I made some pretty important changes to chapter 2 and wrote chapter 3. critique on these drafts would be really really awesome! this story has been in my head for a long time and it'd be nice to have somebody to talk about it with. hopefully chp. 3 is not too short for the wait, but yeah,.. don't worry, chapter 4 should come out soon, but first, i need your input so problems can be fixed early on.
for those of you that are new, chp. 1 is here: happylilsquirrel.deviantart.co…
-chapter 2 "Unexpected Encounters"
(approx. 100 years later)
Shin (now all grown up into a "young" man) overlooks a cliff as the wind blows his hair, and sees the ruins/remains of the once glorious kingdom of Iseldon.
(He has been traveling solitary, concealing himself with a hooded cloak for the past few hundred years. Some years he spent searching frantically. Others he retired to an isolated place. But had been alone most of the time.) "I'm still alive. I may be stronger than before but I still don't understand, why me?
Shin had a magical interactive map, called the Wanderer's Map, where the location of the fragments were shown flashing. A few simple finger movements allowed Shin to zoom in and out at ease on the map(like on a smartphone). The fragment's locations would show up on the map and light up.
The piece Shin had decided to pursue was near a town about 100 leagues away.
He approached the town after weeks of travel on foot. Shin decided to rest, as he had grown weary from the journey. By the banks of small lake/pond in a forest in the outskirts of the town, Shin pulled out his harp and began to play a traditional elven folk song his mother used to sing to him. At first, he thought he was just imagining a person singing so he stopped playing. But the voice continued to sing. How was this possible? there couldn't be anyone other than Shin that could sing this song and know the lyrics.
Iseldon was a pretty isolated city and outsiders should not be familiar with this song, let alone a person living in this era where Shin is supposed to be the only elf around. Shin started strumming again and the voice continued. He crept towards the voice, hiding, as to not be seen. from behind the tree, he watched and saw a "small eared being" who was young, about mid to late teens, lying flat on the ground, eyes closed, singing. This "small-eared being" looked so vulnerable that Shin, despite his fear and hatred toward small eared beings, decided to risk approaching him and possibly question him. He crept silently, and kneeled beside its head and gazed at it, wondering if he should initiate a conversation. Despite hating small-ear beings, this song made him feel so nostalgic and feel some family like connection, something he never felt in hundreds of years.
the being opens its eyes and sits up, moving his face closer to Shins face saying "raawwrrr, as if to scare him. "gahhhhh!" Shin is startled and falls on his butt. He drops his harp and his hood slides off, exposing his ears. The being chuckled and smiled at him. Shin gazes at the smiling being.
Jet (the small eared being)- "Hey!!! …can I ask you something?"
Shin-*stares at him, thinking hard* (This thing, he saw my ears, didn't he? Should I answer? It's pretty futile that I run away because it already saw my ears. Plus, this could be a chance to find out some mysteries, why this thing can sing a song only I should know.
Jet tugs on Shin's elf ears, despite not getting an answer.
Jet - "omg they're real?! Dude… you're an elf? or some dude with extreme cauliflower ears…? No, they're too perfect for that… : \ "
Shin (caught by surprise, blushes but then makes a serious face) - "Hey!! weren't you going to ask me first?? >: O "
Jet - "Woah, I should've expected that… I adore your accent. is that like an Elvish accent? you must be a real elf, right? I had no idea they actually existed. Oh and by the way, here's your little toy you dropped…"
Shin - (this small eared thing is very strange.) (Just stares at him with a neutral serious face and snatches the harp from Jet)
Jet - "hmmm… you sure are "friendly." hahaha maybe you're not used to humans? no worries. I'm making you my new friend. Most humans are not as scary as you might think… like me, I'm a nice one
Shin - "no thank you, small eared thing. I need to fulfill what I was fated to do. I do not hang around and be merry. Now hold on, I need to ask you somethi- "
Jet - "oh, come on, you just need to be socialized and have fun. and just what is it you must fulfill? it's not like "kill all the humans" or "kill a certain someone" or some evil thing, is it?"
Shin - "none of that sort. "
Jet - "tell me, what is it?"
Shin - (this thing does not seem to be a threat. it wouldn't hurt if I tell just this one thing.) I can tell you. but first, I must put a binding spell on you so you do not go blabbering or writing it or something. do not be afraid, it does no harm.
Jet - come on, I can at least keep secrets
Shin - no spell, no tell. that is the deal.
Jet - (sigh) okay! spell then.
Jet - why have you been trying to look for the fragments for 100 years all alone? if you have others help you, then it'll be much faster. it works out great for me. I have no job, or anything to do so I can become your team to help you with your goal (then my parents will stop nagging me.)
Shin - So you think I should recruit you when you could possibly be a hindrance?
Jet - I'm just helping a friend.
Shin (this thing thinks I'm his friend?) - Now that I told you my story, answer my question. How do you know that song?
Jet - What song?
Shin - that song you were singing when I was playing the harp.
Jet - Oh, that song? I'm surprised someone like you would know it. my neighbor that I just call grandma always used to sing it to me and taught me. She's really nice, more like my grandma than my actual grandma... haha.
Shin - (just when I thought I could find an answer to a question, I've only finding more mysteries. this place… definitely worth investigating) So, small eared thing, you seriously want to come with me?
Jet - duh. I'm on the verge of being kicked out. I graduated, I have no job or anything to do, really. I might as well go with you. plus, it sounds fun! Oh, and stop calling me small ear thing or whatever. I am called Jet. Jet! You get it?
Shin - Meet me at sunrise in this same place tomorrow morning.
Jet - Huh?
Shin - If you're late, this will be the last time you ever saw me.
Shin disappeared into the trees. Jet was all surprised, but he walked home.
The next day right before sunrise, Jet was woken up by Shin poking him with a stick. Jet tried to be "smart" by bringing his sleeping bag to the same spot he met Shin to sleep there so he could sleep longer and not have to rush if he was late. Jet was drowsy and then he remembered so he jumped out of the sleeping bag. He was only wearing boxers and so he put on regular clothes he pulled out of his big backpack that has all of his stuff (fortunately, this was a pretty isolated place in the middle of the woods.) Shin was like "well, he was here at the time and place I told him to be so he passed the first test… kind of. Are small eared things all peculiar like this or is this just a trait of Jet?"
Jet looked pathetic. he had drool line around his mouth, his hair was flat on one side and he had a goofy smile.
Shin - "You passed the first test. You just proved to me you can follow some directions and actually be on time. But this is nothing compared to the second and final test."
Jet - Wait, what?! I thought we were going on an adventure from now so I brought all my stuff and said goodbye to my family.
So I have to take a test to be your friend? How messed up is this? Whatever. I said I would make you my friend and I am pretty determined to "get a life" so I'll go along with it.
Shin - I'm just seeing if you can actually be of use to me and that I can trust you. I'm already risking the fact that I'm dealing with a small ear thing and I'm hoping they are not as bad as I thought. Oh, and even if you do pass, we'll end up staying in this town for some time because there are some things I want to investigate here.
Jet - (crap… I'll end up going back home either way and then and be laughed at by everyone.)
Shin - Your task is simple. All you have to do is take my harp from me. You have all day-
Jet tries to immediately snag it but Shin disappears.
Shin appears on a tree branch behind Jet and is sitting and playing with the harp.
Shin - By the way, that binding spell… after 3 days, it'll not only bind you from telling my story, it'll take away your ability to speak completely. I'll only release it if you can take this harp from me.
Jet turns around to the sound but he only gets a glimpse and Shin disappears.
Jet - Oh, so now the stakes are so high, huh? Wait until you get to see my abilities
Jet is trying to smile and look confident but is sweating like crazy. "Hehe... it won't be a problem"
What will become of Jet???
To be continued...
-chapter 3 "Overpowered"
Jet now frantically looks around. "where is he??"
Soon, he saw the elf standing on a stone by the banks of the small lake. It was a good 15 meters from where Jet originally was standing.
Jet runs after him, hoping to catch him but right at the moment his fist was about to impact Shin's head, Shin disappears, and Jet falls in the lake.
"Why is he so fast? What is up with him? I have to figure out a way to catch him and not only that. I don't have any idea of his fighting skills." Jet's wet head, with heavy hair framing the head, is poking a little out of the water, as to not be seen but to find Shin.
Keeping up with this lightning fast elf was an impossible feat for Jet at the moment. Or that was how Jet felt.
Jet now saw that elf, standing on the "dock" rock on the other side of the lake, with a smile on his face. Shin teasingly strums a tune on the harp, and Jet, being irritated, fights the urge to charge towards Shin and stays calm. He tries to swim quietly through the plants at the bottom of the lake to the other side, as to not be seen.
He grips a rock in his fist. He figured he could project it faster than he could charge and possibly knock him out and snag that harp, if he caught the elf by surprise. Jet flings that rock in a very quick manner and the projectile is aiming straight for the back of Shin's head. bang!... it hit the tree. Just before the rock hit his head, he disappeared and appeared on the rock in the middle of the body of water. "Nice try, you sly one."
Jet, frustrated, climbed out of the water, all drenched and pathetic.
"This is my call to adventure that I've been waiting forever for. I mean, who has the chance to be in a fellowship with an elf? I can finally find a purpose in my life, and how can I fail my first test? And I can't permanently lose my voice. Ughhhhh what tricks or ideas do I have left? God, please help me! Please, I need it..."
Jet decided maybe if he pretended to leave, he could catch Shin off guard, maybe. Maybe. He walked off into an area of denser vegetation from the meadow and quietly climbed into the tree and sat on a branch. He could see the elf by peering through the leaves but Jet was concealed.
*whisper voice* "I didn't know you were religious..."
Jet went from being hunched to bolted up, like electricity just ran up his spine. His eyes were wide open and jerked around, thinking it was Shin, only to find a grinning dude with black hair, boyish haircut and clothed in a red tunic. He was crouched behind him, and seemed to appear out of nowhere.
"I been watching you two all this time. It sure was funny and interesting. By the way, I can read lips."
Jet - "Well, I don't know. I just say that when I'm really desperate. Isn't that the way people are...? Anyways, what in the world are you doing here and umm. Who are you?"
"I'm called Yu. I know you're called Jet, nothing creepy here, haha. So my turn to ask you a question... who says you're not allowed to get help from others in this trial?? *Yu points at himself with his thumbs and smiles*
... to be continued