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After Forever

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By ilovemybishies87   |   Watch
49 216 7K (1 Today)
Published: August 8, 2009
I stared out the cottage window at the perfection before me. The forest that had once enchanted me with its fairy-tale-like charm felt like a prison now, the shadows from the trees reminding me of bars. I could almost hear the jail door shut with a resounding slam.

How long had it been since I was turned? Even I had lost track; all I knew was that it had been a long time, longer than the average human lifespan. The first few years of my life as a vampire were a blur, a rush of ecstasy filled with nothing but Edward. I couldn't have been happier. At least, so I had thought at the time. An eternity with him was better than a dream.

But then one day I woke up to the truth. It was as though I saw my life flash before my eyes.

Mom and Dad had died after what felt like a few years after my rebirth, one week after each other. I wasn't able to attend Mom's funeral--Florida, sun and vampires didn't mix very well--but I was able to find peace in her death. It was Dad's death that still lingered in the back of my mind...or rather, the way I had treated him during his life. I could have treated him better, could have tried to reach out to him more, like I had with Mom, but instead I acted like a spoiled child fuming because things weren't going my way. And still he was there for me. I never got to thank him for that, and now I never could.

And what about Mike, Eric, Jessica, Angela--they were all gone, weren't they? They were the first people to reach out to me when I came to Forks, to invite me into their circle of friends, to do anything and everything possible to make sure that I felt like I belonged, and what did I do? Treat them like they were nothing more than annoyances, obstacles to my goal of Edward Cullen.

Even Reneesme had been taken away from me, though not by the hands of death like all the others. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to stop the flood of memories that rushed through my mind. Eighteen years would have been much too soon to give up my only child, but to have to do it in six was gut wrenching.

And to my best friend, no less. I couldn't stop thinking about that, no matter how hard I tried. I knew it wasn't Jacob's fault. I knew he couldn't help who he imprinted on. He had as much control over it as I had control over when the sun would rise and set, but I still felt betrayed. A part of that betrayal was him stealing my daughter away from me, but as selfish as it sounds, most of it stemmed from the fact that our relationship felt like a lie. Was the only reason for meeting me, befriending me, loving me so that he could raise my daughter to be his wife?

Most of all, though, I was angry. Not at Jacob, though, or anyone else for that matter. I was mad at myself. I didn't realize what I was getting myself into. When I was still human the word "forever" held such reverence for me, as much as the words "Edward Cullen" had. It was like trying to reach for a star, unattainable, but still I wanted to hold it in my hands and say that I had achieved the impossible.

And so I had. But at what cost?

"Bella, love, what are you doing here?" Edward asked, placing a kiss on my forehead. "You should come to the bedroom."

I pushed myself up from my chair and forced a smile. "All right. Go on ahead. I'll meet you there."

I watched his receding form as he disappeared into the room. I think that was what hurt me the most: the realization that what Edward and I shared was not love, but lust. I didn't want to believe it before. I had convinced myself the feelings I had were special, that no one else had felt something so wonderfully exciting, invigorating. I thought that feeling would last forever...but it didn't. All we were left with were awkward silences that we managed to fill with sex.

This wasn't what I wanted, what I had expected, but it was exactly what I got.

As I followed a few paces behind him, I passed by a mirror and stopped, taking in my appearance. I was still inhumanly beautiful, eternally eighteen, like I was the day I had been turned. But I felt old; I could feel it in my soul, my very being. I was worn and tired, and I just wanted it all to end. I wanted a peace that I would never find.

But I wouldn't complain. I had made this bed of roses, and I would have to lie in it, thorns and all.

Forever and ever and ever...
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© 2009 - 2019 ilovemybishies87
Oh...my...God. ILMB WROTE TWILIGHT FAN FICTION!!! :iconohnoesplz:


I totally blame/give credit to *silvanoir for this. She said on one of the my anti-Twilight comics that:

"I'd still like to see something written about a middle aged Bella, when her teenage naivety has worn off and realizes what she's done to her life..."

Personally I doubt that canon!Bella would ever care/realize what she's done with her life, but regardless I thought the idea had merit. I didn't expect to write anything about it, though. I just sat down at my computer earlier today, and it came out.

And you know, as weird as it sounds, I ALMOST feel sorry for Bella. Not canon!Bella, of course, but this one, the one who has realized that dreams and ideals don't always match up to reality.

Whether this interpretation of her character actually matches up with the canon or not I really don't know. So...should I apologize now that I twisted her character a bit (a lot?) to fit my liking? ^^;


And I'm still debating whether to post this on FF.net...




Bella and Edward © SMeyer
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Comments (185)
Cat-Alin's avatar
It's a good story. Definitely not in-character for her, but definitely makes her a lot more realistic. Though I do feel like pointing out to this Bella that suicide is still an option, considering their venom is supposed to be very flammable...
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KHough's avatar
Love My headcanon ending.
Reply  ·  
D-teen91's avatar
D-teen91|Student Writer
This was amazing!
Reply  ·  
angiee45's avatar
angiee45|Hobbyist Writer
This is really good. I wrote something similar for the same reason. A fellow deviant gave me the idea although mine ends on a darker not than yours.
Reply  ·  
smylealong's avatar
:iconclapplz: Beautiful. For once Bella sounds normal. This is 10000 times better than Twilight.
Reply  ·  
AwesomeFroggy's avatar
AwesomeFroggy|Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh how I wish real Bella would have come to this realization, It would have made then end of the series so much freaking better!
Reply  ·  
ilovemybishies87's avatar
ilovemybishies87|Hobbyist Digital Artist
I agree. I seriously doubt canon!Bella will ever come to this realization, though.
Reply  ·  
evafortuna's avatar
evafortuna|Hobbyist General Artist
OH MAN. This is so awesome. I'm not a fan (should be obvious) but I read all four books out of commitment. By the time I got to Breaking Dawn it was like the words were pieces of glass stabbing my eyes, and somehow this made it all better. So so so perfectly written.
Reply  ·  
ilovemybishies87's avatar
ilovemybishies87|Hobbyist Digital Artist
I respect you for getting through all four books. You are much stronger than I am.

Thank you. :)
Reply  ·  
TauriNichole's avatar
i came across your page by accident and stuck around out of curiousity cause they're aren't too many u.s. girls out there into anime and this little parody you popped out is quite funny ha ha and i think you should share it if you're willing to put up with the upset obsessed twilight fan rage. It was fate that brought us together. lol
Reply  ·  
ilovemybishies87's avatar
ilovemybishies87|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you. Put it up where, I wonder?
Reply  ·  
TauriNichole's avatar
do you mind if i share it with my coworkers?
Reply  ·  
ilovemybishies87's avatar
ilovemybishies87|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not at all. Please do. :)
Reply  ·  
kaoruobsessed's avatar
kaoruobsessed|Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is a perfect fan fiction and has so much truth to it. As you said in your comments a canon Bella probably wouldn't have figured it out...but Edward was like 90 years old right, after 20 years of being the same old 20 year old...I think the amazement of life would start to wear off. It's really great to see someone else who hates Bella as much as I do...and your fan fiction shows her idiocy very well. Congratulations on an awesome writing!
Reply  ·  
ilovemybishies87's avatar
ilovemybishies87|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you. :) I appreciate your comments.
Reply  ·  
kaoruobsessed's avatar
kaoruobsessed|Hobbyist Digital Artist
You are very welcome...there are very few times where I will actually favorite a fanfiction on here, but yours was so worth it. You are a very good writer! :-)
Reply  ·  
GigaDrillSpider's avatar
You wrote TWILIGHT FANFICTION...AND IT'S AWESOME! You pretty much deconstructed everything about Twilight that makes me want to burn the book.
Reply  ·  
ilovemybishies87's avatar
ilovemybishies87|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you. :D
Reply  ·  
15HeadsTall's avatar
WHAT?! YOU WROTE TWILIGHT FANFIC? BLASPHEMY!

...Madness aside, that was actually quite fantastic.

The sad thing is, this was actually better than ALL 4 BOOKS COMBINED. O_O
Reply  ·  
ilovemybishies87's avatar
ilovemybishies87|Hobbyist Digital Artist
I KNOW! I NEED A CONE OF SHAME,

Thank you. ^_^ And yes, that is really sad.
Reply  ·  
15HeadsTall's avatar
You watched Up, right? =D
I do not like the cone of shame.
Reply  ·  
ilovemybishies87's avatar
ilovemybishies87|Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yes, I did! Love that movie.
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