EDIT 2: Soft update! I will no longer be checking this account for new notes and messages, as I have officially moved on. Unfortunately, it seems that me changing my account was in vain for various reasons. If people wish to continue following my work, I am now saletaine! My twitter is also the same name, and I am more active there anyway. Thank you so much!
This is a long time coming, this journal, and I've been contemplating on writing it for some time but never could fully get the words out how I wanted them.
Just to start; this account is going to be abandoned. I'm no longer uploading art or commenting on anything, it'll only stay as a reminder of how far I've come and what has been accomplished within the three years it's been active. However, it'll still be used for communication for pending commissions I have and answering any questions via note or comment. I have a new account where I'll be uploading art sometime soon, and if you'd like it, feel free to note me because I'd rather not share it publicly.
There's a major reason as to why I'm leaving and it's been plaguing me for almost two years now, maybe seven if you count it right. I feel .. uncomfortable here. In the past few months/weeks I've lost people who I've thought were my friends, supported me, were there for me, but weren't. Misunderstandings came to light and that's fine, you won't be with anyone forever. I've been ignored and been back stabbed more times than I can count, lied to more so. I'm not saying that I'm totally innocent in anything, however, I've had my fair share of things I've done that I'm not proud of - but I've owned up to it to the people closest to me, that I knew I was risking our friendship if I told the truth, that they'd leave me. I lied as well, I cheated, I stole things, I was a brat and a monster and I totally know that. I know what I did.
I came clean, and my conscious is .. fine now. I've moved on from everything. I don't need validation from everyone on the planet because no matter how many times I say sorry and ask for forgiveness, it's never enough. So I move on.
And yet, people continue to talk about me, stalk me, talk about me behind my back and continue to lie and I'm entirely sick of it. I'm sure the people who do these things will read this, begin to send me a nasty email or note, write about me on their twitters, their tumblrs, but please, don't. Save your breath because I'm not worth your time and you're not worth mine. So, I'm leaving. I'm starting a new page and I'm already sure of this is where I want to be. I've started Youtube, made new friends on PSN who I talk to regularly, have a job that well .. isn't as fulfilling as I'd hope, but it's something. It's fun and for once in my life I am very happy.
I'm who I want to be and I'm learning day by day that coming clean and ridding myself of burdens was the first step to starting again. So, thank you to those that have supported me through these three years and beyond, and will continue to support me as time goes on. I will do good by you, I promise.
Again, if you'd like my new dA, please feel free to ask. I'm excited to share more art of my darling Youtubers and my worlds.
PS. Also, Heican ain't a name. What was I thinking.