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Even Death May Die by HeraldOfOpera Even Death May Die :iconheraldofopera:HeraldOfOpera 2 0 Karona, Triadborn (April Contest) by HeraldOfOpera Karona, Triadborn (April Contest) :iconheraldofopera:HeraldOfOpera 5 5 Planar Genesis by HeraldOfOpera Planar Genesis :iconheraldofopera:HeraldOfOpera 1 0 Ophiotaurus' Wake by HeraldOfOpera Ophiotaurus' Wake :iconheraldofopera:HeraldOfOpera 1 0 Monopoly on Violence by HeraldOfOpera Monopoly on Violence :iconheraldofopera:HeraldOfOpera 2 2 Mind-Killer Strike by HeraldOfOpera Mind-Killer Strike :iconheraldofopera:HeraldOfOpera 0 0 Toshiro, Myojin's Shadow by HeraldOfOpera Toshiro, Myojin's Shadow :iconheraldofopera:HeraldOfOpera 1 3
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1. Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?
2. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
3. What is Satan's last name?
4. Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
5. Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?
6. If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
7. Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"?
8. If you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
9. If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
10. If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?
11. Do they bury people with their braces on?
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So apparently there's this "Google "Florida man" followed by your birthday" thing going around. I did it, and the first result was... an explanation of the meme itself. Of course. -_-

Anyway, the second one was "Florida man arrested for threatening to bomb a mosque" which... I don't know, maybe that was actually newsworthy back then? Wait, no, it was last year. Is the weird part (there has to be a weird part because it's Florida) the implication that anyone cared enough to arrest him for it? (Consider popular opinion of American police officers right now). Seriously, guys like that are a dime a dozen and we need to stop giving them airtime.
Changeling Amalgam
Yeah, there's a bit of a gap in between these, isn't there? Anyway, this is a bit of a weird one. The official story is that this little guy has something wrong with him, and instead of taking the form of one thing he's combining several. However, the joke is in the not-currently extant art; the combination of insectoid and equine features makes it an amalgam of Lorwyn changelings and Equestrian changelings. The flavor text is presumably it parroting someone who got the joke but didn't find it funny (Lorwyn changelings are sub-sapient). Not much else to say about this one, really.

As usual, credit goes to Richard Garfield for inventing Magic the Gathering, Hasbro by way of Wizards of the Coast for keeping it running, and whoever made the Magic Set Editor program for, well, making the program I used to turn this card into an image. Also, I guess I should maybe thank fyre-flye for dragging My Little Pony kicking and screaming into the 21st century? Actually, I should probably just do that in general, never mind this specific case of inspiration...
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Things I've learned today (and for those of you wondering whether I'm serious, remember that I use Journals for anything I want actually recorded):

Financial advisors at TD Canada Trust are not required to advise to avoid criminal activity, even when you call them out on that fact.

Despite actually brandishing a baseball bat being taken as a serious threat, walking into a store, saying you only did so because you wanted to make a discreet inquiry in place you'll never enter again, and then asking for the nearest sporting goods store apparently isn't suspicious. Or the seemingly chipper retail staff secretly give as little of a **** as the grumpy ones.

All of this was completely meaningless, because the person whose vagina I popped out of apparently thought she was suggesting something more convenient rather than less. (When not turning my identity into an elaborate game of obtuse hints I speak of her by her actual name, which is just a more subtle way of saying the same thing with the same connotations)
This is a courtesy message to :iconsera-fuku:, :iconsteamrolled:, :iconmrpheus:, :iconglenradd:, :iconhypnopony:, :iconjaceb42:, :iconfiringwall: and :iconanonymous-69: to please set your real birthdays so that I can be notified of them. :icondoublewbrothers:, I'll let it slide for you because how are you even supposed to decide that for collab accounts? (I only do Status Updates for things that I'm okay with disappearing forever. I'll likely do this particular one every year that it's applicable)

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"Hey, could you make sure Zeus is still locked up? Because I just encountered a pregnant pause."

----

"She did a number on you. One with more digits than Guanyin."

----

"Influence is not truly power, wealth is not truly influence, and you, Madame, are not truly anybody. Not in the grand scheme of things."

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"If it's been spread out over the world, it may have been diluted too much for our purposes. We need to make sure we can still kill the gods in spite of their immortality. If only we had an immortal..."

Arachne, having realized what she was saying and who she was saying it to, quickly had the facial expression that animals see in smiles, one meant to communicate the threat of teeth. Euryale, having realized the same thing, started backing away in a panic.

----

"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words may break your soul."

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"Build a better mousetrap, and some other bastard will build a better mouse."

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"Expert opinions on the possible and impossible are rather hit-and-miss. Possible is the hit and impossible is the miss."

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"Okay, as questions go, that's somewhere between asking whether someone who never married has stopped beating their wife, and asking the same of a widower."
Previews of a Future Story
I don't want to forget these random zingers, so I'm presenting them now out of context. Even once I start writing, it'll be a while before I get around to these, but they stand alone relatively well.

EDIT: Forgot to mention that I'll be adding to these as they come to me. Additionally, added the first actual preview outside of a couple conversations in really obscure places and a couple intentionally opaque references in this journal. Both types of thing are likely to pop up, and once I actually get to the point of writing them I'll likely turn them into links rather than actually remove anything.

EDIT2: Added another thing. Also added the tags I used on Ophiotaurus' Wake for similar reasons.
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So apparently there's this "Google "Florida man" followed by your birthday" thing going around. I did it, and the first result was... an explanation of the meme itself. Of course. -_-

Anyway, the second one was "Florida man arrested for threatening to bomb a mosque" which... I don't know, maybe that was actually newsworthy back then? Wait, no, it was last year. Is the weird part (there has to be a weird part because it's Florida) the implication that anyone cared enough to arrest him for it? (Consider popular opinion of American police officers right now). Seriously, guys like that are a dime a dozen and we need to stop giving them airtime.

deviantID

HeraldOfOpera
"Harold Daniels"
Canada
I'll fill the rest of this out later, but for now I'm just going to confirm that the scare quotes do, in fact, mean that that isn't my real name. It is, however, the real name of any alternate-universe versions of me that show up in stories.

Addendum: I use the "Status Update" function solely to emulate the function of DeviantArt's comment section for places where I can't be bothered to make an account to do so normally (or which don't have a way for me to do that at all). If I ever want to actually update you on my status, it will be via Journal.

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:iconsaralexxia:
saralexxia Featured By Owner Edited Mar 30, 2019  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, did you notice they fixed the status update thing in Eclipse? I think you said Eclipse wasn't working for you, but I mean at least they've done something about it.
Reply
:iconheraldofopera:
HeraldOfOpera Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2019
There's still the same basic reason I'm still not using tabbed chat in KoL: change is hard and they've given me the option not to. I see no new features and the removal of old ones, plus the whole "lag to hell even for the places where it works" thing caused by my decade-old laptop.
Reply
:iconthefelinealchemist:
TheFelineAlchemist Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the watch :3
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:icondevilnaga:
DevilNaga Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the watch!
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:iconthe-fanartist1:
The-Fanartist1 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2018
Happy Birthday! :)
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:iconheraldofopera:
HeraldOfOpera Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2018
In my time zone, it was already 2am the day after when you posted this. Thanks anyway!
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:icontitsandnobs:
TitsandNobs Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the watch:3
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:iconheraldofopera:
HeraldOfOpera Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2018
Okay, I'm pointedly not hiding that previous comment. Notice the lack of counterpoints to anything I said? Notice the lack of clarity regarding what they're even talking about? I legitimately have no idea what I did wrong, but all signs point to "nothing, this guy's just an idiot."
Reply
:iconoddeyesdragoon:
OddEyesDragoon Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2018
Hi.
FUCK OFF by poprage  

Bye.

P.S.: Don't mock my friend's OCs, loser.

middle finger smiley Al emotion - Middle Finger Tongue Out middle finger emoji -F2U- Middle Finger Cursor (Chat Icon) Homer Simpson Middle Fingers Chat Icon 
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:iconincredibleintruder:
IncredibleIntruder Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks a bunch for the watch. :)
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