Happy Birthday to me!
|3 min read
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ichan-desu's avatar
By ichan-desu   |   Watch
2 25 1K (1 Today)
Published: October 27, 2018
It’s my birthday today! And I’d like to thank everyone who wished me a happy one.

But I’m not really here to talk about that. I’m just gonna take this opportunity to apologize, yes I’m apologizing again, it never ends I know! And it’s getting ridiculous but listen to me and since it’s my bday today please go easy on me ;-;

Okay I am freaking hopeless. I’m a piece of shit, I’m a total mess and I’m better off dead tbh lol but I feel like that’s unfair and selfish because I still have this mess to take care of, and I can’t just leave it like that.

You may believe it or not but I really have been TRYING to get back to what I was before; Passionate, productive, and maybe hard working, but nothing. No matter how hard I try I just keep coming back to square one. One minute I’m motivated to do things and then a second later I’m back to being a mess and what’s worst is it stays like that for a long time, it’s a never ending cycle you know. I feel like I’m stuck and I’m just gonna be like this forever till I die. I’m not sure if losing 3 family members in a row made it worse but idk I just have a feeling that it will never get better. You may think that I’m giving up and you may be right, I think it’s a battle I really can’t win after all.

Anyway with all that being said, I’m suggesting everyone I owed drawings to just ask for a refund. Now I can’t do all in one go and I can’t offer a double amount this time since obviously I don’t have that amount. We will do it little by little if that’s alright with you. I have made you all wait for nothing and here I’m gonna be making you wait again, ha I really am the worst… but yea. Maybe I’ll refund 1-4 people every month. So just send me a note with your old commish details and how much I owed you and your paypal. I'll start refunding on the first week on November. 

I’m really sorry everyone, I have disappointed you all. I wanna say I’ll still try my best and do better but we all know how that will end.

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Comments25
anonymous's avatar
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msmechpen's avatar
msmechpenHobbyist Digital Artist
Kuya Ichan, belated happy birthday. I hope you're doing well. You're not alone. Take a break for now.

P.S. I've been following your works for 7 years. Keep up the good work.
PokeEvatheCat's avatar
PokeEvatheCatHobbyist Digital Artist
Happy birthday sweet sorry for this too late! 
You are perfect sweet , don t worry.
Daiko-The-Saiyan's avatar
Neat we're only two months apart!
Mine is in December.
Skunkyfly's avatar
SkunkyflyHobbyist General Artist
happy belated birthday for you! //hugs
we are sorry for what that happen,,,, ;;///;; whatever your choice we hope it would be the best for everyone, and good luck! ;u;
Mindsebbandflow's avatar
Dear, I completely understand the pressure of being overwhelmed. But maybe you shouldn't have opened commissions again after not being able to complete the ones you owed. Depression is a serious issue and I really recommend you see a specialist. It's not likely going to work with refunding everyone, :iconannria2002: tried that and she has gotten NOWHERE! That and she disappeared again. People are reasonable and will give you the time you need, but you can't just disappear on your customers and friends like that. At leave give us progress reports, even if you have nothing to show. It will make us and yourself feel better. 

Personally you owe me like I don't even know 10-20 pictures, so I can't see this working if that is just me alone. Try not to get down on yourself, but lay out a more reasonable plan for yourself. Refund as many as you can and draw as many as you can. It will take time, but clearly you do have a lot of people on here who care about you and support you. Always remember that, so don't do anything too stupid okay? =) 
ichan-desu's avatar
ichan-desuHobbyist Digital Artist
Honestly I never really planned on opening commissions anymore, I wanted to stop doing them completely and focus more on myself. I actually was able to refund a couple of people last year, even offered a double amount (some refused it), I was SO CLOSE to clearing that list but then that thing happened with my dad, I needed a lot of money for hospital bill and funeral so I was forced to open slots again cause I didn't want to rely on donations alone, in the end here I am again back to square one.

I admit I am so wrong and so unprofessional for disappearing and not updating my commissioners about anything but what I had in mind is instead of giving people never ending excuses and promises, I'm just gonna respond once I actually finish the pic, which was a bad idea cause no matter how hard I try to force myself, I just couldn't find the motivation to finish a commission pic and in the end I end up looking like I ran away.

I really thought refunding was the better idea but you're right, it will definitely take me a long time to clear that all so I guess it's better to do half half.

About your pics, I'm finishing Ryuji and Mira and the rest I'll just have to refund I guess. If it's not too much to ask, can you please note me again the total amount I owed you and I'll see what I can do.

Again I deeply apologize from the bottom of my heart for doing you guys wrong.
 
Mindsebbandflow's avatar
I understand that, I get why, I'm just hoping it didn't make things worse for you in the end. Honestly I can't remember how many commissions and how much it was. I don't think my Paypal goes back that far, not to mention how many transactions I go through it would be hard to find. It is kinda your responsibility to know these things. Your customers shouldn't have to go back through their records when you are the one responsible. I don't want to sound harsh or mean especially with all of the mental stress you have going on. This just seems to be a common occurrence among many artists who owe people commissions, many who are your friends as well. It's just getting very frustrating when SO many people owe me art. 
ichan-desu's avatar
ichan-desuHobbyist Digital Artist
Ah yeah I'm sorry about that. I'll dig it up myself.
cookygraphy's avatar
cookygraphyHobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday Raffy! :)

From what you stated you're almost at giving u p. As one of your avid followers, please don't! Doing what you do has inspired a lot of people already, please don't make them loose their inspiration. A lot of people are saddened by your absence and I'm sure they are all sympathizing with what is going on in your life right now. Like I said, as one of your avid followers, I am also here praying that you will stand up once again and get through these hard times. Giving up is not an option, the only way to achieve happiness amidst all of this is standing up! :)

I know you don't know me but Thank You and wishing you all the best dude! Now get those knees of yours to help you stand up!!! :D
Miingno's avatar
MiingnoHobbyist General Artist
:empathetic:  *comfort*

Also I sent ya a message the usual way~ And will keep doing it :heart:
Lady-BeIIa's avatar
Lady-BeIIaStudent Digital Artist
Happy (belated) Birthday!!

I'm sad to hear that I won't be seeing any of your beautiful art anymore :'
I've gone through this phase many times 
But my passion for art never dwindled throughout the years
However, it's not the same for everyone!
I hope that you find something else that drives you and fills you up with passion.
GANBARE!
Maybe someday you'll come back, if not that's okay
Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck and that you find your happiness. 
FudgeX02's avatar
FudgeX02Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday! And it happens man. I went and blew through a year on a donation drive because of life getting in the way. ^_^;
godebbies's avatar
godebbiesHobbyist General Artist
Never do your passion your job because you will just end up dismotivated. Say NO to commissions YES to prints :D~
Happy B-Day and stay strong... Just draw what you really want to draw~
wolfbane001's avatar
Oh! Happy Birthday! Hope its a good and fun one! 
Jabroniville's avatar
awwww- that's too bad. I'm sorry you feel that way, because your art is AMAZING. I'm seriously jealous of how well you draw poses and muscles.
Chichima's avatar
ChichimaHobbyist Digital Artist
I know it's not my choice but no matter how hard life gets, just remember that suicide
is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and you best believe that your struggles
are temporary.  So please don't say that you're better off dead
Rain-ette's avatar
Rain-etteHobbyist Digital Artist
OTL Happy birthday! And I'm sorry for everything;;
I was really excited for my art;; I'd really rather wait in hopes to get it but if you don't know if you will a refund is fine. BUT if you do think you can do some art if given more time, please let me know and take your time! <3333
MihoshiK's avatar
If it's really that bad, try and get professional help. Don't tough it out, that shit seldomly works.
exia-4ever33's avatar
exia-4ever33Hobbyist Traditional Artist
hey, everyone has their workloads and stresses to deal with in real life and as life goes on, it will never get any easier :)
of course, it's natural to postpone or dismiss things that won't immediately affect you and if it can wait, it should ^^

and by the time you are done with your work, you need to properly rest and recuperate :) so, to make time to rest, you have to postpone what you owe again. it's a natural thing so don't stress yourself :) the last thing you need is to do something reckless or breaking down ^^

okay? Happy birthday :) go enjoy something you like and unwind ^^ today is a day meant to be celebrated and to rejoice with your loved ones :) 
Destron23's avatar
Destron23Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday Raph! : 3

Sorry to hear you're still going through some rough times... all I can say is that I hope the positive vibes I'm sending out reach your way! :) Hope you'll be able to get back to feeling good real soon! :)
Hope we can somehow chat again sometime too! :)
Gojira12345's avatar
So I’m gonna say this from the bottom of my heart: you’re one of my all time favorite artists. You’re the artist whose work I look at and say “I wish I could draw just like that.” So I want you to know that no one faults you for any of this. Things like depression get the best of any of us, and I’m not sure if it’s a matter of money, but I think I speak for most of us here when I say I hope you go out and get some help like therapy to help you. Happy birthday and I hope you get better!
ChaosEmperor971's avatar
Happy Birthday...And do not be discouraged.:D (Big Grin) Hug 
Shatiel85's avatar
Shatiel85Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
it's normal...you are not alone...it's two years that i can't focus on my jewels...i keep saying that i'm busy now that i have a little job, but i continue to do nothing and stay at computer when i could do something..and then i say i don't have inspiration...
but maybe if you give yourself a little objective you can return making something...for example i found an online course for learning a new technique for my jewels and i hope this will make me start doing them again :D
YuiHoshi's avatar
YuiHoshiHobbyist Digital Artist
Hey, man, it's ok to not feel ok at times, you shoulnd't apologize for that. If you're feeling really bad with your life, may be you should consider going to therapy. It helped me a lot with my mental health and I'm sure it could help you too! It's not good for you to keep presuring yourself to draw or work when you're feeling really bad mentally. I hope you get better soon.
anonymous's avatar
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