It's... Been forever. Again. It seems disappearing for weeks, even months from online is kind of what I do.
On the side note, happy 101st birthday Finland 🇫🇮!
Things have been messy, things have been difficult, and things... Have resolved for the time being. I hope I'll be a much more stable person in the upcoming year of 2019,since 2018 was an emotional mess for me personally.
Long story short, I got through most my finals, I'm actually quite proud I got a C from mathematics! It's huge for me who was waiting for a straight up I (I is equivalent to F or 4) This is especially big considering during finals and having to study I was practically homeless, dealing with a lot of emotional stress from being abandoned. But at the same time, I was happy to get even closer to my friends who helped me out, and gave me a couch to crash in for weeks.
It took me 3 weeks to find a place to call my home, I slept on a mattress for another month or so. But it was good. Money was tight, which was a concern I had never had to worry about before... But here I was. Paying my own rent, getting through school and paying bills. Adult stuff.
Heh, I wouldn't consider 18 an adult, I'm still a childish, needy, impatient brat on the inside. But maybe someday I'll mature up a bit more.
Now I'm sorry for everyone who have contacted me and I've fully ignored you. I'm finally getting myself to a psychologist to deal with all the mental crap. My reduced self worth, my constant struggle to get things done and overall the feelings of "nothing matters and I'm not good enough". I'm working on it, but I'm intending to come back here again.
To pay my bills and rent, I don't want to be a strain on my government and rely on the financial support they give. So I recently got a job. I've been working 22 days as a cleaning lady, and this week I started to work in fabric-maintenance. (Basically I make sure those towels you get in public bathrooms and such are clean and without tears.)
Im back in good terms with my mother, but I'm not going to move back with her. I'm getting more independent and I'm not going to take steps back.
So.. Thigns are looking up. School is fine, I have a home of my own, and now a job. I don't think I have much to complain about anymore. Thankyou for staying here, and I'm happy to be back with doing art for myself!
I hope this time, I won't run off so quickly.