So, Hi everyone.
I don't know if people read those journal stuff, if people still care about it or not. But I think I need to explain what happen the last months of 2018. I feel more confortable to talk about it now and I don't really care what people think. It happens and we will have to live with it.
So.. In September, we were celebrating my nefew birthday and it was the last time we were a family.
I don't want to go into much details, but my dad is no more a part of my life. No more a family member. He is only a monster who did a terrible mistake and we are paying for it.
I have quit my job while doing a panic attack because I could'nt face my clients, fearing that they judge us on his act. That they think it happened to us too, but no..
I slept in what was my house three more days with a fondue fork under my pillow, I lived with a stranger for three days not knowing what to think or what to do, I've just stopped living at that moment.
All I had on these three days was a agressive father, talking with me in so much autority while I just give him the very minimal response.
I decided to get my stuff on the fourth day to go lived with my sister, two streets away from him. (Got my two cats with me, since he really dislike them)
So.. I am currently unemployed for two months now, I've lost my dad, I have my driving lessons to pay, my cats to feed and clean.. I just really don't know what to do other than taking one day at a time. I started to feel alright near the end of november with the help of a man with who I worked, that is so sweet and with a lot of patience, and my family. (When my mom don't start her murderous speech over my dad, we are a family I guess ... : ) )
On a more positive note, when my dad quit my life, I finally was free. Free of his sexual comment on me, free to think what I want, Free to be me. Free to talk with who I want..
I am alive and at the same time, dead inside.
That's a terrible feeling..
But I have my broken family with me.
And that's the best thing ever.
(For my dad, well if you want to know what he became:
-He started dating a woman the week after his action. Being really flirteous with her. The woman he dates is so sweet but my dad always told us he would never want to have something with her since ''she is so much Out of this earth'', ''stupid woman who thinks astrology guide our lives'' and ''too much into supernatural stuffs''..So.. We are kind of A LOT confused about this..
-He was a very messy guy that always tell me that if he lives in a messy house it was because I don't clean the house.. And now he lives in a very clean house : D ...
- I sometimes go back there when he is at work to retrive some stuff i've left there (With a lot of fear in my stomach..) and i've found out he was so much happier without us : D, he seems to live the big life, buying himself a very large television and cleaning my stuff out, maybe because he is going to live with his isoteric woman he doesn't like. (Really just want a woman to be macho over her .. )
I've said it, well.. The big lines i'll say. So, sorry if I don't feel the best sometimes, we can't always keep the mask on.)
Have a good day <3