ode to you, if you ever goall i want to do in math classis write poems about my dogand how we buried her in the yardthat one winterwhen you weren't there to seeand there was blood on my handsbut i was still clean, when the rattlingof her bus-crushed bones in a wheelbarrowbecame the thud of her frozen name falling out of my mouth.grieving her turns into grieving you,trauma snowballing in the wake of spring(my crying is about you even when it's not)i know you are gone now,burying other madnessesin another backyard, while i hang myselfon the trees in mine and think about howmy dad could've saved my dogif he would've fixedthe fucking electric fencelike he promised a thousand times;i promise a thousand timesthat i was still clean, that winter when you leftbefore the dog died and you weren't there to tell methat we're all gonna die anyway. i needed to hear it then;i was becoming unclean,needing to be tethered to something's gravity, i hada mind made up of the way my dog's eyes look when she'
grief on an answering machinechemistry tells usmatter cannot be destroyedbut changesfrom one form to another. i heard you today on old voicemails; the voice that kissesthe boundaries of being,screaming the conservation of the soul,tells me you are hereeven when you are not/ / it is only a sound.i have remembered a plethora of them; searchingfor the moments i can remember your nervous humming, your raucous prayers.but i only know the staccato breaths of a starting enginei have spoken sotto voce into the mouths of unripe girlsi hear lawnmowers screaming in yards they burned down to build a shopping malli fuck a boy to the sound of passing trains.these are sounds to throw away, sounds i do not needbut your voice is not one of them/ / mourning you is a second languageand i am stumbling through sentences.i don’t know the word for ‘goodbye’so teach m
One Day Until TomorrowYou with your broken soulMe with my bleeding heartWe couldn't be togetherBut we could not be apartIt wasn't hard to missThe writing on the wallSo we should have jumpedBecause it wasn't hard to fallI crashed so many timesEach time I thought I could flyEvery book you startedAlways ended in goodbyeAnd though it was so long agoIt still feels like yesterdayIt doesn't matter what we doThere’s nothing we can sayTimes that left us brokenLeft us bleeding, burned and bruisedLove could only teach usWhat it feels like to loseInnocence surrenderedTo the fire and the flameIt could have been anythingBut only brought us painForever seems so far awayWith so much left behindThere's nothing left to loseNow that there’s nothing left but timeI couldn’t move the mountainsAnd you couldn't part the seaBut everything we would have doneAnd all that we could beWe have walked foreverThrough the thunder and the darkWe both have fought with demonsAnd we wear our