literature

Janet

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By harunokaze
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Literature Text

She'd was the shortest in her family, petite, fae, narrow shouldered, flat-chested, all sharp unsubtle angles, elbows and knees and even chin pointed, like a compass rose she was, with the smile that quirked at the left side of her mouth pointing north. Her eyes were green with a serpents slit, purple and slashed like a goats, gold with the iris spiking out in solar flares, dull washed out blue when she took her contacts out before the mirror each night. She wore the contacts, she wore black velvet and lace, she wore boys' sweatshirts that engulfed her tiny frame and kept the hoods up so only her eyes and the tangle of her hair, which was never any color for very long, peaked out. She was, as her parents often pointed out to concerned friends, a lovely girl; sweet to her brother, worshipful of her baby sister, always mindful of clearing the dishes from the table, her room kept in scrupulous, excessive order. Her junior year, and already there was some concern among the staff; she was a shoo-in for valedictorian, and how would that look, but she turned in her work on time, solid, well written, properly cited, and no sign that she'd pulled it off the internet, though they looked, and looked again. She was a discipline problem, she was a dutiful child, her father's bowling partner, her mother's chess opponent; she got in screaming matches in the girls locker room, was nearly expelled twice for fighting; she was a dog walker at the local shelter; she dated, for three weeks, the star of the track team, then broke up with her because she didn't like coming second to practice; she hated everyone, said so; spent two hours twice a week tutoring her brother in math. She danced in rain, in sunlight, in starshine, a twirling mass of velvet skirts, her laughter giddy and hopeful and real, because she believed in everything, at least a little bit, and she thought if she tried hard enough, the whole world would dance beside her.
Another characterization exercise, this one something I did back in college for a class. We were given a piece to emulate, though I fear I don't remember the title. I was pretty happy with how this came out.

Janet it a character in a YA series that I have boiling somewhere in the back of my head. I haven't worked on it for awhile, but I'm fond of it in a sort of 'someday' way. I do love Janet, though.

Critiques, as ever, are warmly welcomed.
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© 2010 - 2021 harunokaze
Comments2
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Eve-Rebil's avatar
No comments? :O
I like this piece, although some of the sentences are a little long...
The first one, for example:
"She'd was the shortest in her family, petite, fae, narrow shouldered, flat-chested, all sharp unsubtle angles, elbows and knees and even chin pointed, like a compass rose she was, with the smile that quirked at the left side of her mouth pointing north." I would split it a "like a compass rose..."
Some of the other sentences could use a similar treatment, but I really very much like the contradictory notes.

It sounds like this is an older piece, but I still like the way Janet comes through in the story :clap: Very much a free spirit.
Lovely piece :dance:
harunokaze's avatar
*laughs* Well, I'm certainly glad you enjoyed it. The sentences are excruciatingly long, I agree. The style of the original piece used very long winding sentences and I did my best to emulate it.

I actually started working on this story again just the other day, so it's good to know someone is fond of one of the characters.