Hinfallend's avatar
Beauty in Murder
41 Watchers8K Page Views262 Deviations
Second Floor
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First Floor
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Frick
I'm not tired I'm depressed I'm not emotional I'm depressed I'm not moody I'm depressed I'm not lazy I'm depressed I'm not stoic I'm STILL DEPRESSED I've got depression dripping off of me, slow as honey but not nearly as sweet. I'm riddled with anxiety the same way swiss cheese is riddled with holes. I sleep too much, and I cry too much. I spend hours on my computer and not enough time picking up my room. I can't decide if I'm sad or angry or apathetic or if I want to fight. I'm filled to the very brim of mental problems, with a little bit spilling over. But I am so much more than that. My mental health does not define me as a person, and i
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The Ripple Effect
'i'm tired,' they say, eyes downcast and head bowed like the weight of the world hangs around their neck. 'sleep then,' you say lightly, watching not them but the fractured petals of light on the wall. it's the same color as the bruises beneath their eyes. silence and then 'not that kind of tired,' drifts across the space between you as lazily as the smoke from the cigarette in your hand. you hum once, soft and low, before dragging your eyes over to stare at the the downturn corners of their lips where sadness has pressed lines into their skin. 'i know.' a hand shifts over to curl on top of theirs, as slow and heavy as molasses, and you c
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Where Memories are Buried
When Paytah is four, his birth parents abandon him in the center of a busy market place belonging to a different town than his own. He remembers the colorful clothes hanging artistically around the stalls and how badly his small fingers itches to grab hold of them. He remembers the ocean of noise, remembers being able to hear it from what felt like miles away. The cacophony of the merchants voices blending together as they call out their wares and the prices in hopes of drawing in more customers. He remembers the heat and the blue, blue sky above where the tiny black shapes of birds soared. His mother's long, calloused fingers had been wrappe
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Courage
I want to tell you something, but courage is a fickle thing to find. I tell myself that I have to speak before you finish your cigarette. That was five minutes ago, and I'm watching the glowing tip get closer and closer to your fingers as you move it from your side to your mouth and back again. Ashes and small embers are captured and swept away by the wind with a simple flick of your fingers. The smoke is playing hell on my eyes as it drifts between us, creating a screen. For a second there, I thought you said you tried to die once, but the smoke is in the way. I have to tell you something I feel is important, but courage has gone and hid w
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Bad Night
You know it's gonna be a bad night when all you can think is "It's going to get me. Oh god, it's going to get me. Somebody save me. It's going to get me." and you can feel that pressure on your chest, in your head, against your heartbeat that signals a panic attack. You know it's gonna be a bad night when you're scared to look out the windows or have the curtains cracked, and the mirrors have to be covered because god, what if it can get in that way? What if the things in the mirrors get out? Fuck, what if the thing you see in the mirror finally gets you? You know it's gonna be a bad night when the stairs freak you out, when you want to bar
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I
If I Loved You That Way
My first love and it has to be you. Of course you would be the one that I adore. You are one of the few people that can make my focus narrow down to only you from the second you open your mouth to the moment you leave my sight. I fought for months against this, telling myself that it was just an infatuation and nothing more. I don't want to be in love with you like this. I hate you for making it so god damn easy to fall in love with you. I hate that I'm in love with you when you aren't even mine and never will be. Keep your hands to yourself and keep those loving, sweet words in that sinner's mouth of your's. Don't press in close and drag yo
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Mine, Love
I want to write my name over every inch of your skin in blue black ink until the entire world knows you are mine. I'll fill in the spaces in between with words like 'love' and 'perfection' and 'soulmate' and love again because I don't think I can love anyone as much as I do you. You're my Love and my first love and my love. I want to press close enough to feel your heartbeat and hear the soft, instinctive inhale and exhale, to know you haven't left me yet. I'll wind my fingers around your hand and hold on tight enough to leave bruises, wordless marks of 'mine' for everyone to see, because I can't tell the difference between good and bad affe
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See all
Second Floor
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First Floor
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F
Frick
I'm not tired I'm depressed I'm not emotional I'm depressed I'm not moody I'm depressed I'm not lazy I'm depressed I'm not stoic I'm STILL DEPRESSED I've got depression dripping off of me, slow as honey but not nearly as sweet. I'm riddled with anxiety the same way swiss cheese is riddled with holes. I sleep too much, and I cry too much. I spend hours on my computer and not enough time picking up my room. I can't decide if I'm sad or angry or apathetic or if I want to fight. I'm filled to the very brim of mental problems, with a little bit spilling over. But I am so much more than that. My mental health does not define me as a person, and i
0
2
T
The Ripple Effect
'i'm tired,' they say, eyes downcast and head bowed like the weight of the world hangs around their neck. 'sleep then,' you say lightly, watching not them but the fractured petals of light on the wall. it's the same color as the bruises beneath their eyes. silence and then 'not that kind of tired,' drifts across the space between you as lazily as the smoke from the cigarette in your hand. you hum once, soft and low, before dragging your eyes over to stare at the the downturn corners of their lips where sadness has pressed lines into their skin. 'i know.' a hand shifts over to curl on top of theirs, as slow and heavy as molasses, and you c
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3
W
Where Memories are Buried
When Paytah is four, his birth parents abandon him in the center of a busy market place belonging to a different town than his own. He remembers the colorful clothes hanging artistically around the stalls and how badly his small fingers itches to grab hold of them. He remembers the ocean of noise, remembers being able to hear it from what felt like miles away. The cacophony of the merchants voices blending together as they call out their wares and the prices in hopes of drawing in more customers. He remembers the heat and the blue, blue sky above where the tiny black shapes of birds soared. His mother's long, calloused fingers had been wrappe
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I
If I Loved You That Way
My first love and it has to be you. Of course you would be the one that I adore. You are one of the few people that can make my focus narrow down to only you from the second you open your mouth to the moment you leave my sight. I fought for months against this, telling myself that it was just an infatuation and nothing more. I don't want to be in love with you like this. I hate you for making it so god damn easy to fall in love with you. I hate that I'm in love with you when you aren't even mine and never will be. Keep your hands to yourself and keep those loving, sweet words in that sinner's mouth of your's. Don't press in close and drag yo
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5
M
Mine, Love
I want to write my name over every inch of your skin in blue black ink until the entire world knows you are mine. I'll fill in the spaces in between with words like 'love' and 'perfection' and 'soulmate' and love again because I don't think I can love anyone as much as I do you. You're my Love and my first love and my love. I want to press close enough to feel your heartbeat and hear the soft, instinctive inhale and exhale, to know you haven't left me yet. I'll wind my fingers around your hand and hold on tight enough to leave bruises, wordless marks of 'mine' for everyone to see, because I can't tell the difference between good and bad affe
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Maybe You'll Stop
Maybe you'll stop once you've finished picking the gravel from your knees and the red crescent moons heal on your palms. Once you're lips aren't swollen and you're voice doesn't have that rasp, you'll stop. It's not like you enjoy this, the ache in your jaw and crick in your neck. Gotta pay the bills somehow though. So you'll get down on your knees again, in some nameless place with another nameless face, and do your job with a fake passion that only a professional can pull off.
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I
I'm a Writer
I'm a writer, and I'll keep your name with me forever. I'll write your name down on notebook paper. I'll write a four page letter to you. I'll list all of the things I love about you and all of the things I hate about you. Then I'll burn it, piece by piece, in the middle of my yard with my zippo until the only thing left is white, gray, and black ashes of once upon a time words. I'll keep your name forever in my head with all the other words I know, right between pseudo and redundant. I'll keep your happiness imprinted behind my eyelids and connect your name to certain things of joy. I'll take your sadness and write a story from it with you
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Shit Posting
Because if you don't shit post with your best friend, are you even really best friends? "Fuck off, SUSAN." Damn, Barb, airing our dirty laundry to the neighbors. Maybe I wouldn't have to if you would keep your brat of a kid out of my yard, Susan. Doesn't he have band practice to get to? I DON'T KNOW BARB. DON'T YOU HAVE AN AA MEETING TO GET TO OR IS TIM JUST GIVING YOU THE ALIMONY NOW? WHY DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN HUSBAND, SUSAN, OR MAYBE YOU'RE TOO DISTRACTED BY YOUR LOVER TO KNOW WHERE YOUR HUSBAND IS. WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN BARB ARE YOU FUCKING LARRY? IF YOU ARE FUCKING LARRY, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL TELL THE PTA ASSOCI
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Spotlight

I
I'm a Writer
I'm a writer, and I'll keep your name with me forever. I'll write your name down on notebook paper. I'll write a four page letter to you. I'll list all of the things I love about you and all of the things I hate about you. Then I'll burn it, piece by piece, in the middle of my yard with my zippo until the only thing left is white, gray, and black ashes of once upon a time words. I'll keep your name forever in my head with all the other words I know, right between pseudo and redundant. I'll keep your happiness imprinted behind my eyelids and connect your name to certain things of joy. I'll take your sadness and write a story from it with you
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Jun 12
United States
Deviant for 9 years
Badges
Super Llama: Llamas are awesome! (48)
25 Years Later...
Well, it's been ages, hasn't it? I haven't uploaded anything to dA in a long damn time. I doubt I'm suddenly going to become active again simply because all of my friends and most of my favorites on here aren't active either. I dunno, maybe I'll start a new account. If only to get back into writing. The piece I just uploaded it full of run-on sentences, so sorry for that shit. Life is alright, I guess. I doubt anyone is actually reading this, but I'm working my way towards beating my depression. Also trying to get into some CNA classes and hopefully moving in the next six months. We'll see how life treats me in the next year.
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People that are mine
Muzica - My Pretty Lady She is my pretty lady. Gorgeous, stunning, amazing, beautiful, brilliant, better than anyone could ever hope to be. That is my Muzi. I love her more than anything or anyone ever has or ever will know how to love. She is my Pretty Lady, bitch goddess supreme, and my platonic soulmate. Turwathiel - My SisterShe is my sister. My only sister and my only older sibling. We tend to fight a lot, but that doesn't make her any less mine. She is smart, funny, and flirty. I love her to death, though sometimes I feel like smothering her in her sleep, and I will not hesitate to brutally, gleefully destroy you if you hurt her. Toby
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THINGS (in list form again)
Things I Have Done Since The Last List :bulletblack: Got my permit :bulletblack: Saw my sister :bulletblack: Learned to manage my money better :bulletblack: Stopped trying to get together with the straight girl at work :bulletblack: Got high and drunk :bulletblack: Slept for two days :bulletblack: Had fun :bulletblack: Socialized more :bulletblack: Stopped messing around with the married guy Things I Need To Do: :bulletred: Get $50 more dollars so I can move out :bulletred: Get my licence :bulletred: Make a list of things to bring my granddad :bulletred: Relearn how to sleep comfortably in a car :bulletred: Visit Muzi :bulletred:
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Comments292

anonymous's avatar
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jim555's avatar
Happy birthday mate!
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Hinfallend's avatar
Hinfallend|Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :) This is the first time I've been on dA in a long time....It's changed a bit :XD:
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jim555's avatar
Well welcome back mate!
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Hinfallend's avatar
Hinfallend|Hobbyist Writer
:hug: thank you
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SchnitzelMobile's avatar
Happy birthday Hinfallend! Hope you have a great day! :party: :cake: :party:
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Hinfallend's avatar
Hinfallend|Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, Lovely :heart: Sorry for the late reply. I don't get on here nearly as often as I used to.
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SchnitzelMobile's avatar
Same here lately
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