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um...
why are all of my breaks in my past submitted writing broken?!?!?!?!?!
hello, words
i haven't written in a while, i think my meds are helping me sort my feelings into thoughts for the first time in a while...
when your emotions are the ocean, and you're just a granule of sand, it's hard to decipher one thing from the next.
everything is wet.
everything is saturated.
everything is hurt, and ache, and stabbing pain.
you can't breathe and at the same time your chest is on fire.
there's an entire fucking ocean holding you down.
i apparently have ocd. not so much the c part - not a lot of compulsion... unless it's sex... or spending... or starving myself... or over exercising and counting calories.
lots of obsessive thoughts. turns out it's not suicidal ideation... or it is? but it's from ocd. anyway, now that they've changed my meds it helps with the suicidal thoughts... but i can hear everything else again and all of that just makes me want to die so i'm not sure it helps?
baby's first journal/writing in a long while.
i missed the solace of words. you ruined that
Devious Journal Entry
help me feel anything.
updates
i started a new job at a bank. it's not the worst thing i've ever done and i like my coworkers. it's not horribly stressful and the learning curve isn't super steep. but they're already talking about the possibility of promoting me which is terrifying. it would come with more responsibility and i feel like i can only manage myself at this point and not others.while i am flattered that they think i'm a human and capable of doing these things, i don't know how to respectfully decline. so i just nodded and smiled.maybe i'll be shit at sales and they can like realize i'm not worth promoting.i'm still waiting on disability in the meanwhile. i'm...
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