SS: Simple As This

Finarel sat quietly by the lake, head turned to the skies as she watched the first snowfall of the season. It had been a little more than a year now, she realized through teary-eyes, that she had made the decision to leave Vale behind, and she could've never imagined how far she would have to go at that time. Truth be said, to no one's surprise she had been, once again, naïve to think she would be able to find Rhaegan shortly after crossing the border, and she could see it now. Oh, she really could.

But, at least, through all the hardships of her journey she had grown. It was clear that Ella learned more about herself in the brief time she spent as a loner than she did through her still short and meaningless life. As example, she realized how unsuited for it and how dependant of a pack structure she was, which, luck or fate, had led her to Nadia and then to Chandor - and the kindest and friendliest wolves she could've ever met.

The Alaka'i had offered her more than just a place to go back to whenever her searches around the Domain deemed unfruitful. No, Chandor had become something much more nostalgic than that. Something she didn't think to be able to feel again for a long, long time - if ever - for that feeling she believed to belong to Vale and Vale only. Ella was wrong. Much like the green pack had been to her, Chandor was, or could be, home, and Finarel could see it now. A little promise and opportunity for her to start over should she ever wish for it.

So... why couldn't she?

Why, even after all this time, she still thought of herself as a Malihini rather than someone part of this Family?

What was it that still so persistently held her back?

The female closed her eyes, and as she took a deep breath and released the air through a half-parted mouth, the answer to her questions came almost instantly. Clear as water, unequivocal as dawn.

Simple as breathing.

Finarel realized she no longer cared for answers. She no longer cared for reason. That, perhaps, she never really expected any explanation from Rhaegan. Sure she wanted to know why he decided to leave, she wanted to know if leaving was what his heart really desired at that time, if he never - not for a second - thought about staying... but more than anything, she wanted to explain herself. She wanted to tell him what she wished she could've had the courage to say at the time he decided to leave. To say that she didn't want him to go. She wanted to ask him to come back, to stay with her for as long as time allowed. To tell him that if he would have her, she would never, never leave his side.

She would never be able to move on knowing that he had never heard these words. She would never be able to move on knowing she missed all the chances she once had to tell him how she felt.

And that feeling... that made a large smile spread through her gentle face, and Ella laughed soundly from her heart. She loved him!

Love!

At its purest form.

When had it happened? Why hadn't she realized it before? Sure Ella remembered how curious about him she was when they met, and when he sworn to protect her family... she admired him. And after that her admiration only grew, and their bond turned into friendship. Yes, he was her friend. But love? This romantic kind of love?

Her mind took her back to the Trua River's bank, and the memory of a heavily beaten Rhaegan made her heart ache, causing the smile to fade away from her lips instantly. She couldn't tell if then was the beginning of it, or if it had already began, but she remembered how scared of losing him she felt. And when he left... Oh, when he left! Her heart was shattered then. Not in the same way as it was when she felt abandoned by those who she considered family, though it was just as painful. A different kind of painful, indeed, and now she knew why!

Love!

Finarel stood up abruptly. She had to tell him! One more time she had to search for him! And if once again she'd fail, she would have to search for him again. And again, and again. He needed to know! Even if unrequitted, even if bothersome, even if selfish, she had to tell him! No matter how long it took.

Her paws were already moving even before she could properly organize her thoughts, leading her out of Chandor. A little voice of reason inside her head echoed that she should probably warn Nadia first, but Finarel felt like she couldn't waste any more time. She would explain it at a later time.

Right now, Ella had to answer her heart.

Skin by SimplySilent | Background from Horizon Zero Dawn