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Desolation by iLucky7 Desolation by iLucky7
    They said I was normal. They told me it was ok. They told me that I was just like them. But I'm not. I know that I'm not ok. I know I'm not the same. Do they know what I see when I look at the still river or a shop window, or hell, even the broken glass that was once a mirror? I see someone that I hate. Am I really just like you? Sure. I dare you to say that with a straight face. Can't do it, can you? You don't know what it's like, living like this. All alone. Desolate. Stuck here with nobody to keep you from jumping from that cliff. But you can't fall. No, your wings always catch you, don't they?
     Why? Why is it that I can't just have the consolation that I so desperately seek? Why can't I change? Why can't I be who I wish I was?
    They told me I could do anything. They told me I could be anything. But I can't. I am restricted. Imprisoned within my metaphorical cage. Trapped with these thoughts that cut like blades, each more painful than the last. The realization that I can't change. That I am stuck like this until the day I die. I am weak. They told me I was sick. In a way, I suppose you're right. I'm just not the same kind of sick that you thought.
    I don't understand it. Why do you mess with my mind? It isn't just a game anymore. Are you trying to break me? Because if you are, you're succeeding. I can't escape my cage. Thorns have grown through the bars. They pierce my skin, cutting me down to my bones. There is no noise here, either. The silence has slowly begun to fray what's left of my sanity. What was once a strong, stable rope has started to rot away.
    I don't know if I'll go back to the way I was. I don't know if this is permanent. Is it just a phase like they say it is? Or is it what I am sure it is? I know what's happening. Or, at least, I think I do. They just won't admit the truth because they don't want to believe it. There's always another excuse. Funny, isn't it? Shouldn't I know better than anyone? I guess not. After all, I'm just your little lab mouse, aren't I?
    I don't know what's happening. I want to scream, but I can't. I want to run, but I can't. I want to say something, but I can't. It's too late now. The thorns have bound me down. All I can do is cry in my prison, alone with the silence. Can anybody else break the bars? Please, can anybody else free me from this desolation?
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October 12, 2015
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