I can't believe how long I've been here. Or not more recently I guess. So much has changed when I first joined this site when I was 13, for the site sure, but especially for me.
When I first joined I was just a dumb kid desperately looking for an outlet or escape of any kind. Didn't realize just how much I needed it at the time, but I got to make dumb Sonic art and post them somewhere anyone stumbling through the internet could see. I kind of miss those days but at the same time, I would not want to go back and relive what I'd been through.
Ever since 2016 I've been coming to terms with my emotional trauma. 2016 was the last year I had to make contact with my dad and I've been pushing to keep him out of my life since. In December 2018 I got a new phone and that was the last thing I had connected to him. Now... it's strange. I'd been so focused on not having to endure any more manipulation and trauma that I never really... grew up.
I'm 24 now and my mind is stuck at who I was at 18. Coping with this has been stressful and I kept myself quiet and shut myself out from a lot of things. I tried to take a long break from the internet almost entirely in 2018, thinking I would be better for it with a clearer head. What ended up happening was I hyper-fixated on what little I feel like I've accomplished, how stunted I was by my upbringing, and accentuated just how isolated and alone I felt.
But I'm tired of being like that. I'm tired of not being able to grow up. I'm tired of feeling isolated. I'm going to make 2019 better and get back on track towards my dream career.Twitter