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Heellooooo DeviantART!

I've been quiet, I know, but I've been HELLA busy. Took Holocaust, US Military History and History of the Catholic Church (II) this year and the work load from those three alone (minus two other totally useless classes why oh why did I waste my expensive freaking tuition on them??) have been kicking my butt!! Had to buy 8 extra books for term paper research as well as a boat load of primary sources and historical articles I was reading through.... Essentially, I haven't stopped writing or reading this semester! But summer is almost here!!
I'll be busy this summer as well (getting new ducks, want to work with my horse A LOT, taking a summer class, visiting friends in Texas for all of May), but I really really really want to make some substantial progress on development of The Damned and maybe.. just maybe... get some chapters written.
My Church History professor has been so amazing! He quite literally DEMANDED to read my short stories and he really loved what I had written for TD. His commentaries really just inspired me and MEGA boosted my confidence as a writer, so I need to capitalize on that and do some meaningful work. My term paper for my Holocaust class has also helped me fill in some Third Reich cultural gaps in my knowledge to help the setting feel more authentic and it gave me some ideas to patch up my plot holes.

Next year, I plan on doing a more intensive study of the Allgemeine SS and the Sicherheitspolizei to polish Chalmar's development. My college has this big shabang called "Discovery Day" where the students do in depth studies on certain subjects (literally anything they want) and then give a presentation. My counselor (the head of the History Department) really wanted me to do one this year, but I only got an idea for what I wanted to do here recently. (Originally I wanted to do an in depth study of why the movie Dunkirk SUCKS). I want to do a study on the process and difficulties of writing historical fiction, get in touch with some researchers who have worked on films or books before, showcase some bad historical films (coughDunkirkcough) and some good ones, and then use the primary example of me efforts and problems to developing Chalmar Stromann to be as true to history as I can.

Expect a looooot of Mathis and his new Dachau buddies when I get back home and have a scanner though... I know I said I didn't like that type of fiction, but I was working on Mathis' history and got waaay too attached to some of his old (and some dead) friends from back when everything about his life sucked.

All I've really got left for this year is finals and then moving out! Got a lot of stuff in my inbox that I've been hoarding, and I promise I'll get to replying and commenting soon!

For now.... I should really sleep so that I'm not half-asleep for this paper presentation tomorrow and don't just suddenly fly off the handle and spout German.
(I do plan to spout SOME German, because it's not a Kyra-presentation if she doesn't say anything auf Deutsch.)

  • Listening to: screaming suitemates
  • Reading: my many textbooks
It's been a long time.

But my time is finally near....

And I can feel the change in the wind right now,
Nothing's in my waaaaay,
And they're not gonna hold me down no more,
No, they're not gonna hold be down




Okay sorry, I shouldn't have typed that first line, I hope someone knows what this is used as a theme for....

Wow. Hello. Hi. Wie gehts?? Ich bin so müde....

Homework has had me in the grips of death, so have thus been inactive, but it's not like I post most of my stuff here anyhow. Have piles of sketches that may be making their way onto the page here soon.

I got hit by a deer a few days ago....

Woah Deer by HugaDuck

That was exciting.

My inbox is sooooo full of stuff. I may not reply to a lot of it because there's a lot there. I'msorry.

Hope y'all are well.


The Midwest Catholic Family Conference was this weekend and the book I was commissioned to do illustrations for was being sold! Felt freaking fantastic to have it all wrapped up and done after taking so long to do 56drawingsplusacoverpage and then all the fun stuff in between. I haven't used my email that religiously in a long time. Then I remembered why, because when I'm waiting for emails, I get extremely anxious...

Anyways, here's some of my favs + the cover!

 Untitled by HugaDuck

Untitled by HugaDuck

Untitled by HugaDuck

Untitled by HugaDuck

Untitled by HugaDuck

Casting Net's Website --->

*internal screaming*

Anywho, finished these and got to work on another largish project... almost got done and then got distracted and have been aggressively doodling JA again... >.>
Going back to campus on the 20th, and am taking 18 credit hours this semester.... Got all my text books in finally, of which there are 15.... HOPEFULLY I can have enough time this semester to do some more drawing (to keep myself sane) and read through these three incredibly expensive books I invested in with some of the commission money. X'D Two volumes over the Hitler Jugend and volume 2 on a series about the history of the German Police, mainly focusing on the Third Reich era. Turns out the Police book does not touch on what I need exactly, but it's still given me some good circumstantial information so far. Looking forward to digging into the HJ books though! Hoping they will help out a lot for writing The Damned. The books are all by John Angolia, and I love how he writes. It's PURE research and information, so no bias either way. It's just the facts about the history and organization which is what I need. Only problem is, all his books are rare to find and very expensive. I have a huge list I've been stalking on amazon for whenever someone posts one for under $100. Yeah. :I
But they're quality works and I would say so far from reading, essential to my research endeavors.

  • Listening to: AJR
  • Reading: Waaay too many books

I need to be doing homework, but instead, I'm going to see how far I can get on this drawing I've been wanting to finish! :U
  • Listening to: *internal screams of horror auf deutsch*
  • Reading: The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky
  • Eating: ain't got time for food, verdammt

Yesterday was my last day of classes of this incredibly painful and traumatizing experience that is college.
Today is a study day and then I have my finals Thursday, Friday, and Monday.

The freaking French written exam is on Monday at 3pm. OF COURSE, it's FRENCH that holds me back and keeps me here longer.
But I'm prepared. I'm going to wear everything German that I have, march my way into that classroom and CONQUER IT!

To be honest, I'm going to miss taking French. I love language learning, but with a double major and minor, I don't have time for just-for-fun classes.
Though I might try to take that German History course just for fun.
I need to know these things, you know.

But today.... today is a day of panic and crying, because like the idiot I am... I signed up for my French oral exam at 2pm today.


Je ne suis pas préparé.

I spent all night doing World Civ, telling myself I had time for French, and then once midnight hit, realized I did not have time for French.

So I need to hop to that. :V

But yes! I am almost (relatively) free!!
This summer I'll be taking a class at the college my mom works at (I can go for free, baby) and possibly working a job, but I think I'll have enough time to really get down in the dirt and do some art and writing. On Chapter 1 of that short story project, (which is amazing by my past standards) have more planned out, and lots of sketches to fix up/color. I'm excited.

But alas, I must return to my abyss and study like it's the 100 Years War and this is the only way I can beat England. Or actually, it'd probably make more sense if I said that the other way around.... know your enemy, you know?

Will reply/comment on all the stuff stored in my inbox someday, I swear.

Auf Weidersehen....  er wait ....

Au revoir?



Je ne sais pas ce je fais.
  • Listening to: Tally Hall --Ultimate Zane theme music omg--
  • Reading: The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky
  • Playing: Everquest soon, hopefully, 150% exp rn....

I got home over spring break and just kind of became a slug for the whole break.... except for like the last two days.
Soooooooo, nothing got done.

And nothing will get done for the rest of the month most likely, because I was asked to help with a project for a book and if all works out and it ends up being agreed to use my art..... I'm going to have to do 56 pen drawings of busts of Catholic Saints in the time frame of a month.


I don't know why I said I could do that....
I mean, I probably can, but still.
56 pen drawings.
A month.
I started yesterday and have..... 4 done and 1 more sketched.

So... making progress!

I just hope I don't spend time on a ton of these and then they end up not getting used, or they ask me to do it a different way all of the sudden, because this is time consuming and

So I'm busy now.

And going to be well into mid-April if this gig pulls through.


I hate everything!


I do have several things sitting in my folder to be finished,
Official reference page for Chalmar circa 1940s
A scene from The Damned
Another scene from after TD
And this new story line I haven't shown you guys yet.
It's called "Paperclipped."
And if when I finally put it out there, and no one knows what it's based off of, I'm going to cry.

Oookay, back to work!

  • Listening to: Dat Kanas Wind
  • Playing: Undertal-no, Portal-no, Everquest-no, Portal-no, U
I am home.

This is good. I appreciate these walls of mine.

Now please, please let there be good weather, I have a mighty desire to chill with mah horse. |8V

That being said,

I've completed all homework that is due up to Tuesday after break, so I've got some time to spend on things I actually want to invest time into.
Mazel Tov!
I AM working on a project of sorts, and will post on it soon. It's nothing big and nothing I want to make a long ordeal out of, but I want to test and try some things, so I hope I can keep going with what I DO want to accomplish and hope you guys are entertained by the nonsense that will come out. Hoping to put things together over break for it. C:

BUT, I also have a question for y'all who for whatever reason keep following my crummy art, (thankyousomuchIloveyou), and I really would appreciate answers and input;
I have quite a few story lines, and most of them are very thoroughly developed, but I've done almost all of this development offline and in a private Art group with three of my friends. Sometimes I forget this, that only a small portion of what I've done has made it to dA.

So I'd just like to ask you guys, how/what/who do you want to see more of, know more about?

Like... who would you like to see official reference pages for?
(so far, only Mordechai, Greg, Sven, Kalla, and Celeste have full, up-to-date ref pages)

I'd honestly like to get more of my well established kids up on dA with official ref pages, but I also don't want to just be doing refs because that's kind of the problem I have.... I post characters and continuous developments in how they look, improving my skills on detailing... but very little story telling and interactions....

What story lines would you like me to elaborate on? I've got like.... 8-9 now.. X'DD

I'm currently working on developing the social/geographical/cultural/political world that Proper Villainy and the new story with the gnomes takes place in... would that interest you guys?
((It would probably be a lot of reading, so I'm guessing no XDD ))

Would you read more short stories if I posted them here?

Are you wondering if Andy and Isaac died because I never draw them anymore?

Does the fact that half the time I draw Chalmar Stromann as an Allgemeine Officer and the other half as a grumpy old man confuse you?

How politically incorrect can Mordechai be in Politically Incorrect before everyone gets offended and ditches me?

Any questions about characters or stories I should delve into? Would you guys respond to an Ask-My-Characters kind of dealio if I set up an updated sheet?

I dunno man, just shoot me input, suggestions, questions, etc.

I know it's hard to get invested in characters when there's not enough to get invested IN, so I'd like to put more on the actual meat of my stories out there, but am just not sure where to start, and if I can get enough courage to start trying new things, (like background amg!)

So, any input would be greatly appreciated.

Going to see what I can accomplish this next week while on break. Hoping I can get myself in gear and be real productive. -U-

Thanks for sticking with me~

  • Listening to: INTERSTELLAR
  • Reading: this shitty essay I just wrote
  • Playing: how much can I develop before I get bored....
  • Drinking: tea
lLxCoWM by HugaDuck

also known as Kyra can't keep focused on one thing at a time and also broke her promise to herself when she left the Invader Zim fandom.
Also, I'm not dead. C:
  • Listening to: Tha'ts Not My Name
*shrieking into the night*

So I went through another really really rough patch..... but that's fine. I'll be fine. <:'D

Trying to generate a good swing of balancing homework and personal work. Being able to work on my stuff is really my best venting outlet and it never helps when I have to push it off. Luckily, I don't have anything super heavy this semester because I could only get into 15 credit hours before all the classes filled up and one of the credits is literally just yoga....  //why this school gotta make me take a fitness class, like ugh// it's all good though. I do nothing but read, write, and draw all day, so yoga's actually been really good. It is quite painful though. 8I Warrior 2 and downward facing dog are my only friends.

Other than that, I have two history classes, World Civ up to 1500 which has been fun given that my preferred periods to study are the American Revolution and foundation and world from 1910-1950. //Gimmie them World Wars// Also have American History 1865- present. I... dislike that class. post civil war up to the world war is so.. boring for me. Like... I really don't give a crap about farmers revolting and people building trains. Like.... it's all very important, but I'm like, WHAT WAS PRUSSIA UP TO RN, I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT PRUSSIA. Plus since this is strictly AMERICAN history, there will be NONE of the good stuff over WWI, like the Christmas truces of 1914 which were HUGE and most people know nothing about them, and WWII will be an extrememly biased, winner-writes-the-history and the Wehrmacht were all evil Nazis, we're not even going to mention the mass German subversion, even within small circles in the SS, nope nope, nor will we talk about how much the Allies screwed Germany over after WWII and decided to pile mass murder on top of mass murder, because that's how we solve problems, right? Okay I'm done. Tell me when we get to Kennedy calling himself a jelly doughnut in Berlin and Reagan being a badass.

Then I have Statistics every morning at 9am which is hell because I'm bad at math and morning. <:'D
Aaaaand French 1, semester 2. My confusing French and German is getting worse and my German grammar is deteriorating. I must find a way to save my German. I will not let this happen. I will not lose to French.
Had a test today in French... I think I might have put the German word for chocolate instead of the French one.

So no huge papers so far, but I imagine things are going to get busy in later semesters when I get to all my ed classes. I'm double majoring in Secondary Ed and Social Sciences, so that's a heavy load, and then getting a minor in Theology hopefully, which is three extra theo classes on top of the required three. I came in with 3 credit hours from a college credit theo class I took in highschool, so I get out of Intro to Theo which will be good because it will be so basic, I'll be crying tears of pain, having to sit through it. Same with English Comp 1 and English Lit 1. So glad I aced the AP test to skip those! <:'D

So I'm doing SOMETHING right here!!

Working on a few things in regards to art. I'm dead set on figuring out some of the little details in The Damned by the end of this semester.... like Chalmar Stromann's rank and uniform.... how to get Florian out of the draft.... thinking prior service in the Wehrmacht and then injury to the head booted him out. Would help build up to how those blows to the head at the end of the story trigger amnesia. Also the structure of the HitlerJugend. Such a mess.
The Military and Police structure of Nazi Germany is so complex, it's utter chaos.
I have a book tho.
It's been very helpful.

Woot woot by HugaDuck

The SS book has been soooo helpful. It's an unbiased work of research dedicated to cataloging all of the ranking insignia present on SS uniforms. I read all the sections except over the Waffen SS because the Waffen SS is so freaking big and irrelevant to my story and the chapter is like... almost half the book.

The HJ book is..... bad. It's not a good research source. It's EXTREMELY biased, be what it says factual or not, and is just an aggressive work that's purpose is to demonize. I don't want to read how evil a group of 14-18 year olds were, I want concrete info on their formation, education, and internal structure!!!!! >8U
Like.. at one point, the book starts bashing on Hitler's paintings, and I'm just like WOAH STOP. Look, no one here likes Hitler. He was pretty messed up in the head.... but you're going to start insulting his art in a book that's supposed to be informative about the HJ??? First of all, this has nothing to do with anything, and second, his paintings were not that bad! How is this relevant to anything???
It's not.
The book sucks.

But the lowest price for the research book over the HJ by the man who did the SS one is around $200 because his books stopped printing a long tome ago, so there's few of them in circulation. I was lucky to get the SS one, and am rreaaaalllllyyyy dying to get my hands on Vol. 2 of the book he complied about the German police. It talks a lot about the Third Reich, and that stuff is super important to my story.

I do have a handbook from the actual time of the war dedicated to informing the allies about all details of the HJ, so I'm hoping that helps but it's veeeerryyy long, and I'm also trying to get through the "Communist Manifesto" (need to read it for developing my commie bastard Niklas, ((don't tell him I called him mean names)), and also want to read "Mein Kampf" as most of my kids in TD would have read it, so I ought to know it as well. But maaaaaaannnn..... Adi, that asshole, he had to write the most long winded angry diary/battle plan ever. Gotta finish Marx and Engels first.... then Hitler.
That just sounds so bad. <XDDD

Researching is hard.

Joseph Goebbels' first name was Paul, and he had a deformity that made him limp when he walked?
Goebbels.... Hitler's propaganda manager.... you know... the guy who helped preach that people with deformities were the weak and needed to be weeded out?
Oh irony.

Also trying to finish Dostoevsky's "The Idiot" because I love Dostoevsky and Myshkin is precious. Not as precious as Razumihin from "Crime and Punishment," but still precious. <3

So..... will hopefully be putting some decent art out. Currently working on.... this... thing....
Capture by HugaDuck

I know... I know..... I promised real art.....

oh well, I had to.

OKAY, WELL I need to do stats and French, so...


Hope everyone is well!

~~ Kyra
  • Listening to: Beasts of the Southern Wild OST
  • Reading: Cloth and Insignia of the SS
  • Eating: goldfish
Cornelia Funke is writing a sequel to Dragon Rider!!!!1!!11!!!!!!!!

I am so excited!!! AUGH.

I read that book nearly 20 times in my youth.... I ONCE HAD TWO COPIES IN MY POSSESSION.
I'm currently in the middle of resurrecting a cast of characters that were inspired by Twigleg from DR, and making them into an original race for a new story line that I definitely don't need, so to find out that Funke is writing a sequel... AUGH
I have tears of joy.

It's expected to be out in September in Germany. No word yet on when an English translation will be available, SO I GUESS I NEED TO MASTER GERMAN BY THE END OF THE YEAR AHAHAHA.


This is the best thing I've heard in a while.

I am so excited.


Ya'll probably have no ides what I'm talking about. :I
  • Listening to: Badass Cheekbone dude's playlist
  • Watching: my sister flip out to "My Shot"
Streaming for a bit again. Wanting to make substantial progress on some coloring tonight. Raising some ancient characters from the dead, redesigned and renamed them. Probably won't use them much, but they've been tons of fun to work with again.

Hey guys!

First of all, thanks for all the birthday wishes! Cheered my cold and unfeeling heart. |8)
But no really, thanks.

Been super busy as of late, but just finished this ten page policy memo I've been working on, so that's off my chest now! Only have one more paper to write before the end of this semester, so I'll probably do that over Thanksgiving break because it's just reflection. >.>

And yes, I changed my username. I've been really thinking about working towards being open for commissions. I've been submitting a lot of my drawn and written work to the art magazine here on campus to try and get some publicity and one of the monks here has actually been talking about my art to the abbey administrators after those drawings I did of some of the monks for homecoming week, and he asked if I'd want to meet them and hinted that they might be wanting me to to do some work for their websites.... which would be pretty cool if that's the case.
So I've been trying to align all my social media pages and get some stuff organized and whatevs.

I really don't know what I'm doing at all.

With life....


So yeah.

Thanks for sticking with me! Just going to keep trying to do art when I can. <:\
So THIS happened at my college this morning:…

Had to evacuate campus at 9am and been busy all day because I had to take my roommate to the hospital as she walked through the cloud this morning going to classes before we found out what it was.

My RD literally just said, "Get in your car and go north. Got o St. Joe's or something."

So that's what I did.
And it was pretty sketch over in Missouri. I'm not "going north" again.

I'm so tired.
I'm going to rant for a bit, okay? C:


In the name of all things holy.

Do so many people root for Erik?

Alright guys. I'm speaking strictly from the view point of Andrew Lloyd Webber's version of Phantom of the Opera, specifically the film starring America's favorite Scott, Gerard Butler. I am not referring to the book or any other adaptations. Why? Two reasons. I've only ever seen Butler's Erik, and the 2006 film is the most popularly romanticized adaptation.

Let's take two men. One is a complete man-child with underdeveloped morality who demands he always gets what he wants, will not flinch from murder, creeps on women in their bedrooms, is ridden with lust, and is willing to kidnap people.
The other man, pretty morally upright, falls for a woman because of a long friendship and developed connections, sincerely desires the best for her, and is willing to risk his life to protect her.
Which one would you rather marry?
Oh well the second one of course!
Did I mention  the first option is incredibly sexy and masculine and Scottish and option two looks like a girl?

Gerard Butler is made out of some freaking fine stuff okay? I had a huge Phantom crush when I was younger and didn't understand abuses of sentimentality and sensuality.
I'm going to be honest... Patrick Wilson is a little creepy looking. I'd go for Gerard Butler too!

So here we have this lustful, murderous, kidnapping man, but because he's so damn good looking, and his songs are extremely well written, and if you don't count poor little Micheal Crawford, he has an incredibly powerful voice, we're going to root for him to get the girl???
Oh but Kyra, he has such a tragic back story!!

Okay, okay, okay. Girls. We abuse sentimentality more and men abuse sensuality more. An abuse of sentimentality occurs when we prize the ideas of romance over logic and realism. We cheer for unhealthy relationships in the media because the man is so good looking, or is rich, or has suave. We get into relationships and use men just to get the "feelings" out of it. We justify horrible things based on the emotions like pity, that we feel.

Just because Erik was abused horrendously as a child does not justify the fact that he became a lustful, murderous, kidnapper. And I GUARANTEE younger girls would be less inclined to root for Erik if someone as drop dead sexy and masculine as Gerard Butler hadn't played him.  Or if his songs weren't so captivating. Let's get past his voice please, for one second? Music of the Night is creepy as hell.

And Christine!! The fans of the movie are more disillusioned than her! Guys! She believes for a good bit that Erik is an angel sent by her father. Once she figures out that he is in fact the opposite, she's scared to death of him!! As she should be! He nearly takes her head off when she removes his mask! Imagine being in a relationship with that guy? Guess what month it is guys!! Domestic abuse awareness month!
Christine is in love with Raoul. She is going to marry Raoul. The real man. The one who actually loves her, not lusts after her voice.

And this isn't just Phantom of the Opera. Media as a whole is obsessed with portraying downright morally corrupt men in a light that will get girls falling head over heels for them, despite their character. That's the ONE THING I will ever tip my hat to Britney Spears for. "But mama I'm in love with a criminal.
And this type of love isn't rational, it's physical." There. She said it. That's not a good thing, guys.

Alright, so maybe Erik has that one redeeming moment at the end where he lets Christine go. Christine did good. She handled the situation of Erik nearly killing the love of her life and imprisoning her forever with a stellar clear mind and progressive actions. And in this particular movie, the evil guy suddenly relents and lets them go.

I promise you, appealing to a morally corrupt person's emotional side is not going to suddenly convert them all. Sure, there may be some exceptions, but it's a little unrealistic given Erik's actions throughout the whole rest of the movie. Nor does it guarantee that he's suddenly a 100% good guy now.

I don't normally jump on the romanticizing/sexualizing issues soap box, but I see this and like stuff all over the place and it's a little disturbing, especially when you see young girls and women applying this thought process to real life situations. And it DOES happen.

There. That's all I got for tonight.
  • Listening to: Me crying
  • Reading: The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoevsky
  • Watching: blurry-watery-screen
  • Playing: POKEMON GO

Freaking Politics got me fuming man.
Freaking people saying they're Catholic but are the opposite of Catholic got me fuming man.
Freaking failing Republic got me fuming man.

in order for a Representative democracy to function in a republic, the choices in elections must be meaningful to the public, or democracy has failed?
I used to believe in the theory of Madison's Republic. I think I'm becoming and Elite Theorist.

Creepy guy update: We have a no contact order between us. It's a long story. But it's better now.

I'm doing Inktober even though I have no time!! Yay! Gonna draw 31 of my 48 religiously professed characters. AAHAHAHAAHA FORTY EIGHT GUYS!
*insert Catholic joke about too many kids*

And I took a midterm today without studying one bit! Not on purpose, mind you. I think it went quite well. 8I *insert twitching*

On the upside, I made friends with the French exchange student and she's really helpful. -u-
Also fake American Oktoberfest is this upcoming week. I will now have an excuse to run around campus with a Prussian flag draped over my back and educated people on its badass history. 8D

Expect more Catholic ranting comics and lots and lots and lots of inked drawings of men in cassocks and habits. XDD

Oh my gosh I just want to go home I miss my horse and my ducks it's horse riding weather dammit and I'm in a dorm all day studying.

*le sigh*

  • Listening to: Me crying
  • Reading: The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoevsky
  • Watching: blurry-watery-screen
  • Playing: POKEMON GO
College just is not going well.

There's this guy I've been hanging out with since orientation week and he's recently started to really creep me out with some of his comments and he just shows up places waiting for me, and he's just been super duper clingy and suffocating and it's been incredibly hard to meet new people because...

And I talk to my mom all the time, and have been naturally relaying my concerns, so she calls one of the monks I'm friends with and gets a student worker, and when she's explaining her concerns, uses the word "stalker."

So my life just got 10x harder.

So before I can even talk to someone myself, I'm getting a call from Fr. Kythe asking if he can talk to me, and after I explain the situation, we have to run over to the student life center to explain that there is no stalking and no violation of Title 9, and we all just need to chill!!!
However, because it got brought up, there's all this documentation that needs to be completed and all these things I have to do and get back with the Dean and yadda yadda yadda, so they don't call this guy in themselves....

So I finally just straight up told the guy he's been creeping me out and I think it's unhealthy spending so much time together, and I'd appreciate it if we'd limit that time. Well since I avoided him all Thursday both accidentally and purposefully at times, he said he was relieved I'd told him because he figured that's how I was feeling. Hopefully he meant it, because the guy shows no emotion, and if he still shows up outside my dorm asking to hang out, then I gotta make a report and I don't want to do that, because that's messy and aaauguguuauah.

I think I cried a total of six or seven times today.

That's not good.

My eyes hurt.

That and I got kicked out of a class today for "sleeping." So I've developed  a bad habit in high school of either closing my eyes or doodling during a lecture, because otherwise all of that artificial light from those stupid tubes they use is going to wreck my eyes, so I had them closed but was still listening and sitting completely upright with good posture, a pencil in my hand, notes from the class written down, and heck I'd even participated several times in the lecture, but nope, he walked up, snapped his fingers at me, pointed to the door, and said "go sleep at home." Didn't even get to turn in the homework assignment which was this FRIGGIN MASTERPIECE of a humor driven summary of the last lecture....
So of course, I'm always an emotional mess, so I'm having a melt down in the hallway, and this other philosophy professor is throwing tissues at me, and another is like, "is it Dr. Madden? Want to come in my office?" and I'm like aumhghr, I gotta go see a monk about a creepy guy, let me go.

So then of course I had another melt down in front of Fr. Kythe.

And in front of the Dean we spoke to.

And in front of two classmates who approached me, one about the creepy guy and another about getting kicked out of class.

And then in front of my RA.

And then just sitting in my room.

And I just took a nap from 8pm-10pm and I need to get up early to do this work and prayer thing tomorrow where we do volunteer work around the campus for two hours and then go to Mass....

And I'm wide awake now.

And it's just not been good.

And I'm kind of done with college.

But I did get the business card of the guy in charge of clubs so I can see about setting up a German language and culture club, and I also bought a German and Prussian flag the other day off of Amazon for my room because I just really desire it.

Oh yeah, and they had a campus wide fire drill this morning and my dorm was the first and we got kicked out onto the street at 4:40am. And then they tried to appease us with doughnuts. Uh uh. Doughnuts do not solve the pain of throwing 90 some girls out at 5 in the morning. That and our RD lives there with her husband and three (very young) kids so that's a different kind of pain for them....

Uuuughm I hate everything right now.

  • Listening to: Me crying
  • Reading: The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoevsky
  • Watching: blurry-watery-screen
  • Playing: POKEMON GO
College is not going well.

Yeah okay, it's only week #2.

And okay, I'll admit it's just two classes I'm stressing over....

But that's 2 too many classes for me to be stressing over as much as I am...... by my standards.

I'm so mad that I didn't take my senior year American Government and History class for college credit. I probably could have gotten out of the Political Science class I'm in right now because it's essentially everything I learned in my American Gov't class... Just delivered by an apathetic, intense army vet who keeps assigning things but not really explaining what these assignments constitute of and when the blazes the certain parts of them are due.

Second, as I've complained about before, I am in French as this GERMAN college in this GERMAN town doesn't offer freaking German. Still fuming angry about that, you don't understand the odd sense of patriotism I feel about the language of my ancestry!! >8UUUU
So I'm in a beginner's level of French, except the instructor is teaching by immersion; speaking nothing but French right off the bat and expecting us to pick up phrases as she goes....... with no real instruction on grammar. And that works GREAT for the rest of the class who seem to have taken a French class before, but I took 4 years + personal study of German and only know how to say, "a million thanks" and "why are you ruining your life?" in French. I have no ides what's going on and talk to her every time after class to no avail.

That and I just accidentally just had a complete mental breakdown in front of the said army vet teacher when begging for a little clarity on what's going on and he kind of just brushed it off as, "you idiot, just read the syllabus..." Which I had...several times.... and became more confused.

That and the only friend I've made so far, if he can be called that, is an extremely pessimistic, egotistical, anti-social guy. I mean, we've had some great conversations about politics, and philosophy, and religion, and metaphysics, and ect ect ect but I've never met a person who is so judgemental of everyone around him. At one point he's talking about how he fails at being a human, and just hates the fact that he has to go on living ect ect and then turns around and says some offhanded comment about how he's so much more developed and insightful than everyone else. Okay....  I get it. There are some really shallow, stupid people in our age group, but there are also a lot of deep insightful people too. You're not the only human with a brain. That and he's always going on about how he never had friends, as if it was a bad thing, and then revels in how he's driven all the "lower life forms" away from him.
I don't know what to do.
I honestly like him besides all that other crap, and would like to be friends with him... I mean he has some really interesting ideas that are great for discussion but I can't do this constant negativity. I don't want to ditch him and make him feel horrible, but I really want to meet other people. Problem is I'm really bad at that. Not sure how to find the other creative, politically minded, traditionalist Roman Catholics. EVERYONE HERE IS A CHARISMATIC IT'S LIKE A NEW AGE PLAGUE!!!
Yeah, most of you will have no clue what I'm talking about there.


I'm freaking out.

And crying.

And need to go to my Philosophy class.

I like that instructor. He refuses to dress like he has a PH.D. He wears a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers and is built like a drill sergeant. Not your typical Doctor-of-Philosophy.

Okay bye.

Will post more of my short stories later...

And if anyone's actually interested in any of my characters, by some miracle, tell me who, because chances are, I have short stories over them and will upload those first or more frequently.

I have a lot written guys.

Okay, I really got to go.
  • Reading: The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Oh by the way, I'm back....

Touched down in the states and suddenly OMG COLLEGE STUFF GOTTA PLAN WHOOPSIES!
Good news came first though, because I found out I won't need any federal loans as my scholarships and GI benefits will cover a huge bulk of the costs. So yay. Now I just pray that I don't suddenly change majors. C:
Or you know... decide that I want to get a job as a translator and have to find a college that actually offers German. :I

-But wow. Ireland man. I'm moving to the Ring of Kerry and you can't stop me.
Finally got to see the Book of Kells. yuuuuuuussssssssssssssssss I think I was the only person in the group excited about a super old book. No one appreciates art I swear. >.<
It's not even art.
It's beyond art.
Plus the Trinity College Library. Oooh, there was a near occasion of tears.

-I loved Killarney. And Bath. And Stratford. Basically all the little places.
Dublin? Scary as hell. Edinburgh? Even scarier. London? PackmybagsI'mleavningnopenopenope.
I had no idea just how big London was. I thought ROME was big.... I was not aware until this trip that you can fit Rome, Madrid, and Paris all inside London.
Okay, Dublin was okay after walking around for a good long while. Edinburgh was just depressing because of how many homeless people there were. Bought this one man a sandwich both days we were there. And London was just too damn big. I kind of was getting a hang of the Tube after a while, but akndjdsakjfbhbkjf.
Got to see In the Heights in London though, so that was pretty damn cool. My friend and I also went to the British Museum while everyone else went shopping |:I which was cool... I mean, ancient cultures aren't really my thing, but we did find a tiny section of German art soooo.. totally worth nearly getting lost trying to find the museum in the first place.

-Another point, as a horse owner, I was VERY pleased with how the cart horses were kept over there. In Florence, Italy, I saw some cart horses and they were just droopy, all skin and bones, dirty..... whenever we saw cart horses over in Ireland or the UK, they looked perfectly healthy and clean, so I was one happy horse lover.

-Alright, Ireland must be some hot spot for German tourists because I counted five I think, five different German tour buses in one day over there, and all the stuff in the hotels was written in English and German.

-Stonehenge man. Stonehenge. That's a damn cool pile of rocks. And it does not feel real standing next to them. Nope.

Ooohmygoodness so pretty. And it just goes on forever. It never ends.

-Ireland... what is it with you and knitting sweaters for trees, poles, and fire hydrants? Blarney castle, I'm looking at you....

-I had no idea John Cleese lived in Bath until I was outside the Royal Crescent, watching out tour guide's adorable daughter doing cartwheels. "Oh by the way, John Cleese lives there." PPPFFFFWHAT?! HERE?! IN BATH?! CHRIS, YOU LIVE NEAR JOHN CLEESE?!

-Shakespeare's hoooooouuuussseeeee!!!

-Our tour guide, Chris, is a published author and poet, and I will do a journal to feature his fb page later, because he is a very talented and witty man and is just so dang precious, he deserves your love, or at least to have his stuff checked out.

-I literally bought nothing but books and honey, and then took sugar cubes from our restaurant tables for Dayne. Already gave him two. I am best human.
But there was this bookshop in Bath doing this deal on all of these classics and I got these huge stinking books for 5 pounds total. I was so pleased.

-I was also blown away by people in my age group. Our 20 something group was paired up with 20 something from California and 8 or so from Oregon. The group from California, plus three of our own, were the reason American tourists get such a bad name. I could not believe that anyone would pay so much money to come over, get drunk, do drugs, flirt with guys, and just be an altogether disrespectful bunch of loud mouthed teens. I'm going to guess they didn't save up and pay for it themselves, the way they were acting.
Oh well. Their loss I guess, but it did make the trip pretty miserable for the people that actually cared about the places we were going...

-Anyways, lots of castles, lots of gardens, hell of a lot of sheep, and lots of stone fences.
Loved it. Wish it hadn't been in such a big group, but I did love it, and am determined to get back to the Kerry mountains somehow..... Untitled by HugaDuck

Untitled by HugaDuck

Untitled by HugaDuck
Untitled by HugaDuck

Untitled by HugaDuck

Untitled by HugaDuck
Untitled by HugaDuck
Untitled by HugaDuck
Untitled by HugaDuck

~~ Kyra
  • Reading: The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoevsky
And I totally forgot about it up until today......

I leave for Europe on the 11th... 8I
It just now dawned on me that I ought to start packing....
Won't be back until the 25th.
Unless shit happens like in 2014 when our flight was cancelled and we had to spend the night in Chicago, and the hotel we were sent to ended up not getting the message from the tour directors, and we were there in the lobby for around two hours and there was someone's wedding party going on in that hotel, and there were drunk people everywhere, and one of them told us we could all get in his cab and it was interesting.

This time I'm going to Ireland, Scotland, and England. So that's one out of the two countries I promised myself I'd go to before I die. (Ireland.) The other is my other country of background, Germany. That's right, I'm Irish-German and I can't stand the smell of alcoholic drinks. *head desk in shame*

My big issue this time around is, unlike when I went to Italy and Greece, I don't really know anyone going this time. These trips are through EF Tours and my freshman year English teacher has been organizing them. They're like.. amazingly well priced considering all they gets included. So basically, it's a bunch of people from my high school who scraped up every penny they could find lying around.


But back to my original point, the only person I'm a friend of going on this trip is a guy... and I can't room with a guy. But girls are satanic and cruel and fickle-minded, and there's only a few graduated seniors going on this trip and the others are underclassmen, and UNDERCLASSMEN ARE THE WORST WHEN IT COMES TO BEING BITCHY AND FICKLE. |8I

I'm freaking out, can you tell?

That and I'm terrified of plane trips. Flying is terrifying, and I don't care how many people die in car accidents vs planes, because nothing anyone says can convince me that the plane is not just going to fall out of the sky. That much metal should not be in the sky in the first place.
Plus there's all these international travel warnings up and around right now and I'm like oooooooohdear.


I just have to keep reminding myself that I am finally going to one of the predominant countries of my family's origin, and that's freaking awesome. That and we're going to go through Stratford-upon-Avon. That's also been a goal of mine since 8th grade.
The only thing that could top that is going to Germany with no time limit, but that's going to have to wait for when I'm a rich and famous author or something HAHAHAH that's funny I'm going to be a completely broke Catholic Schools teacher goodbye all hope of ever seeing the Vaterland

So yeah, if I never get on here again after the 11th, assume I died in a plane crash or got abducted or something, because I'm only 5' tall and weigh 100 lbs and it's easy to pick me up.......

~ Kyra
  • Reading: The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoevsky
So I am dedicated to historical veracity in my written works.
Like.... obsessively dedicated.

It's scary.

But I have had some recent issues with The Damned.
I mean, I'm trying to find super specific details on German WWII military history.... using English sources.
One would THINK.... this would be easier. I mean, Americans tend to be a little WWII obsessed. SURELY... the info I need is out there!! Just..... apparently none of it has been complied in English.

My German is limited to conversations about family, weather, navigating a house, and a few other things that seemed practical to learn in the classroom, but really are of no help. Then because my class consisted of some of the most politically incorrect people you will ever find, we were pretty good at swearing, calling people terms like "zurückgeblieben Flugzeuge," insulting the French(sorry), and discussing death, doom, and world domination.
Example: For our State Test senior year we were asked to write an essay describing where we saw the world in some number of years. Most of the class wrote about a total destruction of family values, a dictator rising to power, tanks rolling in, ect ect. I wrote mine about a Communist duck invasion because my favorite word is "
Zusammengehörigkeitsgefüh" and I love ducks. Those poor people who examined our tests... I got a really good grade though soooo >.>
I used
Zusammengehörigkeitsgefühl in every single written and spoken test in that exam. There were three of each.

BUT ANYWAYS back to my original point!

I can't try and snoop around German documents because I have no idea what to look for, nor could I even read them if I did! And I'm not sifting through with my pathetically tiny 36,000 word dictionary and only four years worth of grammar notes ((which is hardly anything)) trying to translate. XU

And all the English documents aren't consistent. One will give information on a rank or branch and then another will completely turn it around. I think Chalmar's rank has changed three times in his four years of development. I also think my original version of him was Gestapo, which is super ironic given how much he hates them now.... >.>
When it comes to figuring out uniforms, all the sources I've read say things like, "Well, from this picture, we can guess..."
That's not really reassuring..... \:I
Plus the whole HJ system is confusing as hell.
And I think I found a chart that explained a little about the unit organization, getting down to like Regiments, Companies, Platoons, Troops ect. and how they were structured in that time frame, but I have no clue how accurate it is. I've used it for like.... five or so developmental short stories soooooooo.... >.>

I probably just need to take a break and brush up on Prussian history... Because I need to know these things, you know?

*head desk and rolls away*