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honey-art's avatar

OCD colored

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This is the colored version of the original sketch here -> [link]

I have OCD.
The fear. The phobia of everything.
I am a prisoner inside my own mind.
A hermit, huddled in its shell.
My mind is like a sponge. I squeeze until nothing is left.
Until all the water is gone. Until everything I am is gone.
I stress myself.
Convince myself.
That I am insane.
That I am nothing, without the fear.
I can think of nothing but the fear.
The phobia.
The paranoia.
The ridiculousness of the fear is astonishing even to myself.
But I cannot stop.
I will not stop.
The fear eats me up until nothing is left.
It tears me apart.
Rips me limb from limb.
But I will not make it stop.
I cannot make it stop.
Is this a chemical imbalance in the brain?
Is this God’s idea of a practical joke?
Is this growing up?
Is this something that will pass?
I obsess over these questions.
I wait for this nightmare to end.
I wait the day I can rest my thoughts for ever.
Think more of the people who are suffering more than I am.
Dying.
Starving.
Killing each other.
Like I’m killing myself.
Limb from limb.
Inside and out.
I do this.
I do this everyday of my life.
I do this, because I have OCD.
The fear.
The obsession.
The ghost of my past, present, and future.
My own personal hell.
My own enemy.
My own self.
Eating itself alive.
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© 2009 - 2021 honey-art
Comments98
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I just wrote this blog post about how I overcame a large amount of my OCD tendencies; I hope it can help someone.  I used to have very bad OCD, I always believed that I had to perform my rituals so that my family can be safe and no harm would be done to anyone I loved.  This blog post talks about my mindset when I was overcoming these rituals when they would start.  You also can PLEASE contact me through my blog and leave me a comment and I hope to be of help.  www.workwithdavidweber.com/how…
Cliftonwebb's avatar
It looks really cool in color too. I love both equally though.
IronBatMaiden91's avatar
I think I might have it. I have a fear of some things and it will drive me insane! I was dealing with intrusive thoughts a lot last summer and I'm still dealing with it, but not as badly.
innsjo's avatar
I also suffer from OCD. i was very drawn to this, because i have painted something very similar to this to illustrate my OCD. you can see it here: innsjo.deviantart.com/art/cons…
i thought it was an interesting similarity, with something dark coming out of our heads, haha. i love this piece, it describes it well.
honey-art's avatar
Whoa they are very similar haha I think thats very relevant to how the condition really feels, like there's a dark swirling screaming mass in our heads all the time. I'm very glad you can relate, it reminds me I'm not the only one dealing with this.
innsjo's avatar
yes, i thought it was very interesting how we expressed the same feeling in a similar way. i also saw another person who painted a monster coming from their head, which is similar too :D and yes, having OCD is hard and often times it's easy to feel alone, it is really nice to know you and other people have to go through it too and we're not alone.
animatedastronaut's avatar
Ohh this. So much this.
dharmavan's avatar
i understand u mate.. i saw this pic and thought that it captures the reality of ocd very well
Feathertho's avatar
;w; so pretty, I have it too, are you going to the OCD conference by any chance?
MortiaBeetlewing's avatar
Oooooo
Its so bad that so many people have
this terrible illness....
[link]
Oseltamivir's avatar
OH. MY. GOD. This is simply AMAZING. The artwork, the poem... perfect! This is so accurate it's almost disturbing. I have OCD and I can see myself in what you've done here. My brain gets stuck on the fear of catching tuberculosis, and worrying about causing bad things to happen by the things I do (like putting on my clothes a certain way, or washing my hands a certain way). It really does consume you and how you described it as your own self eating itself alive is perfect.
honey-art's avatar
thanks dude (: glad you can relate to it, and thanks for the favorite
AwesomeDudett's avatar
:'( :icontearsplz: I know what you mean, I wish I didn't...
hacamacaperu's avatar
my OCD deals with food and cleanliness
honey-art's avatar
yeah food is always an issue for me, thanks for the favorite by the way (:
AngelArt123's avatar
I just came across this picture. It's a very good illustration of OCD. Exactly how I feel...everyday.
It's so hard...

I'm glad there are other people out there who go through what I have to...
honey-art's avatar
For sure, you're definitely not alone. Glad you like it. (:
AngelArt123's avatar
I do!
and thanks.
EmeraldKeefe's avatar
Thank you for this piece, it really demonstrates this terrible mental disease.
honey-art's avatar
You're welcome but it's not a terrible mental disease, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes severe anxiety. I don't have a disease. I have anxiety issues that just make up apart of who I am. I have suffered but that's just apart of existence. Please don't call it a disease. I'm not ill. I have anxiety.
EmeraldKeefe's avatar
It feels like a disease to me. It's made me mostly a housebound hermit.
I want to thank you so much for this work! I have been very touched, it's a perfect description of OCD. How you feel inside, strangling and how you look to others, like you're sad and you don't pay attention to anything, while the truth is that you feel pain and you just stare to nowhere in particular, trying to supress all those thoughts and feelings that are running in circles in your mind.
It's obvious that I also suffer from OCD and I think that only we can understand each other.
Your post is precious not only for representing OCD so well, but also because it gives a chance to fellow-sufferers to express themselves and to see that there are other people in the world who can really understand them! I am not happy that a lot of people are suffering as I do, but I have to admit that it's kind of a relief, we are not alone and we can understand each other!
honey-art's avatar
I'm glad this means this much to you. Never be ashamed of your anxiety, it's apart of who you are but it does not define you (: thank you for the kind comments.
candygirl39725's avatar
As a fellow sufferer, I can tell you with complete honesty that this is one of the most accurate portrayals of OCD I've ever seen/read. When I was at my worst I felt exactly as you've so beautifully depicted. Keep up the good work!

Also, I'm not sure if you intended this or not, but the anxious figure's position seems reminiscent of Munch's "The Scream", which is usually considered one of the most famous depictions of anxiety. However, I think your's is more powerful. :)
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