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  • Listening to: Survivor Guilt- Rise Against
  • Drinking: water
So....today is my birthday. Or was, it's almost over. Please save the half hearted "happy birthday", I've had more than enough disappointment today. I was looking forward to today for weeks. 

I had to fight with my mom and sister to come back for cake. They left again right after.

Earlier today, my mom went with her friend instead of waiting for me to get up so we could go and eat. Mind you, I actually got up early today. We did that, went to the store to get milk, and then she had me drop her off at her friend's house. I came home and took a nap and then talked to the one friend I have here.

My sister went to a baby shower, where she had been all day. And then, went to pick up her friend when she kept insisting that they were on their way over. They came here, ate cake, and then left after telling me that they were going home to continue their tradition of getting drunk on my birthday without me.

I wasn't invited, wasn't even thought about. 

Mom went back to her friend's house.

I'm not upset that I wasn't invited to drink with my sister. She's done it every year for the last five years. What upset me is that I had to fight with both of them to even try to celebrate another year of a life that I never wanted. 

A life that 3 years ago, I tried to end. I'm 32 years old today, and this is the first birthday that I've actually cried for a reason that never involved me being a year old and being surrounded by too many people and terrified.

And I don't know anyone here because I was forced into moving 2000+ miles away from everyone that I knew because I "could make new friends and would still have my family". 6 years later, I have 1 friend that I NEVER see anymore and a family that doesn't give a shit about me. And on top of all of that, I feel so fucking selfish because my mom was just diagnosed with cancer a few days ago, and I'm here crying over no one wanting to be here on my birthday.

Happy Fucking Birthday. I'm not doing this again next year. I'm not even going to bother with it.
  • Listening to: Survivor Guilt- Rise Against
  • Drinking: water
I'm not dead! I've been so busy, and haven't really felt motivated to draw lately. But tonight, I sat down and actually drew (and finished) a piece! It's my latest deviation, and I actually enjoyed making it! I feel like maybe if I start drawing content that I enjoy, I'll be able to actually finish things without feeling pressured or losing interest.

And the weird thing is that I don't take requests, even from family lol But between errands and life in general, I haven't really found time or motivation to do anything more than mess around online. Maybe it's a matter of finding the right inspiration, I guess. I dunno.

But wow, it is so hot now? Summer started early, as it usually does, at the end of April. But it feels like it does in August already, like peak hot and humid. Plus, hurricane season has started, which is fun. Alberto changed trajectory at the last minute, and turned eastward from the gulf. There were casualties, and I hope the families can find peace in their difficult time.

Things have also been happening in my county since they lifted the alcohol ban. Like murder, DUI, things like that. Like we didn't already have a drug trafficking problem here thanks to people in Clarkedale. A woman that I know murdered her boyfriend. The trial is next month, and I hope she's convicted and sentenced. It's been absolutely crazy here.

But life goes on as usual, and I need to figure out a way to make money or get a job. Or go beg for my job back, but my anxiety will not allow me to do that. I need to figure something out, though, and soon. I have an elderly cat to take care of. 

I also now have a desk! I know that it doesn't seem like much to get excited over, but I've been without a desk for 6 years almost. It makes drawing difficult, even drawing digitally. I'll get everything set up tomorrow/later today, after I get home. 

We're getting the truck's tires replaced, finally. I told my mom that I'm not driving her car anymore. The tire fell apart on the highway, and I had to drive 30 miles below the speed limit to go home and get the truck. What's funny is that I even thought to take the truck in the first place, but then told myself no because my mom would have a fit. 

Turns out, the truck was the more reliable option in the first place, and I was terribly upset over that for hours. My mom and sister were in California at the time. They got back on the 31st of May, so now my sister annoys me asking me to take her to Dollar General all the time. If I start working there again, I'm not taking her every day anymore. She gets mad, but oh well. 

For now, maybe I should try to get better at drawing so I can do something with it and not let it be just a useless talent. I've already improved a lot, but there's always more room for improvement.
  • Listening to: Comatose - Skillet
  • Drinking: water
So, I do have a blog that I update seemingly monthly lol but it's a non-tumblr blog (to avoid discourse n shit) where I post life stuff, hobby stuff, rants about fandom, fandom stuff, basically anything I feel like writing about but don't feel like dealing with tumblrs about. Because let's face it, people on tumblr are insane, especially the fandom side of tumblr.

Anyway, if you wanna check it out, the link is  HERE .

I'm fairly more active on tumblr, but I don't really post much that's "interesting" because I'm not a part of the BIG FANDOMS over there. I just post what I like. But that link is HERE if you're interested. I also have an art blog, but that's a work in progress and I haven't gotten everything done. Regardless, that one is HERE .

Like I said, I'm a lot more active on tumblr than I am here. 
  • Watching: We Are X
  • Drinking: water
So, I was browsing Hulu out of curiosity tonight, and I came across the X Japan biopic, We Are X. And I must say that if you were ever a fan of Jrock (or still are), then it's a worthwhile watch. X Japan was (and still is) Japan's most famous visual kei/metal/Jrock band. They paved the way for artists like Dir En Grey and Luna Sea. During their world tour in I believe 2016 (when the biopic was made, they were getting ready for their show in Madison Square Garden), Sugizo played guitar in Hide's place. Hide passed away in 1998, just 5 months after X Japan disbanded.

I don't really talk about my interests much, or at all anymore. I'm always greeted with negativity when I try to discuss my interests at home, so I learned to just keep it to myself and not discuss it with my family or on facebook where they can see it. They know about my Jrock phase, and according to my sister, it was "stupid", like everything else that I'm interested in. But X Japan was a very integral part of my teenage years. Yes, some of their music is older than me, some is the same age or a few years younger, but I was still very much into their music. I became a fan in 2002. I had seen news of Hide's death on the news in 1998, thought nothing of it. Didn't realize until I was older that this band was a part of his life.

Hide was also in the biopic, as was Taiji, who had also died before their comeback. But I knew about the movie for a while. I just didn't know if it would be available to watch here in the states. So I was surprised to see it on Hulu, and even watched it. It was as nostalgic as it was heartbreaking. 

And as someone that also deals with some of the same issues (ie chronic pain, asthma, physical weakness) as Yoshiki, the drummer, I feel like I can relate more. To him as a person, and his music. X Japan was a huge part of my life. They still are. I still listen to them from time to time, and I feel like I can definitely appreciate their music a lot more now.
  • Listening to: Dark Daze - Sylar
  • Reading: ED Articles
  • Drinking: water
For whatever reason, for shits and giggles, mostly, I thought I would check out old pages on ED that I used to follow. And it's so weird to see that over the last 10 years since they were published, absolutely NOTHING changed. Some of the people became progressively worse over time. That really is something. And a shame, all of that potential for becoming a much better person was flushed down the drain and lays within sewage and stagnant swamp water. And to think it's somewhere I spent time at now. Oh, well. Some people change, and not always for the better. Nearly 6 years in Mississippi. I don't have time for that mess, where I would have contributed when I was younger and a lot more naive. I think I'm more appalled than amused by that shitstorm of faux social justice and pretending to be Latinx when they're not. Appropriation at its finest.

Anyway. I have a way of disappearing. I do't really have an excuse for it, other than my desire for privacy and not really being motivated to do anything art-wise. Hey, it's also 2018. The year I achieved not giving a single fuck anymore. I'm told that I'm mean. That's what being beaten down and dragged does. Work was hellish until the end. Home life isn't terrible, but could use improvement. Pretending to be something I never was in order to keep a roof over my head is a necessary evil. But doable. I've been doing alright, though!

Today, I got my laptop back up and running. It needed a new hard drive. I got one, it's installed. Everything else was installed. So I'm back up and running with a larger screen again. For lurking and shit.

Seems that's mainly what I do while soaking up new info like a sponge. It's almost like I don't sleep. I do. Just very little.

Cheers, it's 2018. 

What a shitstorm.
  • Listening to: Science- Framing Hanley
  • Drinking: watah
So, where have I been? Around. Ish. Been working a lot. I went from just being a cashier when I returned to Dollar General to being a keyholder within two weeks of returning. So yay, more stress! I have two days off, at least. but will I do anything creative? Dunno. I kind of get burned out pretty fast, and I have fics I need to update. Whoops.

Started season 2 of Fear The Walking Dead, and it just got too squicky for me and I had to take a break ahahaha still love Nick, but I'm starting to hate Chris. He's like Carl to me. Mom's dead, so I need to be an asshole. - Carl Grimes and Chris Manawa.

I'm trying to think if there's anything else really worth noting, aside from me being busy.

I have friends again? I dunno lol

Life is strange. 
  • Listening to: Shatter Me (ft Lzzy Hale)- Lindsey Stirling
  • Reading: Tokyo Ghoul
  • Drinking: watah
Wow, it's already February. Tax season is upon us, and I'm waiting for mine to come in. 

So, obviously I'm still alive. I quit the job I had since September, and my former boss wants me to return to Dollar General. I suppose I should stop procrastinating and put in an application. 

My mom is still on vacation in California, won't be back until next week. She's been gone for a month now. But the good news is, her friend is moving out. Finally, after two and a half years. they're preparing everything right now.

I've been drawing between sleeping and driving my sisters where they need to go. I really only post a fraction of what I draw. I draw a lot, but I don't post a lot. Maybe one day, I'll fix that. I dunno yet. Some things are just for stress relief, but I do have a few things I want to post.

I got a new net book for Christmas, and since my income tax return is on its way soon, I'll be able to have my laptop repaired. Which will be good, I've only had it for less than a year before the hard drive fried on me. Fun stuff, but we have a protection plan, so it's covered. I just need the $50 fee to claim it.

I also plan on getting a new wacom tablet, so I can do more digital art. I've been doing mainly traditional art, but I really want to get back into digital art. Primarily because my mom's friend likes to put things that aren't mine on top of things that are mine, and it ends up ruining whatever I was working on.

For a preacher, he's pretty spiteful. Which is kind of sad.

I've also been looking into myself more, and figuring out who I am. I've been struggling with my gender identity for over two years now. I brought up the possibility that I may have been genderfluid over a year ago to someone that was supposed to be a friend at the time. I was met with ridicule, and she dismissed it, and I didn't bring it up again, just kept it inside.

But lately, it's been really bothering me. Thinking about it, I'm not male, but I'm not female, either. I was born female, yes, but I don't identify. I can be pretty feminine, but at the same time, masculine. I identify as nonbinary. So there's that, my name is Nico. Pronounced nee-koh. My pronouns would be they/them.

Like I said, I struggled with this for a long time. But you know, being met with ridicule and having the whole thing dismissed is kind of very off putting.

Good thing I'm not friends with that girl anymore lol

Anyway, I'm going to dig out my scanner and scan and post some of my artwork. I SAY THAT A LOT LOL
  • Listening to: Kanda Yuu DGM Hallow - Wada Kaoru
  • Drinking: Peach Fanta
So. There's been a LOT that's happened, and a good reason for why I've been absent. In August, I finally got into a relationship. The entirety of the month we were together, I spent my free time with him. He ended it in September, because he didn't want to be with me anymore, after talking about how much he wanted me and wanted to be with me for 7 months.

8 weeks later, and I discover that I am 12 weeks pregnant with his child. Go figure. I don't see it as a bad thing, despite the fact that he doesn't want it because it will "ruin his life". I honestly think he's just being a dick because he's scared, but whatever, he can just pay child support since he wants to pursue a married woman. I was just a backup to him, when she separated from her husband, he broke up with me.

But whatever. I'll have sole custody, he can have supervised visitation for his family's sake and pay child support. I don't trust him after everything he's said and done, so......he doesn't need to be a full time daddy. He's been downgraded further to 'babby daddy' status.

I also started a new job. It pays more, plus offers benefits and overtime. Plus, advancement within the company is a LOT easier. I came in with a management position, so they hired me a lot faster.

So, heartbreak, pregnancy, and work are the reasons for my absence. I'm trying not to stress out too much over things. I already cry over everything. Kittens and puppies especially. So stress = bad.

Anyway, when I have time, I have a TON of artwork to post. I may do that tonight, but I dunno yet.
  • Listening to: Shallow Life - Lacuna Coil
  • Reading: Haikyu!
  • Drinking: Dr. Pepper
Okay. I've been fairly inactive in the art community for such a long time. I've been very busy, and I stay busy. I have a job that takes up most of my time, plus I recently got a promotion, so I work 5 days a week now. I also have to bring my sister to and from work, and bring my other sister places she needs to go.

But a LOT has happened lately, some good, some bad. I've been battling depression, and need to talk to my doctor about upping the doses on my medications. Things are rough right now, but I do have some good news.

My free time will be dedicated to art therapy. It's helped in the past, and I have a theme to work with now, so I'll be posting artwork again! I've tried different themes, fantasy, sci-fi, horror, and I'm trying out mild gore right now.

So look forward to new art, because I'll be posting again!
  • Listening to: All Around Me - Flyleaf
  • Watching: Steven Universe
  • Playing: Adventure Time: Secret of the Nameless Kingdom
  • Drinking: Dr. Pepper
Hello, everyone! Somehow, I feel like 2016 will finally be my year! Things have been going well so far, aside from a brief spell of depression that lasted for over a week and a cold that lasted most of the month, complete with a sinus infection that my body successfully defeated. Things have been going well.

I recently ordered Steven Universe *Guide to the Crystal Gems*. I love it so much, it's amazing~ Definitely a worthwhile purchase. My next online purchase will be The Art of Big Hero 6, and maybe a smart stylus for my iPad. I may actually wait on the stylus.

I've also been looking at watercolor painting techniques, hoping to get better at painting. My first attempt will be Lapis Lazuli (I posted the line work). If I do a decent enough job, I may sell it as a print. There's still so much that I want to do this year. I want to actually do something with my youtube channel that isn't just fan edits for series' that I like.

I want to do art vlogs, general vlogs, toy unboxing videos, and still keep editing. Maybe sometime during the year, I can do that. I need to buy a tripod and rechargeable batteries for my camera, though. I don't have a super awesome camera, but it has a microphone built in, and the video quality is decent.

So yeah, hopefully I can start on all of that, maybe eventually get into selling buttons and stickers, too. I need to get a button machine, and supplies for it, and find a way to decently make stickers. I'm excited for what this year has in store!

Until next time!
  • Listening to: Hello - Adele
  • Watching: Big Hero 6
  • Playing: Adventure Time: Secret of the Nameless Kingdom
  • Drinking: Dr. Pepper
I feel like I don't post enough. But anyway.

I'm stressed out, depressed, anxious, all that fun stuff that goes along with the mental health crap. Buuuuuut I hope that things will soon get better, and I'm hoping 2016 will be a better year for me. 2015 was rough on me, though it's seeming to end on a much better note now that I dropped 200+ pounds of baggage that was making me miserable. So I have high hopes for the new year. I have to work New Year's Day, but it's only a 4 hour shift, so I'm not overly worried about it.

I didn't sleep well last night. I'm not sure why, but it did give me a chance to do a lot of "day dreaming" haha I feel like I haven't had the chance to really do that lately. It's a coping skill of mine, it calms me down and helps me to feel better. And I do actually feel better today than I have been.

But I've gotten my scanner, but my sister had to buy the USB cable for me, since they don't sell them with the cables anymore. Cheaper production, and all of that. It was a bit disappointing, though. But I have it, and I scanned my more recent artworks from this year. I've been doing a lot of traditional art, and have been trying to get better at coloring with copic markers.

My sister also bought me a 6 pack set of Spectrum Noir alcohol markers for Christmas, which are a cheaper alternative to copics, and they work really well. My issue is that they don't have brush tips, and are instead the bullet nib markers. But as long as they really work, it's not too much of an issue. I will be continuing with my collection of copics, but I will be adding spectrum noir markers to my collection, as well.

So I do have some artworks to submit, I will be doing that today!

I also have a new best friend! I met her at work, and she's amazing, and so nice to me! ; u ; She's so sweet, and her husband is nice, too. I feel like I unlocked an achievement, because I don't make friends easily, or I don't have much in common with people that I meet. But she's an artist, too, and I'm actually hoping to see some of her artwork in the future.

I also want to improve with other mediums, too. We had two people in my workplace quit on the same day, so I'll be getting more hours until all of this is figured out. I hope my friend gets more hours than she's been getting, too, since she's the one supporting her husband and son right now. I enjoy having a friend at work, it makes it so much easier. I work with her tomorrow, too.

If I can, I have a drawing planned out. Well, I know what I want to draw, but I'm not sure how long it will take me to actually draw it, since I'm usually having to go to work or busy with some other obligation. I feel like my art life is suffering lately. I want to keep drawing, but stress and all of that......sigh.

But anyway, I hope your holidays went well, and I'll see you all after the new year! I wish you all the best!
  • Listening to: Sing Me To Sleep - Avion Roe
  • Watching: Big Hero 6
So, in late December/early January, there will be a few changes. I want to start doing art vlogs, possibly from the line art point onward, or my sketching process or something. I dunno, I haven't figured it out yet. I do know that at some point after the holidays, I'll have prints and one of a kind art pieces for sale on my Etsy shop. I'll also be selling mini paperdori travelers notebooks (minus the notebooks. they're inexpensive, 88 cents USD for a pack of 3 at wal mart, but it gets pricey if I have to continue buying them!) but the paperdori will come with the fully made holder and a folder insert. It can hold 2 notebooks.

So I'll have some of those up when I perfect them. The art pieces will be less expensive because they don't require near as many supplies and shipping is cheaper.

I also don't think I mentioned it, but I had a huge falling out with a few "friends" back in October. I won't get into exactly what happened, but I feel so much better without all of that constant stress and sadness. I just walked away, my choice. I did what was best for me, and apparently, they're not over it? They kept texting me and harassing me, so I downloaded an app to block their numbers. I'm fairly certain one was a Text Now number, but whatever.

I also had a seizure on Thanksgiving morning, so I didn't do anything productive for days. I'm feeling lots better right now, which is good. (:

I think that's all I really wanted to say, so I'll put an end to this entry right here.
  • Listening to: In Case of Emergency, Dial 411- SWS
  • Watching: Big Hero 6
Okay, so since money is tight right now (thanks to the holidays bleh), I've decided to open commissions to fund the purchasing of more art supplies and copic markers! I promise I've gotten better! Pricing will be less than I make per hour at work, depending on the amount of work I put in. I won't be selling sketches, it will be either line art, flat color with no background, or full color and shading with highlights (which takes MORE effort so it will be higher in price, all of these will be done traditionally for the time being).

Any character or OC is fine, as long as I have a reference/description of said character(s). Of course, more characters will be an extra price (more than 2 characters will be an added fee of $2, I will only charge $1 for a second character). I've been looking over pricing and all of that, and I don't want mine to be through the roof expensive, regardless of how much effort and work I put into it. Just keep in mind that I DO have a job and other responsibilities as well, but commissions will take priority over leisure drawing. I will also do drabble commissions, which will be between 100 and 800 words, but those won't be pricey, likely $2 per drabble, since it doesn't take too much effort for me to write.

Anyway. I have examples! I'll use digital works as examples, just to prove that I CAN line art :B Depending on the size, it'll be an added charge, so let me know what size you want it to be! I can do 5x7 on cardstock, 8 1/2x11 on regular printer paper, and 9inx12in on marker paper.

Line Art Commission: Bust & Portrait: $2 Head to Hips: $3 Full Body: $3.50

Flat Color Commission: Bust & Portrait: $4 Head to Hips: $6 Full Body: $7

Full Color Commission with shading and highlights: Bust & Portrait: $6 Head to Hips: $8 Full Body: $10

Price for extra character(s): $1 for first added character, $2 per additional added character

Price for backgrounds: Simple: Add $1 Detailed: Add $3

PLEASE NOTE: THE PRICE TO MAIL PIECES IS INCLUDED IN THE PRICING, SO AN EXTRA FEE WILL NOT BE ADDED TO MAIL THEM.

I do have paypal, though I'm not sure how that will go through, seeing how I don't have a bank account connected yet because I don't have one. I get paid through an e-pay program at work, so it's all deposited on a card that acts as a debit card. Bleh. I know you can accept e-funds through paypal? Hm. If not, just pm me and we'll discuss payment options and details. If going through the mail, I will accept checks or money orders, or concealed cash. If concealed cash, please do not add coins, I will waive any coin change added to pricing. US residents will have their commissioned pieces mailed to them after payment is received and the piece is finished, so please provide an address, as well. I'm unsure of costs for international mailing just yet, I'll have to check, but if they're decent in price, I will mail internationally as well. Provide an address, just in case, but you will also receive a digital copy of your piece (though it may not be until after Christmas, unless I can get Kelly to let me use her scanner).

So, depending on what you choose, the price shouldn't be more than $10 per piece. I'm trying to save up to buy a 72 marker set of copic ciao markers, so please consider commissioning me (: I would greatly appreciate it!

Examples of Copic marker work:

lotusflowerdreams.tumblr.com/p…

lotusflowerdreams.tumblr.com/p…
  • Listening to: If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn - SWS
  • Watching: Big Hero 6
So, a LOT has happened since my last update. I won't get into a lot of it, because I want to keep my personal life private on a page that I can't hide from the general public. ANYWAY.

I've been doing more traditional artwork, since my iPad decided to crap out on me. So I'm without that now. I just got a new laptop, though. I need to practice more with my wacom tablet before I do anything digitally. I've still been writing and making videos, though!

But I've been practicing with my copic markers, after watching so many videos on youtube of artists using them in their artworks, and it's been really helpful and inspiring. I plan on buying more markers, and some refills for some of the ones I already have.

I've still been working my ass off, and got more hours at work because one person walked out on their job. But it's welcome, with the holidays coming up. There are only 42 days left until Christmas! That's not much time, but I'm going Christmas shopping tomorrow, so I'm not overly worried. Money will just be tight until after Christmas.

My nephew's fourth birthday is coming up, too, which means I need to buy him something soon. I need to make sure it's either Minions or Paw Patrol, since those are the things he likes the most. I'll get him a minion toy and the Paw Patrol pup that didn't come in the set my mom got him. I think that's one of the only shows he watches aside from Spongebob Squarepants that I can actually handle sitting through with him.

I also really want the Elsa paint it yourself penny bank I saw at wal mart >_< I really need to do some Frozen art soon. I need to get some more colored sparkle gel pens for that, I think. They sell them at JoAnn Fabrics, so I may pick some up tomorrow. I've been buying so many art supplies lately. I need to clear out my art bin and re-organize it. Or possibly get another one, I dunno.

They were also talking about starting construction on my bedroom. I'm hoping they will, so I can make a space specifically for an art station. I really need one, I don't have the space to do anything in the room I'm currently in. It's my sister's room, but I'm forced to share a room right now due to lack of space. Roger was talking about giving the room that needs to be built to Abby, but my mom said that she already promised that room to me. So hopefully after Christmas, construction will begin and I'll soon have my own room!

I'm almost 30, I think I deserve to have my own room. My sisters will then move back into their rooms, this room is my youngest sister's room, and the little room is my older sister's bedroom. I'll have the biggest room, but I need that space haha

I'm also thinking about doing commissions. I need to get a scanner first, so I can actually post examples of my work. Hopefully, I can do that. If I cans set up paypal, I can open up commissions. I don't go through a bank for work, I go through an e-pay program, so I have a card that my money is deposited onto. I think as long as I have the routing number, it'll work. And I do, somewhere. I need to clean my room, maybe then, I can find it!

I'll need help with pricing, too, I think. You have to account for the time you put in, but I'll cut that in half because I'm working and have very little time to work on things. Digital art is easier, but my iPad is broken, and I can't do anything digitally right now. And not having a scanner sucks, because I've been doing some amazing work lately. :\

Anyway. I don't have much else to say, so I'm off!
  • Listening to: Tadashi - Henry Jackman
  • Watching: Big Hero 6
I was woken up quite rudely by my sister screaming at the dog, so pardon my irritability.

I got a feature?! Yep! I got a feature! I'm pretty happy about that, thank you! -I'm bad with usernames-

Between work and sleep, I managed to get a few things done. I've drawn something specifically for my other gallery, and am against posting it to tumblr because of all of the hate for part of the OT3, but it's gotten good feedback over on Y!Gallery. I cannot post it here due to explicit content, but I promise I DO have something to post here!

Yesterday marked what would have been one year with Ian. I had a dream about his letters, I think he's trying to tell me something. But it was weird, because instead of Kaye sending them to me, it was Rose, and Rose didn't even know Ian. Weird dreams, man. So the last significant date is coming up this month, and it's going to be a really emotionally taxing day for me, so I'm hoping I have that day off.

I'm sure I can request it off, seeing as how it marks one year without Ian. I can't believe it's been a year already. Time sure has gone by fast, and not all of it has been good, or even fun. The old adage "Time flies when you're having fun" doesn't apply here, seeing how this year has been the most miserable year I've had since 2009, but here's to hoping next year will be much better.

But aside from a few annoyances, things have been better than they were. I'm working part time, I have a new laptop on layaway, which is awesome, because I desperately need a new one! And I have been drawing more. I'll post my latest piece in a few moments.
  • Listening to: Hell Above - Pierce The Veil
  • Reading: Black Beauty
  1. How long have you been on DeviantArt?

A very long 13 years. I was under another account, but shit happens and I needed a change.

  1. What does your username mean?

It's a pun on the name Raine and icy cold rain.

  1. Describe yourself in three words.

Multi-talented fandom writer

  1. Are you left or right handed?

Right handed

  1. What was your first deviation?

I don't even know.

  1. What is your favourite type of art to create?

Fan art, honestly. Easier to be consistent.

  1. If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?

Probably the style of art that was used in Big Hero 6.

  1. What was your first favourite?

I don't even remember.

  1. What type of art do you tend to favourite the most?

Going by my favourites, fan art.

  1. Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist?

I had one, but he turned out to be a dick, so I'm not fond of him anymore.

  1. If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?

I dunno. Never really thought about it. If it were anyone, I've already met them.

  1. How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?

People can influence my life? That's news to me.

  1. What are your preferred tools to create art?

Procreate for iPad, pencil, and paper

  1. What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?

In my room, mainly.

  1. What is your favourite DeviantArt memory?

Probably the first time someone added my work to their favourites.

  • Listening to: Oblivion - Bastille
  • Reading: Black Beauty
I don't really think I've been posting any journals or art lately. Everything's been on a stand still lately. I got a job, and that makes my updates sporadic. And that makes me sad, seeing how my fanfic is really popular on AO3 and I want to update more often. But I'm usually so tired from work that I usually just go to bed. And things at work haven't been well. Today I got blamed and yelled at for something that I didn't even do, and it's getting to the point where I'm going to snap or just walk out and not go back.

Things at home have been good, for once. Ever since last month, my home life has gotten better. I probably just destroyed the part of my brain that cared about anything that was said or done at home, I dunno. All I know is that things at home have gotten better.

Still not in a good place mentally and emotionally, and the thought of the massive hospital bill coming my way is way more depressing than why I was even in there for four days in the first place. Sigh. Life is so difficult sometimes. I both love and hate being an adult.

But I'm searching for a new job. I can't stand the one I have anymore, but I don't want to just up and quit and diminish my higher chances of finding something better. Competition, you know? I really don't give a fuck if they're short handed in any way.

I'm still going to regular therapy and doctor appointments. They're more frequent now than they were before, but I don't want to get into why that is. I'm sure you can probably guess, since I mentioned therapy and doctor visits. Eh.

I've been without my meds for two weeks now, so I'm quite irritable and anxious. So I may just go to bed soon.

I miss Ian. Everything was so much better when he was still here.
  • Listening to: Into The Open Air - Julie Fowlis
  • Reading: Blue Exorcist Vol12
Heeeeeeey it's been a while. Still up and moving, I promise, even if I don't feel the proper motivation to BE up and moving. I guess "alive and kicking" works better?

I've been working my ass off 6-7 days in a row at work. I got a job at the end of April, it's been a month since I started working. It doesn't stress me out, and I actually enjoy both my job and the people working there with me. Surprisingly, I hated the other jobs I had.

So outside of working, I mainly just go to sleep. I go to sleep, wake up, shower, eat breakfast, get ready for work, and then drive myself to work where I work the register for 5 hours, and then drive myself home and sleep. I forgot to mention that I am now able to legally drive, but it's just a learner's permit for now until I get used to driving on the interstate and in Meridian.

But as things come together in my life, things in my personal and family life aren't going too well. I got a job to get a new laptop. Two paychecks later, still no laptop. I work part time, which means I get between $250 and $300 every pay period, and my mom demands $150 of it.

That's put more of a strain on our already strained relationship, and trying to talk with her about it ends with me upset and crying while pondering just giving up because it would be so much easier than dealing with this shit on a daily basis.

For now, I'm able to just ignore it and work and sleep. But that means I also do not draw, edit videos, or write in what free time that I have. It sucks, but whatever.
  • Listening to: Give Me Novacaine - Green Day
  • Reading: How To Train Your Dragon by Cressida Cowell
  • Watching: Once Upon A Time
  • Drinking: Dr. Pepper
Due to unforeseen expenses and no job call backs, I'm going to open commissions. I don't have pay-pal or a bank account, which makes things more difficult, but eh. I'll have to do it the old fashioned way and use the postal system. Pricing is a bit difficult for me, but I can assure you I won't charge out the backside for art.

I WILL NOT ACCEPT POINTS, SORRY.

Things I will draw:

Couples
Chibi
Group (up to 4 characters without extra charge)
Erotic/Nude
MalexMale
FemalexFemale
MalexFemale
Light Gore
Busts
NSFW Pieces (18+ only please)
Fan Art
OCs

Things I won't draw:

Extreme Gore
Loli/Shota (kid characters are fine, but nothing erotic/nude/sexual)
Anthro (I can't draw Anthro to save my life, sorry)
Disturbing content (like feces, urine, vomit, etc. if you're into that, to each their own)
Self Harm pieces
Vore
Animals (Again, I suck at drawing animal characteristics)

Pricing:

Sketch/Line art: $5
Flat Color: $10
Flat color w/ background: $15
Full Color w/ shading, highlights, and background: $20
Extra characters: $2 added

PAYMENT MUST BE USD, CASH ONLY, PLEASE.

Prices are based on time and materials it takes to complete the image. You will get a digital copy with a signature. Please do not edit the image, but feel free to post it on tumblr or whatever. You can credit or source my dA page or tumblr (leahtheterrible) if you want to.

IF INTERESTED, SEND ME A NOTE. PLEASE GIVE DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS OF OCS IF YOU DON'T HAVE A REFERENCE IMAGE.
  • Listening to: My Demons- Starset
  • Reading: How To Train Your Dragon by Cressida Cowell
  • Drinking: water
I've held off on events in my story for a bit to have a bit of fun with something that doesn't happen in my actual story. I'm going to go ahead and get back on track with it and see if I can actually motivate myself to continue. What sucks is that a lot of people liked my little curve away from the story, and for me to not continue with it.......eh. It is my story, maybe I'll introduce a new character and just be done with the curve story forever. It takes too much out of me to continue with it anyway, though it was fun while it lasted.

And I love how irresponsible, reckless, and stupid I've been lately. Part of me wonders when this will end, I don't want to lose more than I've already lost. I could have said stop it, I know that. I could have ended it before it even started. But I was stupid and let my need for some sort of attention take over. No more, though. I'm done with it, and I'm moving on with my life. Whatever happens from here on out was meant to happen, and I felt really horrible, like I was betraying two people that I love. I still feel horrible, but I'm letting it go. It's in the past. 

So from here, I'm going to actually get a start on my story. Right now, I'm starting from further in the future, because that actually does motivate me to start from the beginning. With Ian and Leah, it's easier to start from the future than the beginning, because it gives me time to work out details in the story. I can't lose sight of why I was doing this in the first place.