idrilkeeps's avatar


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My life is still on hold - after my husband died in October 2015, I'm still semi active as a cosplayer and with the BJD exhibitions.
But I'm mostly alone, I suffer from PTSD and anxiety, I have panic attacks and my beagle "Spike" is my new BFF.

I do try to have "fun", and my main survival strategy is reading, because there's still so much to read.

Currently I'm buried deep in the Sterek fandom, and since I'm not able to write anything myself, I feel like I'm using but not contributing. Which I would love to change some day.

I keep passing the open windows.

Because, maybe someday, it'll all worth it.
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I'm crying

2 min read
I'm crying.

The last 15 years, I have spent with my husband, lover and best friend Emil.
14 of those years was spent as a family, with my daughter, who left us with an awful mess a year ago.
2 weeks ago today, he decided his life was no longer worth living without my daughter, whom he loves as his own child.
He was brought back, but has been in a coma for the last two weeks.
He has extensive brain damage, which means he's never going to get a normal life again, if he survives.

I'm losing my best friend.
I'm losing the man I've loved, and been faithful to, for the last 15 years,
I'm losing the best father I could ever have wished for for my daughter.
I'm losing the glue that keeps my life together.
I'm losing the voice of reason in my life.
I'm losing the one who loved me despite all my quirks and ideas and fangirlism.
I'm losing the one who respected me as a person, who cared for me, who never said no, who did everything for me.
I'm losing the reason I go to work every morning, the reason I come home every afternoon.

I'm losing the love of my life.

So yes, I'm crying.

Edit 11.14.2015:
My husband Emil died on October 30th surrounded by his family.
He was buried on November 10th in Oslo.
Emil leaves no children on his own, but has left me with his Beagle "Spike", who is my new baby.
Thank you :heart:
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Plans for this summer:
Cosplay and BJD exhibition @ DesuCon 10 (Oslo/Lillestrøm, Norway)
Viking markets at Bronseplassen (Høvåg, Norway) and Hove (Arendal, Norway)
Canal Street (Jazz and blues festival, Arendal, Norway)
Cosplay and BJD exhibition @ Torucon  (Trondheim, Norway)
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This weekend I attended a cozy little Con in Larvik, Norway called Banzaicon. It was my 3rd BanzaiCon, and also my 3rd hosting a BJD stand. Our BJD stand this year was more in flow with the theme, and all the dolls cosplayed.

I took a lot of pics, but hardly any were good enough to put on here, so I'm gonna try to copy the scenes at home and taker better pics ;)

Anyway, I had an awesome time, I've already booked hotel rooms for next year, and I've just posted some pics of the dolls and of cosplayers holding some of my dolls on DA :heart:

It's still winter here - spring is sneaking in but we're getting some more snow this weekend, lol

I'm gonna sneak out and pretend I wasn't here now, k bai ;-)
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It's March 15th. I mean, it's SPRING!!!!

And I've been slacking on posting doll pics, I know. Sorry about that, lol

I'll try to get better at it, but I have so much to do :heart:

Anyway, it's still winter here (it's snowing!) so the whole "spring" thing was a bit overrated :P

I'll see you guys around :)

- Idril
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My life is on hold by idrilkeeps, journal

I'm crying by idrilkeeps, journal

June - August 2015 by idrilkeeps, journal

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Too many dolls, too little time... by idrilkeeps, journal