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What's The Big Deal? by Natnie

Way too many prejudices have been spread about asexuality, generally because of lack of information. This news article has been made for the sole purpose of - hopefully - eliminating them, and let everyone know what asexuality really is, and what it is not. It also aims to promote sites and links that can be useful to asexual people, to make them feel alright with themselves and part of a whole community.
What's asexuality? Asexual people are people who do not feel sexual attraction. This does not necessarily mean they are averse to sex, though: while most asexuals may prefer to not have it, some are just plain indifferent to it. Those who do choose to not have sex do not do so because of religious, moral or personal beliefs; they choose not to do it because of their lack of interest in it. But a complex matter such as asexuality could never be run out so easily, so let's precise a few, important things about asexual people and asexuality in general.



First and foremost, asexuality is NOT a pathology. And please do not mistake asexuality with being sexless. Sexless beings have, or have had, biological problems throughout their growth, which eventually led them not to develop their sexual organs in full. Asexuals are not like that - they are completely normal biologically speaking, and their only difference with the rest of the population is the lack of sexual attraction. Just like homosexuality, bisexuality and other sexual orientations, asexuality exists in the animal world as well. Researches have been made on sheep and muttons; by mixing them together in one same environment, it was observed that a small percentage of muttons (around 5%) didn't show any interest in sheep at all, while others tried approaching other muttons.
Also, as said before, asexuals DON'T fear the sexual act in itself. Most asexuals will obviously be against having sexual experiences themselves, but a few of them are just indifferent to it, and might even compromise with hypothetical sexual partners by satisfying their desire every now and then.
It IS possible for a person to be asexual and masturbate. Sexual attraction and libido are two different things. An asexual person may resort to self-eroticism for many different reasons: pleasure, stress relief, curiosity, getting sleep... this fact is unrelated to how the person themselves experiences sexual attraction towards other people.
Human sexuality isn't black and white, so there are mid-ways between sexual and asexual people. For instance, there may be people who only feel sexual attraction in very specific circumstances, or people who feel sexual attraction yet do not experience sexual desire, or even people who only want to experience some parts of sexuality and not others. We call them grey-A. A specific kind of grey-A people, called demisexuals, only experience sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond with a person, and only for the person (or people) they have formed said bond with.

asexual pride by jyoshikousei16

Asexuals CAN fall in love, and even marry. Not feeling any sexual interest toward anyone does not mean one cannot find any romantic interest in any other person. Asexuality in itself should be considered a sexual orientation like any other; and every individual has, alongside a sexual orientation, a romantic orientation, that may or may not match their sexual orientation. In this case: some asexuals are aromantic, meaning they do not feel romantic attraction toward people of any gender; others are heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, transromantic, panromantic, or polyromantic just like the corresponding sexual people, except they still do not feel sexual attraction. Romantic (as in, non-aromantic) asexuals who are not willing to compromise and have sex with their partner may either choose to remain single, find an asexual partner, or find a sexual partner willing to give up sex for them.
The non-sexual nature of an asexual person's relationship does not make it any less affectionate and close. Asexual people can feel strong intimate ties as much as sexuals do, and go as far as marrying just like non-asexual couples. Click here to read an interview with Paul Cox, an asexual man now happily married to an asexual woman!

Asexual Love by jyoshikousei16

If you want more scientific information about asexuals and/or asexuality, please visit the Wikipedia page on asexuality. Do not expect it to be the ultimate source of knowledge, though: the implications of asexuality are much more socially and emotionally important, than scientifically.

If you are reading this article and you are asexual (or you think you might be), then the following links are for you!
AVEN: Asexual Visibility and Education Network official site - A worldwide resource for both asexual people and asexual people's friends and family. Contains a lot of useful information concerning asexuality, FAQs, tips and suggestions for the indecisive ones, to help them find out whether they are actually asexual or not.
Asexual sites and links - Lots of asexuality-related links of all kinds.
Asexuals and relationships - From AVEN's site, a section which is entirely dedicated to asexuals and some ways in which they develop relationships. Also includes FAQs for non-asexuals who are in a relationship with asexuals, or suspect to be so.
#Club-of-Aces at deviantART.com - Don't feel like leaving the cocoon yet? Fear not - part of the asexual community is on this site too!

A Very Ace Cake by Dreaming-of-Okains

So, to sum it all up...
If you are a sexual person, please do inform yourself before judging. Asexuals are neither "strange" nor abnormal, we all need affection and most of us are seeking a romantic relationship with someone. We're all humans and, just like sexuals, we want to be loved!
If you are an asexual person, then now you know you are not alone. Hang around on sites, forums and/or chatrooms. Chances are there are many more asexuals than you could ever think of, and not even so far away from where you live. Strong bonds have developed throughout the years between asexuals, even on online communities, and meetings are held periodically in various countries all over the world. Open up and do not be shy about your feelings, there will always be someone who will understand you, and perhaps even share your very life experience.

A final question for all of you: what's better than sex?

Asexual Pride by Emmasj




- heavenriver
Add a Comment:
 
:iconhalkoopa:
Halkoopa Featured By Owner Edited Jun 26, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh yeah?
I'm so dang asexual that I don't even think I'm attractive whatsoever,let alone anyone who is part of the human race.


...So alright, I ain't that funny so,eh.
You guys get the point.
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aesthetics are a very personal thing :nod: I believe it's hard for people to be COMPLETELY ugly... but that doesn't mean they have to be "hot" either. Glad it's still of some use to someone, I really should rewrite this article properly since it's so old :XD:
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:iconenforcerwolf:
EnforcerWolf Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2016
Exellence galore in this post. I was well impressed with the reporting and the description.
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you :) Glad it's helped so many people over the years!
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:iconenforcerwolf:
EnforcerWolf Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2016
I can certainly see why!
Reply
:iconaceawareness:
AceAwareness Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015
This is really cool :3
I may feature this in a journal someday to spread the word
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks, glad you like it!
Reply
:iconinsetosonhador:
InsetoSonhador Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2015
Games,who needs sex when you got games?
Unfortunately not anyone can have games.

But anything can be better than sex,even studying.
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's really all up to the person. What counts is that we all know and understand that even popular stuff (i.e.: sex) can be "eh" for some :)
Reply
:iconjjoseph:
JJoseph Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015  Student Digital Artist
What's better than sex?  Eating out.

Especially if it's at a Mongolian grill.

(That's the only pun I can think of without lying.)
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not sure if I got the pun, but I definitely agree with the overall concept. :P
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:icon2pbelarus:
2pBelarus Featured By Owner Edited Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank You! I recently been questioning why I don't feel any sort of sexual attraction or romantic relationships with the same or opposite sex. Its like I'm indifferent, like I say someone is attractive or I may want to have sex but I can't seem to find the desire to want or pursue a romantic/sexual relationship with someone. Its upsetting that when I tell people that and they say: "You are too young to know yourself fully", "you're just scared of relationships", "you got to be lying, you had two boyfriends before" (which I did but I call them experiments) or they simply make me feel bad.
But who cares of you like sex and which gender?!
Sorry for the rant.
Thank you for this.:D (Big Grin) 
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem at all! And hey, people tend to be nosy, it's no news. I'm glad you've sorted things out. :D Plus, having a partner of a certain sex doesn't say anything about your orientation; some gay people have been in straight relationships before, but that doesn't make them any less gay.
Reply
:iconlupko1994:
lupko1994 Featured By Owner Edited Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I consider myself an aromantic asexual (though I was heterosexual when I was younger), and let me just tell you how surprised most people are whenever they ask me if I have a boyfriend-when I say I don't have a boyfriend and that I'm asexual, people look at me as if I'm one of the seven wonders of the world! Really, is it so weird for a girl to be asexual? But then again, when I read articles about asexuality (like this one), it makes me happy to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this :-)
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:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I suppose it's strange for most people because they haven't heard of it, whether it's a guy or a girl confessing their asexuality to them. I'm glad efforts are paying off, though! I hated not knowing anything and feeling alone, so I try my best nowadays to not make anyone else feel that way :)
Reply
:iconesuyazuo:
ESuyazuo Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I know this is old but Jesus Christ, I'm happy I'm not alone in this. Most of my friends call me a plant because of my sexual orientation. I can't say compliments to people because then there's always an asshole saying "Ohhhh?? What is this? I thought you were asexual. You liar." *sighs* Dear Lord, I'm glad I'm not alone.
Reply
:iconloreshaper-kethal:
loreshaper-kethal Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2015
I think I know why they call you a plant.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JIytO…
Reply
:iconesuyazuo:
ESuyazuo Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my god ._.
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know, right? That's how I felt when I first found out! I'm glad the article is still helping people out, even so many years after I wrote it. :nod:
Reply
:iconesuyazuo:
ESuyazuo Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, that horrible feeling it makes you feel bad about yourself. Im happy that you wrote this, you have no idea of how good I feel when I see that theres others that share my sexual orientation. (Thanks for the llama!)
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:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem :D As I said, the pleasure is mine!
Reply
:iconinternetexplorer968:
Internetexplorer968 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
I agree a lot. I'm the 1000th comment. :' )
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hooray for hitting the fourth digit! :dummy:
Reply
:iconinternetexplorer968:
Internetexplorer968 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
:iconyeahplz:
Reply
:iconverve91:
Verve91 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I would consider myself somewhere between gay and asexual, I've only ever had a handful of sexual experiences and I didn't find them all that enjoyable, if anything they only made me feel exposed, used, and dirty. Ever since I was a kid I always found something really off putting about sex and sexual themes, but I still fantasize about it from time to time, even though doing so kind of creeps myself out.
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww, I understand. Well, what really matters is that you feel alright with yourself and that you never push yourself to do anything you don't really WANT to do. That's the one rule of thumb to follow.
I've never hit past third base (stopped somewhere in between second and third, actually) and the more "hardcore" stuff was something that never appealed to me, so... :P
Reply
:iconjooydu:
Jooydu Featured By Owner Edited Jun 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I see this is a bit old but I really I need to ask something... do asexual people feel imaginary sexual desire? I mean, if they read a book or a fanfic/manga or watch anime/movies/series with any kind of sensual/sexual stuff, do they feel something? It may sound silly but i'm asking it for a reason... 
Reply
:iconotokatskiwolf:
otokatskiwolf Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I know this comment is old, but their is autochorissexualism (heh, I'll just let you search it up; there are some interesting forms on it). It is in the ace spectrum, from what I know.
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem, asexuals get those questions a lot. :P
It depends on the person. Physically speaking, an asexual person is capable of feeling aroused, if that's what you mean. However, arousal is just a biological response to a stimulus, and it does not necessarily come together with desire. For example, a female's nipples can harden due to cold weather, which is something completely NOT sexual (but still counts as arousal).
Similarly, people can FEEL something (on a physical level) when they see explicit imagery, whether they are asexual or not. Well... some feel it, some don't. It varies. But what you feel or don't feel when you read explicit material doesn't say anything about your sexual orientation. :)
Reply
:iconjooydu:
Jooydu Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank u very much : ) ! This clarifies a lot C: ...  Thank ü
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem :nod:
Reply
:iconcapriciouslife:
CapriciousLife Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
lol peeps think it means I'm a plant or something :3 but they wouldn't bother to read this XD
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha, mine wouldn't either. But when I explained them what it meant, they understood really well. I have awesome friends :D
Reply
:iconcapriciouslife:
CapriciousLife Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
thanx for the llama broski :D 
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Np!
Reply
:iconskygal333:
skygal333 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for writing this. Does a good job explaining what this term means! It can help when I need to talk to people what asexuality is.
I was always asexual. Didn't know the term till 2011 but I had trouble accepting until April of 2013. I told a few close buddies. All but 1 (who was very hurtful) were ok with it. Maybe this fall, when I start college, I'll get the courage to join the Gender Alliance Club.
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's awesome you have a gender alliance club at all at your college :nod: Cherish it!
I'm glad this article helped you out somehow :aww: My first few outings were hard, but after that, I gained confidence. Now I can come out pretty casually if I'm given the chance. :D
Reply
:iconmollyhana:
mollyhana Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for this article. :aww: It really helped me
And yeah, the cake is waaaay better :D
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Glad it helped you :D If there's anything else you need, let me know. It was liberating for me to find out about asexuality as well. :nod:
Reply
:iconmollyhana:
mollyhana Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I was wondering how to describe this experience. I think that "liberating" suits your article pretty well. :) At least for me, I guess.
Reply
:iconchibinyanz:
ChibiNyanz Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I remember the first time somebody suggested to me that I might be asexual I thought he was insulting me. XD

Turns out he was pointing out the very valid sexual orientation I didn't even know I had thanks to society's downplaying of its existence. This was back in high school, a really crazy time for that figuring out that sort of thing. I'm not even sure how the conversation started, it's been so long. It's weird, thanks to the internet I get to find out these things and reaffirm them... definitely not from any school or sex ed class. Kind of depressing but also makes me happy, in that people are willing to discuss it and put out info where others won't.

I don't normally talk about my sexuality either but I have in the past experienced the "you're just broken, you'll find a boyfriend, your hormones will kick in one day, you'll want kids one day, but you need sex to be happy!" thing that so many other Aces have talked about. It is kind of insulting, even though I never let it get to me.

I wish I could live in a world where admitting you're not societies "default" sexual orientation (aka heterosexuality) isn't looked down upon or invalidated by the rest of society. It makes me happy that there's resources like this out there for people struggling to understand that they are in fact not "broken" or "abnormal" just because they get told that! :D
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can feel you, most asexuals (including myself) have experienced that sort of thing before - being told you're broken, you need to be fixed, you'll find the right person and all that jazz. I'm glad AVEN exists because it's the best chance we have to make asexuality recognised as one of the "default" sexual orientations, as you say, so that nobody will have to worry about coming out anymore :nod: Of course they can keep it to themselves if they like, but at least they WILL know asexuality is as valid an option as any other!
Reply
:iconestel-eaist:
Estel-eAist Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for this! I don't talk about my asexuality often, most of my friends don't even know. I find it rather a non-issue, but it is so refreshing to see stuff like this that remind me that I'm not alone in the world!
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know, right? :D I'm actually very open about it, I'm dreaming of a world where people won't be afraid of admitting whatever sexual orientation they are, and I contribute to that any way I can. :)
Reply
:iconestel-eaist:
Estel-eAist Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Lol, yeah. I'm not afraid to mention it --I just don't care enough to. But when someone inevitably finds out, they always accuse me of "being in the closet". *sigh* haha
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:lol: Be glad that's what you hear. I've had some very positive coming out experiences myself, but not all asexuals are just as fortunate. Some are answered in a rather bigoted way when they tell other people about their sexuality!
Reply
:iconmelanie-sama:
Melanie-sama Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student Artist
I really don't mean to sound offensive, but can I ask you something? My need for sex has been declining in the past year I think, and I really haven't felt the need for it in the past few months. Since I'm 19 and still sort of messing with my hormones, can this be classified as asexuality, or am I just going through a 'less sexual' period right now?
Reply
:iconheavenriver:
heavenriver Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Being asexual means you don't feel sexual attraction, which is actually a bit different from "not needing sex". You can find someone sexually attractive even if, for some reason, you don't actually want to have sex with them.
At any rate, you can use the term "asexual" even for a limited period of time - there's no obligation on how long you should identify with it. So, it's really up to you to decide whether it fits you or not :nod:
Reply
:iconmelanie-sama:
Melanie-sama Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Student Artist
I think I just don't need it right now... Thanks for clearing that up ^^
Reply
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