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On this day 8 years ago, my life changed in a way that I never could have anticipated.
On August 9, 2008, my best friend Patrick took his own life at my home.

Suicide is an absolute game changer, nothing in this world has ever felt the same since that day.
I see everything in a different light than I once did. I look at people differently.
I look at situations and sense things that I never did before.
The fragility of life has given me an awareness that I never had before that day.

Patrick suffered from depression/anxiety/panic disorder.
These 3 disorders together can prove to be a deadly mix if not treated. 
I didn't know all this then. How could I have known?
And that is what suicide does right there...it creates all of these questions inside of you.

How could I have not known?

Could I have said something, done anything different to prevent this outcome?

Did I say or do something that encouraged this outcome?

The questions eat at you every single day. It can drive you crazy if you let it.
I have learned how to quiet the questions on most days but there are still days that they scream so loudly that I cannot ignore them.
So I have learned to ride the wave, go over it all once again in my mind and reassure myself that this was not about me, this was not my fault.
But then the realization hits me once more that it doesn't matter who is to blame because Patrick is gone and no amount of reasoning will ever bring him back.....

And then all I can really do is just breathe.

I shift my focus to the days before, the years before...to all of the laughter...because we had some really good times. He was so funny, so witty, he was a good guy, a great friend. If I concentrate, I can hear him and his sarcastic tone and soon I am smiling once again..

Suicide has a way of taking memories and shoving them to the side. People who die by suicide are so often remembered for the way they died instead of the way that they lived.
I try not to allow this to happen because Patrick's life was more than just how he died.


Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support

or visit Patrick's Blog

Suicide is No Solution

I also wrote a news article here on Deviantart right after he died about his Suicide with the details of what happened that day. The article turned into something I did not expect and to this date there have been over 500 comments. It was actually my therapy those first few years to answer every comment. I still check it for comments even today. 

Here is the link to that Article

In memory of...
Patrick Williams
June 12, 1965 - August 9, 2008

~May You Finally Find Some Peace~

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ibjennyjenny's avatar

I remember when I first came to Deviantart 9 years ago...I had no idea at all what this place would eventually mean to me.

I was a new Photographer, mostly as a hobby then. I had a strong interest in Photoshop too.

I don't even know what I was looking for when I signed up here but what I found has helped to shape me not only as a photographer but as a person as well.


I have met friends here, real friends that I am still friends with today.


I look back at my Journal entries and its like taking a step back in time...I see posts about my daughter she was 2 years old when I first came here, she is 11 now. I see posts about my cat Mikey, my best friend, he was 4 years old then and he is 13 now.  I have lost animal friends along this way and it's all here and I have lost human friends and that is all here as well.


It is like having a memory book, a visual one but this book is different because I can see all of the support that I received along the way.


What an awesome gift this is.


I remember the first time I realized that I could download free resources here, it felt like Christmas to me. LOL I spent weeks downloading so much stuff, I didn't even know what to do with it all. LOL  

I was like a kid in a candy store. :)


It was because of the resource section of this site that I would end up making my own Free resources to give back to this amazing community. And this would also be the reason I would eventually have my own resource site ibjennyjenny Photography and Free Resources which has now over a million visitors. Yeah!


I remember my 1st Daily Deviation, I was so flippin excited and what an honor to receive my second.


It is amazing to be able to meet people from everywhere, to get to know them, to love them and have them be a part of my everyday life yet never meet them in person.


So much has happened here over the years, so many people have come here and many have left but I know they haven't forgotten this  place...how could they?


I choose to hang around here even still today because it's home ...no other place on the web has this feel for me.


I have a great support system outside of DA but this community seems to offer something else, something that I have never really been able to figure out totally...all I know is that I love it here, even through the bad times I have felt nothing but gratitude for what I have learned here, what I have felt here.


I do not know what the future holds for Deviantart but you can bet I will be here to find out.


Just my random thoughts for the evening, I love you all so much, Thank you for being my friends.

Here are some of the first Photographs that I added to my Favorites back in 2008...

Corry portrait by hoschie

Memories Of A Land Worked by kkart

Basil and White by MsRaggaMuffin  

443 by evy-and-cats  

The little ones by Initio

With You by xDJx

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I remember a time when I could look through the resources and stock images category here on DA and find amazing resources that I could actually download from HERE. Now, almost every one of them link out to their own website or where ever. It's a drag because if I am looking here for resources, I want to download them from here because it's so much easier and safer. 

I am all for advertising your website here, I always include a link to my website in the description but whatever I am offering to download you can almost always download right here from DA.

And we need a "Free" Category now.

Just my thoughts. LOL  

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I know this is probably not the best time to ask for help because of the Holidays and all but Mama really needs to get this full dental extraction done soon. Since we moved from California to Oregon her Stomatitis has really flared up, she is in a lot of pain, she is drooling and the drool has now become tinged with blood, I am worried.

I have her on antibiotics but there is no way to control the pain because cats are so sensitive to pain meds. The vet in Sacramento said her teeth need to come out. I am in the process of finding her a vet here that will handle the surgery but I need to come up with the funds. 
 In California the estimate was $1200.00, I'm sure it will be close to that here. 

Just in case you are just meeting Mama Cat (Mitsi) allow me to give you a bit of history on her. I rescued Mama from a trailer park when she was very, very pregnant. It was in the of winter 2 years ago and it was cold and she was just so pregnant and had no where to go so I brought her home. She had her babies the very next day in our warm bathroom with all of her needs being met. The babies were so beautiful and we allowed her to raise them until they were ready to be adopted. At that time I took applications for their adoption and we had over 50 people apply. The kittens were all placed in loving homes and we decided to keep Mama. I had her spayed and shortly after that was when when she was diagnosed with severe stomatitis. Stomatitis is a severe, painful inflammation of a cat's mouth and gums. In most cases, the condition causes ulcers to form in the mouth; these ulcers can involve the lips, tongue, gums, and back of the throat. It is an awful, awful, painful disease and the only possible cure is to have ALL of the teeth removed. Most cats do very well once the teeth are gone. 

I want this for her, she doesn't deserve to live in such pain everyday. I rescued her so she would have a happy ending, please help me make that happen for her. Please.

Mama's Donation page is here www.gofundme.com/tzh22dhj

I can also take Donations for her through paypal at ibjennyjenny@hotmail.com

You can see more of Mama on her Facebook page which I created as soon as I rescued her. There are many photographs of her and her kittens. The page is 

No One Likes To Be Alone 

You can also see more of what I do with these cats on Mikey's House Facebook Page  and on 
Mikey's House website.

Thank you for your help.

No One Likes To Be Alone by ibjennyjenny

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You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like a nothing

I'm still beautiful by littlerobin87

Abuse Neglect, Reject by Roses-to-AshesAbused by Raneem90

You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard

Calling me out when I'm wounded

You, picking on the weaker man

Animal Abuse II by StyrofoamRevolution

Alone by narniamushroom02stop animal abuse! by yo04

I walk with my head down
Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

How Could You? by KrowKillsvictim by Albert-taverasFace of the Abused by TobbieGurl385

I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
'Cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know, what you don't know...

Made Stronger by TeaPhotography
Deep Wounds by ArumnielLoaf Love by KatieHofgard

Someday I'll be living in a big ole city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

The Abused Cat by Raneem90Abuse and Neglect by EclipticSnowLeopard

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Sweet Dee Is Made of This by pergamjeeMissing an Eye by ntoraCase of Abuse: Marley's Story by laviathan66

Why you gotta be so mean?

Animal Abuse? by akzwolf

Stop animal abuse. by cutemoments

I understand that these photographs are tough to look at so imagine for a moment if you will, what it must of been like to actually live through what these animals have endured.
In the United States, there is an animal being abused every 10 seconds, this makes my stomach hurt.
We have a responsibility as human beings to do what we can do to stop this, we cannot look away anymore, we have to look at this because that is the only way that it will ever stop. 
Because when we do look, that fire within us ignites, this shit pisses us off and that anger towards these stupid ass people who abuse animals is what will bring an end to the suffering.

Here are some signs to always be aware of courtesy of the ASPCA
  • Tick or flea infestations. Such a condition, if left untreated by a veterinarian, can lead to an animal's death.
  • Wounds on the body.
  • Extremely thin, starving animals.
  • Limping.
  • An owner striking or otherwise physically abusing an animal.
  • Dogs who are repeatedly left alone without food and water, often chained up in a yard.
  • Dogs who have been hit by cars-or are showing any of the signs listed above-and have not been taken to a veterinarian.
  • Dogs who are kept outside without shelter in extreme weather conditions.
  • Animals who cower in fear or act aggressively when approached by their owners.
Know who to call to report animal cruelty. Every state and every town are different. In some areas, you may have to rely on the police department to investigate animal cruelty; in others, you may have to contact local animal control or another municipal agency. If you aren't sure where to report cruelty, please visit the ASPCA's  Report Animal Cruelty section.

We have the power to stop this, please never doubt that
because once we doubt it, we have given up
and we cannot give up on these animals.
They need us and we can't let them down

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.“  ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Thank you Taylor Swift for your most amazing Lyrics

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Suicide is No Solution by ibjennyjenny, journal

My Deviantart Experience by ibjennyjenny, journal

I want to Download stuff from HERE! Thanks. by ibjennyjenny, journal

Her Mouth is hurting so bad... by ibjennyjenny, journal

Why you gotta be so mean? by ibjennyjenny, journal