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I don't really understand what's going on with me at the moment. I feel as though my life isn't as great as it could be, despite being in a nice paid part-time job where everyone is nice to me and there's never been too much trouble with anything there and also have been pretty successful in University, having earned a 2nd Bachelors Degree in Games Design.

I tend to find that every day I also just have a lack of energy and sometimes don't even want to draw anything or play video games despite being bored out of my mind (which happens every day) and whenever I draw/play something I only do it for a few hours instead of the entire day, which I used to enjoy doing a few years ago.

In terms of work, I really don't understand it. I only work 16 hours (4 days a week) in an Admin job for the NHS (National Health Service) and everyone there is really nice to me and there isn't much manual labor or anything that could cause me too much stress yet somehow I feel worse here than I do at home. Now I've made a couple of mistakes at work recently which no-one was angry about but it seems that all of the jobs I've had in the past have made me have a consistant fear of making mistakes. (Bear in mind that my job before this was at Toys R Us where I was constantly berated/talked down to by people who were younger than me for making rookie mistakes and it was a f***ing nightmare that I don't even want to get into)

So since Toys R Us or I guess the job before that, I've had a constant fear of f***ing things up, even if it's a little thing. So whenever I make a mistake in this current job, be it I maybe forget to write down a name/number for someone after they've called for my colleague or forgotten which certain pieces of medical equipment belong to which member of my team, I just feel like bursting into tears, despite knowing that no-one's gonna really mind the mistake at all.

Also since I only work 4 hours a day, I find that all of my colleagues just want to give me constant jobs to do and I sometimes end up working overtime as a result. It seems that they all completely forget which shifts I work despite it being on our group calendar. I've also found that one colleague in particular, who I won't name, gives me jobs that I've never been taught how to do before or just asks me for help with Excel, despite me not knowing much about the program at all (I'm a Word person ultimately) and most of my colleagues just assume that I'm some kind of IT expert just because I know a thing or two about computers. Because of this I'm sometimes pressured into a task that I don't know how to perform and ultimately end up apologising and feeling guilty whenever I can't fix the issue.

I can't say that I've quite forgiven that particular colleague though since once before he jokingly blamed me for not being in work when something was delivered, which I laughed at at the time but honestly didn't find funny at all, despite it being a joke. Because he should have known that I only do four days a week and if I'm not in work on the day that something is deliver then tough, it's the rest of the team's problem not mine.

But anyway... recently I've been having issues with family too, though it's mainly just with my nephew, Killian.

The other day my mum left me with him for 20 minutes whilst she went out to pick up my bro and bring him back, yet it was the most stressful 20 minutes of my entire life. Now, I've always been pretty good with kids for most of my life, due to having 5 cousins at different ages... but for some reason during that day I felt the worse I ever have. I really didn't want to be with him because I know that he's REALLY clingy to my mum so he would just cry as soon as she left, which he did, much to my NON surprise.

Issue was that once he cried, I went into full panic mode and basically tried EVERYTHING to make him stop. I picked him up, thinking he would want a hug, I tried to put him down for a nap since he was rubbing his eyes, I tried checking his diaper (he's 13 months old by the way) and after all of this, he wouldn't stop so I just got angry and felt like exploding. I'm used to having kids cry around me, because of my cousins, but this time I just felt like screaming at the top of my lungs and smashing something.

So by this point, I was completely livid and just gave him some food, which pretty much made him to stop, to my relief. My mum came back and I was fine but he was eating this lollipop thing and I noticed that he wasn't able to eat it properly so I tried helping him out and he SCREAMED the loudest he's ever done and at this point, I just picked him up, gave him to my brother and said "he's your problem..." and went up to my room before bursting into tears.

This just isn't me... and what's worse is that the same thing happened before only it was with me and my dad and mum literally just came home and sat him on his knee and he IMMEDIATELY stopped crying.

Look, the thing is, I've ALWAYS wanted kids of my own, despite my family being somewhat clueless to this fact even though I've shown many signs of wanting one in the past, but recently I just feel as though I don't want one EVER because of these experiences I've gone through (I know that EVERY parent has gone through this, but still). My mum just says to me that the same thing always happens whenever she looks after a kid, the thing is... SHE'S HAD KIDS BEFORE SO IT ISN'T FAIR FOR HER TO SAY THAT TO ME.

And I admittedly am the type of person who likes to stay in her room a LOT just because I feel the safest here so sometimes when Killian's around, I don't tend to go down and see him, which I know may most likely be the issue since he doesn't know me as well as I would like him to.

But those 20 minutes in hell pretty much just gave me a solid reminder of why I can never have kids. Because if I can't even survive 20 minutes with my nephew without him crying then what kind of mother am I gonna be in the future? There's no point in me even considering having a child now despite how badly I wanted one in the past and considering that I have Polycystic Ovary Sydrome, the chances of me having one are pretty much slim to none anyway. Oh and I have an overactive bladder and IBS to add further insult to injury, so is it really much of a surprise that I have depression?

To add to these issues, I've always been pretty bad with the whole 'dating' thing and haven't had great boyfriends in the past. First one tried to touch me inappropriately and the second one was like a clingy child who claimed that he would commit suicide if I dumped him so I've been very unlucky in this area too and have even resulted to online dating since I'm a very socially awkward person and it's pretty much gonna be a long time before I travel anywhere or have a full-time job where I'll be more likely to meet someone. And one more thing, my mum always thinks that I'm overreacting whenever I tell her these issues that I've been having therefore she's no help to me whatsoever in terms of my depression.

I had anxiety in the past, like a year ago, and took classes to help get rid of it. I felt much better after it but now since starting to work again, it's just come back to bite me in the ass once again.

So yeah, this is pretty much my life right now... and for any of you who think that I've had suicidal thoughts, please don't worry, I don't plan on doing anything THAT drastic since I actually fear dying young more than anything.

I'm sorry for ranting on so much, I just wanted to get EVERYTHING off my chest :/

  • Listening to: UtaPri stuff~!
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So I was just cutting up my dinner when all of a sudden my hand completely FROZE in place. I couldn't bend any of my fingers and there was this weird pain going through it the whole time.

I managed to fix it by twisting my wrist around and 'uncracking' my hand but then the same thing happened again a few seconds later before going away. Now I just have a tightness around the area...

I had a milder case of this a few months by when I was in the shower. I just pressed the power button and my index finger went numb for a few seconds before functioning properly again.

Any of you guy know what this could be? I'm kind of scared D:
  • Listening to: UtaPri stuff~!
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Basically as of recently I have started sketching things on paper with pencil but one problem I constantly come across when doing this, is scanning.

Whenever I scan a pencil drawing with my scanner, it looks hideous! Mostly because I sometimes use an eraser but you can clearly see where the eraser lines are once I have scanned my picture :(

Can you guys recommend any hints/tips or best scanners for sketches, please?
  • Listening to: UtaPri stuff~!
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Another UtaPri video made by yours truly! :D This time a kind of dedication one to Otoya and Syo, my UtaPri baes :heart:

Yes, this is meant to be a pairing video but I think it works for them as a bromance too x3



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There goes £3.99 for the same damn game just with Mighty and Ray as extras and difficulty ramped up... I was honestly expecting more from it, like some new levels perhaps -w-; I found the game hard enough already but for some reason Plus just makes the game more frustrating.

I admit I do like the new switching mechanic between the characters and each time you die, you switch but it's just the same game, especially if you're like me and you keep hitting the 'Switch' box in order to randomise the characters you have and you end up getting Sonic and Tails and can't find another one.

Also Mighty and Ray seem to not really do much to the game, mechanic-wise. Sure Mighty is pretty awesome when he can ground pound to find hidden areas but Ray can't really fly like Tails so he's kind of just wasted really.

*sighs* Time to get my money back, I guess.
  • Listening to: UtaPri stuff~!
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Woop woop! The boys gave me lovely birthday comments in Uta no Prince Sama Shining Live ;w; These are so sweet that I couldn't resist taking pictures and videos of them saying them x3

I hope this link works for all of you, it said that it may be blocked in some countries :/



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I can't wait :D (it's actually my bro's birthday today but he's on holiday so we can't celebrate until he gets back on Sunday :/)

Gonna go shopping with my parents tomorrow, having a Chinese lunch at my favourite restaurant and gonna have a bbq on Sunday with the family :3
  • Listening to: UtaPri stuff~!
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... is in 10 days from now ;P

Gonna be doing my usual trip to Cardiff with my mum next Wednesday and having a family bbq on the day after my birthday :3 Not sure what I'll be doing on my actual birthday though, probably go out for a meal with mum and dad~
  • Listening to: UtaPri stuff~!
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One adopt left for sale! :3

Bilbunny Adoptable

If you see one you want from the link above, leave me a comment on this journal, please and I shall update it with your username~

Bullet; Green Adopt 3 (Bilbunny) - Status: OPEN (15 Points)
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So basically I REALLY want my units to have good timing since my phone LOVES to lag at the worst of times -w-; I keep hearing people going on about setting their units to have good timing but how do you know which cards have which skills? :/

I keep seeing my cards saying things like: "Stamina Recovery Notes + 1", "Score Notes + 1", "Dance +40%", "Charm +40%" and "Bad > Good (2 times)" etc.. but honestly I have no idea how to make my cards work well as a unit x3;

Like do I need to have all of the cards share the same skill as the leader? What's the secret to everyone being so good at the game?! XDD;

For reference these are my current units, I tried to put in as many SRs and/or URs in each unit as I could:

Win 20180625 213824 by HedgeCatDragonix  Win 20180625 213908 by HedgeCatDragonix  Win 20180625 213924 by HedgeCatDragonix  Win 20180625 213935 by HedgeCatDragonix  Win 20180625 213943 by HedgeCatDragonix  Win 20180625 213952 by HedgeCatDragonix
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I've seen a lot of people putting pictures up saying 27th Birthday/Anniversary but I don't think this is right... Sonic Forces and Mania were for Sonic's 25th, right? And this was only last year.

Plus not entirely related but my bro was born three years before Sonic and he's now 29 so Sonic should be 26, right? I'm so confused x3
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Recently on Wattpad I released a new post saying that I will be doing Starish or Quartet Night requests for all you lovely people... this includes have two members of either Starish, Quartet Night or both taking care of a babbu~! :3 The rules are very simple: choose two members from Starish/Quartet Night/both and say if they are a pairing in this situation or just buddies x3

I have already made an Otoya and Syo one and am now planning to make one with Ranmaru and Ai as a request~! ^^

www.wattpad.com/586687314-star…

(Also if you just have any requests for stories in mind which are NOT like this idea, please still let me know! x3)
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Just curious because I don't think I've ever seen any on here .3.

I'd love to do an UtaPri rp with you peeps if you're out there though~! :D
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Then go to this profile :icondahub:, watch the users on this page, fave their work, give llamas etc and they're all yours~! :D
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It's official x3



I watched this now and my god, I can't stop watching it... but that's probably because I have a weakness for seeing members of the main Sonic cast taking care of a baby mobian ;w;
  • Listening to: UtaPri stuff~!
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So I bought these adoptables AGESSSS ago and I never drew them x3

So I'll offer these to you guys for 5-15 Points each~! (Please check prices below)

sta.sh/2wir4lr1ws1

If you see one you want from the link above, leave me a comment on this journal, please and I shall update it with your username~

:bulletred: Adopt 1 (Seedrian) - Status: CLOSED (15 Points) Adopted by :iconm1tyz1t:!
:bulletred: Adopt 2 (Lombax) - Status: CLOSED (15 Points) Adopted by :iconstudio-kun:!
:bulletgreen: Adopt 3 (Bilbunny) - Status: OPEN (15 Points) 
:bulletred: Adopt 4 (Brown Kitty) - Status: CLOSED (5 Points) Adopted by :iconm1tyz1t:!
:bulletred: Adopt 5 (Mobian Cat) - Status: CLOSED (10 Points) Adopted by :iconm1tyz1t:!
:bulletred: Adopt 6 (Mobian Butterfly) - Status: CLOSED (15 Points) Adopted by :iconm1tyz1t:!
:bulletred: Adopt 7 (Cat Girl) - Status: CLOSED (5 Points) Adopted by :iconm1tyz1t:!
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... mostly with anatomy XD;

I know this is gonna sound kind stupid but how did you guys learn how to draw Sonic anatomy? I'm not sure if you guys have noticed but I'm REALLY bad at drawing Sonic hands :/ and I was just wondering if any of you followed a particular tutorial on how to draw good Sonic anatomy or just learned how to draw it yourselves?

I see a lot of artists who free-draw Sonic pictures a lot and it makes me kinda jealous to be honest, since you always make really good pieces without using references or you just seem to draw them so flawlessly without making any mistakes.

I really want to improve and hope to draw Sonic pictures without references one day... that's the dream, at least x3
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Because I'm bored x3

If any of you guys have any questions for my human OC, Lilly and Sonic (from my AU) feel free to ask in the comments below! :3

Can be anything about Lilly, including her experiences during Sonic's baby days or Sonic himself, him and Kira's experiences or experiences with him and his kids, your choice! ^^ Or even a question for both of them!
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Normally I can't take shadow759 seriously because of his funny animations x3 but this, this theory is pretty deep...



... but yeah, he did say that this theory is a joke but I still somewhat think that it makes sense in a way x3
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... got as far as Fluffy's Fjord (about 3/4 of the game) but then for some reason I couldn't beat the boss. I did the exact same technique that I had done many times before in order to beat this boss but it didn't lose health, so I got hit, had only ONE hitpoint left and got a Game Over and it wasn't even my fault. -_-
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