humourland

Malcolm Steadman will dial the suicide hotline in 62 days. Malcolm Steadman was ignoring the aggressively symbolic nature of the plain bagel he had just bought as a mirror to his personality with an abrasive sort of misanthropy that he and only the British had perfected. As he had no hands free, Malcolm desperately tried to ignore the default ringtone on his phone and how that reflected on his lack of creativity as he trekked home. He started to whistle now in a fatal attempt to both drown the electronic buzzing out and to counter the rising self loathing that was feeding off of his inadequacies. Mr. Steadman did not get the job he had in...

Malcolm Steadman will dial the suicide hotline in 69 days. Right now, Malcolm Steadman is shaving. He will cut himself later, so there is that to look forward to. This is not the time or place where he will have an existential crisis. Malcolm will not deal with the ineffable struggles of being conscious nor will he experience a debilitating sense of ominous dread that will stick with him for the rest of the day...Well, at least not yet. This panic attack will happen later, while he interviews for a job. READ MORE AT REVFITZ.COM!!!