So, it’s been more than half a year since I left the final punctuation mark on Cold Mountain and since then my digestion of it has continued and deepened. I am not being whimsical when I claim that the writing process sort of felt out of my hands; ironically perhaps, my early decision of making the fictional world a clear reflection of my own inner world resulted in me having to go deeper and deeper into myself in order to keep writing it, only to one day find myself so deeply in that all sense of control had vanished. The writing process changed from hours and hours of careful planning to jumping head-first into it on the heels of my intuition.
In the middle of the 8 years that it took to complete Cold Mountain there was a 4 year gap between chapter 23 and 24. One could imagine that this was due to a lack of interest on my part but that would be unbelievably wrong. I was tied to the story and the story was tied to me. No, I had simply had enough of the tragedies. I needed something else to take over the story - but what? At some point in the middle of this period I remember spending a 4 kilometers walk mapping it all out like a puzzle. “How can I make a happy ending?”. Finally it all fit together! I was ecstatic. The plot ran like clockwork. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. In spite of my desperation to find a resolution my frozen fingers on the keyboard were a painful reminder that Cold Mountain is only Cold Mountain as long as it is an honest reflection of my inner world - a fancy road map wasn’t enough. Throughout the 4 years I checked with myself frequently on where I stood in regards to Cold Mountain. Finally one day the light inside of me had grown bright enough to illuminate the way through chapter 24.
When I look back at this crazy experiment I am somewhat embarrassed by how rough my writing used to be but also a bit impressed by my effort and commitment. Mostly however I read it with something akin to a feeling of reverence because I can only ever really read it as a message from my intuition; not that I revere my intuition so much but I do revere the big picture, the all, nature or whatever one chooses to call it and it is my personal experience that intuition overall provides the greatest access to this.
In other words: I think the sword in Cold Mountain might represent intuition.
