards, the green headed man’s eyes enlarging and springing out to comical levels as he found Beetlejuice now towering over him at several dozen feet tall clad in a striped sweater and fedora ala Freddy Kreuger.Holding up a comical sign that read ‘mercy?’ the Mask then screamed as Beetlejuice brought his foot down upon him, the Ghost then lifting his foot to reveal that the Mask had turned into several tiny copies of himself which ran around in circles shrieking and chattering to which Beetlejuice stomped down on them multiple more times.Grunting as he stomped again and again, Beetlejuice didn’t notice the Mask now sitting on his shoulder until the green headed man spoke “put your heel into it, that’ll get him!”.“Thanks” the Ghost responded, taking his advice to grind his heel into the dirt where he thought he was before stopping “wait a minute…”.Turning his head to face the Mask Beetlejuice exclaimed as the Mask swung at him with a Sledgehammer that he pulled out of his pocket, hitting the Ghost hard in his green rotting teeth causing them to shatter straight out of his mouth “phew, you need a breath mint buddy and one hell of a mouthwash!” the Mask exclaimed at the vile stench that came from Beetlejuice’s face, the Mad man then pulling out a firehouse from his pants and shoving it in the Ghosts mouth promptly starting to fill it with water making Beetlejuice's head swell up like a balloon until it popped.Jumping down from the Ghosts now headless body the Mask turned to admire his work just in time to see Beetlejuice grow another head “oh come on! What's a guy gotta do?!” he shouted in frustration as Beetlejuice shrank down cackling maniacally.“There’s nothing you can do! I’m the Ghost with the most! The great and terrible Beetlejuice!” the Ghost stated as the Mask started to pull Gun after Gun from his pockets to shoot at him, from Revolver to Tommy Gun to Sawed off Shotgun, every bullet being effortlessly dodged by the Ghost as he contorted and twisted his body around to avoid them.Ending with a Gatling Gun to the same effect the Mask just dropped it and wiped the sweat from his brow “Beetlejuice...Beetlejuice...Beetlejuice...I never thought I’d ever be the one to say this but MAN you’re annoying” he stated only to stop when the Ghost suddenly gasped and shrunk slightly “what was that?”.“Nothing! It was nothing!” Beetlejuice responded sounding a little panicked now to which the Mask raised an eyebrow.“......Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice” the Mask then repeated to which the Ghost gasped and shrunk again bringing a devious grin to the Mask’s face.Opening his mouth to try to stop him Beetlejuice could only let out a started yelp as the Mask started shouting his name over and over in rows of three, causing him to depower and shrink down over and over again until he was a mere fraction of his original size “here, hold this” the Mask then told him handing the now tiny Ghost a Grenade before pulling the pin and slamming a metal lid down upon him to trap him in place, muffling Beetlejuice's muffled curses and shouts before the Grenade went off utterly destroying the Ghost.As the Grenade went off the sheer force of it catapulted the Mask straight up into the air and straight out of the Netherworld via a strange floating door he had created and opened in the sky, the door then appearing on the ground back in the living world and opening for the Mask to hop out of “well, that was something” he stated dusting himself off before walking away.Winner: The MaskWell, that one was actually tougher to write than I had expected, not for the verdict but actually writing what each character would do because when each character can do nearly anything what do you pick? I was so close to including a Cuban Pete dance for the Mask but decided against it because there was no way I could have pulled it off.So why does the Mask win?Well as stated in his official Death Battle against Deadpool he’s a literal Cartoon God, once he dons his Mask he becomes arguably the most powerful being to ever exist and despite Beetlejuice’s own almost God-like abilities there’s next to nothing he could do to put down the Mask as he could quite simple shrug off anything done to him.And whilst Beetlejuice has his own bullshit immunities what little weaknesses he had were much easier to prey upon than the Mask’s meaning that it was just a matter of time before the Mask realised that the same way of summoning Beetlejuice also weakened him if repeated giving him the eventual win.